Gretchen Rubin
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 to get a PDF of one page from the coloring book. \\Tag me on Instagram\ \if you color and share it.\\n\
  • If you'd like my \Checklist for Habit Change\, to help you use the \21 strategies for habit change\ to improve an important habit in your life, you can \click here for the PDF\\.\\
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  • \The September book tour for \\The Four Tendencies\\ is set! I’ll be going to New York City \(obviously),\ Boston, Dallas, Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco, \and\ Washington, D.C.  \I hope to see you there — please come, bring friends. Info is\\ here\.\\
  • \n\\n\\n\\n\

     \

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    \If you want easy instructions about how to rate or review the podcast\, look \\here\\. Remember, it really helps us if you do rate or review the podcast — it helps other listeners discover us.\

    \n\

    \I do weekly live videos on my \Facebook Page\ to continue the conversation from the podcast — usually on Tuesdays at 3:00 pm ET\. To join the conversation,\\ check the schedule.\ \\

    \n\

    \\\"1pix\"\\\\"Happier\\

    \n","terms":[101,2139,1513,310,724,2221,1514,777,49,2183,1718],"metadata":{"excerpt":"Podcast 123: Why we should shield ourselves from worry, and also open items carefully, and how clothes can transform our attitudes and emotions. Plus tips for new dog owners.","eyebrow":"Podcast 123","megaphone":"https://traffic.megaphone.fm/PP2894409978.mp3","apple":"","soundcloudlink":"","spotifylink":"https://open.spotify.com/episode/4EVxEwlLUXRSTzWR51UNX3","stitcherlink":"http://app.stitcher.com/splayer/f/61836/50610366","nextPodcast":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/podcast-episode/little-happier-box/","prevPodcast":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/podcast-episode/a-little-happier-advice/","podcastInfo":{"name":"Happier with Gretchen Rubin","imageUrl":"https://i2.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/podcastsubscribe.jpg","subscribeLinks":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/happier-with-gretchen-rubin/id969519520","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/0rgMTVJ9TWDWsut3R1c5L3","stitcher":"http://app.stitcher.com/browse/feed/61836/episodes"},"unsubscribeLink":"unsubscribe_link","helpLink":"/podcast-subscription-instructions/"},"quote":{"text":"","author":""},"sponsors":[{"name":"Texture","description":"\

    Also check out \\Texture\\. Get access to all your favorite magazines — including back issues and bonus video content — in one super-convenient place. Try the app \\Texture\ \\for free\ by going to \\Texture.com/happier\\.\

    \n","label":"Check out Texture","link":"https://www.texture.com/?utm_source=pd_oxfordroad&utm_medium=radio&utm_campaign=happier"},{"name":"Framebridge","description":"\

    Visit \\Framebridge.com\\ — a terrific way to get your art and photos framed, in a super easy and affordable way. \Use the code HAPPIER at checkout to get 15% off your first Framebridge order\.\

    \n","label":"Visit Framebridge.com","link":"https://www.framebridge.com/"}],"favoriteThings":[{"name":"KRUPS Egg Cooker","imageId":"45088","imageUrl":"https://i2.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/KrupsEgg.jpg","price":"$36","buttonText":"Buy Now","buttonUrl":"http://amzn.to/2tfMvDG","isSponsored":"1"},{"name":"Prismacolor Colored Pencils","imageId":"45105","imageUrl":"https://i0.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/91MKrafPheL._SL1500_.jpg","price":"$74","buttonText":"Buy Now","buttonUrl":"http://amzn.to/2t4s6gI","isSponsored":"1"},{"name":"Flying Wish Paper","imageId":"45101","imageUrl":"https://i0.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/91DdFm4qqhL._SL1500_.jpg","price":"$10","buttonText":"Buy Now","buttonUrl":"http://amzn.to/2ttJXxe","isSponsored":"1"}],"diveInto":{"module":{"title":"We'd Love to Hear From You","moreLabel":"","moreLink":""},"items":[{"title":"Call Us","description":"77-HAPPY-336","link":"/","icon":"callUs"},{"title":"Email Us","description":"[email protected]","link":"mailto:[email protected]","icon":"emailNewsletterLight"},{"title":"Tweet Us","description":"@gretchenrubin @elizabethcraft","link":"http://twitter.com/gretchenrubin","icon":"twitterBlueCircle"},{"title":"Sign Up","description":"to get an email alert when we release a new episode","link":"/podcast-subscription-instructions/","icon":"emailNewsletterLight"},{"title":"Subscribe","description":"to my free monthly Gretchen Rubin newsletter","link":"/","icon":"emailNewsletterLight"},{"title":"Rate and review us","description":"Help other listeners discover us by adding your rating or review","link":"/","icon":"rateReview"}]},"oneLastThing":{"id":44473,"title":"Want a new podcast to listen to?","content":"\

    With the same vibe as “Happier,” The Onward Project is the family of podcasts that I’ve launched, for podcasts that are about “your life, made better.”\

