Update
Take the “What’s your neglected sense?” quiz.
Try This at Home
Observe Halfway Day—July 2—as a catalyst for reflection.
Anything is useful that prompts us to reflect on our lives, and what changes we might undertake to make ourselves happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative.
Research shows that when we set specific aims for ourselves, no surprise, we’re more likely to achieve them.
We love to use three different tools for making resolutions and setting annual aims:
- the one-word theme
- the 23 in 23 list
- the yearly challenge
Ta-da! We now have an umbrella term for these three tools, which we repeat each year: 23 in 2023 Happier Trifecta. It’s three tools for a happier year–you can use one, two, or all three tools.
In episode 411, we announced our 23 in 2023 Happier Trifecta (even though we hadn’t yet come up with that term).
In this episode, we review how we’re each doing on our trifecta so far.
Elizabeth
Her one-word theme: Scale
Elizabeth mentions that she uses the Happier app. Learn more about this app here.
Do Fryman Canyon hike 50 times.- Floss every night as well as in the morning. Sometimes.
- Get back in her wedding rings, which she hasn’t been able to wear since Jack was born. Sometimes.
- Hike in Ojai with Sarah
Seeing friends from high school.- Get the perfect small cross-body bag
Use her packing cubes- Read 23 novels (and that includes listening). Well underway
During the potential strike, outline a novel.-
Try pickleball -
Get a mah jong group going again - Always have Kleenex
- Get two body scans
- Walk to Malibu
-
Finish their will - Go outside 23 minutes a day. So far, doing well.
- Have extended Fierro family party to make up for in-laws missing Christmas.
- Build up Daisy and Nacho’s stamina so they can go on hikes.
- Upgrade home office.
- Throw out gross t-shirts.
-
Get a new robe. - Go away for a night with Sarah and Kareen.
- Do Season Three of Fantasy Island.
Gretchen
One-word theme: Wave
- Visit the Met every day. So far, so good.
- Go outside 23 in 23. So far, so good.
- Catch up on photo albums
- 30 days of culture
- One difficult email per day
- Make haircut appointment every seven weeks
- Buy new underwear
- Have a summer of re-reading. Underway.
- Be more systematic about connecting with friends and colleagues. Progress, but not as much as I want.
- Buy airplane jeans
- Help Eleanor get a driver’s license and
Elizabeth to make a will - Get a direction for my next book
- 23 seconds of sensory delight. Well underway.
- Wear make-up every day. Well underway.
Work on my Muse Machine- Time capsule for 2023. Abandoning this one!
Ask people for names of journalists who might be interested in my book- Start a new group
- Slow time through adventure and novelty. Sometimes.
- Embrace year of transition
- Review the list on the 23rd of each month
- Add a “My Thirty Minutes” to my calendar each workday
Watch a TV show I missed
Demerits & Gold Stars
Elizabeth’s Demerit: She’s been ordering dinner lately.
Gretchen’s Gold Star: At my college reunion, a classmate said to me and my two roommates, “Look at the three of you sitting on the grass, the same as always!”
Resources
If you’d like resources related to the 23 in 2023 Happier Trifecta, find them here. You can do one, two, or three of the tools.
What we’re reading
436
[Music]
Gretchen
Hello and welcome to a Happier A podcast where we talk about ideas for how to be happier. This week we’ll talk about why it’s a good idea to use halfway day to reflect on our aims for 2023 so far. And we will announce a new term for this effort and we’ll report on how we are doing with our aims.
Gretchen
Ourselves. That’s the 23 and 23 list, the Annual Challenge and the One Word Theme. I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness. The Five Senses Human Nature. I’m in New York City, and joining me today from L.A. is my sister, Elizabeth Craft.
Elizabeth
And that’s me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in L.A., and Gretchen, I’ve done better than most years on my list.
Gretchen
But before we jump in, we’ve got a couple of updates from listeners.
Elizabeth
Yes. Julie says, I’m writing to enthusiastically endorse the insight of a listener who shared thoughts of the rebel father in episode 433. Two of my three children are rebels and I have figured out that rebels do not like witnesses. If I want one of my rebel children to do something that is extremely time sensitive, for example, something that has to be done quickly before we can leave the house for school, I have to make the request and then be gone.
