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Podcast 156: Have a Kissing Schedule, Use Grayscale to Make Your Phone Less Addictive, and How to Manage Conflicts about Messiness


Update: Elizabeth is making a pilot! With her Sarah Fain and Marcia Clark -- The Fix, so tremendously excited. To hear more about the pilot pick-up process, listen to Elizabeth and Sarah discuss it in Happier in Hollywood, Episode 38.

Try This at Home: Kiss in the morning, kiss at night. I tried this for the first time when I was working on The Happiness Project, and I've kept it up ever since.

Happiness Hack: Our listener Amanda suggested turning to your smart-phone to "grayscale" as a way to make your phone less addictive. She read about this strategy in the Lifehacker piece, "Change Your Screen to Grayscale to Combat Phone Addiction." The New York Times article by Nellie Bowles is "Is the Answer to Phone Addiction  a Worse Phone?" Try it yourself.

The process for enabling grayscale differs for different models of Android phones, but it’s typically accessed via the “Accessibility” menu.

In iOS 10, go to Settings > General > Accessibility >Display Accommodations >Color Filters. Switch Color Filters on and select Grayscale. To easily toggle between color and grayscale, go to Settings > General > Accessibility > Accessibility Shortcut > Color Filters.

Now, you just press the home button three times to enable grayscale. Triple-click again to go back to color.

I tried this -- wow, it really changes the experience of using my phone.

Four Tendencies Tip: Our listener Heather notes that she and her husband are both Obligers, and they aren't finding much success in holding each other accountable for changes they'd like to make. That's not surprising: romantic partners usually don't make good accountability partners.

If you'd like to take the quiz to find out if you're an Upholder, Questioner, Rebel -- or Obligers like Heather and her husband -- it's here. More than 1.3 million people have taken it.

My book The Four Tendencies has lots of additional ideas about how Obligers can create outer accountability.

Listener Question: Our listener Sarah asks how she can persuade her boyfriend to be more tidy; his clutter is driving her nuts.

A different tolerance for clutter is a very common source of conflict in relationships.

Here's the post I mention: "Resentful? Overworked? Face These Painful Facts about Shared Work."

Demerit: Elizabeth hasn’t even looked at her "18 for 2018 list" -- if you want to hear what's on her list, we discuss our "18 for 2018" lists in episodes 149 and 152.

Gold Star: So many people contacted us with ideas for how Elizabeth might be able to take iron more easily. Gold star, everyone!


1. If you'd like to explore the Four Tendencies framework further, you can join the discussion, ask questions, commiserate, and join or launch an accountability group on my free Better app -- find it here or search "Better Gretchen Rubin" in the app store. Fascinating conversation there.

2.Want a mug to display your Tendency -- or give someone else a Tendency mug? You can buy them here.

I do a weekly live show on Facebook called: “Ask Gretchen Rubin Live.” Usually, I do it on Mondays at 4:00 p.m. Eastern. To join the conversation, check the schedule.

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