Sometimes, I don’t realize something about myself until someone makes an observation about themselves—and I think, “Oh, right, that’s true for me, too.” For instance, my mother told me, “I like seasons. One thing I enjoy about Kansas City is that we really experience the seasons.” I’d never thought much about it, but when I heard her say that, I realized that it’s true for me, as well. Right now, New York City is very cold, and we have a big snowstorm coming on Sunday. When I’m annoyed by having to put on so much outerwear, or annoyed by the possible inconveniences of the snow, I remind myself, “I love this! I love seasons! I wouldn’t choose to give this up.”
Onward,
5 Things Making Me Happy
On the Happier podcast, my sister Elizabeth and I often talk about our love of whimsy, and we suggest ways for people—including us—to build more whimsy into life. I’m rarely on-trend, so I was pleased to see the report from Google Trends that “whimsy” is at an all-time high for the second January in a row, and “year of whimsy, “how to add more whimsy to your life,” “whimsy goals,” and “how to be more playful” are breakout searches. If you’re looking for easy ways to boost your whimsy, in episode 540, back in June, we featured a treasure trove of easy hacks.
Speaking of podcasts, the Since You Asked with Lori Gottlieb and Gretchen Rubin podcast is back after a break. It’s an advice podcast, with a few twists to update that beloved, familiar format. Please send your questions—about matters both big and small. People’s questions are endlessly fascinating.
In yet another podcast-related update, I was sorry to see that the brilliant interviewer Melvyn Bragg has retired from one of my favorite podcasts, In Our Time. It was my father’s very favorite podcast, and I started to forward him the news article about Bragg’s retirement, before I realized—my father is gone. If you like to listen to calm, educated discussions about interesting subjects, give it a try.
Recently, I published Get It Done: How to Complete Your Dream Project. I was thrilled to see it hit the Top 10 Audiobooks on Audible.com this week, alongside The Let Them Theory, Atomic Habits, 1929, Oprah’s Enough, and the King James version of the Bible. What company to keep!
Because of the “negativity bias,” we pay more attention, and remember better, when information is negative. For that reason, a proverb of journalism is “If it bleeds, it leads,” and we’re more likely to read, and remember, negative news. Here’s some positive news: “The Great Crime Decline Is Happening All Across the Country.” Rates of violent crime have dropped across the country, and researchers are trying to figure out why.
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This week on Happier with Gretchen Rubin
PODCAST EPISODE: 570
Very Special Episode: How Do We Deal with the Loss of Our Beloved Father? Advice & Insights
INTERVIEW
Dr. Jaime Knopman and Rebecca Raphael
Dr. Jaime Knopman is a reproductive endocrinologist and Director of Fertility Preservation at CCRM Fertility of New York. Rebecca Raphael is a writer and editor whose collaborations include Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play and Dr. Charles Sophy’s Family Values.
Their new book, Own Your Fertility, is available now.
Q: Can you suggest something we might try to help ourselves to become happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?
Dr. Knopman: For me, and I think for many people, having a schedule is critical to productivity. I work full time as a physician and I’m a mom to two daughters who are my world. Without a schedule I take seriously, I wouldn’t be able to exercise every day before the sun rises, see patients five to seven days a week, maintain close friendships, be on the sidelines cheering loudly at my girls’ volleyball and soccer games, and now be an author, too. I firmly believe that for anyone who wants to get sh*t done, a schedule is invaluable.
Rebecca Raphael: I am the exact opposite! I’m a creative type, and a rigid schedule feels absolutely suffocating to me. Every week, my life feels like 52-card pickup as I juggle parenting, writing, fitness, philanthropy, and friendships with more chaos than structure. Most of the time, it works – because I have room for my priorities to shift, and that flexibility makes me feel true to myself rather than beholden to a handbook (even one of my own making). When I ran my first (and only) marathon without following a prescribed training plan, my best friend made me feel completely seen when she said, “You did it! And best of all, you did it your way.” My advice is to stop comparing yourself to others, stay in your own lane, and give yourself the grace and freedom to get things done your own way.
Q: Is there a particular motto that you’ve found very helpful?
Dr. Knopman: “LFG” is my go-to saying. I have no patience for a pity party — not from my girls, my patients, or myself. Don’t get me wrong: I am an incredibly compassionate person who has had my own share of hardship, and I always lead with empathy. But I’m also a firm believer in taking agency. Stop complaining and just do it, whatever it is. Fall down seven times, get back up eight. I tell my girls “LFG” before every sports game and every exam; they know it’s within our power to prepare, show up, and crush it. Playing the “what-if” game after the fact isn’t my style. Own Your Fertility is about empowerment within the changing landscape of reproductive medicine, so LFG is a guiding principle there, too — no matter where someone is on their fertility journey.
Q: Has a book ever changed your life? If so, which one and why?
Dr. Knopman: In second grade, I read a book about Elizabeth Blackwell, the first female physician in the United States. That’s when I first knew I wanted to become a doctor. I was fascinated by science, particularly biology, liked solving problems, and wanted to help people. Thanks to incredibly hard work, supportive parents, federal loans, a dose of luck – and that book I read at age 8 – I ended up earning my undergraduate degree, an MD, and a white coat with my name embroidered on it.
I developed a passion for women’s health, particularly for reproductive endocrinology (all things hormones). Decades later, as the national Director of Fertility Preservation for CCRM Fertility, I still feel like I am conducting a beautiful orchestra, with the brain, ovaries, uterus, and hormones each playing a powerful role as I help women and men build families.
Rebecca Raphael: I bumped into Gretchen Rubin the other night, and all these years after she wrote The Four Tendencies, we still talk about how profoundly her framework changed my life. By helping me pinpoint that I’m a Rebel – resistant to both inner and outer expectations – I was able to figure out why I do what I do in so many facets of my life. I worked for Dr. Phil for many years, and one of his catch phrases was: “People do what works.” Somewhere between that Dr. Phil-ism and Gretchen’s insights, I began to understand myself – and laugh at my quirks, too.
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