A Little Happier: Never Have a Crush on Just One Person.

A friend in college told me something that I’ve never forgotten, “Never have a crush on just one person. With one crush, it matters too much what’s happening with your crush. With two crushes, if one crush isn’t going well, you think about the other crush.”

I’ve found this to be excellent advice, in all sorts of non-crush situations. Like work. If one project isn’t going well, I can turn to a different project.

How about you? Have you found that it’s good not to get too focused on just one person or project?

Listen to this mini-podcast episode by clicking PLAY below.

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  • Mimi Gregor

    Oh, if only I had known this when I was young and single! I would have saved myself a world of misery!

    As a corollary to that, I would add, flirt with everyone. Flirting has gotten a bad rap, as being “using your feminine wiles”, or being disingenuous. No! Flirting is merely concentrating your attention on one person, listening to them as if they were the most fascinating person on earth, and so clever and charming as well. And you know what? Sometimes if you act as if they are, they suddenly become more charming and witty because you have held them to a higher standard than they may have had for themselves. And flirting isn’t just something one does with the opposite sex, or people that you are attracted to; you can flirt with people of any gender or age. It makes the day a little happier for both the flirter and the flirtee, and can smooth out rough patches as you deal with service people in one form or another. People are not used to being given one’s full attention in this era of distractibility, or being complimented on something you actually do like about them, and they will usually just bloom right before your eyes when given a little positive attention.

    • Tessa

      I so love this idea, Mimi. I come from a community where everyone greets everyone else – and not just in the flip and fast “Hey, how are you?” “Good, thanks, and you?” “Great, thanks” way. We do it because we are polite and because we care and because it opens up all sorts of interesting possibilities for a real conversation, real connection. My job takes me all over the world and I keep up with my greetings no matter where I am. The other day, the doorman at the building where I work waved and smiled said “Goodbye” as I left the building with a colleague. My colleague said “Who is that guy?” Enough said.

      • Mimi Gregor

        I really wish that we could come up with some better greeting than “How are you?” or — even more odious — “How’s it goin’?” When I am feeling that all is well in the world, it’s not a problem. But at times, like recently, when one of my parrots died, people greet me with this query, I grit my teeth and say “Fine. And you?” I hate this superficiality, as they don’t really care how I am, and I know this, and they know I know this. Some may say that it’s just the standard American greeting, and yet it palls. Since I am a Questioner, I may be overthinking this, but I wish that there was some standard greeting that did not pose a query into someone’s emotional or physical status. Because one doesn’t necessarily want to spill one’s guts to a stranger, but neither does it feel right to outright lie. Oh, how I long for the days of “How do you do?”, to which the correct response was “How do you do?”, not an inventory of one’s ills. I’d settle for “Howdy.” You know… I may just try to bring back “Howdy”, dad gummit!

        • Donna

          How about “Good Day” or “Good morning”. I agree about”How Are You?”. It is not meant to be painful but can be.