    \n","icon":"onward","buttonText":"Learn About The Podcast","buttonUrl":"https://www.theonwardproject.com"},"moreEpisodeIds":[43956,43683,44337],"dateGmt":"2017-06-28T19:04:39","guid":{"rendered":"http://gretchenrubin.com/?p=43324"},"modifiedGmt":"2017-10-16T14:52:31","status":"publish","type":"podcast-episode","link":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/podcast-episode/podcast-123-worry/","featuredMedia":43336,"template":"","unixTimestamp":1498676679,"featuredImage":"https://i1.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/shieldyourself.jpg","disqus":{"disqusUrl":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/podcast-episode/podcast-123-worry/","disqusIdentifier":"43324 http://gretchenrubin.com/?p=43324","disqusContainerId":"disqus_thread","disqusShortname":"thehappinessprojectblog","disqusTitle":"Podcast 123: Shield Yourself from Worry, Open Items Carefully, and Use Clothing to Influence Your Attitude."},"postTypeObject":{"name":"podcast-episode","label":"Podcast Episodes","labels":{"name":"Podcast Episodes","singularName":"Podcast Episode","addNew":"Add New Podcast Episode","addNewItem":"Add New Podcast Episode","editItem":"Edit Podcast Episode","newItem":"New Podcast Episode","viewItem":"View Podcast Episode","viewItems":"View Posts","searchItems":"Search Podcast Episodes","notFound":"No Podcast Episodes found","notFoundInTrash":"No Podcast Episodes found in Trash","parentItemColon":"Parent Podcast Episode:","allItems":"Podcast Episodes","archives":"Podcast Episodes","attributes":"Post Attributes","insertIntoItem":"Insert into post","uploadedToThisItem":"Uploaded to this post","featuredImage":"Featured Image","setFeaturedImage":"Set featured image","removeFeaturedImage":"Remove featured image","useFeaturedImage":"Use as featured image","filterItemsList":"Filter posts list","itemsListNavigation":"Posts list navigation","itemsList":"Posts list","menuName":"Podcast Episodes","nameAdminBar":"Podcast Episode"},"description":"","public":true,"hierarchical":false,"excludeFromSearch":false,"publiclyQueryable":true,"showUi":true,"showInMenu":false,"showInNavMenus":true,"showInAdminBar":false,"menuPosition":null,"menuIcon":null,"capabilityType":"post","mapMetaCap":true,"registerMetaBoxCb":null,"taxonomies":["category","post_tag"],"hasArchive":true,"queryVar":"podcast-episode","canExport":true,"deleteWithUser":null,"builtin":false,"editLink":"post.php?post=%d","cap":{"editPost":"edit_post","readPost":"read_post","deletePost":"delete_post","editPosts":"edit_posts","editOthersPosts":"edit_others_posts","publishPosts":"publish_posts","readPrivatePosts":"read_private_posts","read":"read","deletePosts":"delete_posts","deletePrivatePosts":"delete_private_posts","deletePublishedPosts":"delete_published_posts","deleteOthersPosts":"delete_others_posts","editPrivatePosts":"edit_private_posts","editPublishedPosts":"edit_published_posts","createPosts":"edit_posts"},"rewrite":{"slug":"podcast-episode","withFront":true,"pages":true,"feeds":true,"epMask":1},"showInRest":true,"restBase":false,"restControllerClass":false}}},"44024":{"id":44024,"date":"2017-08-02T08:08:19","modified":"2017-10-16T10:51:23","slug":"podcast-128-mix-of-four-tendencies","title":"Podcast 128: Connect with TV, Conquering the Snooze Alarm–and Is It Possible to be a Mix of the Four Tendencies?","content":"\

    \Update: \Elizabeth is excited because tomorrow on the “\\Happier in Hollywood\\” podcast, she and Sarah talk about a very common happiness stumbling block: self-criticism. When is it helpful, and when is it toxic?\\
    \n\
    \

    \n\

    I'm excited because my new book, \\\The Four Tendencies\\\, hits the shelves in \just 41 days\. So close, and yet so far!\

    \n\

    \Pre-orders give a big boost to a book, so to thank readers who pre-order, I worked with a terrific production team to\ \\create a series of videos about the Four Tendencies\\. After the book goes on sale, I'll charge for these videos, but until then, you can get access to them for\ free if you pre-order\. Find all the \\info here\\. There's an \overview video\, then subject videos on \using the Four Tendencies at work, with spouses and sweethearts, with children and students, and in health-care settings.\\

    \n\

    \Try This at Home\:  Connect through television. On \\episode 9 of \"Happier in Hollywood\\,\" the weekly \"\Hollywood Hack\\" was to \"watch the TV shows your boss watches\" to create an easy way to connect.\

    \n\

    But TV is a great way to connect not only with a boss, but also with co-workers, teenagers, grandparents...many relationships. Have you ever used TV to strengthen an important relationship?\

    \n\

    I quote from \Tyler Cowen's\ \\\Discover You Inner Economist: Use Incentives to Fall in Love, Survive Your Next Meeting, and Your Motivate Your Dentist\\\.\

    \n\

    \Happiness Hack\: Put your alarm device across the room, so you have to get out of bed in order to turn off the noise.\

    \n\

    \\\"1pix\"\\
    \n\\\"\"\\

    \n\

    \Four Tendencies Tip\: If you want to take the \Quiz\, to see whether you're an \Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel\, it's \\here\\.\

    \n\

    People often suggest that they think they're a mix of Tendencies, but I argue that just about every one of us does fall into one core Tendency.\

    \n\

    That said, the Tendencies do overlap, and it's possible to \"tip\" to a Tendency that overlaps with your core Tendency. For instance, I'm an UPHOLDER/Questioner, and Elizabeth is an OBLIGER/Questioner.\

    \n\

    \Listener Question\: Debbie asks how to figure out if she truly finds it fun to pursue the outdoor activities that her husband loves.\

    \n\

    \Elizabeth’s Demerit\: Elizabeth has started playing a new app game, \\Two Dots\\.\

    \n\

    \Gretchen’s Gold Star\: I managed to stay (reasonably) calm while Eliza and I were shopping for some things she needs for college.\

    \n\
    \n\

    \Three Resources:\\

    \n\
      \n\
    1. \To get the pre-order bonus, you can find\ \\info here\\, or at \\happiercast.com/4tbonus\\. You'll get the \overview video \as well as subject videos on \using the Four Tendencies at work, with spouses and sweethearts, with children and students, and in health-care settings.  \Free now; after the book comes out, there will be a charge for the video series.\\
      \n\
      \
    2. \n\
    3.  \I do weekly live videos on my \Facebook Page\ to continue the conversation from the podcast — usually on Tuesdays at 3:00 pm ET\. To join the conversation,\\ check the schedule.\\\
    4. \n\
    \n\

    \If you want easy instructions about how to rate or review the podcast\, look \\here\\. Remember, it really helps us if you do rate or review the podcast — it helps other listeners discover us.\

    \n\

    As I mentioned above,\ I do weekly live videos on my \Facebook Page\ to continue the conversation from the podcast — usually on Tuesdays at 3:00 pm ET\. To join the conversation,\\ check the schedule.\\\

