There is a story that is often told about Gandhi, though I must say I believe this story is apocryphal. So I will tell my own version, about a holy man who is not Gandhi.

Once upon a time, and not so long ago, a holy man lived in a great city. He was revered by everyone who lived there, and each day, many people would line up to seek his blessing and ask for his guidance.

One day, a mother and her young son approached this wise man. The mother said, “Please bless us, and also, will you please tell my son to stop eating candy! I keep telling him, it’s bad for his teeth, it’s bad for his health, and still, he eats candy.”

The holy man blessed them both, and said, “Return here in one month.”

The mother was puzzled, but she agreed.

Exactly one month later, the mother and her son again approached the great man. Immediately he said to the boy, “My son, you must stop eating so much candy.”

The boy nodded. His mother was pleased, but puzzled. She said, “Thank you, holy one, but if I may ask: Why didn’t you just tell him that when we came last month?”

He said, “In order for me to tell him to stop eating candy, I first had to stop eating candy myself.”

It’s one of my Secrets of Adulthood: If we’re trying to encourage or enforce a particular behavior, we should be willing to observe that behavior ourselves. 

It’s all too easy to decide that we’re exempt from the rules that we recommend, or to impose rules on others that we’re not willing to submit to ourselves. The police officer parks illegally, the doctor skips handwashing, the political donor contributes generously but doesn’t bother to vote, the pastor never sits in a pew, parents tell their children to put down their phones but then check their own emails throughout dinner.

This holy man refused to tell a child not to eat candy until he’d stopped eating candy himself.