Hello from Iceland! My family and I decided to take a “winter wonderland” trip, and so I’m getting good use of the long underwear, balaclava, wool socks, and hiking boots I’ve acquired over the years. I just bought a fleece cap with ear flaps that fastens under my chin, and couldn’t be more thrilled. As a devoted fan of the work of Philip Pullman, I have a special appreciation for the Northern Lights, so was thrilled to see them in full view. (If you haven’t read The Golden Compass, get your copy today.) We’ve seen a geyser, gigantic waterfalls, Icelandic ponies, black-sand beaches, volcanoes, and most exciting, we climbed with crampons and helmets onto a glacier. What a beautiful world.
Onward,
5 Things Making Me Happy
Switching to a very different part of the globe, I was fascinated by this short video overview of ancient Egyptian history. What intrigued me was the observation that “Ancient Egypt is so old that ancient Egypt had people who studied ancient Egypt”—which is not surprising at all, if you think about it.
Speaking of Egypt, I was delighted to discover that the Met sells a page of stickers to accompany its extraordinary exhibition Divine Egypt, which meant that I now have a sticker of my very favorite object in the Met, God Horus Protecting King Nectanabo II. I would never have expected to be able to own this sticker; while I love this object and visit it often, it’s not the kind of thing that’s often sticker-ized.
One of the reasons I love visiting the Met is that it gives me time each day to daydream. Some people say, “Oh, Gretchen, your visits to the Met are walking meditations!” But really, they’re not. I’m not trying to direct my mind in any way, I’m letting my mind off its leash to wander wherever it goes. I do this pleasant daydreaming because I love to do it, and it’s also nice to know that research shows that it improves mood and fosters creativity.
I love the idea of an Admin Night party: Get together with friends for a night of administrative work. Each person works on their own bills, school forms, calendar management, or whatever boring admin work is draining them. These small tasks aren’t hard, but they’re relentless, time-consuming, draining, and boring. I would love to organize a night to power through these bureaucratic chores with friends. It reminds me of an “errand date,” where you and a friend run errands together. Research shows that we tend to enjoy activities more when we’re with other people.
Writing my book Life in Five Senses gave me great respect for vanilla, and I’m a huge fan of perfume, so I was fascinated by this article by my friend Aleksandra Crapanzano on why vanilla is having a major moment in perfume. One thing about perfume: You have to experience it in person. You can’t read about it, watch a video about it, listen to a podcast about it…in the end, you have to smell it for yourself. This is frustrating and also transcendent.
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This week on Happier with Gretchen Rubin
PODCAST EPISODE: 569
Do You Miss Having Time to Hang Out with Friends? Plus Listeners’ One-Word Themes
INTERVIEW
Chris Duffy
Chris Duffy is a stand-up comedian, TV writer, and host of the podcast How to Be a Better Human. His new book, Humor Me: How Laughing More Can Make You Present, Creative, Connected, and Happy is out now.
Q: Can you suggest something we might try to help ourselves to become happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?
I think one of the most underrated skills in life is being willing to laugh at yourself. We often get stuck thinking that the way to impress other people and make them like us is to appear perfect. In fact, the opposite is true. When we let people see our true selves, the parts that are weird, odd, and imperfect, they like us more. And we’re happier because we’re not trying to reach the impossible goal of perfection!
A fun way to try laughing at yourself is to imagine making a You Starter Kit. You may have seen the starter kit memes that, according to the website Know Your Meme, “illustrate the archetype of a celebrity, company or subculture.” For example, the “you can beat me up but my dad will sue” starter kit features a Ralph Lauren polo shirt, pink sweater, khaki shorts, and boat shoes.
My starter kit would feature extremely unstylish but comfortable ASICS running shoes, a gray T-shirt, and pockets filled with free snacks looted from whatever event I am currently attending. What clothes or accessories would be in yours?
Q: Do you have a Secret of Adulthood? A lesson you’ve learned from life the hard way; something you’d tell your younger self?
My biggest Secret of Adulthood is that no one succeeds alone.
When I was first starting out in comedy, I thought success was determined solely by how talented you were and how hard you worked. But as I got farther along, I saw how the people who I interacted with even briefly, the relationships I built with my peers, and the creative scene that I became a part of, mattered just as much, if not more, than anything I did individually.
I’ve found that to be true not just in the narrow world of comedy but across the board. The more that I approach life with the goal of having fun with other people, encouraging them, and making myself useful, the more I enjoy my days. Ironically, things also tend to go my way much more frequently than when I was so focused on myself. These days, even when it comes to comedy, I think the people with the best senses of humor aren’t necessarily the performers on stage or the person at a party holding court, but instead the person listening intently, laughing hard, and being generous with their attention and joy.
Q: What simple habit boosts your happiness or energy?
I try my hardest to take note anytime something makes me laugh. Whether it’s in the Notes App on my phone or in a physical journal, I do my best to keep track of it somewhere. Having a document or a folder filled with the stories, memories, photos, memes, and videos that make me laugh means that when I’m having a hard day, the kind of day where nothing naturally seems funny, I can dig through my list and find a laugh despite myself. My wife and I also try to take 5 minutes at the end of every day, once the kids are in bed and the dishes are done, to lay on the couch together and laugh at something funny together. It’s my favorite moment of the day and a great way to shake off the stressful residue of whatever was going on before.
So next time you laugh, take a note! Don’t lose it or think you’ll remember it later. You probably won’t. And then share that laugh later on with someone else, whether it’s a friend, partner, or family member.
Q: Is there a particular motto that you’ve found very helpful?
“Life is mess management.” My dad used to say this to me all the time growing up and, as an adult, it’s only struck me as more and more true. In my current life, as a parent to a baby and a toddler, it’s literally true: there is always more mess to be managed. Today I cleaned up orange juice, milk, zucchini puree, purple marker, and a pile of sand off the same spot on the floor within the same hour!
But “life is mess management” is also a good reminder that things aren’t meant to be perfect. Life is full of messes, and your job is to do your best to manage them and get through. Don’t beat yourself up that it’s not perfect because it never will be.
Q: Has a book ever changed your life? If so, which one and why?
I believe I was in third grade when I got 1001 Things to Do When There’s Nothing to Do at a Scholastic book fair. I still own the same copy and it has genuinely changed my life. The idea that there’s never nothing to do, that if you’re bored or out of ideas, you can always find a new way of looking at the situation, or a surprising activity in the mundane, is at the heart of my creative life and everything that makes me happy. I try my hardest to remind myself to look more closely at my everyday life, to try to see my mundane through fresh eyes, and to be creative about having fun without needing to do something big, expensive, or dramatic.
Another book that changed my life is From The Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. I recognize that this is also a book for children and I swear I read literature for adults as well, but I’ve never read anything better than Mixed-Up Files. The writing itself is so lyrical, Claudia and Jamie’s desire for adventure is so relatable, and the idea of living inside the Metropolitan Museum of Art is such an appealing fantasy (I know Gretchen approves as a daily visitor!). Actually, come to think of it, both of my books have a similar theme for me, which is finding the extraordinary in the everyday. That’s where I want to find my laughter, that’s where I want to find my adventure, and that’s the energy I want to bring to my family and my home. [Gretchen: This book is also one of my all-time favorites.]
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