Gretchen Rubin
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One of my favorite things about events is the chance to do question-and-answer with the audience. I \love\ q-and-a. In fact, a major inspiration for my writing \\\The Four Tendencies\\\ came from audience q-and-a. For my book talk for \\\Better Than Before\\\, I packed in all the material that I thought was the most surprising, interesting, and useful from the book -- but 90% of people's questions were about the Four Tendencies. People only wanted to talk about the Tendencies! So I realized that people wanted to learn more, \and that I had a lot more to say.\\

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\One new fun feature of this tour is that three of the events are with brilliant fellow writers\. It will be great to sit down for a conversation with...\

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If there's an event in your city, I hope to see you there! Please come, bring your friends.\

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If there's no event in your city, you can...\

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\1.\ Request a signed book plate\ \\

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\2.\\\ Join me on a Facebook live broadcast\\ and ask your burning question there\

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\3.\ Join me for a live chat in my free app, \\Better\\, (\\the next one is Monday, June 17\\)\

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BOOK TOUR DATES AND DETAILS:\

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\Boston, MA / Sept 12\\

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Q&A moderated by Melissa Hartwig. Signing to follow.\
\nHosted by Harvard Bookstore.\
\nLocation: Brattle Theater, 40 Brattle Street Cambridge, MA 02138\
\n*Tickets required. \\Details here.\\\
\nDate: September 12, 2017 06:30 pm\

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\New York, NY / Sept 13\\

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Talk/Q&A/Book signing at \www.Open Center.org\.\
\nLocation: Marble Collegiate Church, 1 W 29th St, New York, NY 10001, (at 5th Ave)\
\n*\Ticketed event\ (price includes a copy of the book,\ The Four Tendencies\)\
\nDate: September 13, 2017 07:00 pm\

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\Dallas, TX / Sept 14\\

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\Authors Live!\ at Highland Park United Methodist Church.Location: 3300 Mockingbird Lane, Dallas, TX 75205\
\nProgram, Q&A, Book Signing.\
\nThe 7pm event is free and open to the public. The 6pm pre-reception is a \ticketed event\ that includes a copy of the book.\
\nDate: September 14, 2017 07:00 pm\

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\North Richland Hills, TX / Sept 15\\

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Talk/Q&A/Signing @ North Richland Hills Library,\
\n9015 Grand Avenue, North Richland Hills, TX12:00pm reception;  1:00pm event open to the public\
\n*Ticketed lunch event. \\Details here\\.\
\nDate: September 15, 2017 01:00 pm\

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\Claremont, CA / Sept 19\\

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Luncheon at Claremont Graduate University.\
\nLocation: Claremont University\
\n*Ticketed events. Details coming soon.\
\nDate: September 19, 2017 01:00 pm\

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\Santa Monica, CA / Sept 19\\

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LIVE Talks LA at The Moss Theater\
\n3131 Olympic Boulevard, Santa Monica, CA 90404\
\n*Tickets required. \\Details here.\\\
\nDate: September 19, 2017 08:00 pm\

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\Rancho Santa Fe, CA / Sept 20\\

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Luncheon hosted by Rancho Santa Fe Library Guild\
\n*This is a ticketed event. \\Details here.\\\
\nDate: September 20 2017 12:00 pm\

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\San Diego, CA / Sept 20\\

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Talk/Q&A/Signing, Hosted by Warwick’s at USD\
\nLocation: USD, Kroc Institute for Peace & Justice Theater\
\n5998 Alcala Park, San Diego, CA 92110\
\n*Ticketed event. \\Details here\\.\
\nDate: September 20 2017 07:00 pm\

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\San Francisco, CA / Sept 21\\

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Q&A moderated by Kim Malone Scott\
\nLocation: Books Inc in Opera Plaza. 601 Van Ness, San Francisco, CA 94102\
\n*Ticketed event.\\ Details here.\\\
\nDate: September 21, 2017 07:00 pm\

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\Washington, D.C. / Sept 26\\

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Gretchen Rubin in Conversation with Chris Guillebeau, hosted by Politics & Prose.\
\nLocation:  Sidwell Friends Meeting House. 3825 Wisconsin Ave. NW,  Washington, D.C.\
\n*This will be a ticketed event. \\Details here\\.\
\nDate: September 26, 2017 07:00 pm\

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\Los Angeles, CA / October 18\\

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Werk It Podcast Festival.\
\n*Ticketed event. \\Details here.\\\
\nDate: October 04 2017\

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\Louisville, KY\

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\\
\nDetails TBA.\
\nDate: October 18, 2017\

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\Indianapolis, IN / Nov 7\\

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Keynote at Indiana Conference for Women.\
\n*Ticketed event. \\Details here\\.\
\nDate: November 07, 2017\

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\\\"The\\

\n","excerpt":"\

I’m gearing up for my book tour for The Four Tendencies! I can’t wait. Some writers don’t enjoy traveling or speaking, but I really enjoy it. I love connecting in person to book and blog readers as well as Happier listeners. I wish I could go to every city, but because of the time and […]\

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Sign up to get my free monthly newsletter. It highlights the best material from here and the Facebook Page.\

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For years, I've been reading, writing, and talking to people about their happiness and good habits. My preoccupation is: \how can we make our lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative?\\

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\\\The Happiness Projec\\\t, \\\Happier at Home\\\, \\\Better Than Before\\\, and now \\\The Four Tendencies\\\ -- all, in their own way, address this fundamental question.\

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And as I've talked to people, certain challenges keep coming up, over and over.\

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\For years, I was so puzzled by them, I couldn't stop thinking about them and trying to figure out the answers.\ Perhaps some sound familiar to you:\

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\

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Why You Act, Why You Don't\

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Perhaps it seems unlikely, but it's true -- \the Four Tendencies framework sheds light on all these questions.\\

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With every single one of these questions, I have an answer that I think can help, using the Four Tendencies.\

