"Finally I am coming to the conclusion that my highest ambition is to be what I already am. That I will never fulfill my obligation to surpass myself unless I first accept myself--and if I accept myself fully in the right way I will already have surpassed myself.
--Thomas Merton, Journal, October 2, 1958
I love this quotation so much that the first line of this passage is the epigraph for my forthcoming book The Four Tendencies. (Choosing the epigraph is probably my favorite part of writing a book. How I love quotations!)
I've spent a lot of time studying Merton, because as a Trappist monk and definite Rebel, he was a fascinating case study. He kept voluminous journals, as well as writing essays and memoirs, so it was possible for me to have true insight into his thinking.
When I first started studying the Four Tendencies, I was puzzled by the not-infrequent pattern of Rebels being attracted to areas of high regulation, like the clergy, the military, and big corporations. Now it makes sense to me. It's a whole section in my book.
If you're intrigued by the book The Four Tendencies, you can pre-order it here (pre-orders really help me, so if you're inclined to buy the book, I very much appreciate a pre-order).
If you don't know which of the Four Tendencies describes you -- whether you're an Upholder (like me), Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel (like Merton), you can take the quiz here.
I also love the way writer Flannery O'Connor put it: "Accepting oneself does not preclude an attempt to become better."
These quotations remind me of one of the paradoxes of my happiness project: I want to accept myself, but also expect more from myself.
This tension between "accepting myself' and "surpassing myself" -- how we must accept ourselves in order to surpass ourselves -- is something I think about often. What is self-acceptance, really? Or self-knowledge? A mystery.
How do you think about self-acceptance and self-knowledge?
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The Four Tendencies explain why we act and why we don’t act. Our Tendency shapes every aspect of our behavior, so understanding your Tendency lets us make better decisions, meet deadlines, suffer less stress and burnout, and engage more effectively.