One thing is clear about happiness: Gratitude is a key to a happy life. People who cultivate gratitude get a boost in happiness and optimism, feel more connected to other people, are better liked and have more friends, and are more likely to give help to others. They even sleep better and get fewer headaches!

Also, I’ve found, when I consider my reasons to be grateful, I’m calmer and more light-hearted; my grateful feelings crowd out negative emotions such as irritation and resentment.

I have so much to be grateful for that it seems utterly preposterous that I need to remind myself to be grateful—but I do. When things are taking their ordinary course, it’s all too easy to take things for granted rather than cultivate an “attitude of gratitude.” 

One of the most common happiness recommendations is to keep a gratitude journal. Studies show that doing so raises people’s life satisfaction, improves health, increases energy, reduces troublesome thoughts, and promotes good sleep. 

For my book The Happiness Project, I tried keeping a gratitude journal, but after two weeks, I realized that although gratitude boosts happiness, my gratitude notebook wasn’t having that effect for me anymore. It had started to feel forced and affected, and instead of putting me in a grateful frame of mind, it made me annoyed. Later, I read a study that suggested I might have had better luck with my gratitude notebook if I had kept it twice a week instead of every day; expressing gratitude less often seemed to keep it more meaningful. But by then I’d soured on the task. I gave it up.

But I know, as one of my Secrets of Adulthood says, “No tool fits every hand.” Keeping a gratitude journal works really well for some people, but not for me. Instead, I’ve developed several of my own gratitude rituals.

For instance, every time I sit down at my computer, I think, “How happy I am to be back at my computer, doing the work I love.”

In order to get into my apartment building, I have to punch in a code to unlock two doors, and walk through, which takes a bit of time. Now, I use this action and delay as a cue to remind me to think, “How fortunate I am to be crossing this threshold and to be returning to my cozy home.” When I walk out through those two doors, I think, “How grateful I am to be crossing this threshold, to go out into New York City, a city that I love with all my heart.”

At different times in my life, I’ve suffered from persistent back or neck trouble. It’s usually not terrible, but it’s constant, and it makes any movement either uncomfortable or painful. Nowadays, when I don’t have back or neck problems, whenever I go for a walk, I think, “How grateful I am to have a body that is healthy and pain-free.”

On the subject of gratitude practices, I really like this suggestion from author Kurt Vonnegut. In his book A Man Without a Country, he wrote about his late uncle Alex. His uncle’s main complaint about other people was that they so seldom noticed when they were happy. So at pleasant moments, he’d suddenly exclaim, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.’

Vonnegut writes:

So I do the same now, and so do my kids and grandkids. And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”

It can be surprisingly hard to notice when things are going well, when we’re having fun or happy. It’s good to remember, “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”