Five Things Making Me Happy (What to say when someone is unhappy / appeal of circles)

Hello,

In episodes 387 and 411 of the Happier podcast, we discussed the idea of creating a “five-senses portrait” by listing five items you associate with a person, for seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching, for a final list of twenty-five items. In my book Life in Five Senses, I write about creating this kind of five-senses portrait of my husband Jamie—and how reflecting on the outer Jamie gave me insight into the inner Jamie.

It has made me very happy to hear about the creative ways people have played with this idea. Some people presented these portraits as gifts, which delighted the recipients because they felt so “seen.” Others did this exercise as a way to capture memories of a person who had died. I’ve also heard from people have created portraits of holidays; special experiences, such as a honeymoon; and places, such as a summer place in Maine.

Although I’d thought a lot about the possibilities of the five-senses portrait, I was surprised when my editor suggested that I write a five-senses self-portrait to accompany my “About the Author” page. Somehow, it never occurred to me to consider what my portrait would be! (Though in a way, I guess, the whole book is a self-portrait.)

This exercise is both hard and easy: it’s challenging to come up with all twenty-five items, but it’s very easy to write them down. It’s an astonishingly creative, fun exercise that conjures up many memories. If you come up with a new twist on the five-senses portrait, let me know.

Onward,

5 Things Making Me Happy

Something new! This week, after months of preparation, I finally joined TikTok. It has been so much fun to explore this new platform, engage with new audiences, and put myself in an atmosphere of growth. I can’t wait to share more about happiness, habits, the five senses, and human nature—and learn from the TikTok community as well. If you’re on TikTok, follow me here.

A quick selfie before heading off to one of my two children’s literature/YA literature reading groups. These groups are such engines of happiness for me. (Appropriately, I’m standing in front of some of my shelves of children’s literature—you can see books such as Akata Witch, Holes, and Wonder over my shoulder.)

We all know the feeling of wanting to comfort someone who’s upset but not being sure about what to say. I was fascinated by this round-up of recent research in The New York Times about what responses work best. For instance, it turns out that validation such as “I can imagine that was difficult” is more comforting than “Try to see both sides” or “Try to focus on the glass half-full, not half-empty.” Also, don’t tell someone to “Calm down” or “Relax,” because these admonitions tend to have the opposite effect. The good news: people really do appreciate support, even if it’s not exactly in the form that they’d prefer.

As part of #GoOutside23in23, a thoughtful listener shared this article about “Park Prescriptions.” Because time outdoors is so beneficial for health, doctors prescribe a routine, such as “Twice a week, spend one hour outside.” Great things happen when we go outside.

One thing I love about the jacket of Life in Five Senses is that it features a big circle. Because I’ve noticed how often great book jackets feature circles, I’m a huge believer in the power of circles to draw the eye. Similarly, one of my very favorite works in the Metropolitan Museum is Giovanni di Paolo’s The Creation of the World and the Expulsion from Paradise. That circle!

Updates

Start your 2023 time capsule with 50% off the Memento Keepsake Journal through Tuesday, January 31 at 11:59pm PT. Use code: TIMECAPSULE23. One use per customer.

This week on Happier with Gretchen Rubin

PODCAST EPISODE: 413

We talk about why and how we can tune into our five senses. And we do a deep dive into listener suggestions about how to Go Outside 23 in 23 when the weather is bad.

Listen now>