The month of May is here, and I’m staggered by how much has happened in my own individual life since April 1. My book came out; I visited fifteen cities as part of my book tour; Secrets of Adulthood hit the bestseller list (can’t resist mentioning that)—and biggest of all, our puppy Taffy arrived. It’s hard to believe that we brought her home less than two weeks ago; already, it seems as if she has been part of our lives for a long time. It reminds me of something I wrote when our dog Barnaby turned two:
Here’s the thing about love – it’s easy to see how it stretches into the future, but the funny thing is, it also changes the past. We’ve had Barnaby always.
If you want to read or listen to that two-minute story, it’s here.
Onward,
5 Things Making Me Happy
I love picture books, so of course I love that extraordinary classic, Margaret Wise Brown’s Goodnight Moon, illustrated by Clement Hurd. I’m haunted by its final lines, “Goodnight stars / Goodnight air / Goodnight noises everywhere.” I also love whimsy, so I was delighted to see that the U. S. Post Office is issuing Forever Stamps (side-note hack: always buy Forever stamps) featuring several illustrations from the book. Even more fun—the unveiling took place in my hometown of Kansas City, at the extraordinary children’s book museum, The Rabbit hOle. Here I am, during a visit to The Rabbit hOle last summer—I’m standing in the famous great green room, with the red balloon, the comb and the brush, and the bowl full of mush.
Speaking of Kansas City, the Kansas City Public Library is inviting people to join the “Big Read,” a celebration of all things bookish and story. This initiative is very much in the spirit of the “Read 25 in 25” challenge that my sister Elizabeth and I issued for Happier podcast listeners—and ourselves—to read for 25 minutes each day in 2025. In my observation, reading is really having a moment. People are turning to books, in whatever form they might take.
I’ve long been enchanted by the mystery and beauty of color. (Ask me about my unpublished hooky book, My Color Pilgrimage). There are secret colors, forbidden colors, deadly colors, trendy colors, unpopular colors, favorite colors—and now there’s a new color. “Olo” is described as a beautiful, ultra-intense teal. My question: Where can I sign up to visit the lab at Berkeley that’s the only place to see it?
My brilliant friend A. J. Jacobs is the rare writer and podcaster who manages to deliver his deep, wide-ranging erudition in a hilarious, compelling way. I had so much fun joining him on his popular daily podcast The Puzzler. I was a little worried about joining him on the show, because I’m not much good with puzzles, but A. J. made it tremendously fun.
In my book Better Than Before, I write about the 21 strategies we can use to make or break our habits. The most popular strategy—by far—is the “Strategy of Treats.” We must give ourself healthy treats! Because when we give more to ourselves, we can ask more from ourselves. It’s good to have many ideas for good treats, and a thoughtful listener sent me this great article: “Need a Small Treat? 21 Suggestions from Busy Creative Types.”
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This week on Happier with Gretchen Rubin
PODCAST EPISODE: 532
Favorite Words, a Simple Packing Hack, and Managing Obliger-Rebellion at Work
INTERVIEW
Susan Dominus
Susan Dominus’s new book The Family Dynamic (out May 6) explores the rare families that produce multiple high-achieving children—Olympians, entrepreneurs, novelists—blending intimate family portraits with scientific inquiry to examine how nature, nurture, parenting, sibling dynamics, and luck shape extraordinary success
Q: Is there a particular motto that you’ve found very helpful?
Jerry Groff, the father of three high-achieving kids whom I write about in The Family Dynamic, used to tell his kids, “Keep the best, forget the rest.” I love that, and have taken it on as a little bit of a mantra. We all have a bias towards just the opposite: We tend to remember the one person who offered a serious critique of something we worked hard on, and forget all the other people who had positive things to say. Or we dwell on the one error we made on the tennis court during a double match, and forget all the great gets. Sure, learn from your mistakes–but why not also try to luxuriate in the wins?
Q: Can you suggest something we might try to help ourselves to become happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?
I am such a fan of going out of your comfort zone, which is great for creativity and cross connections, but can also provide great joy–maybe you’re doing something you’ll never be great at, and that can be kind of freeing. During the pandemic, a friend of mine organized choreographed dance performances by Zoom, dances that we practiced for hours, and then performed (also by Zoom), as a kooky event that we offered for people’s birthday or special occasions. We held up celebration signs and smiled our faces off as we danced, and there was something so freeing about doing something that was pure gift, and zero expertise.
No one was ever going to watch my little square on screen and think I was a great dancer (maybe even the opposite!)–but it felt great anyway. It was a reminder to prize joy over achievement.
I see some version of this happening in some beautiful parent-child relationships I wrote about, too. The groundbreaking female director Diane Paulus recalled her mother, Teruko, attending her early performances and “watching without desire.” It’s about simply being there at the recital or game to support and cheer for your kid, without coaching or critiquing or worrying about the outcome. The point is to enjoy seeing your kids put their heart into something, as opposed to watching them triumph.
Q: Do you have a Secret of Adulthood? A lesson you’ve learned from life the hard way; something you’d tell your younger self?
I think it can be summed up by a song from a children’s musical version of “Frog and Toad,” called “Frog Looks Funny in a Bathing Suit.”
At first, it’s a fear of Frog’s: Oh no–everyone will say Frog looks funny in a bathing suit! But by the end of the song, Frog has found a way to find humor in it: Frog looks funny in a bathing suit! Okay, so maybe I do! I own it, I can live with it, and I can even laugh about it–which makes it all okay. (Note to readers: Don’t laugh at people in bathing suits! But do find a way to laugh at yourself–it’s the best way through so many embarrassing or awkward situations.)
Q: What simple habit boosts your happiness or energy?
Waking up early. I sometimes feel there’s nothing I can’t handle if I attack it by 5:30 AM.
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