    \n","terms":[1566,19,38,777,39,44,49,53],"metadata":{"excerpt":"Podcast 128: Why it’s helpful to connect with TV, a way to give up the snooze alarm, and a discussion of whether you can be a mix of the Four Tendencies.","eyebrow":"Podcast 128","megaphone":"http://traffic.megaphone.fm/PP2253993294.mp3","apple":"","soundcloudlink":"","spotifylink":"https://open.spotify.com/episode/4G3jX2mC5pSw3O9z9M5gWo","stitcherlink":"http://app.stitcher.com/splayer/f/61836/50993317","nextPodcast":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/podcast-episode/little-happier-andy-warhol/","prevPodcast":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/podcast-episode/little-happier-right-thing-to-say/","podcastInfo":{"name":"Happier with Gretchen Rubin","imageUrl":"https://i2.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/podcastsubscribe.jpg","subscribeLinks":{"apple":"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/happier-with-gretchen-rubin/id969519520","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/0rgMTVJ9TWDWsut3R1c5L3","stitcher":"http://app.stitcher.com/browse/feed/61836/episodes"},"unsubscribeLink":"unsubscribe_link","helpLink":"/podcast-subscription-instructions/"},"quote":{"text":"People often suggest that they think they're a mix of Tendencies, but I argue that just about every one of us does fall into one core Tendency.","author":"Gretchen Rubin"},"sponsors":[{"name":"Lyft ","description":"\

    Join the ride-sharing company that believes in treating its people better. Go to Lyft.com/happier to get a \$500 new-driver bonus\. Limited time only.\

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    \Want to avoid trips to the post office\, and buy and print official U.S. postage for any letter or package, right from your own computer and printer? Visit \\Stamps.com\\ to sign up for a \4-week trial,  including postage and a digital scale — just enter the promo code HAPPIER\.\

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    Check out ThirdLove\, \the lingerie brand that uses real women’s measurements to design better-fitting bras.\ Try one of their bestselling bras for free, for 30 days, by visiting ThirdLove.com/happier\\.\\

    \n\

     \

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    With the same vibe as “Happier,” The Onward Project is the family of podcasts that I’ve launched, for podcasts that are about “your life, made better.”\

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    \Update: \I’m excited because my new book \\\The Four Tendencies\\\ hits the shelves yesterday! And yesterday morning, I actually \saw the book on a bookstore shelf\ -- always an exciting moment for a writer. It felt auspicious, too, because I was on my way to Boston to do an event with the brilliant\\ Melissa Hartwig of Whole30\\ and much more, \and\ I got to see my daughter, college-freshman Eliza! So it was a great way to start.\

    \n\

    Thanks to everyone who has bought the book and also to people who've written online reviews; as I've mentioned (maybe more than a few times), it really does give a big boost to the fate of a book when readers leave reviews on \Goodreads\, \Barnes and Noble\, and \Amazon\.\

    \n\

    Speaking of books, \Chris Guillebeau's terrific book \\\Side Hustle: From Idea to Income in 27 Days\\ is coming out next week. If you're a fan of his \podcast \"\\Side Hustle School\,\" you'll love the book.\

    \n\

    I’m looking forward to heading to Los Angeles, and many other cities, on my\ book tour\. \\Info here\\ if you’d like to come to an event. If you're in the Los Angeles area, and you'd like to come to the\ meet-up from \\5:00-7:00 p.m. September 17\, go onto the \\free Better app\\ and under the tab \\"Events,\" look for \"Los Angeles Meet-up with Gretchen and Liz.\"\\

    \n\

    Update: Many listeners suggested \The Angel Gown Program\ as a great program for putting wedding dresses to good use: creating burial garments for babies.\

    \n\

    \Try This at Home\: If you're feeling dragged down by your to-do list, try writing a \"ta-da\" list.\

    \n\

    \Happiness Hack\: Use \\"\\PodSearch\"\ to discovers great new podcasts.\

    \n\

    \Know Yourself Better\: Kate suggested that it's useful to know your level of ambition.\

    \n\

    Here's the quotation I read from Lena Dunham's book, \\Not That Kind of Girl\\, of the period when she worked as a sales clerk at a fancy children’s clothing store with two friends:\

    \n\

    \\"But ambition is a funny thing: it creeps in when you least expect it and keeps you moving, even when you think you want to stay put.”\\

    \n\
    \n\

    \Listener Question\: Eugenia's father-in-law gives her potted plants; she wishes he'd give her cut flowers. Any way to re-frame the issue or suggest a different gift?\

    \n\

    I suggest that she might consider joining an accountability group on my \\free \"Better\" app\\ -- find the app \\here\ \or search in the app store under \"\Better Gretchen Rubin\.\"\

    \n\

    Speaking of Obligers, if you want to take the Quiz to tell you whether you’re an \Upholder, Questioner, Obliger or Rebel\, it's \\here\\. Or to learn even more, buy \\\The Four Tendencies\\\ book.\

    \n\

    \Elizabeth’s Demerit\: Elizabeth (and Adam) haven't made much progress for Grill Quest 2017.\

    \n\

    \Gretchen’s Gold Star\: Gold star for Elizabeth and Sarah! \"\\Happier in Hollywood,\\\" Elizabeth's new podcast with Sarah Fain, her writing partner and longtime friend, was just named to the \\"New & Noteworthy\" list by Apple Podcasts\ -- a big thrill.\

    \n\
    \n\

    \Free Resources:\\

    \n\
      \n\
    1. I've put together two collections of readings -- one set of readings for weddings, one set for funerals or memorial services. Get them \\here\\ or \\email me\\.\
    2. \n\
    3. If you'd like to come to a book tour event, check the \\calendar here\\ for details.\
    4. \n\
    \n\

    As I mentioned above,\ I do weekly live videos on my \Facebook Page\ to continue the conversation from the podcast — usually on Tuesdays at 3:00 pm ET\. To join the conversation, \\ check the schedule.\ \\

