My husband Jamie and I passed a major milestone in the empty-nest/open-door phase of life: Eleanor came home from college for the first time since we dropped her off, and now she’s gone again. I was surprised by how normal life felt when she was back—I felt as though she had never left. And now that she’s gone again, that feels normal too. I thought I might feel unsettled, but it was fine. One interesting feature of this phase is that I don’t know how I’ll feel.
Onward,
5 Things Making Me Happy
Who doesn’t love a photograph of penguins? One of National Geographic’s “Pictures of the Year” shows a group of emperor penguins gathered at the edge of a 50-foot cliff before their first jump into the waters of Antarctica. A single brave (or pushed?) penguin can be spotted in mid-drop.
My old friend, the brilliant Dan Harris of 10% Happier podcast and book fame, has started Danharris.com, a terrific new membership community with guided meditations, happiness hacks, text chats with Dan and his guests, bonus materials, live AMA videos, live-streamed meditations sessions, and more. It’s “self-help for smart people.” (For years, Dan has been trying unsuccessfully to get me meditating. I can’t wait to tell him I’m going to try again in 2025. Fourth time is the charm?)
I’m delighted by accidental scientific discoveries, such as penicillin, X-rays, Post-it Notes, safety glass. When I was in the throes of doing my intense research into color, I loved the story of how the young chemist William Henry Perkin was trying to synthesize quinine, a treatment for malaria, then, quite unrelatedly, discovered the dye for mauve. He started a major mauve fad in Victorian England. I’m always looking for new accidental discoveries to add to my running list.
In my family, for holiday gifts, each person is expected to provide a long list of things they want, medium and small. For us, the fun is in the festivity of the unwrapping and the satisfaction of knowing that you’re giving someone something they want. We don’t include many surprises. In “Remember when presents were a surprise? Not anymore,” I was interested to read about trends in gift-giving. One surprise: Gen Z wants another connection—”Connect me to another person you think I should know.”
It’s nearing the end of the year, which is a time of reflection for many of us. Spotify prompts reflection in a very fun way with their “Spotify Wrapped” campaign. I’m not much of a music listener, so this isn’t useful for me, but I love hearing about other people’s experiences with Spotify Wrapped. It’s a great reminder that we can find many creative ways to look back on 2024.
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This week on Happier with Gretchen Rubin
PODCAST EPISODE: 511
Choose a One-Word Theme: We Review Our 2024 Themes and Reveal Our 2025 Themes
INTERVIEW
Michelle Obama
Michelle Obama served as First Lady of the United States from 2009 to 2017. A graduate of Princeton University and Harvard Law School, Mrs. Obama started her career as an attorney. She later worked in the Chicago mayor’s office, at the University of Chicago, and at the University of Chicago Medical Center. Mrs. Obama also founded the Chicago chapter of Public Allies, an organization that prepares young people for careers in public service, and is the author of the #1 bestsellers The Light We Carry, Becoming, and American Grown. Her new workbook Overcoming hit shelves on December 3rd.
Q: Can you suggest something we might try to help ourselves to become happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?
Whenever I feel stressed or anxious, I like to go in the opposite direction — and focus on our small power. To me, it’s an activity or a practice that reminds us just how capable we are of succeeding and achieving. Sometimes it’s doing a craft or cooking a meal. Sometimes it’s pulling out our notebook or knitting needles or painting easel. Sometimes it’s making a call to a friend or hitting the gym.
It’s about building upon something — a stitch on a stitch, muscle on muscle, love on love. As time goes on, we create something bigger and better than where we started. It’s a practice that helps make happiness and productivity part of our routine.
Q: In your own life, have you found ways to tap into the power of your five senses?
One thing I like to do — especially during the holiday season — is give big, lasting hugs to my friends and family. To me, a hug is warmth and stillness. It lifts away the chaos. It’s something you give and receive. And it’s a beautiful reminder that we’re not alone — that we’re surrounded by people who love us and have our backs. No matter what’s going on outside, it’s always worth reaching out and bringing people in.
Q: Is there a particular motto that you’ve found very helpful? (I remind myself to “Be Gretchen.”) Or a quotation that has struck you as particularly insightful?
My mom had a phrase she used to say when I was growing up: “Come home. We like you here.” She was telling me that no matter how hard it might be out in the real world, your family would always be there for you. And that doesn’t mean family by blood, either. It can be your chosen family, your best friends, or any of the folks you find comfort in.
When I was First Lady, this was especially important — in no small part because my mom was with us in the White House. Sometimes it felt like so much was coming at us from every single direction. But each night I would come home to Barack, my girls, and my mom — and I knew I was surrounded by people who loved me unconditionally. That’s what always kept me going.
Q: What simple habit boosts your happiness or energy?
In the mornings when I get up, I look in the mirror and just say hello. It felt silly to do it the first time I tried it, but it really does give you a boost of energy and confidence. It’s something I learned from a friend — a small kindness that reminds me that I am just another human, which means I am worthy of grace. We can be so much harder on ourselves than we would be on others. It can be useful to see yourself as others see you — another person, worthy of love and kindness. After those first few moments in our day, we’ll never be able to control what the world has in store for us. But what we can control is our own light and the respect we have for ourselves. Give it a try!
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