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To take just one example, I received this email about a teacher who used her knowledge of the Four Tendencies to change her way of working with a Rebel -- in a way that allowed that Rebel to succeed:\

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I’m a teacher at our local county jail, mostly GED and high school diploma courses. Recently I had a student who was getting in her own way—arguing with the guards and not completing assignments. I believed her when she said that she really wanted to get her GED—yet she wasn’t making progress.\

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It dawned on me that she is a Rebel. I shared your theory with her, and it really helped her see herself in a new, more positive way. I stopped asking her to do homework and let her decide each day how she wanted to study: computer software, group lesson, independently, or not at all. As I write this, she has passed five of the five tests, and thus completed her high school equivalency.\

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When you know if you're an \Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel\, you understand yourself much better -- why you act, why you don't act, why you feel the way you do.\

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And as the example above demonstrates, when you understand \other people's\ Tendencies, you gain great perspective on why they act, why they don't act, and why they feel the way they do.\

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To a degree that astonishes me, simple tweaks in language and circumstances can allow people to do a much better job in dealing with themselves and others.\

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I certainly use the Tendencies myself. I'm married to a Questioner, and I've learned that I always need to explain the reason if I want him to do something. Even just yesterday. I was filling out a tiresome form that asked for his work address. I called him and asked, \"What's your work address?\" He answered, \"Why ?\"\

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Now, if he'd asked me a similar question, I would've just answered. I wouldn't ask why. But my husband wasn't going to meet even the smallest expectation -- tell me your work address -- without knowing why.\

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That used to bug me. Why wouldn't he just do what I asked? Why did he slow down the process? Now I don't get annoyed with him, because I understand his nature.\

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\Managing yourself, and others, is much easier when you know what to do -- and why.\\

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Want to find out if you're an \\Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel\\? Take the quick Quiz \\here\\.\

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Want to learn more about the framework? Order my book \\\The Four Tendencies\\\. All is revealed!\

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\Want to talk about the Four Tendencies with other people\? Join the discussion on my \\free Better app\\.\

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 \

\n","excerpt":"\

For years, I’ve been reading, writing, and talking to people about their happiness and good habits. My preoccupation is: how can we make our lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative? The Happiness Project, Happier at Home, Better Than Before, and now The Four Tendencies — all, in their own way, address this fundamental […]\

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Sign up to get my free monthly newsletter. It highlights the best material from here and the Facebook Page.\

\n","icon":"emailNewsletterLight","buttonText":"Sign Up Now","buttonUrl":"/#newsletter"},"dateGmt":"2017-07-21T17:37:20","guid":{"rendered":"http://gretchenrubin.com/?p=43656"},"modifiedGmt":"2017-07-21T17:37:20","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/2017/07/common-problems-habits/","featuredMedia":43658,"commentStatus":"open","pingStatus":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"unixTimestamp":1500658640,"featuredImage":"https://i2.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/questionspopped.jpg","disqus":{"disqusUrl":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/2017/07/common-problems-habits/","disqusIdentifier":"43656 http://gretchenrubin.com/?p=43656","disqusContainerId":"disqus_thread","disqusShortname":"thehappinessprojectblog","disqusTitle":"Do You Face These Common Problems in Happiness and Habits? Here’s Your Answer!"},"postTypeObject":{"name":"post","label":"Posts","labels":{"name":"Posts","singularName":"Post","addNew":"Add New","addNewItem":"Add New Post","editItem":"Edit Post","newItem":"New Post","viewItem":"View Post","viewItems":"View Posts","searchItems":"Search Posts","notFound":"No posts found.","notFoundInTrash":"No posts found in Trash.","parentItemColon":null,"allItems":"All Posts","archives":"Post Archives","attributes":"Post Attributes","insertIntoItem":"Insert into post","uploadedToThisItem":"Uploaded to this post","featuredImage":"Featured Image","setFeaturedImage":"Set featured image","removeFeaturedImage":"Remove featured image","useFeaturedImage":"Use as featured image","filterItemsList":"Filter posts list","itemsListNavigation":"Posts list navigation","itemsList":"Posts list","menuName":"Posts","nameAdminBar":"Post"},"description":"","public":true,"hierarchical":false,"excludeFromSearch":false,"publiclyQueryable":true,"showUi":true,"showInMenu":true,"showInNavMenus":true,"showInAdminBar":true,"menuPosition":5,"menuIcon":null,"capabilityType":"post","mapMetaCap":true,"registerMetaBoxCb":null,"taxonomies":[],"hasArchive":false,"queryVar":false,"canExport":true,"deleteWithUser":true,"builtin":true,"editLink":"post.php?post=%d","cap":{"editPost":"edit_post","readPost":"read_post","deletePost":"delete_post","editPosts":"edit_posts","editOthersPosts":"edit_others_posts","publishPosts":"publish_posts","readPrivatePosts":"read_private_posts","read":"read","deletePosts":"delete_posts","deletePrivatePosts":"delete_private_posts","deletePublishedPosts":"delete_published_posts","deleteOthersPosts":"delete_others_posts","editPrivatePosts":"edit_private_posts","editPublishedPosts":"edit_published_posts","createPosts":"edit_posts"},"rewrite":false,"showInRest":true,"restBase":"posts","restControllerClass":"WP_REST_Posts_Controller"}}},"43704":{"id":43704,"date":"2017-08-01T06:00:12","modified":"2017-07-31T14:31:16","slug":"update-on-rebel-preschooler","author":7,"title":"A Mother’s Brilliant Strategy for Dealing with Rebel Pre-schooler","content":"\

In \\Very Special Episode 120\\ of the \"\Happier\\" podcast, Elizabeth and I discussed listeners' question about the \\Four Tendencies\\. This was a real treat for me, because \\I love talking about this subject so much\\.\

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Starting at about minute 10:38, we discussed a question from Dawn, an Upholder who wanted tips for dealing more effectively with her daughter, a Rebel pre-schooler.\