Elizabeth
Any watching and waiting on my part slows cooperation or at a minimum, the likelihood of cooperation without additional and often significant resistance. I appreciate the just jumping when someone says jump can insult the very souls of some rebels. Therefore, the no witnessing is helpful when something really does have to happen quickly. It’s also a win win. The parent needs a thing to happen and the rebel child needs to maintain a sense of dignity, which seems to be extremely important to the rebels.
Elizabeth
I know. Of course, not witnessing alone isn’t the solution to all that is parenting a rebel. But I do think it’s a little hack to throw into the mix. Another related thought in contexts that aren’t as time sensitive, it also seems to help if I frame a request in a way that allows the rebel to hold on to his sense of having not been told what to do.
Elizabeth
For example, would you be willing to unload the dishwasher some time before you go to bed?
Gretchen
Well, I think this is great. And I actually have not heard of this don’t witness it. So I think that that’s a great hack and it makes perfect sense because rebels don’t like that feeling of, you think that I’m doing something because you told me to do it. And the more supervision they have, the more it can ignite that spirit of resistance.
Gretchen
So this is one of these things that seems like a pretty subtle difference that could actually make a very, very big difference in how what level of cooperation you would get. So that’s super helpful. Becca had an idea, a five senses related idea. She wrote, I had an idea for planning my summer that involves the five senses. I’m going to take each weekday and assign a sense to it.
Gretchen
It’s a reminder to me to focus on that sense for the day. It will also be the springboard for ideas when my children complain about being bored. I can say, Well, today is smell day. What would you do to celebrate it? Maybe go on a walk and smell the different kinds of flowers to find your favorite smelling one.
Gretchen
Or even visit a floral shop or a bookshop. Go outside and dance in the rain. Here in Utah, the rain has a very distinct smell because of living next to the Great Salt Lake. And most people who live here love the smell or even just spend the day noticing. If we’re at the pool notice the smell of sunscreen, chlorine and the snow cone you’re eating.
Gretchen
Can I say I never notice.
Elizabeth
The.
Gretchen
Five days of the week by senses correspondence before This is so obvious.
Elizabeth
Yes. How did this not make it into your book?
Gretchen
I don’t know. It’s like the four tendencies. I’m like, I need to write volume 2, I have so much to say. I keep thinking of things about the five senses that I wish I’d put in there. So I think this is a great idea. I think that’d be really, really fun. It’s fun to make the days of the week distinctive.
Gretchen
We’ve talked about that with chores wash on Monday, iron on Tuesday. There’s something that’s very satisfying about associating something with a particular day of week. I think this is a great idea. Yes, you could maybe make your neglected scents the one for Friday, whatever you want to do. So anyway, Becca, thank you for that great idea. Yes. So this week’s Try this at Home is to observe halfway day.
Gretchen
So July 2nd is coming up halfway day, and it’s helpful to set resolutions and aims for ourselves because no surprise, research shows that when we set specific aims, we’re far more likely to achieve them. We’re a big fan of all different ways of setting aims, so we have the one word theme. Elizabeth we will talk about our one word themes.
Gretchen
That’s a fun way to set aims. The 23 for 23. List that is very, very popular. We hear every year from so many people who do a 23 and 23 list. And then also the yearly challenge which we’ve done, which was walk 20 and 20, then read, then rest, and then this year’s go outside 23 and 23, which people are loving.
Gretchen
So but Elizabeth, it’s time to unroll our name for these three things, right? There’s the one word theme, the 23 and 23 and the challenge, and we’ve decided to call it.
Elizabeth
Happier Trifecta 2023.
Gretchen
It’s the happier trifecta. So the trifecta is the umbrella term for the 23 and 23. The challenge and the one word theme, because we see that people and you don’t have to do all three. It’s just the way to refer to this family of how to approach because people really like thinking this through and often will do all three or two of the three as a way to frame the upcoming year.
Gretchen
And then again, halfway day is a way to check in and say, Am I doing what I want or do I need to course correct or I even want to just remember what’s on my list, which for me I was like, Oh, I forgot about a couple of things on my list. This is helpful to use halfway day.
