One year ago this week, we brought our puppy Taffy into our lives—and she makes us so happy. True, we underestimated how much work it would be to have a puppy, and to have two dogs generally, but that doesn’t matter. I’m reminded of one of my Secrets of Adulthood from the draft of my book about the empty-nest/open-door stage: “Things that make our lives richer often make them harder.”
Onward,
5 Things Making Me Happy
My mother told me to watch The Singers, the wonderful eighteen-minute film that won the Academy Award for best live action short film. In it, an impromptu singing contest at a dive bar turns into a moment of profound connection. The faces! I’ve watched it several times. Catch it on Netflix.
This month on Substack, I’m offering a series about an activity I find deeply fun—reading children’s and young adult literature. Every Wednesday, I’ll send out a post about play, reading, and Secrets of Adulthood I’ve learned from children’s books. If you’d like to join this series but aren’t yet a paid subscriber, consider upgrading to receive this series and get access to all paid subscriber content in the archives.
Word watch: I’d never stopped to consider the two verbs “riffle” and “rifle.” “Riffle” is to thumb through, leaf through rapidly, or shuffle papers. “Rifle” is to ransack, plunder, or search thoroughly. So after I rifled through the desk, I riffled through the papers I pulled from the drawer. Glad I got that straightened out.
We’ve all heard the excellent advice, “Take the stairs, it’s good to get a little exercise in the middle of your day.” But how often do people make that choice? My friend Manoush Zomorodi ran a small experiment—stairs or escalator—and I bet you can guess which method prevailed.
Speaking of escalators, a friend told me a fun fact. The first working escalator was set up as an amusement ride at in New York City’s Coney Island in 1895—it was viewed as novelty attraction, not something useful. Fact is, escalators are fun. We’ve all enjoyed the pleasure of trying to walk down the up escalator, and when my daughter Eleanor was little, one of her favorite activities was repeatedly to go up and down the side-by-side escalators in Barnes & Noble.
This week on Happier with Gretchen Rubin
PODCAST EPISODE: 585
We explore how asking paired questions can lead to more open, engaging conversations. We also discuss the “end-of-history illusion”; we keep changing more than we expect. Plus we share a simple hack for using photos to reduce worry.
INTERVIEW
Shawn Achor
Shawn Achor is one of the world’s leading experts on the connection between a positive brain and success, as well as the bestselling author of The Happiness Advantage. His new book, The Power of Beliefs, is out now.
Q: Can you suggest something we might try to help ourselves to become happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?
When I travel or get down, I scroll, not on social, but through my favorites in my photo app. In The Power of Beliefs, I call it the Memory Delorian—sometimes we have to go to the past to change our future. For example, I felt like I worked too hard last Fall and missed time with the kids. Then I went back through my favorites, put them in a Shutterfly book, and titled it My Full Fall. After seeing all the positive, meaningful pics over three months, it revised my belief about how good a dad I am and about how I wasn’t missing out. I’m going to look at that book every Fall.
Q: Do you have a Secret of Adulthood? A lesson you’ve learned from life the hard way; something you’d tell your younger self?
For so long, I thought being successful will make you happy. But then in my research, and in my life, I found that I had it backwards. Being positive increases nearly every single business and educational outcome we know how to test for. Happiness is a precursor to success, not the result.
Q: What simple habit boosts your happiness or energy?
Every night I pray with my kids to put them to bed, and it’s an opportunity to recount our gratitudes for the day. I’m way more consistent that way and, when I’m home, I have only missed a few days over the past 12 years of gratitudes when I incorporate them into a nightly prayer.
Q: Is there a particular motto that you’ve found very helpful?
“Beliefs change the math.” It works both ways for me and my kids. If I’m complaining, or they are saying they can’t do something, negative beliefs negatively impact what happens next. When we are positive, beliefs change the math about what is possible and probable.
Q: Has a book ever changed your life?
The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis. It’s a short fictional parable on a group of people who get onto a bus to go to heaven, but most end up choosing not to go or get back on the bus. It reveals so much about our psychology, about why we don’t choose the positive route, and how positive choice can change our path.
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