    \n\
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    Go to \\smithandnoble.com/happier\\ for \20% off\ window treatments and free in-home or on-phone design consultations and free professional measuring.\

    \n","label":"Check out Smith and Noble","link":"http://www.smithandnoble.com/happier"}],"favoriteThings":[{"name":"KRUPS Egg Cooker","imageId":"45088","imageUrl":"https://i2.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/KrupsEgg.jpg","price":"$36","buttonText":"Buy Now","buttonUrl":"http://amzn.to/2tfMvDG","isSponsored":"1"},{"name":"Prismacolor Colored Pencils","imageId":"45105","imageUrl":"https://i0.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/91MKrafPheL._SL1500_.jpg","price":"$74","buttonText":"Buy Now","buttonUrl":"http://amzn.to/2t4s6gI","isSponsored":"1"},{"name":"Flying Wish Paper","imageId":"45101","imageUrl":"https://i0.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/91DdFm4qqhL._SL1500_.jpg","price":"$10","buttonText":"Buy Now","buttonUrl":"http://amzn.to/2ttJXxe","isSponsored":"1"}],"diveInto":{"module":{"title":"We'd Love to Hear From You","moreLabel":"","moreLink":""},"items":[{"title":"Call Us","description":"77-HAPPY-336","link":"/","icon":"callUs"},{"title":"Email Us","description":"[email protected]","link":"mailto:[email protected]","icon":"emailNewsletterLight"},{"title":"Tweet Us","description":"@gretchenrubin @elizabethcraft","link":"http://twitter.com/gretchenrubin","icon":"twitterBlueCircle"},{"title":"Sign Up","description":"to get an email alert when we release a new episode","link":"/podcast-subscription-instructions/","icon":"emailNewsletterLight"},{"title":"Subscribe","description":"to my free monthly Gretchen Rubin newsletter","link":"/","icon":"emailNewsletterLight"},{"title":"Rate and review us","description":"Help other listeners discover us by adding your rating or review","link":"/","icon":"rateReview"}]},"oneLastThing":{"id":44473,"title":"Want a new podcast to listen to?","content":"\

    With the same vibe as “Happier,” The Onward Project is the family of podcasts that I’ve launched, for podcasts that are about “your life, made better.”\

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    Interview: \\Tasha Eurich\\.\

    \n\

    As someone who values self-knowledge, I was intrigued by Tasha Eurich's new book, \\\Insight\\\, about self-awareness. Her research shows that we are remarkably poor judges of ourselves and how we're perceived by others, and it's rare to get candid, objective feedback from colleagues, employees, and even friends and family.\

    \n\

    In my own life, I've found that responses from others have helped me better to understand myself and how I come across. \\My daughter Eleanor recently made me see myself in an entirely new light.\\ And through my discussions with Elizabeth on the \\\Happier\\\ podcast, I've come to understand better how my Upholder ways may sometimes rub people the wrong way. What, I'm being rude when I send that work email over the weekend?\

    \n\

    In \\\Insight\\,\ Tasha tells stories of people who've made dramatic self-awareness gains, and offers secrets, techniques and strategies to help readers do the same -- and therefore improve their work performance, career satisfaction, leadership potential, relationships, and more. I was curious to learn about her habits.\

    \n\

    \Gretchen: You’ve done fascinating research. What’s the most significant thing you’ve concluded on the subject of habits?\\

    \n\

    Tasha: I love this question because my research on self-awareness relates so nicely to your enlightening work on habits. I’ve spent the last three years researching what self-awareness is and how we can improve it to be more successful and confident at work (and at home). Part of that involved studying people who’ve dramatically improved their understanding of who they are and how they’re seen by others. Interestingly, I didn’t find any consistent patterns by gender or by job type or even by age—what they all had in common was a belief in the importance of self-awareness and a daily commitment to it.\

    \n\

    \In a way, \\self-awareness was the habit they cultivated\\. Whether they spent time each evening reflecting on what went well and what didn’t or regularly questioning their assumptions about themselves by getting feedback from people they trusted, or daily mindfulness meditation, each person made it a habit to reflect on their self-knowledge. \\

    \n\

    \What I love about this is that it shows that often there is no big moment or epiphany for most people, rather, it’s something we can chip away at each and every day. Added up, the incremental improvements we make \\\do\\\ become dramatic and powerful over time.\\

    \n\

    \What’s a simple habit that consistently makes you happier?\\

    \n\

    \Most recently my adopted dog Fred! She’s a five-pound poodle and puppy mill survivor, from the National Milldog Rescue (an incredible organization!!). I’ve taken to bringing her with me to lots of the places I go—to restaurant patios, to friends’ houses, and even on some of my business trips. Whenever I’m taking Fred somewhere, I’ll announce to her that we’re about to go on an adventure, and her ears perk up and she runs towards the door. It’s a small thing but I think any day that I get to practice that habit is a day that we both feel more relaxed, happy, and at peace. We are each other’s emotional support animals! \\

    \n\

    \Which habits are most important to you? (for health, for creativity, for productivity, for leisure, etc.)\\

    \n\

    \About three years ago, I joined Orange Theory Fitness, a gym that does high-intensity interval training. I’d literally never run a mile in my life—I was the awkward kid who sat out in gym class because of my asthma. I started going once or twice a week, and not only did I find it surprisingly enjoyable, I was actually \\\sad\\\ on the days I didn’t go! I joke that I wrote most of my book while running on the treadmill at the gym. I’ve found that there’s no better way for me to get unstuck—intellectually and emotionally—than high impact exercise.\\

    \n\

    \Would you describe yourself as an \Upholder, a Questioner, a Rebel, or an Obliger\? \\