Elizabeth
So for anybody who’s at all confused about what we’re talking about, these are three tools that we’ve had and we’ve decided to group them together into the Happier Trifecta. And every year we can set our happier trifecta and then review it on halfway day, which is July 2nd.
Gretchen
Now, if you’re a purist like me, you may be thinking, Hey, but doesn’t a trifecta mean a bet in which the person picks the three finishers the first, second and third winner in correct order? Yes, it did mean that. But now acceptable usage has broadened and so trifecta can be used to mean three wins, three desirable things, three grand events.
Gretchen
So that is now accepted usage. I refrained from using trifecta because I thought I should just limit it that to that extremely precise meaning. But now that meaning has broadened and we embrace it. The happier trifecta is these three things. Now, in episode 411 we unveiled our happier trifecta for 2023, even though we did not call it the happy trifecta because we hadn’t come up with that term yet.
Gretchen
But we had our one word theme, our annual challenge, and our 23 and 23. So Elizabeth, halfway day is here. Let’s start with your one word theme. How is your one word theme working out?
Elizabeth
Yeah, so my one word theme is scale, which had a lot of different meetings. I’m doing great on weighing myself every day. That was a big part of it is using the scale every day and every day that I’m not out of town where there isn’t a scale. I have weighed myself, I’ve been recording it and the happier outcome and in my habit track journal.
Elizabeth
Now Gretchen, as we’ve discussed, weighing yourself is not something that everybody wants to do. Many people don’t like dealing with the scale, but for me it’s incredibly helpful. So again, it’s what’s right for you. For me it’s super helpful. It also talks about scale in terms of scaling our business. Now that’s very hard to do during the strike, of course, So that’s kind of gone by the wayside.
Elizabeth
Although Sarah and I are working on our novel, which I’ll get to on my list. So I think scale overall, I’m happy with how I’m doing with my theme.
Gretchen
But then there was also like Scale a Mountain and that also leads into your 23 and 23 list.
Elizabeth
Yes, that’s true, because I’m doing Fryman Canyon a lot as per my list and scaling the mountain of the strike.
Gretchen
Yes, scaling the mountain of the strike, which you didn’t even know. You suspected that it would happen. There was talk of it, but it was not certain when the year began. Okay. So that so scale seems like it’s been a really positive one word theme. Now let’s do your 23 and 23. So first was do the Fryman Canyon hike.
Gretchen
You thought about doing 46 because that’s 23 plus 23, but then you decided that 50 is more exciting. How is that going for you?
Elizabeth
It’s going great. So I call it my Fryman 50. Gretchen and I’m at speaking of 46, I’m at number 46. I’ve done it 46 times. Oh my.
Gretchen
God. And we’re only halfway day. How?
Elizabeth
Yeah. So I told Sarah, I’m upping it to 80. Okay, so my new goal is 80.
Gretchen
And you’re tracking that in the app? Okay, so that’s great. Floss every night as well as in the morning.
Elizabeth
Mixed success. I am definitely flossing more at night. Not every night. I still need to get to that every night mark. Helped me Gretch you recently gave me for my birthday some fun flavored floss, so I’ll be using it.
Gretchen
Thank you listeners, because I did not know that such a thing existed. But several people said, Oh, Elizabeth should try this. And I thought, Aha, this is an everyday luxury that might make flossing more fun or at least far interesting for a while and then, okay, get back in your wedding rings that you haven’t been able to wear since Jack was born.
Elizabeth
Yeah. So I have worn my wedding rings a bunch of times. My fingers are not at a point where I wear them 24 seven. Depends on how much salt I have had, I think. But I have been wearing them on a fairly regular basis. So I’m counting that as a good.
Gretchen
Excellent. Hike in Ojai qwith Sarah, your writing partner on Happier and Hollywood podcast.
Elizabeth
Now that was one of the easiest ones and I haven’t done it yet, but I will.
Gretchen
But that’s good. It’s good to have a few easy ones to keep you going. Number five, take a trip with friends from high school.
