Gretchen Rubin

It’s Friday: time to think about YOUR Happiness Project. This week: Examine your heuristics.

It’s Friday: time to think about YOUR Happiness Project. This week: Examine your heuristics.

I spent a month of my Happiness Project testing possible psychological short-cuts to happiness, and this led me to the concept of heuristics.

Heuristics are “rules of thumb,” the quick, common-sense principles people apply to solve a problem or make a decision. They aren’t “rules for living” that you consciously try to apply; rather, they are deeply imbedded, often unconscious, rules that you use to come to a decision to answer a question or decide a course of action.

Usually heuristics are useful, though sometimes they lead to cognitive bias. Take the availability heuristic: people predict the likelihood of an event based on how easily they can come up with an example. This is often helpful (is a tornado likely to hit Manhattan?), but sometimes people’s judgment is skewed because the vividness of examples makes an event seem more likely than it actually is. People become very worried about child abduction, say, when in fact, it’s a very rare occurrence.
I realized that I have my own idiosyncratic collection of “heuristics” for making decisions and setting priorities. Well, maybe these don’t fit the precise definition of “heuristics”—but they are rules of thumb that I applied when deciding what to think or how to act, mostly without quite realizing that I was using them. They flickered through my brain so quickly that I had to make a real effort to detect them, but I identified a handful:

  • My children are my most important priority.
  • Try to exercise every day.
  • People don’t notice my mistakes and flaws as much as I think.
  • The Big Man is my top priority.
  • “Yes” comes right away; “no” never comes.
  • Get some work done every day.
  • Whenever possible, choose vegetables.
  • I know as much as most people.
  • Try to attend any party or event to which I’m invited.
  • My parents are almost always right.
  • Ubiquity is the new exclusivity.
  • If I’m not sure whether to include some text in my writing, cut it out.
  • When making a choice about what to do, choose work.

Looking at these rules showed me something. Several of them were difficult to balance. How could my kids, the Big Man, and work all be top priorities? Also, I was pretty sure that the Big Man operated under the heuristic of “Try to skip practically any event to which I’m invited.” That explained certain ongoing marital debates.

Some of my heuristics were unhelpful. “I don’t have time” ran through my head dozens of times each day. I worked to change that heuristic to “I have plenty of time for the things that are important to me.”

I asked my friends if they had any personal heuristics, and I collected quite a few:

  • There’s no wrong decision.
  • Always say hello.
  • People in business, small or large, will take advantage of you if they can.
  • What would my mother do?
  • Actually, this is good news.
  • Say yes.
  • This is the fun part.
  • Do nothing, go nowhere.
  • Do everything all at once.

What heuristics are shaping your behavior? Though I may be mis-using the term. I mean—what are the rules of thumb that you apply to figure out what to think or do? Not what you WISH you thought (“Always take a moment to appreciate the sunshine”) but what you actually think (“Any parent who misses a school function has bad values”).

*
On Friday afternoons I usually find myself spending a little time reading all the fun articles that during the week I'm too disciplined to pursue, and I got a kick out of reading this story about the invention of the flying car.

icon emailNewsletterLight

Get monthly newsletter updates from Gretchen.

icon schooled

Find out if you’re an Upholder, Obliger, Questioner, or a Rebel.

The Four Tendencies explain why we act and why we don’t actOur Tendency shapes every aspect of our behavior, so understanding your Tendency lets us make better decisions, meet deadlines, suffer less stress and burnout, and engage more effectively.

Take the quiz

Get My Monthly Newsletter

Sign up to get my free monthly newsletter. It highlights the best material from here, my Facebook Page, and new original work.