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We talked about \focusing on identity\ and on the\ information-consequences-choice sequence\, which are the two main strategies of dealing more effectively with Rebels. A useful third option? Just doing nothing at all! Which is often the best solution.\

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After the episode aired, I was fascinated to get this follow-up email from Dawn, about how she changed her way of engaging with daughter, with great success.\

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Hi Gretchen,\

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Thank you SO much for addressing my question about my Rebel preschool daughter in episode 120 on the podcast! I was so delighted to hear my question made it in. (A friend actually texted me before I had a chance to listen to ask if I had sent in a question b/c it sound so much like my situation)\

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I wanted to send a quick update to let you know how much your advice has helped. I really have tried to embrace the idea that I CAN'T make her do anything. I can't! She knows it, I know it, and it's changed a lot of how I talk to her about things.  I make such an effort to make everything her choice. She can do it if she wants to, and if she doesn't well then here's what will happen. Very matter of fact, very calm, not punitive, just the facts.\

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Here's an example of how I've changed my language.  She was looking at books on the couch and my parents were about to arrive for dinner. She had to wash up for dinner and I thought she should get it over with now, before the get here, to not miss the fun hellos. If I were speaking to my older daughter (tendency TBD but definitely not rebel) I would have said:\

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\"You need wash up before dinner. Please go do it now so you won't have to do it when Nanny and Poppy are here.\"\

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I now know I would NEVER say that to the rebel. NEED to do something! HA! She would say. I don't NEED to do anything.  I really thought for a minute and picked my words carefully.\

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\"I'm going to ask you to wash up before dinner. Nanny and Poppy will be here soon. You can choose. You can go now and then you won't have to do it when they're here, or you can do it right before dinner, but then you'll have to leave them to do it. Whatever you choose is fine with me. It's your choice.\" (I did in fact say choice that many times)\

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A minute after I left her I heard her little footsteps walking over to the sink. She was done right before they walked in the door and was THRILLED that she could say hello and chat and walk right over to the table.\

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I've also appealed to her sense of identity. She was hyper when we were visiting my frail old grandparents and I was truly afraid she was going knock one of them over. Telling her she HAS to stop running and calm down would have failed. I told her Grammie just got out of the hospital b/c she fell and she's not sturdy on her feet yet and she needs her protectors. She needs the kids to be careful around her and protect her and make sure she doesn't fall again. Success!  Or when she was sharing a room with her little cousin on vacation. Instead of you HAVE to be quite while he's falling asleep I said, he's younger than you and he's so tired and needs to sleep. Will you be his helper? Will you help him go to sleep by ignoring him and letting him rest? She jumped at the chance.\

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Overall I would say part of the success has come from me changing my language and how I talk to her, but part of the success has also come from me changing my perspective and fully embracing that I can't make her do things.\

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As an Upholder it's also been freeing to let her help me break the rules a little. Like so what if we're late? It was a self-imposed timetable, no one is counting on us. I've embraced her rebel-ness and this has allowed me see things differently. You're so right. We're free-er than we think!!!\

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Thank you so, so much.\

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Dawn\

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I have to say, I'm constantly astonished by the subtlety and imagination people use in applying the Four Tendencies. Dawn asking her daughter if she'd like to be her great-grandmother's \"protector!\" Her young cousin's \"helper!\" \Brilliant.\\

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If Rebels are pushed to show you that \"you're not the boss of me, you can't tell me what to,\" they may seem wild, inconsiderate, irresponsible, unmanageable, in their desire to demonstrate their freedom. \If they're given the \choice\ to act with consideration, love, protectiveness, self-interest, they may well \choose\ to do so.\\

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It's also interesting to me to read that Dawn feels that she's learned, as an Upholder, from the example of her Rebel daughter. As an Upholder myself, I've certainly gained tremendously from studying the Rebel perspective. \\We're more free than we think.\\\

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\I love hearing stories and examples of how people have put the Four Tendencies to work in their own lives.\ Henry James himself couldn't invent such rich, creative examples of character in action. Keep them coming!\

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Don't forget, if you've \\pre-ordered The Four Tendencies\\, you can \\get access to a very special pre-order bonus\\. This\\ 5-part video series\\ will help you to start harnessing the power of the Four Tendencies immediately. I explain how to harness the strengths—and manage the weaknesses—of each Tendency, whether at work, in relationships, as a parent or teacher, or as a health-care provider.\

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 \

\n","excerpt":"\

In Very Special Episode 120 of the “Happier” podcast, Elizabeth and I discussed listeners’ question about the Four Tendencies. This was a real treat for me, because I love talking about this subject so much. Starting at about minute 10:38, we discussed a question from Dawn, an Upholder who wanted tips for dealing more effectively […]\