Elizabeth
Have not done that, but I have spent time with many of my friends from high school, so I call that a half.
Gretchen
Okay. Get the perfect small cross-body bag.
Elizabeth
Still working on that one Gretch.
Gretchen
Use your packing cubes. Gretch.
Elizabeth
I have used my packing cubes all the time. I am now a packing cube person.
Gretchen
Okay. Yeah. We were very puzzled about the packing cube enthusiasm. But you’ve been persuaded.
Elizabeth
Can I add a hack? Yes, Cube hack. Which is that when you’re traveling, what’s great? In fact, I’m going to even start bringing maybe a couple of empty packing cubes, because what’s great is to use them also for dirty clothes. Once you’ve worn something, then put it back in the packing cube that helps us organize the dirty from the clean clothes.
Gretchen
Oh, that’s good. Number eight read 23 novels. And by reading that includes listening to.
Elizabeth
Well on track for that should not be a problem. Happy to say.
Gretchen
Excellent. During the potential strike, which is now no longer a potential strike. Outline a.
Elizabeth
Novel. Yeah. So Sarah and I have a very broad outline of a novel, and we have started writing. So this is 100% a win.
Gretchen
This is great. You’re well underway. That is so exciting. Number ten, try pickleball.
Elizabeth
I tried pickleball. I did indeed. Try pickleball one time, but that counts.
Gretchen
Oh yeah, absolutely. Get your mahjong group going again.
Elizabeth
Yes, Gretchen, it’s not the same group, but I am in another mahjong group. Happy to report. Love it as much as always. Love those tiles.
Gretchen
Always carry kleenex.
Elizabeth
I’d say I’m about 80% on that one. Very rarely now do I not have Kleenex when I need it.
Gretchen
I love it. Yours are such a mix of gigantic and like always carry Kleenex and write a novel. It’s like. Number 13. Get two body scans.
Elizabeth
I have not done that. Gretchen, I need to do that. And I can do that, but I need to do my first one soon, or there’ll be no point in doing two. So I got to put that on the agenda for like the next two weeks.
Gretchen
Okay. Oh, and this is one that I think sounds like so much fun and it’s a carryover, which is to walk to Malibu.
Elizabeth
Gretch I haven’t done that. And can I tell you, I’m embarrassed because my friend who I’m supposed to do it with, got tired of waiting for me and she actually did it with someone else, so. Oh, and she’s more than willing to do it again with me, but I need to do it. I have a fear, I think, of not having the stamina, but I need to just go for it.
Elizabeth
She said. It really wasn’t that hard, but she’s in amazing shape. But nonetheless.
Gretchen
How long did it.
Elizabeth
Take? You know, I didn’t ask her. I will ask Number 15.
Gretchen
Finish your will. Oh, my gosh. Listeners, you’re so wonderful. And how we’ve gotten so many tips and hacks and suggestions and urgings and Elizabeth, everyone is rooting for you.
Elizabeth
Yes. I believe the basics of our will are finished. I actually have to check on that. But I think that I can check that off, at least in the most basic way. Okay, I will double check, but I think that’s a checkmark.
Gretchen
Oh, my gosh. If so, that’s huge. You’ve got to give yourself a major, major, major ta-da for that. So figure that out. Wow. This one go outside 23 minutes a day.
Elizabeth
Doing well, I have to admit, when we had so much rain in L.A., I did kind of fall off the there’s no bad weather, just the wrong clothes right. I missed a few days, but almost every day I’ve made it and I’ve been logging a photo from outside and my happier app in my 23 and 23 tool.
Gretchen
Well, and also now that you’re picketing, that probably makes this.
Elizabeth
Makes it easier Yeah.
Gretchen
Because you’re outside doing that. Have an extended Fiero family party to make up for the in-laws missing Christmas which is what happened last year.
Elizabeth
Yes I haven’t done that yet. I need to.
Gretchen
Okay. Build up Daisy and Nacho’s stamina so they can go on hikes.
Elizabeth
I think I have built up their stamina. I’ve been walking them a lot. And, you know, we’re in a very hilly neighborhood. Yes. But have not built it up enough. So that’s in progress.
Gretchen
Okay. 19, upgrade your home office.
