Life with Taffy is getting easier! We’re learning her ways, and she’s learning our ways. For instance, she now recognizes the peculiar sound the elevator makes, and she knows to look expectantly at the door when she hears it. Our ten-year-old dog Barnaby is also getting used to Taffy’s presence. When she’s tired and calm, he’s happy to be around her, but he’s still grouchy when she’s racing around, especially when she gets underfoot. Random dog hack: my daughter Eliza bought Taffy a “snuffle mat.” I didn’t know these things existed. It’s a mat where we hide little treats for Taffy to sniff out. She loves it, and it keeps her happy when she needs to be put in her playpen for safety.
Onward,
5 Things Making Me Happy
I had a great time talking about the power of aphorisms in this Conversation with Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper. Brief, sharp, and often including an element of surprise, aphorisms distill big ideas into few words; by saying little, they manage to suggest more. I’ve found that in order to write a little, I have to think a lot; distilling a big idea into a few words requires true clarity. For instance, it took me months of hard thinking to come up with: “Love is unconditional, and love is demanding.”
I’m enjoying my participation in Simon Haisell’s slow read of War and Peace, and that novel includes many descriptions of balls. As I was reading a reference to the polonaise, I wanted to see what the dance looked like, so I watched this video. If people still did these kinds of dances—clear rules, stately pace, and not much need for a sense of rhythm—I would enjoy it. I’m sure I could find some kind of equivalent today, if I looked for it, but this kind of dance isn’t part of my ordinary life the way it is for these characters.
I love to feel smug, and I love to return to my favorite books, and those two pleasures came together recently. I was listening to the audiobook of Susan Cooper’s masterpiece of children’s literature, The Dark Is Rising—a book I’ve read dozens of times. As I listened to the first chapter, I was startled when the narrator said something odd. Surely there had been a mistake? I listened again, and I figured out the issue. Read this sentence, and see if you can figure out where the narrator (from the U.K.) got something wrong. “Look, there are the six little square-riggers of the mobile hanging from the ceiling.” Got it? The narrator read “MO-bile”(as in “phone”), but the sentence is referring to a “mo-BEEL” (as in “kinetic sculpture.”) My pleasure in discovering this mistake reminds me of the story of the octopus with seven tentacles, in my Little Happier episode, “Flawed can be more perfect than perfection.”
In writing Life in Five Senses, I realized that taste is one of my most neglected senses, and I had a tremendous fun finding new ways to connect to that (very popular) sense myself. I was interested to read this piece, “We’ve hit peak flavor,” about our growing embrace of novel, complex, and hyphenated flavor combinations. I want to try all of these! (Want to know your most neglected sense? Take the quiz here.)
For my “25 for 25” list, I’m doing watercolor every day (except for my recent two weeks off, when I took a “Taffy Time” break to get adjusted to having a puppy). As part of my embrace of watercolor, I’m trying to make it part of my identity, by taking classes, workshops, or retreats; signing up for newsletters; experimenting with different tools; etc. A friend told me she was going to Samantha Dion Baker’s “Sketch and Paint Brooklyn” one-day workshop in Dumbo, so I signed up, too. It was such a refreshing adventure—talking to new, interesting people; playing with unfamiliar materials; learning skills; visiting a beautiful part of New York City; and spending a day with an old friend.
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This week on Happier with Gretchen Rubin
PODCAST EPISODE: 533
Dust It Off or Let Go, the Power of PT & How to Create Compelling TV Characters
INTERVIEW
Meagan Francis
My old friend Meagan Francis is a writer, podcaster, and mom of five. Her new book, The Last Parenting Book You’ll Ever Read, is out now.
Q: Can you suggest something we might try to help ourselves to become happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?
When it comes to busy-ness, lean into the season you’re in. We tend to have such a weird relationship with productivity and rest, don’t we? We put all this pressure on ourselves to perfectly balance each day – along with guilt or anxiety when we feel like we’re doing either “too much” or “not enough”. But that’s not the way the world works—it would be like a farmer feeling bad because they are “too busy” during the harvest, or “not busy enough” in the middle of the winter!
So instead of limiting myself to 24-hour rhythms in which I try to perfectly “balance” it all, I try to look at the bigger picture. If I’m in a particularly full season right now, how can I take advantage of the energizing feeling of being busy, without completely sapping all my bandwidth? And if I’m in a more “fallow” period, how can I use this time to gather my resources and rest, without feeling bad about it? This approach has allowed me to ride out the natural ebbs and flows of being a self-employed writer and mom of many without either getting stuck in one state or feeling bad about where I am.
Q: In your own life, have you found ways to tap into the power of your five senses? (For instance, I often take a sniff of a spice jar as I pass through my kitchen to help ground me in the present moment.)
Over the last several years, I’ve gotten really into tea, and brew many cups throughout the day. It’s a fantastic way to ground myself in sensory experiences: there’s the sound of the kettle coming to a boil, the scent of the tea leaves as I’m scooping them out of the tin, the sight of the water as it takes on the color of the brew, the feel of a warm mug in my hand, and of course, the taste of the tea itself. Different kinds of tea have distinct characteristics and flavor impacted by terroir, so just like wine, it’s always a new experience—but unlike wine you can sip it all day long and still get things done!
Q: Is there a particular motto that you’ve found very helpful?
“It’s all gonna be okay.” I’ve been saying this about motherhood in particular ever since starting The Mom Hour podcast ten years ago, and it’s just as true now with a bunch of young adults as it was when they were little. A note: “it’s all gonna be okay” doesn’t always mean “it’s all gonna turn out exactly like you want it to”—more that, whatever you’re dealing with, one way or another, you’re going to handle it.
Q: What simple habit boosts your happiness or energy?
A daily walk, preferably outside, has an amazing impact on how I feel. I can always tell on the days I miss it because it’s a lot harder for me to settle my body and brain at bedtime.
Q: Has a book ever changed your life? If so, which one and why?
When I was eleven, my mom pressed A Tree Grows In Brooklyn by Betty Smith into my hands and urged me to read it. I may have been a bit young for the subject matter, and I’m sure a lot of it went over my head at that first reading, but I have found myself returning to it again and again, re-reading it every few years and taking away something new every time. That book taught me so much about resilience, compassion, and the importance of having a rich inner world.
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