With any kind of happiness project or habits change, we need to figure out what kind of change at which to aim.
For instance, I think it's important to be very concrete and specific about what you're asking of yourself: "Plan lunch with a friend once a week" instead of "Have more fun."
Along the same lines, research suggests that some people have better success changing a habit when they start small. A series of small but real accomplishments gives people the energy and confidence to continue. For instance, a person who wants to write a novel might resolve to write one sentence each day. Or a person who wants to start running might resolve to run for one minute.
These little steps also help to shape the patterns of our days, to make room for the new activity. The habit of the habit is even more valuable than the habit itself; that is, being in the habit of going to the gym is more valuable than any one particular work-out (this is related to the tricky one-coin argument). Keeping a habit, in the smallest way, protects and strengthens it. I write every day, even if it’s just a sentence, to keep my habit of daily writing strong.
On the other hand, research suggests--and common experience confirms--that some people do better when they’re more ambitious. Sometimes, counter-intuitively, it’s easier to make a major change than a minor change. When a habit is changing very gradually, we may lose interest, give way under stress, or dismiss the change as insignificant. There’s an excitement and an energy that comes from a big transformation, and that helps to create a habit.
A person might be better off giving up sugar than giving up dessert at lunch. A person who wants to wake up earlier than the usual 8:00 a.m. time might find it easier to start waking up at 6:00 a.m. instead of 7:30 a.m.
In some situations, and for some people, lowering the bar helps; sometimes raising the bar helps. What works better for you? To aim big or to aim small? To make a small change that's easily within your grasp, or to aim at a bigger, more exciting challenge?
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