This year marked a personal milestone for my husband Jamie and me. For the first time ever, we hosted Thanksgiving—for thirteen people! (I know that for many Thanksgiving hosts, that’s considered on the small side, but to us it felt huge.) Even now, when I’m indisputably quite grown up, I find myself thinking, “Wow, I’m acting like such an adult.” My formula for happiness is: Being happier requires us to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth. I was surprised by the sense of accomplishment and self-expansion that I got from accepting the Thanksgiving challenge; it provided that atmosphere of growth.
Onward,
5 Things Making Me Happy
We’re all extremely aware that Black Friday, Small-Business Saturday, and Cyber Monday are coming, and that means that it’s almost time for GivingTuesday (December 3). One of my Secrets of Adulthood is “Something that can be done at any time is often done at no time,” and GivingTuesday is a great way to use the calendar as a catalyst for reflection and action. We’re happier when we put our values into the world, and GivingTuesday reminds us of the value of generosity—with money, volunteering, generous words. Is there an organization or cause you’ve been meaning to support? GivingTuesday is a reminder to take action.
I was very moved by this piece, “Some final personal-finance advice from Jonathan Clements.” In it, the 61-year-old former Wall Street Journal columnist explains that he has cancer, and about one year to live. He explains all the things he’s doing to leave his family in solid financial shape, with a well-organized estate. The practical steps he’s taking make sense for many of us, at any time, so it’s very helpful. I’m reminded of Margareta Magnusson’s book The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning—death cleaning is the clutter-clearing you do while you’re alive, to remove the burden of de-cluttering for your loved ones after you’ve died.
3. An amazing sight in New York City’s midtown! Such an imaginative, whimsical way to deal with an ordinary business headache. To cover up construction on its flagship store, Louis Vuitton designed its scaffolding–usually an eyesore—into a tourist attraction. The 15-story building looks like a stack of its famous steamer trunks. My daughter Eliza sent me a photo—now I need to see it for myself.
I was reading a passage from Gerard’s Herbal, a guide to herbs from 1587, that contained the line: “The juyce cures the toothache being snift up into the nosethrills.” At first glance, I assumed that “nosethrill” was a word like “mouthfeel,” “earworm,” or “eye-candy.” I was excited to have this excellent term for a thrilling smell—then I realized, no, it was ye olde spelling of “nostril.” But who cares! I’m going to try to popularize the term “nosethrill.” “He got a real nosethrill when he walked into the bakery.”
These days, I’m always on the hunt for new insights and suggestions about the empty-nest/open-door phase of life, and I laughed out loud watching this short video with some unconventional interpretations of conventional wisdom.
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This week on Happier with Gretchen Rubin
PODCAST EPISODE: 510
Very Special Episode: Dozens of Travel Hacks! So Many Good Ideas
INTERVIEW
Logan Ury
Logan Ury is a behavioral scientist turned dating coach. She’s the author of the bestselling book, How to Not Die Alone, the Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, and the dating coach on the new Netflix show, The Later Daters, premiering November 29th.
Q: Can you suggest something we might try to help ourselves to become happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?
As a behavioral scientist, my favorite tool for personal growth is experimentation. People often hold back from making changes that could lead to greater happiness—whether it’s moving to a new city, trying a new diet, or going on a second date—because they’re afraid of regretting their choices or, worse, failing. But what if you treated it like an experiment? Framing a change this way reduces the fear, because you’re not permanently committing to a new identity or overhauling your life—you’re simply gathering information.
For example, if you’re considering moving to a new city, could you sublet a place there for a month and see how it feels? If you’re curious about trying a vegan diet or starting a meditation practice, commit to it for 30 days and track how it impacts you. (Hey, this is starting to sound a bit like The Happiness Project!)
In my work as a dating coach, I help people uncover the blind spots that may be holding them back from finding love. My Three Dating Tendencies quiz helps daters identify whether they’re a Romanticizer, Maximizer, or Hesitater. Once they know their tendency, I encourage them to “date like a scientist” by running small experiments—like testing assumptions about their “type” or being open to dating people outside their usual preferences. Experimentation helps us break out of old patterns and opens the door to growth, whether in your love life or beyond.
Q: In your own life, have you found ways to tap into the power of your five senses?
My new favorite sensory ritual is bath time with my daughter—listening to her delighted shrieks as she splashes, feeling her impossibly soft baby skin, reading from her beloved waterproof Sandra Boynton book, and inhaling the sweet scent of her bubble bath soap.
Q: Is there a particular motto that you’ve found very helpful? (I remind myself to “Be Gretchen.”) Or a quotation that has struck you as particularly insightful?
When meeting someone new, most people focus on being interesting—sharing their funniest stories or highlighting their accomplishments. But research shows that the best conversationalists flip the script: they make the other person feel interesting. By asking thoughtful questions and showing genuine curiosity, they create an instant connection. The secret to a great first impression? Be interested, not interesting.
I shared this advice with Pam, one of the 55+ singles on my Netflix show, The Later Daters, premiering on November 29th. On her first blind date, she steamrolled her match, sharing about her life but failing to ask him questions about his. Before her second date, I told Pam to be interested, not interesting. The result? A much deeper connection—and maybe even a goodnight kiss!
Q: What simple habit boosts your happiness or energy?
There’s a popular trend on social media about “romanticizing your life,” and while it might sound fluffy, I love the core idea: turning everyday moments into meaningful ones. With a new baby, my husband Scott and I rarely have the time (or energy) for elaborate date nights. So, we’ve created simple rituals at home. On the nights we can stay awake past 8 p.m., we pull out the popcorn maker, sprinkle on our favorite toppings, stash our phones, and cuddle on the couch to watch “our show.” It turns an ordinary TV night into a little celebration.
Another ritual we swear by is the Weekly Check-In. Every Sunday night, we ask each other three questions:
- How was your week?
- Did you feel supported by me?
- How can I support you in the coming week?
Sometimes it’s a quick five-minute exchange; other times, it leads to deeper, honest conversations. Either way, it keeps us connected, clears up misunderstandings, and helps us stay aligned as partners.
Whether it’s a bowl of popcorn or a short check-in, rituals have a way of turning the ordinary into something special. And those small, intentional moments add up to something big.
Q: Has a book ever changed your life—if so, which one and why?
The Giver by Lois Lowry. I read it in sixth grade, devouring it in one night. The next morning, I rushed to school, eager to discuss it with my English teacher. It was the first time I could feel my mind expanding as I read a book and grappled with big ideas about society, freedom, and individuality. The story’s exploration of choice and control sparked my lifelong fascination with questions that don’t have easy answers. Years later, I had the chance to meet Lois Lowry over lunch and thank her for writing a book that shaped the way I see the world.
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