Elizabeth
Gretch, I haven’t touched it.
Gretchen
Mm hmm. Okay. Well, you and I both are thinking that we need to upgrade our offices, so we’ll sidebar on that Number 20, Throw out your gross T-shirts. This is one of these things that’s both hard to do and easy to do. You’re like, Why is it so hard to do something so easy?
Elizabeth
Have not thrown out my gross t-shirts. So your point.
Gretchen
Okay, get another robe. Get a new robe.
Elizabeth
Did that, Adam got me a wonderful new robe for Christmas, which I been wearing every day.
Gretchen
Oh, great. You love a robe. Number 22. We’re coming up. Go away for a night with Sarah and Kareen.
Elizabeth
Okay. I have not done that, but we have talked about it. And I think this summer we will do it.
Gretchen
And then number 23. Well, this wasn’t one that was in your control. It was to do season three of Fantasy Island.
Elizabeth
Yes, I was going to manifest it and Gretch my skills of manifesting failed me. Oh, because we got canceled. So maybe I need to pick another 23, you know, not right.
Gretchen
Yeah, that’s right. Do a substitution. Well, and that thing that was within your control was you could manifest it, but in fact, manifesting is not. Is that an infallible strategy? Yes.
Elizabeth
Maybe instead, Gretchen all manifest a fair deal for writers in hollywood.
Gretchen
Okay, that does seem.
Elizabeth
To be my new 23, and that’ll hopefully by the end of the year, we’ll have a good deal.
Gretchen
Okay. All right, let’s do it. Okay, so that’s your trifecta. You did the 23 and 23, the one word theme of scale and the go outside 23 and 23.
Elizabeth
And coming up, Gretchen, we’re going to hear about your happier trifecta, 2023. But first, this break.
[Music]
Okay, Gretch, we’re back and it is time to talk about your happier trifecta. Let’s start with your one word theme, which is waves.
Gretchen
Yes, my theme is wave. And thank you to everyone who’s sent me images, Lego Sets, museum exhibits that all related to the image that I chose to sort of represent my one word theme, which was the the extremely extraordinarily famous woodcut under the wave off Kanagawa, which is also known as the great Wave, which is this beautiful image.
Gretchen
And and so it’s one of the things I learned is with the one word theme, it is really fun and you’re really good about doing this. It’s having some kind of visual to accompany a one word theme. It’s very fun to play with that. It was partly about having a new book come out and that I wanted to wave to everybody, give everybody a big wave.
Gretchen
As I went out into the world to do a book tour, which I loved. It was so fun to go on a book tour and then kind of like riding the wave, just being full of enthusiasm and riding the wave into the future. So yeah, I think my one word theme has been going really well. And one of the things that now that Eleanor has graduated, one of the things I want to do in this new transition is to be more social.
Gretchen
I want to be waving to people more and more waving hello to people more and more. So it’s something that I’ve done and something that I want to keep up.
Elizabeth
Good. Well, that’s one of my favorite words that you’ve had is wave.
Gretchen
Mhm. Yeah, it’s a good word.
Elizabeth
Okay, let’s go through your lists and see how you’re doing. Number one, visit the Met. But after this year it’s not going to be on your list right.
Gretchen
So for writing Life in Five Senses, one of my most ambitious exercises was to visit the Met every day. But that year long over and I still visit the Met every day. And so I put it on my 23 and 23. But I think from now on it’ll just be part of my daily life. I just I love going to the Met every day, so I wouldn’t use it for 24 and 24 because it’s just something that I want to do every day.
Elizabeth
Okay. But you have been doing it. Yes. Number two, another piece of our happier trifecta. Go outside 23 and 23.
Gretchen
Yes. This is the annual challenge to go outside 23 and 23. Yes, I’ve been doing it. But one of the things I realized is that kind of a pleasant surprise is that as a New York City person, when I started paying close attention to how much time I was spending outside, I really just like going about my daily business.
Gretchen
I would almost always hit 23 or 23, but I tried to have intentional time or in the park and try to elevate it, but I spent more time outside than I realized. So that was that was fun to know.
Elizabeth
Number three, catch up on photo albums.
