As I’ve mentioned many times (too many times?) I have a book coming out next week, Secrets of Adulthood. Pre-order your copy! Most of the book is made up of “secrets” such as ”What can be done at any time is often done at no time,” “Perfectionism is driven not by high standards but by anxiety,” and “The sharing of tasks often leads to the shirking of tasks.” But in the back of the book, because I simply couldn’t resist, I include “Simple Secrets of Adulthood” that are more practical advice than timeless truth. One of those secrets is “Leave some room in the suitcase.” For my book tour, I’m doing 10 events in 11 days, with no break—and I need to use a carry-on suitcase. So I predict that I will violate that particular secret.
Onward,
5 Things Making Me Happy
For my whole life, I’ve loved scratch-and-sniff; it’s a way to take a photograph of a scent. In fact, I gave out scratch-n-sniff bookmarks to accompany my book Happier at Home. Also, I’ve always loved the scene with the lickable wallpaper in the book and movie Charlie/Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Now I learn that in a wonderful mashup, there is scratch-n-sniff wallpaper. I’d love the chance to try it myself.
Appropriately, I just sneezed as I was typing this sentence. I’ve never been particularly bothered by the volume of my sneezes, but for some people, it’s a problem. Turns out that it’s possible to sneeze more quietly. If possible, exhale before your sneeze; imagine you’re letting out a deep sigh; keep your mouth closed with your tongue against the roof of your mouth; sneeze into your elbow. (Fun facts about sneezes: they can be triggered by an irritant inside the nose, of course, but also by light, plucking your eyebrows, being full, and having sexual thoughts.)
I’ve often found that when I’m trying to make a point, adding humor can make my ideas more memorable and engaging than loading on more arguments and facts, and I read a great example of this principle. A man in a British village drew attention to a large old pothole by putting a pair of fake legs in the huge puddle it created. It looked as if someone had taken a dive into the pool.
I love miniatures! I love dioramas! I can’t believe the imagination and ingenuity of Tatsuya Tanaka’s creations—the way she incorporates everyday objects in such unexpected ways. (Side note: I asked myself, “Am I quite certain of the precise definition of a ‘diorama’; am I using the word correctly?” Answer: a diorama is a model representing a scene with three-dimensional figures, either in miniature or as a large-scale museum exhibit. So, yes.)
Many members of my family do high-intensity weight training. I do, and so does my husband, mother, father, mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister, and one of my daughters. I emailed a link to this article to everyone: “Resistance training is the right way to tire your brain and body for better sleep, according to a study.” I love to get confirmation that I’m doing something right.
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This week on Happier with Gretchen Rubin
PODCAST EPISODE: 527
What a Favorite Book Reveals, Photo Selection Tips & Family Secrets Explored
INTERVIEW
Jenny Wood
Jenny Wood is a former Google executive, former Harvard Business School researcher, and career coach who knows that real success isn’t about following the rules or waiting your turn. In her new book Wild Courage: Go After What You Want and Get It, Jenny breaks down 9 bold traits that defy conventional career advice—Obsessed, Weird, Selfish, Shameless, Nosy, Manipulative, Brutal, Reckless, and Bossy. She reveals why embracing these traits is the key to getting promoted, making more money, building influence, and advancing faster than you ever thought possible. Get your copy here.
Q: Can you suggest something we might try to help ourselves to become happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?
My biggest blockers are three fears: fear of uncertainty, fear of failure, and fear of judgment of others. In my 18-years at Google, I battled these daily. There was the fear I wouldn’t impress my boss in our weekly one-on-one. Fear that I would say something stupid in that big meeting full of VIPs. Fear no one would ever forget the presentation I flubbed. Cool and collected Google exec on the outside, a lot more going on on the inside.
