Happiness and habits interview: Debbie Stier.
I got to know Debbie when she was working in book publishing, because she was one of the first people to go deep into the question of how online tools could help authors connect with readers.
We became friends, and when she started The Perfect Score Project, I followed her progress with delight on her blog. I love a project, I love Debbie's approach to the world, and I was fascinated by her undertaking -- to try to connect better with her teenage children through the SAT, and in the process, figure out the SAT.
Her book, The Perfect Score Project: Uncovering the Secrets of the SAT, just came out. It's wonderful -- a great read, even if you don't care about the SAT, it's just so much fun -- and has been getting a crazy amount of buzz, from The New Yorker to the Today show.
Debbie thought a lot about habits during her work on The Perfect Score Project, so I was interested to hear what she'd learned.
Gretchen: What’s a simple habit that consistently makes you happier?
“Outer order means inner order,” as my agent, Lisa Gallagher, likes to say!
And of course, the big “E.” There is no denying that I feel consistently happier when I exercise. I shoot for 7 days a week and usually end up with 5. Three of those 5 are “real” exercise, and two are “phone ins.” The correlation is unmistakeable: the more I exercise, the better I feel. Period.
What’s something you know now about forming healthy habits that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?
Do the most important thing of the day first thing in the morning.
I like to exercise in the morning because if I don’t do it then, my day can very easily slip away, and then I don’t do it at all. And/or, those times when I leave exercising until nighttime are the “phone in” workouts. I don’t push myself at night.
The problem is that I also find morning to be best time for “the brain juice.” So, if I need to get something written or to deep think, I really hate to waste the best brain juice at the gym.
Bottom line: priorities change. Mornings are reserved for those things I deem to be most important.
Do you have any habits that continually get in the way of your happiness?
Not that I can think of! The closest I can come is, “staying up too late.” I shoot to be in bed by 11 p.m., but the truth is, I’m rarely in bed before 1 a.m. (eek), and since I’m a “morning person,” this doesn’t leave me with enough sleep.
Which habits are most important to you? (for heath, for creativity, for productivity, for leisure, etc.).
Watching 1-2 episodes of a funny sitcom right before bed with my kids. We never end the day without watching a funny show together -- ever. I find it to be good for the spirit to laugh together, right before bedtime.
At least 6 hours per night of sleep.
I try to eat healthy food. I’d say I’m about 75% successful!
Exercise! I get in shape fast … and I get out of shape twice as fast.
And everything feels bad when I’m not in shape (i.e. clothes, mood, etc.).
Have you ever managed to gain a challenging healthy habit—or to break an unhealthy habit? If so, how did you do it?
Oh goodness, I’m always going in and out of habits. If I really want to make something happen, it goes on the #1-priority-when-I wake-up list.
The other trick I’ve used to get myself back into exercise is to buy nice gym clothes. I know, that sounds shallow, but if I have exercise clothes that I’m excited to wear, I’m more likely to do it.
Would you describe yourself as an Upholder, a Questioner, a Rebel, or an Obliger?
TOO HARD FOR ME TO ANSWER THIS BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE ALL OF THEM! [For what it's worth, I think Debbie is a Questioner.]
Does anything tend to interfere with your ability to keep your healthy habits? (e.g. travel, parties).
My inability to say no. I’m a knee–jerk “yes” person, which means I over-extend. I end every day feeling unaccomplished when the truth is that I usually accomplish a lot, but I bit off more than I could chew.
Also, I usually underestimate how long something will take to do. I’m bad at estimating time.
Have you ever made a flash change, where you changed a major habit very suddenly, as a consequence of reading a book, a conversation with a friend, a milestone birthday, a health scare, etc.?
Not that I can think of.
I’ve made many changes as a result of reading a book or conversations with friends, but I can’t think of any “flash” changes.
Do you embrace habits or resist them?
I love habits (at least in theory). I spend an inordinate amount of time attempting to maximize my life, searching for life hacks, etc. I’m obsessed with squeezing every drop out of every experience, so I’m always on the hunt for new systems and habits that’ll streamline.
Also, I love seeing and hearing about other people’s systems and habits.
Has another person ever had a big influence on your habits?
Catherine Johnson (blogger: Kitchen Table Math and co-author with Temple Grandin of Animals in Translation: Using the Mysteries of Autism to Decode Animal Behavior)! She is “the queen of the system.” You should visit her at her house and have her show you her systems – she is extraordinary and GREAT at “habits.” One of my all-time favorite activities is to have Catherine tell me about her systems.
One Last Thing
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