A Lesson in Happiness and Love I Learned from Rob Lowe

I’m not a particular fan (or not) of Rob Lowe, but several people had recommended his memoir, Stories I Only Tell My Friends, so I decided to read it.

It was very interesting for many reasons, and I was particularly struck by a story Lowe told, recalling a visit to the White House during his time on the show The West Wing: (more…)

Video: “I Travel All the Time,” and the Lack-of-Control Loophole for Habits.

In my latest (bestselling) book, Better Than Before, I identify the twenty-one strategies of habit-formation, and one is the Strategy of Loophole-Spotting.

I’m doing a video series in which I discuss the ten categories of loopholes. I love studying loopholes, because they’re so funny. And ingenious! We’re such great advocates for ourselves — in any situation, we can always think of some loophole to invoke.

What is a “loophole?”

When we try to form and keep habits, we often search for loopholes, for justifications that will excuse us from keeping this particular habit in this particular situation. However, if we catch ourselves in the act of loophole-seeking, we can perhaps reject them.

In Better Than Before, I describe all ten categories of loopholes; in this video series. I’ll describe them, one by one.

Seventh of ten loopholes: Lack of Control loophole.

This is a very popular loophole. We argue that we don’t have control over the situation, and circumstances have forced us to break a habit. However, usually we have more control than we admit.

 

Lack of Control Loophole Examples

The dog ate my homework.

Alcoholics can quit drinking, and smokers can quit smoking, but I can’t quit eating. (I can’t quit eating, but I can quit eating sugar, or grains, or processed food.)

I’m too stressed to deal with this now.

I travel all the time.

The subway always makes me late.

This snack has been specially engineered by the food industry to be irresistible.

My favorite trainer quit.

My kids take up all my time.

The church’s annual Fathers’ Day Breakfast has always been all-you-can-eat.

We opened a bottle of wine, so we have to finish it.

Do you ever find yourself invoking the Lack of Control loophole? It’s super-sneaky, in my experience. Very easy to invoke without even realizing it.

Did you notice that in the video, my example of the “irresistible food” is Froot Loops? Get the joke?

Podcast 30: Special Guest! My Daughter Eliza, Who Asks: Any Advice for a 16-Year-Old?

It’s time for the next installment of  “Happier with Gretchen Rubin.

This is the 30th episode, and every tenth episode we have a Very Special Episode where we do something a little different. Remember episode 10, when I cleaned Elizabeth’s closet?

This Very Special Episode: a very special guest, my sixteen-year-old daughter, Eliza! Yowza.

Update: People sent us great one-word themes for the year: Acceptance, Imperfect, Healthier, Authenticity, Moving. (If you want to read more about this try-this-at-home, I write about it in Happier at Home.)

Try This at Home: Eliza suggests, “Give yourself a mission when you have free time.” Eliza wants to feel like she’s used her precious free time to do something worthwhile. (Poor thing, school started again last week, so she doesn’t have much free time anymore.) Bonus try-this-at-home: “Stalk yourself on Facebook.” (more…)

7 Terrific Books If You’re Getting a Dog — What Books Have I Overlooked?

As I mentioned, my family has a new puppy! Barnaby.

It’s very exciting, and a bit overwhelming, to have a dog in the apartment. It’s wonderful; and it’s also lot of change, and I wouldn’t say that I’m the most….flexible person out there.

As my sister said in episode 27 of our podcast, as she quoted from the theme song to The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, “It’s gonna be a fascinating transition.

For me to process any experience, I really need to read about it. So I’ve been reading tons of dog books. Some are how-to, of the “Ultimate Guide to Dogs” type of book, but I really enjoyed — and got more — from the memoirs. Below are some of my favorites so far.

7 Terrific Books If You’re Getting a Dog

1, Animals Make Us Human: Creating the Best Life for Animals, Temple Grandin. I love reading Temple Grandin.

2. You Had Me a Woof: How Dogs Taught Me the Secret of Happiness, Julie Klam. How could I resist that title? (more…)

Do You Ever Get the “Cold Fish Dying in Your Stomach Feeling?”

“It’s the cold fish dying in your stomach feeling. You try to forget about it, but as soon as you do, the fish starts flopping around under your heart and reminds you that something truly horrible is happening.

“[Great-grandmother] Jiko felt like that when she learned that her only son was going to be killed in the war. I know, because I told her about the fish in my stomach, and she said she knew exactly what I was talking about, and that she had a fish, too, for many years. In fact, she said she had lots of fishes, some that were small like sardines, some that were medium-sized like carp, and other ones that were as big as a bluefin tuna, but the biggest fish of all belonged to Haruki #1, and it was more like the size of a whale. She also said that after she became a [Buddhist] nun and renounced the world, she learned how to open up her heart so that the whale could swim away.”

–Ruth Ozeki, A Tale for the Time Being

I really loved this novel–in fact, I loved it so much that I (more…)