It has occurred to me that with the books, movies, and TV shows that I truly love, and read and re-read or watch and re-watch, they often include moments of transcendence, when the most enduring and important values are invoked. Even when a book or show or movie is light-hearted and even silly, if at times it reaches those moments of transcendence, the experience so much richer and can withstand repeated scrutiny.

I love the TV show Friends, which is no surprise because although the NBC show aired from 1994-2004, it’s still enormously popular.

I was thinking about whether Friends has these kinds of moments of transcendence. For some reason, I’ve been thinking a lot about Friends lately, even though I haven’t even been watching it! I should probably do a bit of reflection on that…

Anyway, I’ve seen the show many times, so I searched my memory to see if I could find examples. And without much effort I could easily think of many moments like this.

There’s the scene in Season 3, episode 9, “The One with the Giant Poking Device” where roommates and best friends Chandler and Joey are talking about Chandler’s relationship with Janice. Chandler used to date Janice, she got married, and then she separated from her husband. Chandler and Janice re-connected, and Chandler is deeply in love. Then Janice tells him that she’s confused; she’s in love with Chandler but she’s still in love with her husband, too. Chandler is heartbroken. He asks Joey, “What would you do?” Joey says gently, “If it was me—and this is just me—I would bow out. They have a kid together, you know? They’re a family. And if there’s a chance that they can make that work, I wouldn’t want to be the guy who stood in the way of that.” And Chandler agrees.

I also thought of the episode called “The One with the Morning After” (Season 3, Episode 16). Ross was in love with Rachel from the time they were teenagers, and at last she returned his feelings and they started dating, and then after a fight, they decide to go “on a break” from their relationship. She discovers that during that very short period, he had a one-night stand with another woman. Rachel is beside herself with fury and sorrow, and it seems like she’s overreacting, given that they were famously “on a break.” Then she explains why this incident is so devastating. “I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me, ever,” she explains. And we understand the depths of her feelings—her love and trust for Ross, and how she feels that that has been lost forever.

There’s the conversation between Monica and Richard. They’ve very much in love, but Richard is much older, and already has two children, and doesn’t want to raise any more. He repeatedly explains to Monica he doesn’t want to have more kids, but she really does want kids, and finally he tells her, “Okay, I’ll do it. If kids is what it takes to be with you, then kids it is. If I have to, I’ll do it all again. I don’t want to lose you, so if I have to do it all again, then I will.” Monica is desperately in love, but she says, “I want to have a baby, but I don’t want to have one with someone who doesn’t really want to have one.” And they break up. We understand that Monica wants to plan a future with someone who really wants the same things that she wants.

There’s the scene in Season 7, Episode 2: “The One with Rachel’s Book.” Monica and Chandler are talking about their plans for their wedding. Monica, who has always dreamed of a big wedding, has discovered that her parents spent the money they’d saved for her wedding on a beach house, and she’s deeply distraught. Then she finds out how much money Chandler has saved up, and she’s ecstatic—it’s just enough to pay for her dream wedding. Chandler refuses; he’s been saving for six years for the future and doesn’t want to spend all those savings on a party. Monica is very upset, and she’s deeply hurt that Chandler doesn’t care about how much she wants this wedding. They fight, they apologize to each other, and each says that the other can have their way. But as they’re talking about it, calmly and lovingly, Chandler describes how he’s been thinking about having children, and how many children they’d have, and where they’d all live, and having a cat. And Monica says, “I don’t want to have a big, fancy wedding, I want everything that you just said.” And they are able to reach true harmony, by talking about what they truly value most.

The stories that capture our attention and admiration most are often the ones that show true range. Friends manages to be extremely funny, and even slapstick-y, and it also reach moments of transcendence, in a way that strikes a true chord.