\n","terms":[1566,38,44,2269],"metadata":{"metaTags":[{"property":"og:title","content":"A Mother’s Brilliant Strategy for Dealing with Rebel Pre-schooler"},{"property":"og:url","content":"http://gretchenrubin.com/2017/08/update-on-rebel-preschooler/"},{"property":"og:site_name","content":"Gretchen Rubin"},{"property":"twitter:card","content":"summary_large_image"},{"property":"twitter:title","content":"A Mother’s Brilliant Strategy for Dealing with Rebel Pre-schooler"},{"property":"twitter:site","content":"@gretchenrubin"},{"property":"description","content":"In Very Special Episode 120 of the \"Happier\" podcast, Elizabeth and I discussed listeners' question about the Four Tendencies. This was a real treat for me, because I love talking about this subject so much. Starting at about minute 10:38, we discussed a question from Dawn, an Upholder who wanted tips for dealing more effectively […]"},{"property":"og:description","content":"In Very Special Episode 120 of the \"Happier\" podcast, Elizabeth and I discussed listeners' question about the Four Tendencies. This was a real treat for me, because I love talking about this subject so much. Starting at about minute 10:38, we discussed a question from Dawn, an Upholder who wanted tips for dealing more effectively […]"},{"property":"twitter:description","content":"In Very Special Episode 120 of the \"Happier\" podcast, Elizabeth and I discussed listeners' question about the Four Tendencies. This was a real treat for me, because I love talking about this subject so much. Starting at about minute 10:38, we discussed a question from Dawn, an Upholder who wanted tips for dealing more effectively […]"},{"property":"og:image","content":"https://i0.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/dancing-little-girl.png"},{"property":"twitter:image","content":"https://i0.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/dancing-little-girl.png"}],"primaryCategory":"","readerPoll":"","diveInto":{"module":{"title":"Dive Into The Blog","moreLabel":"","moreLink":""},"items":[{"title":"Top 100","description":"Start here with the 100 most read posts of all-time.","link":"/top-100/","icon":"top100"},{"title":"Quizzes","description":"Everyone likes a good quiz. Learn about yourself here.","link":"/category/quizzes/","icon":"quizzes"},{"title":"Tips","description":"Get good tips here.","link":"/category/tips/","icon":"tips"},{"title":"The Archive","description":"Find any post based on month, year, or topic.","link":"/blog/","icon":"archive"},{"title":"Subscribe","description":"Get my free “Moments of Happiness” quotes newsletter.","link":"/#newsletter","icon":"emailNewsletterLight"},{"title":"Join The Book Club","description":"Get monthly book recommendations from me.","link":"/#newsletter","icon":"book"}]},"morePosts":{"postIds":[46174,45932,44679,46200,43985],"labels":["Up Next","More in Four Tendencies","More in Parenthood","More in Relationships","More in Uncategorized"]},"oneLastThing":{"id":44068,"title":"Interested in happiness, habits, and human nature?","content":"\

Sign up to get my free monthly newsletter. It highlights the best material from here and the Facebook Page.\

\n","icon":"emailNewsletterLight","buttonText":"Sign Up Now","buttonUrl":"/#newsletter"},"dateGmt":"2017-08-01T10:00:12","guid":{"rendered":"http://gretchenrubin.com/?p=43704"},"modifiedGmt":"2017-07-31T18:31:16","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/2017/08/update-on-rebel-preschooler/","featuredMedia":43814,"commentStatus":"open","pingStatus":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"unixTimestamp":1501581612,"featuredImage":"https://i0.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/dancing-little-girl.png","disqus":{"disqusUrl":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/2017/08/update-on-rebel-preschooler/","disqusIdentifier":"43704 http://gretchenrubin.com/?p=43704","disqusContainerId":"disqus_thread","disqusShortname":"thehappinessprojectblog","disqusTitle":"A Mother’s Brilliant Strategy for Dealing with Rebel Pre-schooler"},"postTypeObject":{"name":"post","label":"Posts","labels":{"name":"Posts","singularName":"Post","addNew":"Add New","addNewItem":"Add New Post","editItem":"Edit Post","newItem":"New Post","viewItem":"View Post","viewItems":"View Posts","searchItems":"Search Posts","notFound":"No posts found.","notFoundInTrash":"No posts found in Trash.","parentItemColon":null,"allItems":"All Posts","archives":"Post Archives","attributes":"Post Attributes","insertIntoItem":"Insert into post","uploadedToThisItem":"Uploaded to this post","featuredImage":"Featured Image","setFeaturedImage":"Set featured image","removeFeaturedImage":"Remove featured image","useFeaturedImage":"Use as featured image","filterItemsList":"Filter posts list","itemsListNavigation":"Posts list navigation","itemsList":"Posts list","menuName":"Posts","nameAdminBar":"Post"},"description":"","public":true,"hierarchical":false,"excludeFromSearch":false,"publiclyQueryable":true,"showUi":true,"showInMenu":true,"showInNavMenus":true,"showInAdminBar":true,"menuPosition":5,"menuIcon":null,"capabilityType":"post","mapMetaCap":true,"registerMetaBoxCb":null,"taxonomies":[],"hasArchive":false,"queryVar":false,"canExport":true,"deleteWithUser":true,"builtin":true,"editLink":"post.php?post=%d","cap":{"editPost":"edit_post","readPost":"read_post","deletePost":"delete_post","editPosts":"edit_posts","editOthersPosts":"edit_others_posts","publishPosts":"publish_posts","readPrivatePosts":"read_private_posts","read":"read","deletePosts":"delete_posts","deletePrivatePosts":"delete_private_posts","deletePublishedPosts":"delete_published_posts","deleteOthersPosts":"delete_others_posts","editPrivatePosts":"edit_private_posts","editPublishedPosts":"edit_published_posts","createPosts":"edit_posts"},"rewrite":false,"showInRest":true,"restBase":"posts","restControllerClass":"WP_REST_Posts_Controller"}}},"43753":{"id":43753,"date":"2017-07-23T08:20:19","modified":"2017-07-23T08:20:19","slug":"colour-leaves-autumn-nothing-without-feeling-accompanies","author":2,"title":"“The Colour of the Leaves in Autumn Would Be Nothing Without the Feeling that Accompanies It.”","content":"\

“The colour of the leaves in autumn would be nothing without the feeling that accompanies it.”\

\n\

--William Hazlitt, “The Indian Jugglers” in \\\Selected Writings\\\\

\n\

My color obsession continues. I see colors -- and references to colors -- everywhere. What a beautiful preoccupation!\

\n\

Is there a place in your life where seeing a certain set of colors inspires certain emotions? For instance, the colors of the ocean, or the color scheme of your childhood kitchen?\

\n\

 \

\n\

 \

\n","excerpt":"\

“The colour of the leaves in autumn would be nothing without the feeling that accompanies it.” –William Hazlitt, “The Indian Jugglers” in Selected Writings My color obsession continues. I see colors — and references to colors — everywhere. What a beautiful preoccupation! Is there a place in your life where seeing a certain set of […]\

