The Four Tendencies
The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People’s Lives Better, Too)
New York Times Bestseller
During her multibook investigation into human nature, Gretchen Rubin realized that by asking the suspiciously simple question “How do I respond to expectations?” we gain explosive self-knowledge.
Rubin discovered that people fit into Four Tendencies: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels. Our Tendency shapes every aspect of our behavior, so understanding this framework lets us make better decisions, meet deadlines, suffer less stress and burnout, and engage more effectively. The Four Tendencies explain why we act and why we don’t act.
The Four Tendencies framework holds practical answers if you’ve ever wondered . . .
- People can rely on me, so why can’t I rely on myself?
- Why do people tell me that I ask too many questions?
- How do I work with someone who refuses to do what I ask—or one who keeps telling me what to do?
- How do I stop my teenager from dropping out of school?
- Why can’t I convince my patients to take their prescriptions?
- How can my team become more effective, with less wasted time and conflict?
One of the big daily challenges of life is: “How do I get people—including myself—to do what I want?” Knowing your Tendency makes this task much, much easier.
REVIEWS & BUZZ
“The Four Tendencies will immediately improve every area of your life—and I say this from personal experience. If you’ve been feeling stuck in your relationships, career, health, or self-confidence, understanding your Tendency and how to make it work for you is the game-changer you’ve been looking for.”
—Melissa Urban (Upholder), author and cocreator of The Whole30
"The path to happiness starts with your personality. In The Four Tendencies, Gretchen Rubin upends the conventional wisdom of one prescription fitting all people and offers readers a tailored path to better health, relationships and well-being. A remarkable read from one of the most practical storytellers on the planet."
—Tom Rath (Questioner), author of Are You Fully Charged? and StrengthsFinder 2.0
“This Rebel can’t help but agree with the crowd: you need to read The Four Tendencies! The online quiz is mega-popular for good reason, but the book will give you unexpected, lasting insights. You'll learn to make better decisions based on what works best for your specific personality profile—not what anyone else expects or demands.”
—Chris Guillebeau (Rebel), author of Side Hustle and host of the podcast "Side Hustle School"
“The Four Tendencies is a remarkably well-crafted and insightful book. Gretchen Rubin taught me why, as a Rebel, my expectations often clash with others’ expectations and helped me develop a more compassionate view. Better still, The Four Tendencies offers powerful steps that we can all take to have more constructive relationships with the people in our lives.”
—Robert Sutton (Rebel), Stanford Professor and author of The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt
“The greatest predictor of growth and happiness is actionable self-knowledge. Gretchen Rubin gives you the tools to not only understand yourself and others, but what to do with that knowledge. Insightful, practical and crucial, The Four Tendencies will help you overcome the biggest impediments to your happiness and success.”
—Shawn Achor (Upholder), author of The Happiness Advantage and Before Happiness
“Gretchen Rubin’s groundbreaking Four Tendencies framework is a simple yet deeply-researched and powerful tool that helps us better recognize our own nature, harness its strengths, and counteract its weaknesses. With her trademark wit and insight, Gretchen gives us the tools to create the life we want, in a way that’s right for us. The surprising thing? Once you know about these four types, you see them everywhere.”
—Susan David, PhD, (Upholder), cofounder of the Institute of Coaching and author of Emotional Agility
“If you want to change anything in your life, you need Gretchen Rubin. Her ideas are original, instinctive and revolutionary. Whether you want to get fitter, work smarter or be tidier, she shows you how to tweak your habits (almost) effortlessly. This Rebel sleeps better, deletes more email, is three stone lighter and forever in her debt.”
—Viv Groskop (Rebel), journalist and comedian
"I love Gretchen Rubin and she helps me understand both myself and the people around me."
—Cathy Rentzenbrink (Obliger), author of The Last Act of Love
“Relatable and applicable.”
—The Epoch Times
"A clever system charmingly and convincingly explained."
—Starred Library Journal Review
"Gretchen Rubin's four tendencies framework won't fully explain you or everyone around you, but once you're in possession of the possibilities (Upholder, Obliger, Questioner, Rebel) you'll want to analyze yourself, your partner and anyone else who springs to mind, and you'll find you're much more able to understand (and maybe tolerate) their quirks, as well as motivate and be gentler on yourself. Informative and, like all the best analyze-yourself-and-others books, irresistible."
—KJ Dell'Antonia
"Gretchen Rubin explains her well-researched, home-grown four-tendencies matrix in a conversational tone. Her casual style gives listeners the sense they're hearing advice while having a cup of coffee with a friend. Rubin uses changes in pitch and speed to help to differentiate the many anecdotes sprinkled throughout the book. Read by the author, this audiobook delivers a thorough examination of how and why we make our daily choices."
—AudioFile Magazine
Discover your Tendency
Find out whether you’re an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel, and learn how you can harness your Tendency. More than 3.2 million people have taken this free, quick quiz.
Dive Deeper with Interviews & More
Whether you’re an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel, you can learn to harness the strengths and counterbalance the negative aspects of your Tendency to achieve your aims.
Get the Four Tendencies Companion Guide [PDF Download]
The Four Tendencies Companion Guide includes a collection of never-before-published interviews with each Tendency, as well as journal prompts to help you find new ways to harness your Tendency.