One lesson I’ve learned the hard way, with time and experience, is that a little humor can often go very far when we’re trying to navigate a moment of awkwardness or even a truly painful situation. With warm humor, we convey light-heartedness and openness, and we make it easier for people to hear something difficult and to respond without anger, defensiveness, or even distress.

So by striving for a bit of levity, we can enhance connection, diffuse tension, and ultimately foster more harmonious and receptive environments.

When I think of this Secret of Adulthood, I often think of an episode of one of the most popular TV shows of all time, NBC’s blockbuster sitcom Friends. In Season 3, episode 13, called “The One Where Monica and Richard Are Friends,” one of the plot lines is that Phoebe’s new boyfriend, Robert, is always wearing gym shorts that are quite revealing. Because of the way he sits in these shorts, he keeps accidentally and unknowingly flashing the group of “friends,” and they can’t figure out how to let him know.

They strategize amongst themselves about bringing up the subject; they repeatedly try and fail to tell him. “What do we do, what do we do?” they ask each other. Phoebe even gives Robert a pair of stretchy work-out pants which he refuses to wear.

Then Gunther, the familiar character who works at the Central Perk coffee shop where the friends hang out, finds the solution in a moment. As Gunther bends over the coffee table to collect some items, he glances over at Robert, who is sitting slouched in his chair with his leg up, on full display. Without a pause, Gunther says to him, “Hey, buddy. This is a family place. Put the mouse back in the house.” Robert immediately understands and straightens up. Problem solved.

Gunther makes his point at the relevant moment, calmly, and with a bit of humor. Robert immediately understands and responds appropriately, without too much embarrassment.

A bit of levity goes a long way.