What finally helped me push past it was naming the fear in the moment and remembering the “Spotlight Effect”—the idea that no one’s lying awake thinking about my mistakes because they’re too busy worrying about their own. The truth is, everyone’s got their own spotlight on their head. It made me happier because I wasn’t carrying that fear all day. Healthier because I wasn’t weighed down by stress. And more productive because I could move past the fear and take action. Name which of the three fears you feel, remember the Spotlight Effect, and you will push past the fear to the joy and success on the other side. Here’s a visual representation of the Spotlight Effect:
Q: In your own life, have you found ways to tap into the power of your five senses? (For instance, I often take a sniff of a spice jar as I pass through my kitchen to help ground me in the present moment.)
This might shock you: I once chased a total stranger off the subway. Now he’s my husband and the father of our two kids. I didn’t think. I didn’t analyze. I just saw his gorgeous blue eyes, thick wavy hair, and that smile—and I chased him down. No plan. No strategy. Just pure gut instinct. Normally, I overanalyze everything. I even kept a spreadsheet of every first date—complete with notes on age, height, and the likelihood that I’d actually have fun. (Yes, that spreadsheet really exists—screenshot below for your viewing pleasure.)
But that day, I let go of overthinking and trusted my sense of sight. Sometimes we get stuck living too much in our heads, waiting for everything to make sense before we move. But what if we trusted our instincts just a little more? What if we followed one sense—just one—and let it guide us? Serendipity isn’t found. It’s made. And sometimes, it’s made by getting out of your head and chasing something (or someone) that just feels right.
Q: Is there a particular motto that you’ve found very helpful? (I remind myself to “Be Gretchen.”) Or a quotation that has struck you as particularly insightful?
“Common sense isn’t always common practice.” After 18 years at Google, I saw the same habits help people get promoted, land raises, and move into leadership roles. But only about 10% of people actually do them. Here are 3 micro Wild Courage actions to make more money and be happier in your career:
#1: Nail Your 1:1s. Spend 30 minutes before your weekly 1:1 preparing a shared doc with your manager. Break it into 3 quick sections: wins from last week, roadblocks that need their support, and updates worth flagging. Bosses love this because it shows you’re organized, proactive, and always focused on moving the needle.
#2: “Woo with You.” When you write an email to a manager, colleague, or client, start your sentences with “you” rather than “I. ”Instead of saying, “I wanted to follow up,” say, “You mentioned looking for ideas, and I thought of something that might help.” It’s a subtle shift that makes people feel seen and valued. And you’re more likely to get their attention.
#3: Pull It and Bullet.” If your emails look like dense walls of text, your message isn’t landing. Trim about 30% of your words and rewrite your points into bullet form. Brevity shows you respect people’s time, makes your message easy to skim, and helps you get to the point faster. Think about what’s important to your audience—not just what’s important to you.
Q: What simple habit boosts your happiness or energy?
It boosts my happiness when I vote with my calendar. A few years ago, I was in New York for work. I’d brought my five-year-old daughter Noa to stay with her grandparents on Long Island while I tackled two days of in-person meetings with my team. During breakfast with a direct report, my phone buzzed. A text from my mother-in-law: “Please call me.” My stomach dropped. While baking cookies, Noa’s hair had gotten caught in the mixer—ripping out a chunk from her scalp. On FaceTime, she was barely able to speak: “Mommy, please come. Everyone’s going to make fun of me. Please, Mommy.”
I knew the right choice was to drop my meetings and go. But I didn’t. I rationalized: She was physically fine. (Cousin Bob, the pediatrician, did a video inspection and deemed the injury minor; the hair would grow back.) She was playing throughout the day with her cousins, and my in-laws updated me. I didn’t want to bail on important meetings or look unprofessional. So I stayed.
Two days later, I finally saw Noa in person. When she took off her pink sequin hat, my heart dropped. It was so much worse than I’d let myself believe. The “patch” missing hair was the size of a grapefruit. Why did I put work first? What was I doing? It took two years for her hair to fully grow back. And every time I saw that patch, I felt the sting of regret. I didn’t vote with my calendar in a way that matched my values. Since then, I protect my time and prioritize what truly matters—at work and at home. We only get so many chances to choose what matters most. Protect your time. Vote with your calendar.
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