\n","terms":[1957,42,816,43,2269,1401],"metadata":{"metaTags":[{"property":"og:title","content":"“The Colour of the Leaves in Autumn Would Be Nothing Without the Feeling that Accompanies It.”"},{"property":"og:url","content":"http://gretchenrubin.com/2017/07/colour-leaves-autumn-nothing-without-feeling-accompanies/"},{"property":"og:site_name","content":"Gretchen Rubin"},{"property":"twitter:card","content":"summary_large_image"},{"property":"twitter:title","content":"“The Colour of the Leaves in Autumn Would Be Nothing Without the Feeling that Accompanies It.”"},{"property":"twitter:site","content":"@gretchenrubin"},{"property":"description","content":"“The colour of the leaves in autumn would be nothing without the feeling that accompanies it.” --William Hazlitt, “The Indian Jugglers” in Selected Writings My color obsession continues. I see colors -- and references to colors -- everywhere. What a beautiful preoccupation! Is there a place in your life where seeing a certain set of […]"},{"property":"og:description","content":"“The colour of the leaves in autumn would be nothing without the feeling that accompanies it.” --William Hazlitt, “The Indian Jugglers” in Selected Writings My color obsession continues. I see colors -- and references to colors -- everywhere. What a beautiful preoccupation! Is there a place in your life where seeing a certain set of […]"},{"property":"twitter:description","content":"“The colour of the leaves in autumn would be nothing without the feeling that accompanies it.” --William Hazlitt, “The Indian Jugglers” in Selected Writings My color obsession continues. I see colors -- and references to colors -- everywhere. What a beautiful preoccupation! Is there a place in your life where seeing a certain set of […]"},{"property":"og:image","content":"https://i1.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/autumnroad.jpg"},{"property":"twitter:image","content":"https://i1.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/autumnroad.jpg"}],"primaryCategory":"","readerPoll":"","diveInto":{"module":{"title":"Dive Into The Blog","moreLabel":"","moreLink":""},"items":[{"title":"Top 100","description":"Start here with the 100 most read posts of all-time.","link":"/top-100/","icon":"top100"},{"title":"Quizzes","description":"Everyone likes a good quiz. Learn about yourself here.","link":"/category/quizzes/","icon":"quizzes"},{"title":"Tips","description":"Get good tips here.","link":"/category/tips/","icon":"tips"},{"title":"The Archive","description":"Find any post based on month, year, or topic.","link":"/blog/","icon":"archive"},{"title":"Subscribe","description":"Get my free “Moments of Happiness” quotes newsletter.","link":"/#newsletter","icon":"emailNewsletterLight"},{"title":"Join The Book Club","description":"Get monthly book recommendations from me.","link":"/#newsletter","icon":"book"}]},"morePosts":{"postIds":[46174,45990,46167,46032,45901,43985,29667],"labels":["Up Next","More in color","More in Quotation","More in quote","More in Quotes","More in Uncategorized","More in William Hazlitt"]},"oneLastThing":{"id":44068,"title":"Interested in happiness, habits, and human nature?","content":"\

Sign up to get my free monthly newsletter. It highlights the best material from here and the Facebook Page.\

\n","icon":"emailNewsletterLight","buttonText":"Sign Up Now","buttonUrl":"/#newsletter"},"dateGmt":"2017-07-23T12:20:19","guid":{"rendered":"http://gretchenrubin.com/?p=43753"},"modifiedGmt":"2017-07-23T12:20:19","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/2017/07/colour-leaves-autumn-nothing-without-feeling-accompanies/","featuredMedia":43755,"commentStatus":"open","pingStatus":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"unixTimestamp":1500812419,"featuredImage":"https://i1.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/autumnroad.jpg","disqus":{"disqusUrl":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/2017/07/colour-leaves-autumn-nothing-without-feeling-accompanies/","disqusIdentifier":"43753 http://gretchenrubin.com/?p=43753","disqusContainerId":"disqus_thread","disqusShortname":"thehappinessprojectblog","disqusTitle":"“The Colour of the Leaves in Autumn Would Be Nothing Without the Feeling that Accompanies It.”"},"postTypeObject":{"name":"post","label":"Posts","labels":{"name":"Posts","singularName":"Post","addNew":"Add New","addNewItem":"Add New Post","editItem":"Edit Post","newItem":"New Post","viewItem":"View Post","viewItems":"View Posts","searchItems":"Search Posts","notFound":"No posts found.","notFoundInTrash":"No posts found in Trash.","parentItemColon":null,"allItems":"All Posts","archives":"Post Archives","attributes":"Post Attributes","insertIntoItem":"Insert into post","uploadedToThisItem":"Uploaded to this post","featuredImage":"Featured Image","setFeaturedImage":"Set featured image","removeFeaturedImage":"Remove featured image","useFeaturedImage":"Use as featured image","filterItemsList":"Filter posts list","itemsListNavigation":"Posts list navigation","itemsList":"Posts list","menuName":"Posts","nameAdminBar":"Post"},"description":"","public":true,"hierarchical":false,"excludeFromSearch":false,"publiclyQueryable":true,"showUi":true,"showInMenu":true,"showInNavMenus":true,"showInAdminBar":true,"menuPosition":5,"menuIcon":null,"capabilityType":"post","mapMetaCap":true,"registerMetaBoxCb":null,"taxonomies":[],"hasArchive":false,"queryVar":false,"canExport":true,"deleteWithUser":true,"builtin":true,"editLink":"post.php?post=%d","cap":{"editPost":"edit_post","readPost":"read_post","deletePost":"delete_post","editPosts":"edit_posts","editOthersPosts":"edit_others_posts","publishPosts":"publish_posts","readPrivatePosts":"read_private_posts","read":"read","deletePosts":"delete_posts","deletePrivatePosts":"delete_private_posts","deletePublishedPosts":"delete_published_posts","deleteOthersPosts":"delete_others_posts","editPrivatePosts":"edit_private_posts","editPublishedPosts":"edit_published_posts","createPosts":"edit_posts"},"rewrite":false,"showInRest":true,"restBase":"posts","restControllerClass":"WP_REST_Posts_Controller"}}},"43769":{"id":43769,"date":"2017-07-25T13:43:43","modified":"2017-07-25T13:43:43","slug":"ideas-four-tendencies-quiz-for-kids","author":2,"title":"Help! Have Ideas for a Four Tendencies Quiz for Kids?","content":"\