    \n\

    \Based on the quiz, I think I’m an Upholder and I am very goal and rule oriented. But I also care about others’ expectations of me. The day my first book hit the \\\New York Times\\\ bestseller list, I literally turned to my husband and said “Well, I guess it’s time to start the next book!” He was horrified and dragged me to a celebratory dinner. I’ve always had pretty unreasonably high expectations for myself and while it’s helped me achieve many of my goals, it wasn’t always healthy. I’ve found myself worried about whether I’m meeting others’ expectations—am I being a good consultant? A good wife? A good friend? A good daughter? Most days, asking these questions is healthy, but I have to make sure that my own needs are not getting lost in the shuffle, which is a little Obliger-y. [From Gretchen: These views are absolutely consistent with Upholderness. Upholders respond both to outer and inner expectations.]\
    \n\
    \

    \n\

    \Do you embrace habits or resist them?\\

    \n\

    \I’ve always craved novelty in my day-to-day life. It’s so interesting being married to someone who has worked for the same company for 22 years—my husband loves having the same routine every day and finds comfort and excitement in it. For me, though, one of the reasons I was less-than-fulfilled when I worked in the Fortune 500 world was showing up to the same office in the same place with the same people every day.\\

    \n\

    \But that’s also why I \\\love\\\ what I do now—I go from being locked in my office or a coffee shop writing one day to getting on a plane and flying to work with a consulting client or do a keynote. No two days are the same, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.\\

    \n\

    \That said, I don’t think that an ever-changing routine necessarily precludes one from developing habits—for example, if anyone messes with my airport check-in/security routine, I get pretty stressed. These habits just might not be as apparent to outside observers as they are to me! \\

    \n\

    \One of the things I hope people learn from my new book\ \\Insight\\\ is that self-awareness allows you to acknowledge the things that are important to you—not what you think should be important but what actually is—and design your life (and by extension, your habits) around them. I can have both novelty that I crave and habits that create healthy order. \\

    \n","excerpt":"\

    As someone who values self-knowledge, I was intrigued by Tasha Eurich’s new book, Insight, about self-awareness.\

    \n","terms":[2263,2266,6,2195,30,49,2196,2269],"metadata":{"primaryCategory":"","readerPoll":"","diveInto":{"module":{"title":"Dive Into The Blog","moreLabel":"","moreLink":""},"items":[{"title":"Top 100","description":"Start here with the 100 most read posts of all-time.","link":"/top-100/","icon":"top100"},{"title":"Quizzes","description":"Everyone likes a good quiz. Learn about yourself here.","link":"/category/quizzes/","icon":"quizzes"},{"title":"Tips","description":"Get good tips here.","link":"/category/tips/","icon":"tips"},{"title":"The Archive","description":"Find any post based on month, year, or topic.","link":"/blog/","icon":"archive"},{"title":"Subscribe","description":"Get my free “Moments of Happiness” quotes newsletter.","link":"/#newsletter","icon":"emailNewsletterLight"},{"title":"Join The Book Club","description":"Get monthly book recommendations from me.","link":"/#newsletter","icon":"book"}]},"morePosts":{"postIds":[45945,45962,45840,43656,43985],"labels":["Up Next","More in Books","More in Interview","More in Self-knowledge","More in Uncategorized"]},"oneLastThing":{"id":44068,"title":"Interested in happiness, habits, and human nature?","content":"\

    Sign up to get my free monthly newsletter. It highlights the best material from here and the Facebook Page.\

    \n","icon":"emailNewsletterLight","buttonText":"Sign Up Now","buttonUrl":"/#newsletter"},"dateGmt":"2017-05-04T20:30:13","guid":{"rendered":"http://gretchenrubin.com/?p=42564"},"modifiedGmt":"2017-05-11T19:44:58","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/2017/05/tasha-eurich/","featuredMedia":42577,"commentStatus":"open","pingStatus":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"unixTimestamp":1493929813,"featuredImage":"https://i2.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/tasha-eurich-author.png","disqus":{"disqusUrl":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/2017/05/tasha-eurich/","disqusIdentifier":"42564 http://gretchenrubin.com/?p=42564","disqusContainerId":"disqus_thread","disqusShortname":"thehappinessprojectblog","disqusTitle":"“The Incremental Improvements We Make Become Dramatic and Powerful over Time.”"},"postTypeObject":{"name":"post","label":"Posts","labels":{"name":"Posts","singularName":"Post","addNew":"Add New","addNewItem":"Add New Post","editItem":"Edit Post","newItem":"New Post","viewItem":"View Post","viewItems":"View Posts","searchItems":"Search Posts","notFound":"No posts found.","notFoundInTrash":"No posts found in Trash.","parentItemColon":null,"allItems":"All Posts","archives":"Post Archives","attributes":"Post Attributes","insertIntoItem":"Insert into post","uploadedToThisItem":"Uploaded to this post","featuredImage":"Featured Image","setFeaturedImage":"Set featured image","removeFeaturedImage":"Remove featured image","useFeaturedImage":"Use as featured image","filterItemsList":"Filter posts list","itemsListNavigation":"Posts list navigation","itemsList":"Posts list","menuName":"Posts","nameAdminBar":"Post"},"description":"","public":true,"hierarchical":false,"excludeFromSearch":false,"publiclyQueryable":true,"showUi":true,"showInMenu":true,"showInNavMenus":true,"showInAdminBar":true,"menuPosition":5,"menuIcon":null,"capabilityType":"post","mapMetaCap":true,"registerMetaBoxCb":null,"taxonomies":[],"hasArchive":false,"queryVar":false,"canExport":true,"deleteWithUser":true,"builtin":true,"editLink":"post.php?post=%d","cap":{"editPost":"edit_post","readPost":"read_post","deletePost":"delete_post","editPosts":"edit_posts","editOthersPosts":"edit_others_posts","publishPosts":"publish_posts","readPrivatePosts":"read_private_posts","read":"read","deletePosts":"delete_posts","deletePrivatePosts":"delete_private_posts","deletePublishedPosts":"delete_published_posts","deleteOthersPosts":"delete_others_posts","editPrivatePosts":"edit_private_posts","editPublishedPosts":"edit_published_posts","createPosts":"edit_posts"},"rewrite":false,"showInRest":true,"restBase":"posts","restControllerClass":"WP_REST_Posts_Controller"}}},"42582":{"id":42582,"date":"2017-05-05T13:12:07","modified":"2017-05-05T13:12:07","slug":"motivation","author":2,"title":"Warning! Don’t Expect to Be Motivated by Motivation.","content":"\

