“Plants Are the New Pets” and Other Observations

green plant on white ceramic pot

For my growing collection of Secrets of Adulthood, in addition to writing my own original aphorisms, I’ve been amassing a hodgepodge of observations, proverbs, paradoxes, and sayings.

As we all know, orange is the new black, and pork is the new white meat. I’ve always loved this kind of observation, so I started making my own list of all my favorites.

Of course, many observations quickly become outdated. Brussels sprouts are no longer the new kale, but it’s still a funny idea to consider.

This kind of collection doesn’t have any great significance, but I do get a real happiness boost from finding new additions to my list. I take a magpie delight in collecting ideas that please me.

Here’s my current list:

September is the other January.
5:00 p.m is the new 7:00 p.m.
Sleep is the new sex.
Now is the real New Year.
Plants are the new pets.
Monday is the new Thursday.
Breakfast is the new lunch.
Ubiquity is the new exclusivity; exclusivity is the new ubiquity.
Bowls are the new plates.
“No” is the new “yes.”
Sitting is the new smoking.
Alcohol is the new cigarettes.
Marijuana is the new alcohol.
Self-expression is the new entertainment.
Friends are the new family.
Curiosity is the new genius.
January is the Monday of months.
August is the Sunday evening of the months.
Forties are the new thirties, and eleven is the new thirteen (age).
Survival is the new success.
Halloween is the new Christmas.
90% is the new perfect.
The kitchen is the new living room.
9:30 p.m. is the new midnight.
Brussels sprouts are the new kale.
JOMO (joy of missing out) is the new FOMO (fear of missing out).
Mindfulness is the new productivity.
Vintage is the new new.
Vulnerability is the new strength.

What would you add?



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