I'm getting geared up for publication of my book \\\The Four Tendencies\\ \-- planning the \\book tour\\, getting ready to launch the\ major pre-order bonus\ (stay tuned for that!), thinking about my book talk.\

\n\

I can't wait for the book to go out into the world.\

\n\

One question keeps coming up, over and over, and I want to sit down to figure out the answer before the book hits the shelves: people keep asking me to write a \version of the Four Tendencies Quiz\ \aimed at children\ -- so I'm going to try to draft one.\

\n\

I need to adapt the \\existing Quiz\\ so that it uses vocabulary that children understand as well as examples that resonate with them. How do I help determine if a child is an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel?\

\n\

I could really use your suggestions and ideas! What questions should I ask? Related to dealing with school, parents, friends, coaches, classes, pets, anything that's part of a child's life.\

\n\

I asked this question over on my \\Better app\\ -- \my free app that's all about the Four Tendencies\ -- and got such helpful, insightful responses, that I decided to ask here, too.\

\n\

One difficulty is that an eight-year-old and an eighteen-year-old inhabit very different worlds. I'm not going to write multiple versions of the child test (at least not at this point), so one challenge is to try to be general enough to cover most ages.\

\n\

For some children, their Tendency is very obvious at a very young age. For other children, it's much harder to determine. Partly, of course, this is because children aren't autonomous in the way that adults are. Also, their lives tend to include tremendous amounts of accountability. Nevertheless, in my experience, it's often possible to see a child's Tendency.\

\n\

To spark your thoughts, here are the questions from the \\adult version\\:\

\n\

\1. Have you kept a New Year’s resolution where you weren’t accountable to anyone—a resolution like drinking more water or keeping a journal? \\

\n\\n\

 \

\n\

\2. Which statement best describes your view about your commitments to yourself?\\

\n\\n\

 \

\n\

\3. At times, we feel frustrated by ourselves. Are you most likely to feel frustrated because…\\

\n\\n\

 \

\n\

\4. When you’ve formed a healthy habit in the past, what helped you stick to it?\\

\n\\n\

 \

\n\

\5. If people complain about your behavior, you’d be least surprised to hear them say…\\

\n\\n\

 \

\n\

\6. Which description suits you best?\\

\n\\n\

 \

\n\

\7. People get frustrated with me, because if they ask me to do something, I’m less likely to do it (even if they’re a boss or client).\\

\n\\n\

 \

\n\

\8. I do what I think makes the most sense, according to my judgment, even if that means ignoring the rules or other people’s expectations.\\

\n\\n\

 \

\n\

\9. Commitments to others should never be broken, but commitments to myself can be broken.\\

\n\\n\

 \

\n\

\10. Sometimes I won't do something I want to do, because someone wants me to do it.\\

\n\\n\

 \

\n\

\11. I’ve sometimes described myself as a people-pleaser.\\

\n\\n\

 \

\n\

\12. I don’t mind breaking rules or violating convention--I often enjoy it.\\

\n\\n\

 \

\n\

\13. I question the validity of the Four Tendencies framework.\\

\n\\n\

But a new question for the kid's version doesn't need to inspired by this existing \\Quiz\\. It could be something completely different, as long as it shows the differences among the Four Tendencies.\

\n\

\I appreciate any thoughts or examples you might have!\\

\n","excerpt":"\

I’m getting geared up for publication of my book The Four Tendencies — planning the book tour, getting ready to launch the major pre-order bonus (stay tuned for that!), thinking about my book talk. I can’t wait for the book to go out into the world. One question keeps coming up, over and over, and […]\

\n","terms":[188,1566,38,813,1278,2071,2269],"metadata":{"metaTags":[{"property":"og:title","content":"Help! Have Ideas for a Four Tendencies Quiz for Kids?"},{"property":"og:url","content":"http://gretchenrubin.com/2017/07/ideas-four-tendencies-quiz-for-kids/"},{"property":"og:site_name","content":"Gretchen Rubin"},{"property":"twitter:card","content":"summary_large_image"},{"property":"twitter:title","content":"Help! Have Ideas for a Four Tendencies Quiz for Kids?"},{"property":"twitter:site","content":"@gretchenrubin"},{"property":"description","content":"I'm getting geared up for publication of my book The Four Tendencies -- planning the book tour, getting ready to launch the major pre-order bonus (stay tuned for that!), thinking about my book talk. I can't wait for the book to go out into the world. One question keeps coming up, over and over, and […]"},{"property":"og:description","content":"I'm getting geared up for publication of my book The Four Tendencies -- planning the book tour, getting ready to launch the major pre-order bonus (stay tuned for that!), thinking about my book talk. I can't wait for the book to go out into the world. One question keeps coming up, over and over, and […]"},{"property":"twitter:description","content":"I'm getting geared up for publication of my book The Four Tendencies -- planning the book tour, getting ready to launch the major pre-order bonus (stay tuned for that!), thinking about my book talk. I can't wait for the book to go out into the world. One question keeps coming up, over and over, and […]"},{"property":"og:image","content":"https://i0.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/writing-pencil-paper.png"},{"property":"twitter:image","content":"https://i0.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/writing-pencil-paper.png"}],"primaryCategory":"","readerPoll":"","diveInto":{"module":{"title":"Dive Into The Blog","moreLabel":"","moreLink":""},"items":[{"title":"Top 100","description":"Start here with the 100 most read posts of all-time.","link":"/top-100/","icon":"top100"},{"title":"Quizzes","description":"Everyone likes a good quiz. Learn about yourself here.","link":"/category/quizzes/","icon":"quizzes"},{"title":"Tips","description":"Get good tips here.","link":"/category/tips/","icon":"tips"},{"title":"The Archive","description":"Find any post based on month, year, or topic.","link":"/blog/","icon":"archive"},{"title":"Subscribe","description":"Get my free “Moments of Happiness” quotes newsletter.","link":"/#newsletter","icon":"emailNewsletterLight"},{"title":"Join The Book Club","description":"Get monthly book recommendations from me.","link":"/#newsletter","icon":"book"}]},"morePosts":{"postIds":[46174,43109,45932,44679,45921,33505,43985,43704],"labels":["Up Next","More in children","More in Four Tendencies","More in Parenthood","More in quiz","More in teaching","More in The bookThe Four Tendencies","More in Uncategorized"]},"oneLastThing":{"id":44068,"title":"Interested in happiness, habits, and human nature?","content":"\