    \I really dislike the word \"motivation.\" I try never to use it.\\

    \n\

    In writing \\\Better Than Before\\\, my book about habit change, and in talking to people about their desired habits, the term \"motivation\" came up a lot.\

    \n\

    And here's why I don't like it: \People use the term to describe their \desire\ for a particular outcome\ (\"I'm really motivated to lose weight\") \as well as their \reasons\ for actually acting in a certain way\ (\"I go to the gym because I'm motivated to exercise\"). \Desire and action are mixed up in a very confusing way.\\

    \n\

    To make it even more confusing, people often say they're \"motivated\" to do something when what they mean is, \"My doctor and my family tell me that I need to quit smoking, and I know it would be healthier and cheaper to quit smoking, and I wish I would quit smoking, but I have no desire to quit and no intention to try to quit. But am I motivated to quit smoking? Oh, sure.\"\

    \n\

    People often tell me that they're highly motivated to achieve a certain aim, but when I press, it turns out that while they passionately wish they could achieve an outcome, they aren't doing anything about it. So what does it mean to say they're \"motivated?\" No idea. That's why I don't use the word.\

    \n\

    In fact, \people aren't motivated by motivation.\
    \n\
    \

    \n\

    Expert advice often focuses on motivation, by telling people that they just need more motivation to follow through. This may work in a certain way, for certain people (see below), but not for everyone.\

    \n\

    The bad result of this advice is that some people spend a lot of time whipping themselves into a frenzy of thinking how much they want a certain outcome, as if desire will drive behavior. And it rarely does.\

    \n\

    Instead of thinking about motivation, I argue that we should think about aims, and then concrete, practical, realistic steps to take us closer to our aims.\

    \n\

    Instead of thinking, \"I want to lose weight so badly,\" think instead about the concrete steps to take, \"I'll bring lunch from home,\" \"I won't use the vending machine,\" \"I won't eat fast food,\" \"I'll quit sugar,\" \"I'll cook dinner at home at least four nights a week,\" \"I'll go to the farmer's market on Saturdays, to load up on great produce.\"\

    \n\

    Of course, in \\\Better Than Before\\\, I argue that it's a lot easier to follow through with such steps consistently if you make them into habits.\

    \n\

    \The great thing about habits is that you don't need to feel \"motivated\!\" And that's important because again, motivation doesn't actually matter much, if what you mean by that is \"How badly do you want this?\"\

    \n\

    In my forthcoming book, \\\The Four Tendencies\\\, I do talk about how thinking about reasons for action can help some people to act, and how desire does help some people to act -- but that's not the same as motivation.\

    \n\

    For \\Upholders and Questioners\\, thinking about reasons helps.\

    \n\

    For \\Rebels\\, thinking about desire helps.\

    \n\

    For \\Obligers\\, \outer accountability\ is the crucial element. What does this mean? It means that \Obligers are the least likely to be helped by thinking about \"motivation.\" And guess what? They're the Tendency that talks \most\ about motivation! \They keep trying to amp up their motivation, and then they get frustrated because that doesn't work. Nope. Obligers should focus on systems of outer accountability.\

    \n\

    So whenever catch myself saying or writing, \"I'm really motivated to do ___,\" I stop and think:\ \"What do I want, and why do I want it? And given that, what steps can I take to achieve my aim?\"\\

    \n\

    Because we really can't expect to be motivated by motivation.\

    \n","excerpt":"\

    I really dislike the word “motivation.” I try never to use it. In writing Better Than Before, my book about habit change, and in talking to people about their desired habits, the term “motivation” came up a lot. And here’s why I don’t like it: People use the term to describe their desire for a […]\

    \n","terms":[2256,2255,2266,1566,21,403,1107,49,2269],"metadata":{"primaryCategory":"","readerPoll":"","diveInto":{"module":{"title":"Dive Into The Blog","moreLabel":"","moreLink":""},"items":[{"title":"Top 100","description":"Start here with the 100 most read posts of all-time.","link":"/top-100/","icon":"top100"},{"title":"Quizzes","description":"Everyone likes a good quiz. Learn about yourself here.","link":"/category/quizzes/","icon":"quizzes"},{"title":"Tips","description":"Get good tips here.","link":"/category/tips/","icon":"tips"},{"title":"The Archive","description":"Find any post based on month, year, or topic.","link":"/blog/","icon":"archive"},{"title":"Subscribe","description":"Get my free “Moments of Happiness” quotes newsletter.","link":"/#newsletter","icon":"emailNewsletterLight"},{"title":"Join The Book Club","description":"Get monthly book recommendations from me.","link":"/#newsletter","icon":"book"}]},"morePosts":{"postIds":[45945,45888,42659,43466,34724,43656,43985],"labels":["Up Next","More in Four Tendencies","More in Goals","More in habits","More in motivation","More in Self-knowledge","More in Uncategorized"]},"oneLastThing":{"id":44068,"title":"Interested in happiness, habits, and human nature?","content":"\

    Sign up to get my free monthly newsletter. It highlights the best material from here and the Facebook Page.\

