One of my Secrets of Adulthood is “Be full of desires, and easy to please.” I stumbled across this truth by observing my parents as houseguests. My parents are terrific guests, I realized, because they have many things they want to do, and yet at the same time, they’re pleased with whatever plans end up unfolding.

Desire is invigorating. It’s energizing to be around people who want things, who work toward things, who have ideas about what to do, who are interested and curious.

My parents are full of desires. If I ask, “What do you want to do today?” they have a long list of places they want to visit and things they want to do in New York City, and that makes them much easier to have as guests.

At the same time, my parents are easy to please. They have their list of things they want to do and see, but if I say, “Let’s go to Noguchi Museum,” they’d say, “Wonderful, great idea, let’s do that!” If I say, “For dinner tonight, let’s just order pizza,” they’d say, “Terrific.”

Now, this observation that it’s easier to play host to someone who is full of desires may seem counter-intuitive. We might assume that it’s easier to deal with someone who doesn’t express any preferences, because they seem like they’d be happy with anything and not disappointed by missing out on something—but in fact, it’s often harder. Then we as hosts have to do all the work of thinking about options and trying to mind-read what someone else wants. It’s like when a kid comes over to play: “What do you want to do?” “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” Somebody has to do the mental work of thinking of possibilities and taking responsibility for choosing the best plan.

Children tend to be full of desires and easy to please. They want to go to an amusement park, feed the goats, visit the ice-cream parlor. And that’s fun!

I used to think that I would seem more easy-going when I said, “Anything sounds good,” but now I realize that being full of desire, and easy to please, actually works better in relationships.