Sign up to get my free monthly newsletter. It highlights the best material from here and the Facebook Page.\

\n","icon":"emailNewsletterLight","buttonText":"Sign Up Now","buttonUrl":"/#newsletter"},"dateGmt":"2017-07-25T17:43:43","guid":{"rendered":"http://gretchenrubin.com/?p=43769"},"modifiedGmt":"2017-07-25T17:43:43","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/2017/07/ideas-four-tendencies-quiz-for-kids/","featuredMedia":43784,"commentStatus":"open","pingStatus":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"unixTimestamp":1501004623,"featuredImage":"https://i0.wp.com/api.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/writing-pencil-paper.png","disqus":{"disqusUrl":"https://api.gretchenrubin.com/2017/07/ideas-four-tendencies-quiz-for-kids/","disqusIdentifier":"43769 http://gretchenrubin.com/?p=43769","disqusContainerId":"disqus_thread","disqusShortname":"thehappinessprojectblog","disqusTitle":"Help! Have Ideas for a Four Tendencies Quiz for Kids?"},"postTypeObject":{"name":"post","label":"Posts","labels":{"name":"Posts","singularName":"Post","addNew":"Add New","addNewItem":"Add New Post","editItem":"Edit Post","newItem":"New Post","viewItem":"View Post","viewItems":"View Posts","searchItems":"Search Posts","notFound":"No posts found.","notFoundInTrash":"No posts found in Trash.","parentItemColon":null,"allItems":"All Posts","archives":"Post Archives","attributes":"Post Attributes","insertIntoItem":"Insert into post","uploadedToThisItem":"Uploaded to this post","featuredImage":"Featured Image","setFeaturedImage":"Set featured image","removeFeaturedImage":"Remove featured image","useFeaturedImage":"Use as featured image","filterItemsList":"Filter posts list","itemsListNavigation":"Posts list navigation","itemsList":"Posts list","menuName":"Posts","nameAdminBar":"Post"},"description":"","public":true,"hierarchical":false,"excludeFromSearch":false,"publiclyQueryable":true,"showUi":true,"showInMenu":true,"showInNavMenus":true,"showInAdminBar":true,"menuPosition":5,"menuIcon":null,"capabilityType":"post","mapMetaCap":true,"registerMetaBoxCb":null,"taxonomies":[],"hasArchive":false,"queryVar":false,"canExport":true,"deleteWithUser":true,"builtin":true,"editLink":"post.php?post=%d","cap":{"editPost":"edit_post","readPost":"read_post","deletePost":"delete_post","editPosts":"edit_posts","editOthersPosts":"edit_others_posts","publishPosts":"publish_posts","readPrivatePosts":"read_private_posts","read":"read","deletePosts":"delete_posts","deletePrivatePosts":"delete_private_posts","deletePublishedPosts":"delete_published_posts","deleteOthersPosts":"delete_others_posts","editPrivatePosts":"edit_private_posts","editPublishedPosts":"edit_published_posts","createPosts":"edit_posts"},"rewrite":false,"showInRest":true,"restBase":"posts","restControllerClass":"WP_REST_Posts_Controller"}}},"43969":{"id":43969,"date":"2017-07-29T15:22:17","modified":"2017-07-29T15:22:50","slug":"pre-order-bonus-four-tendencies","author":7,"title":"Pre-order “The Four Tendencies” and Get Access Now to the 5-Part Video Series","content":"\

I have exciting news (at least, it's exciting for me).\

\n\

To thank readers who pre-order \\The Four Tendencies\\, I worked with a great production team to create a 5-part videos series. Together, these five videos provide a great overview of how to apply the framework: the first video explains the framework, and four subject videos explain how to apply the Four Tendencies at work, in a relationship, with a child or student, and in health-care.\

\n\

After the book comes out, I’ll start charging for this video series.\ If you’d like to watch the videos for free,\ \\pre-order the book now\\.\

\n\

\I wanted to create a bonus for loyal readers, and also, I keep hearing from readers and listeners who have questions—and who need an answer right away, before the book comes out!\\

\n\

These videos will help you to start harnessing the power of the Four Tendencies immediately. \I explain how to harness the strengths—and manage the weaknesses—of each Tendency, whether at work, in relationships, as a parent or teacher, or as a health-care provider. \\

\n\

Of course, the book goes into issues in much greater depth, but instant gratification has its own satisfactions.\ \If you pre-order, you get immediate access to all five videos\\.\

\n\

What’s struck me, as I’ve talked endlessly to people about the Four Tendencies, is how broadly applicable they are. People use the framework in every stage of life, and in so many different roles. And the four types are so obvious. Once you know the framework, you spot the Four Tendencies all around you.\

\n\

So… \Upholders\, do your thing.\

\n\

\Questioners\, it’s more efficient and cost-effective to pre-order now—you get the book immediately upon publication, and you get valuable video information for free, immediately.\