    \n","icon":"emailNewsletterLight","buttonText":"Sign Up Now","buttonUrl":"/#newsletter"},"dateGmt":"2017-05-05T17:12:07","guid":{"rendered":"http://gretchenrubin.com/?p=42582"},"modifiedGmt":"2017-05-05T17:12:07","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/2017/05/motivation/","featuredMedia":42584,"commentStatus":"open","pingStatus":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"unixTimestamp":1494004327,"featuredImage":"https://i2.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/motivation.jpg","disqus":{"disqusUrl":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/2017/05/motivation/","disqusIdentifier":"42582 http://gretchenrubin.com/?p=42582","disqusContainerId":"disqus_thread","disqusShortname":"thehappinessprojectblog","disqusTitle":"Warning! Don’t Expect to Be Motivated by Motivation."},"postTypeObject":{"name":"post","label":"Posts","labels":{"name":"Posts","singularName":"Post","addNew":"Add New","addNewItem":"Add New Post","editItem":"Edit Post","newItem":"New Post","viewItem":"View Post","viewItems":"View Posts","searchItems":"Search Posts","notFound":"No posts found.","notFoundInTrash":"No posts found in Trash.","parentItemColon":null,"allItems":"All Posts","archives":"Post Archives","attributes":"Post Attributes","insertIntoItem":"Insert into post","uploadedToThisItem":"Uploaded to this post","featuredImage":"Featured Image","setFeaturedImage":"Set featured image","removeFeaturedImage":"Remove featured image","useFeaturedImage":"Use as featured image","filterItemsList":"Filter posts list","itemsListNavigation":"Posts list navigation","itemsList":"Posts list","menuName":"Posts","nameAdminBar":"Post"},"description":"","public":true,"hierarchical":false,"excludeFromSearch":false,"publiclyQueryable":true,"showUi":true,"showInMenu":true,"showInNavMenus":true,"showInAdminBar":true,"menuPosition":5,"menuIcon":null,"capabilityType":"post","mapMetaCap":true,"registerMetaBoxCb":null,"taxonomies":[],"hasArchive":false,"queryVar":false,"canExport":true,"deleteWithUser":true,"builtin":true,"editLink":"post.php?post=%d","cap":{"editPost":"edit_post","readPost":"read_post","deletePost":"delete_post","editPosts":"edit_posts","editOthersPosts":"edit_others_posts","publishPosts":"publish_posts","readPrivatePosts":"read_private_posts","read":"read","deletePosts":"delete_posts","deletePrivatePosts":"delete_private_posts","deletePublishedPosts":"delete_published_posts","deleteOthersPosts":"delete_others_posts","editPrivatePosts":"edit_private_posts","editPublishedPosts":"edit_published_posts","createPosts":"edit_posts"},"rewrite":false,"showInRest":true,"restBase":"posts","restControllerClass":"WP_REST_Posts_Controller"}}},"42950":{"id":42950,"date":"2017-05-30T16:33:55","modified":"2017-05-30T16:33:55","slug":"buying-towels-prompted-me-to-have-a-moment-of-self-reflection-im-already-grown-up","author":2,"title":"Buying Towels and a Moment of Self-Reflection: I’m Already Grown Up.","content":"\

    For a while now, my husband has been talking about wanting new bathroom towels. And he was right, we needed them.\

    \n\

    As an \\under-buyer\\, I take great pleasure in the process of wearing things out or using things up -- and boy, we got good use out of those towels. They were worn, frayed, torn, stained, and generally in bad shape.\

    \n\

    We were both home on the Monday afternoon of the long weekend, so my husband proposed that we use the time to go towel-shopping.\

    \n\

    We went to Bloomingdale's, where they stock about a hundred brands of towels. We looked around, identified a mid-range brand (conveniently on sale), and pulled out six white towels to take to the cash register.\

    \n\

    As we were paying, my husband asked, \"Are these nice towels?\"\

    \n\

    And I said, \"Not super-nice, but nice enough. Did you want very nice ones?\"\

    \n\

    He said, \"No. Just regular towels.\"\

    \n\

    And here's the weird thing: I said to him, \"\When we're grown up, we'll buy really nice towels\.\"\

    \n\

    And I immediately thought -- what am I thinking? When we're \grown up\? We're already grown up! We have a daughter going off to college next year!\

    \n\

    This is something I've noticed so often in myself:\ I have this feeling that everything in my life is...temporary, provisional. That my adult life hasn't yet truly started or assumed its ultimate form.\\

    \n\

    But that's not true. I'm a grown up already. If I want nice towels, I should buy them now. I can't expect that one day, I will magically have an adult life, with nice towels or anything else. Everything is as adult, or not-adult, as it will ever be, unless I make a conscious change.\

    \n\

    Do you ever have this feeling? That somehow, you aren't yet really a grown up? It's not a Peter Pan, refusing-to-accept-responsibility feeling; it's that feeling that nothing is yet real or permanent, but that someday, it will become real and permanent.\

    \n\

    Even though I know it won't.\

    \n\

    Have you had this feeling?\

    \n","excerpt":"\

    For a while now, my husband has been talking about wanting new bathroom towels. And he was right, we needed them. As an under-buyer, I take great pleasure in the process of wearing things out or using things up — and boy, we got good use out of those towels. They were worn, frayed, torn, […]\

    \n","terms":[2266,1347,49,2269],"metadata":{"primaryCategory":"","readerPoll":"","diveInto":{"module":{"title":"Dive Into The Blog","moreLabel":"","moreLink":""},"items":[{"title":"Top 100","description":"Start here with the 100 most read posts of all-time.","link":"/top-100/","icon":"top100"},{"title":"Quizzes","description":"Everyone likes a good quiz. Learn about yourself here.","link":"/category/quizzes/","icon":"quizzes"},{"title":"Tips","description":"Get good tips here.","link":"/category/tips/","icon":"tips"},{"title":"The Archive","description":"Find any post based on month, year, or topic.","link":"/blog/","icon":"archive"},{"title":"Subscribe","description":"Get my free “Moments of Happiness” quotes newsletter.","link":"/#newsletter","icon":"emailNewsletterLight"},{"title":"Join The Book Club","description":"Get monthly book recommendations from me.","link":"/#newsletter","icon":"book"}]},"morePosts":{"postIds":[45945,29694,43656,43985],"labels":["Up Next","More in adulthood","More in Self-knowledge","More in Uncategorized"]},"oneLastThing":{"id":44068,"title":"Interested in happiness, habits, and human nature?","content":"\

    Sign up to get my free monthly newsletter. It highlights the best material from here and the Facebook Page.\

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    For years, I've been reading, writing, and talking to people about their happiness and good habits. My preoccupation is: \how can we make our lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative?\\

