For years, I’ve been trying to follow a simple rule: Stop reading a book if I’m not enjoying it. I tried; I meant to; I knew it was the wise thing to do; sometimes I even did it. And yet I still found it surprisingly hard to put down a book once I’d started. Finally, I realized that I wanted “credit” for the book; if I didn’t finish, I didn’t get credit. So I figured out a way to outwit myself. Now I give myself “credit” for unfinished books, too. These finished/unfinished credits exist only in my own mind—but that small mental shift has really made a difference. Now I have so much more time to read books I love.
Onward,
5 Things Making Me Happy
In my book Better Than Before, I write about the twenty-one strategies we can use to make or break our habits. The most universally effective? The twin strategies of Convenience and Inconvenience. To a hilarious degree, we’re more likely to do something if it’s convenient, and less likely to do it if it’s inconvenient. More proof: This study shows that being just a bit closer to the snack station made people much more likely to snack.
I’ve spent many long minutes standing in Penn Station, staring up at the board to see my platform number announced, and I’ve always wondered why the station delayed providing that information. Turns out there are two very sensible reasons. First, the platforms are too narrow to accommodate both the people getting off the train and the people getting on; second, sometimes, the dispatchers don’t know what track will be used until the last minute.
Some fun book trivia: The “978” or “979” that appears at the beginning of a book’s barcode number stands for “Bookland.” Bookland was invented so publishers wouldn’t need to give the same book multiple barcodes for every country it was sold in. It sounds like a country in an Oz book, like Utensia or Bunbury.
I love a great self-knowledge tool, and just yesterday I made a list of assessments and quizzes that I want to take or re-take; I’m going to choose a day and work my way through them all (and I’m going to try to happiness-bully my sister Elizabeth into taking them, too). If you also love a great self-assessment, try my Four Tendencies quiz. Fast, free, and very illuminating—if I do say so myself. More than three million people have taken this quiz.
Once you know whether you’re an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel (see above), you can use this self-insight to make it easier to change your habits. Really! To learn about the best approach for your particular Tendency, read here.
DETERMINATION DAY SALE
Get 30% off habit-building tools
Twenty-four hours left! Save 30% on tools to help you jump back into habits that have gotten off track with code DETERMINED.
This week on Happier with Gretchen Rubin
PODCAST EPISODE: 574
Are You Already Falling Behind on Your New Year’s Resolutions? Plus Ideas for “Move 26”
INTERVIEW
Guy Winch
Guy Winch is a licensed psychologist, bestselling author, and TED speaker. His new book, Mind Over Grind: How to Break Free When Work Hijacks Your Life, is out now.
Q: Can you suggest something we might try to help ourselves to become happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?
This makes me happier: My calendar is filled with color coded appointments during the day, and social or work engagements on some evenings. Evenings/Weekends in which I had no plans used to remain blank and that made it easy to ‘sneak in’ some work or to catch up with emails. But it’s important to use the off hours to de-stress, and to express other aspects of our identities and personalities that don’t get oxygen during the workday. So now, on evenings in which I have no specific plans, I fill in those gaps in my calendar with reminders of what some of our free time should be about—and that prevents work from invading: “Call a friend you can be goofy with.” “Binge a show and don’t feel guilty about staying glued to the couch.” “Cuddle with dog.”
Q: Do you have a Secret of Adulthood? A lesson you’ve learned from life the hard way; something you’d tell your younger self?
Here’s one of mine: If you’re home and thinking about work, you’re still at work. And if you’re stewing about the upsetting events of the day, you’re thinking about work unproductively and basically doing unpaid overtime. After work is your personal time, when you live your life—so stop thinking about work in your personal time and live it.
Q: What simple habit boosts your happiness or energy?
I use the evenings and weekends to do the two things that help us recover most effectively from the workday—rest and recharge. Resting and relaxing are important but we tend to over-index on resting, especially after demanding days at work. And while resting won’t deplete our battery further, it won’t recharge it. To feel revitalized, we need to do something active, something that makes us feel like us, something that we might have to force ourselves to do but once we do it, we get a second wind. Balancing those two things keeps me both happy and energized.
Q: Is there a particular motto that you’ve found very helpful?
My motto is: Be kind to ‘Future Guy.’ We tend to treat our future selves like we would treat a stranger. ‘Monday Guy’ used to procrastinate on obnoxious tasks and saddle ‘Friday Guy’ with them. “Evening Guy’ was too tired to prepare the coffee machine even though ‘Morning Guy’ loves waking up to the smell of coffee. Cultivating a better relationship with my ‘future self’ has proven to be a new and impactful way to practice self-care. I would like to thank ‘2018 Guy’ for starting that habit.
Q: Has a book ever changed your life? If so, which one and why?
A book hasn’t changed my life but being able to write books has. I love writing. It’s always been a passion. For me the act of writing is liberating and creative and joyful, no matter the subject matter. I wrote every day for 14 years before selling my first book. It’s my happy place and being able to do it has changed my life.
You signed up to receive this newsletter at gretchenrubin.com