\n\

\Obligers\, you really do help me if you pre-order now; it gives a big boost to my book. And I’ll know if you pre-order! To show how much I appreciate your taking the time and energy to help me, I’ve created a free bonus for you with these five videos.\

\n\

\Rebels\, it’s up to you. If you have the time and the inclination, if you think it would be interesting, or would help you do what you want, you can pre-order and get the videos. Or you can decide later, and pay to watch the videos. Or ignore the videos, maybe you don’t like to watch videos. Whatever works for you.\

\n\

\\Click here to pre-order and get access the bonus video series\\\. \\

\n\

 \

\n","excerpt":"\

I have exciting news (at least, it’s exciting for me). To thank readers who pre-order The Four Tendencies, I worked with a great production team to create a 5-part videos series. Together, these five videos provide a great overview of how to apply the framework: the first video explains the framework, and four subject videos […]\

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Revealed! My book club recommendations for August.\

\n\

Newsflash: \I've decided to change the way I suggest books for this book club.\ Instead of suggesting three books each month (one about happiness and human nature; one work of children's literature; one eccentric pick), I'm going to provide a reading list once a quarter, on a particular subject.\

\n\

For instance, I'm looking forward to providing a list of some of my favorite books about color, favorite memoirs, favorite books about other people's happiness projects...the list goes on. If you'd like to suggest a theme for a list, just \\email me\\.\

\n\

For instance, I had so much fun compiling my list of my\\ 81 favorite works of children's and young-adult literature\\. These lists will be shorter than than list, however.\

\n\

You can still get the book club suggestions by email, by \\signing up for my \"book club\" here\\.\

\n\

As I \may\ have mentioned, my book \\\The Four Tendencies\\\ hits the shelves on September 12.\

\n\

So, to get you in the mood to read about the Four Tendencies, or if you can't wait until September to immerse yourself in the subject, here's a list of books that illustrate the Four Tendencies.\

\n\

It's important to note that\ we can never judge someone's Tendency from his or her actions; we must know the reasons behind that action\. For instance, Questioner refuses to do something because \"why should I?\" while a Rebel refuses because \"you can't tell me what to do.\"\

\n\

Nevertheless, I've included some memoirs by people who were close to someone of a certain Tendency. Such accounts aren't as dispositive as having an account by that person himself or herself, but I do think that sometimes, a person gets to know someone well enough over time that a portrait really does capture a Tendency.\

\n\

Also, \even if you're not interested in reading about the Four Tendencies, each one of these books is \outstanding\. So I recommend them wholly apart from their relevance to the Four Tendencies.\\

\n\

\Upholder\\

\n\

The \\\Harry Potte\r\ \series by J. K. Rowling -- in this legendary series, Hermione Granger is \such\ an Upholder, with the strengths and weakness of that Tendency.\

\n\

\\\His Majesty's Dragon \\\by Naomi Novik -- Will Laurence is an Upholder, and Temeraire is a Questioner. It's interesting to see how the two Tendencies work together. Warning: it's a book with dragons, which is either your kind of thing, or not at all your kind of thing. \\
\n\
\

\n\

\Questioner\\

\n\

\\\Steve Jobs\\\ by Walter Isaacson -- a fascinating portrait of a QUESTIONER/Rebel. (As I explain in \\\The Four Tendencies\\\, people often \"tip\" in the direction of a Tendency that overlaps with their core Tendency. So while my husband is an example of a QUESTIONER/Upholder, Jobs is a QUESTIONER/Rebel.)\

\n\

\\\Jane Eyre \\\by Charlotte Bronte\— \\on the very first page of this classic novel\, Jane’s hateful aunt Mrs. Reed literally calls her “Questioner” to explain why she finds Jane annoying: “Jane, I don’t like cavillers or questioners.” (I had to look up “caviller”; it means “one who quibbles.”)\

\n\

\Obliger\\

\n\

\\\Open: An Autobiography\\\ by Andre Agassi -- a brilliant self-portrait of a textbook Obliger who is also a tennis star.\

\n\

\\\Here But Not Here: My Life with William Shawn and the New Yorker\\\ by Lillian Ross -- it's not Ross, but Shawn, who is convincingly portrayed as an Obliger.\

\n\

\\\How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids\\\ by Jancee Dunn -- an engaging memoir about the challenges of marriage by an Obliger married to a Questioner.\

\n\

\Rebel\\

\n\

\\\Life with Picasso\\\ by Francoise Gilot -- Gilot's fascinating portrayal of her life with Picasso shows his Rebel Tendency. (The image above shows Gilot and Picasso at the beach.)\

\n\

\\\Mansfield Park\\\ by Jane Austen — Lady Bertram is a thorough Rebel; she’s also a good example of how Rebels may appear proper and conventional — until closer consideration reveals that they do only what they \want\ to do.\

\n\

\\\The Seven Storey Mountain\\\ by Thomas Merton -- I wrote a giant portrait of Merton as a Rebel, which got cut down to a few paragraphs in \\\The Four Tendencies\\\. He fascinates me. Rebel as Cistercian monk!\

\n\

\\\Happiness: The Crooked Little Road to Semi-Ever After\\\ by Heather Harpham -- in this brand-new memoir, the author writes about the challenges when her daughter grows sick and needs a bone-marrow transplant. Along the way, Harpham's thoughts and actions show her Rebel Tendency.\

\n\

\I'm always looking for books (and movies, television shows, street signs, anything!) that illustrate the Four Tendencies. So if you have any to suggest, please send them my way.\\

\n\

Happy August, and happy reading! I do love summer reading.\

\n","excerpt":"\

Revealed! My book club recommendations for August. Newsflash: I’ve decided to change the way I suggest books for this book club. Instead of suggesting three books each month (one about happiness and human nature; one work of children’s literature; one eccentric pick), I’m going to provide a reading list once a quarter, on a particular […]\

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