    \n\

    \\\The Happiness Projec\\\t, \\\Happier at Home\\\, \\\Better Than Before\\\, and now \\\The Four Tendencies\\\ -- all, in their own way, address this fundamental question.\

    \n\

    And as I've talked to people, certain challenges keep coming up, over and over.\

    \n\

    \For years, I was so puzzled by them, I couldn't stop thinking about them and trying to figure out the answers.\ Perhaps some sound familiar to you:\

    \n\\n\

    \

    \n\

    \

    \n\

    Why You Act, Why You Don't\

    \n\

    Perhaps it seems unlikely, but it's true -- \the Four Tendencies framework sheds light on all these questions.\\

    \n\

    With every single one of these questions, I have an answer that I think can help, using the Four Tendencies.\

    \n\

    To take just one example, I received this email about a teacher who used her knowledge of the Four Tendencies to change her way of working with a Rebel -- in a way that allowed that Rebel to succeed:\

    \n\
    \

    I’m a teacher at our local county jail, mostly GED and high school diploma courses. Recently I had a student who was getting in her own way—arguing with the guards and not completing assignments. I believed her when she said that she really wanted to get her GED—yet she wasn’t making progress.\

    \n\

    It dawned on me that she is a Rebel. I shared your theory with her, and it really helped her see herself in a new, more positive way. I stopped asking her to do homework and let her decide each day how she wanted to study: computer software, group lesson, independently, or not at all. As I write this, she has passed five of the five tests, and thus completed her high school equivalency.\

    \
    \n\

    When you know if you're an \Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel\, you understand yourself much better -- why you act, why you don't act, why you feel the way you do.\

    \n\

    And as the example above demonstrates, when you understand \other people's\ Tendencies, you gain great perspective on why they act, why they don't act, and why they feel the way they do.\

    \n\

    To a degree that astonishes me, simple tweaks in language and circumstances can allow people to do a much better job in dealing with themselves and others.\

    \n\

    I certainly use the Tendencies myself. I'm married to a Questioner, and I've learned that I always need to explain the reason if I want him to do something. Even just yesterday. I was filling out a tiresome form that asked for his work address. I called him and asked, \"What's your work address?\" He answered, \"Why ?\"\

    \n\

    Now, if he'd asked me a similar question, I would've just answered. I wouldn't ask why. But my husband wasn't going to meet even the smallest expectation -- tell me your work address -- without knowing why.\

    \n\

    That used to bug me. Why wouldn't he just do what I asked? Why did he slow down the process? Now I don't get annoyed with him, because I understand his nature.\

    \n\

    \Managing yourself, and others, is much easier when you know what to do -- and why.\\

    \n\

     \

    \n\

    Want to find out if you're an \\Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel\\? Take the quick Quiz \\here\\.\

    \n\

    Want to learn more about the framework? Order my book \\\The Four Tendencies\\\. All is revealed!\

    \n\

    \Want to talk about the Four Tendencies with other people\? Join the discussion on my \\free Better app\\.\

    \n\

     \

    \n","excerpt":"\

    For years, I’ve been reading, writing, and talking to people about their happiness and good habits. My preoccupation is: how can we make our lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative? The Happiness Project, Happier at Home, Better Than Before, and now The Four Tendencies — all, in their own way, address this fundamental […]\

    \n","terms":[170,1566,801,44,49,2269,1065],"metadata":{"primaryCategory":"","readerPoll":"","diveInto":{"module":{"title":"Dive Into The Blog","moreLabel":"","moreLink":""},"items":[{"title":"Top 100","description":"Start here with the 100 most read posts of all-time.","link":"/top-100/","icon":"top100"},{"title":"Quizzes","description":"Everyone likes a good quiz. Learn about yourself here.","link":"/category/quizzes/","icon":"quizzes"},{"title":"Tips","description":"Get good tips here.","link":"/category/tips/","icon":"tips"},{"title":"The Archive","description":"Find any post based on month, year, or topic.","link":"/blog/","icon":"archive"},{"title":"Subscribe","description":"Get my free “Moments of Happiness” quotes newsletter.","link":"/#newsletter","icon":"emailNewsletterLight"},{"title":"Join The Book Club","description":"Get monthly book recommendations from me.","link":"/#newsletter","icon":"book"}]},"morePosts":{"postIds":[45945,41531,45888,45299,43704,42950,43985,43048],"labels":["Up Next","More in career","More in Four Tendencies","More in productivity","More in Relationships","More in Self-knowledge","More in Uncategorized","More in work"]},"oneLastThing":{"id":44068,"title":"Interested in happiness, habits, and human nature?","content":"\

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    \

    \"Untreated substance abuse is often treated as 'cool' and as sort of a counterculture badge of honor, a way of proclaiming, 'Look out, dullards, I'm still dangerous.' Likewise, sobriety is sometimes looked at as a fertile ground for the has-been and those who may have lost their edge. I was always scared of losing mine, and so, with ninety days sober, I got a tattoo to show I was still all about it. However, one of the gifts of recovery is authenticity, finding your true self. Today I know that I don't care so much about being cool, much less edgy. I've seen too many good friends chase that image to the gates of prison, insanity or death. I still like my tattoo, but it means nothing to me now other than being a reminder that I've found my authentic self. And my authentic self is someone who wouldn't get a tattoo.\"\

    \n\

    --Rob Lowe, \\Love Life\\\

    \
    \n\

    I have to say, I'm a huge fan of Rob Lowe's writing. He's very perceptive, and it's clear that being a super-famous Hollywood celebrity gives you a strange and interesting perspective on the world.\

    \n\

    Often, a tattoo does seem like something that is tied deeply to a sense of authenticity -- of revealing something important about ourselves, through our choice of design.\

    \n\

    \Would your authentic self get a tattoo -- or do you already have one?\\

    \n\

    \If not, what design would you choose?\\

    \n\

    \If so, why did you choose the tattoo you chose?\\

    \n","excerpt":"\

    Often, a tattoo does seem like something that is tied deeply to a sense of authenticity — of revealing something important about ourselves, through our choice of design.\

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