Gretchen
Oh, you know, I caught up and now I’m behind again. It’s just a perennial task. It’s something that you can only cross off briefly. So anyway, I was caught up and now I need to catch up again.
Elizabeth
30 days of culture. Explain what that is.
Gretchen
This, again, is about embracing this new stage of life, empty nest or new metaphor on its way, or one of 30 straight days of culture. I live in New York City. I could do stuff every night and I want to just do it for 30 days straight. I think I’m going to do this in October because I want to pick a month where I don’t know.
Gretchen
I’m just trying to figure out the right month. I think it’s going to be October, so I’m still planning to do that.
Elizabeth
Right? Number five, tackle one difficult email per day.
Gretchen
I have not been doing this at all.
Elizabeth
Okay.
Gretchen
What it often means is that I need to like listen to a podcast episode or watch a video or make a difficult decision, like figure something out. So often it’s not the email, it’s the activity that the email represents. So I have not been doing this, but I still want to do it because it would be such a relief to get this done.
Gretchen
So okay, this I’m going to double down now.
Elizabeth
Got seven make haircut appointment every seven weeks.
Gretchen
Nope not even tried.
Elizabeth
Have done that now. All right, great. Get on it. Number seven, buy new underwear.
Gretchen
No, haven’t done it. Need to do it. Haven’t done it.
Elizabeth
I bought some new under.
Gretchen
Okay well that’s good. .
Elizabeth
Eight. Have a summer of rereading.
Gretchen
I have started my summer of re-reading. I haven’t made much progress. I started the life of Samuel Johnson, which I love. I haven’t finished it yet, but I’m planning on doing it Maybe more like the summer, fall and winter of rereading.
Elizabeth
But I know. Okay, good. Nine. Be more systematic about connecting with friends and colleagues.
Gretchen
I would give this a half. I think I’ve sort of done it, but not as systematically as I want. So I want to. I want to. I want to get better about this, but I’m better than I was. So I’ve made progress. But I am not at the point that I aim to be. All right.
Elizabeth
Progress, not perfection, as we say. Yes, this one cracks me up. Number ten, buy airplane jeans.
Gretchen
Okay, well, I bought something that somebody said, Oh, these are even better than airplane genes. And I bought them and they’re basically like a yoga pant, which is great because nobody loves a yoga pant more than I do. But I actually want a pair of jeans because I don’t want jeans for whatever reason. So I feel like I still feel like I want airplane jeans.
Elizabeth
Okay. You still need those airplane jeans? Yeah. This is something we talked about. Help Eleanor get a driver’s license and Elizabeth to make a will.
Gretchen
Okay. This is related to being a happiness bully. Seems like you’ve made your will, so maybe I can take that as a partial win. I have not helped Eleanor or Eliza to get a driver’s license, so that needs to get done. Okay.
Elizabeth
Number 12, get a direction for your next book.
Gretchen
No, and I think I had my book come out. Life in five Senses, and then I was giving the high school commencement address, which occupied a big place in my head, of course. And then we’re just sort of getting through all of graduation. But now I feel like I really can turn to what is next. And I have so many ideas.
Gretchen
It’s so fun to think about it. So I’m very excited. But no, I have not I have not figured that out. But I’m excited to do it.
Elizabeth
13, 23 seconds of sensory delight.
Gretchen
Oh, this is easy. I love this. And now I’m always like, Oh, beautiful textures and beautiful smell. Look at that thing. Yes, I easily do.
Elizabeth
Fourteen wear makeup every day.
Gretchen
Yes. Are you astonished by this? Yes, I mean, every once in a while. No. But basically, I wear makeup every day. And the thing is, now that I’m trying to do more videos and photos, and it’s one of these things where if you do it more or, you know, I talk about this all the time, it’s like I’m an all or nothing person.
Gretchen
I’m an abstain or not a moderator from I go to the Met every day. For me, it’s easier to do things every day than to do them. Sometimes. And I think that I didn’t realize that for makeup it would be the same way. It’s actually easier for me to do it every day than to do it some days.
Gretchen
And this is just again, this is an insight into my own nature that I keep experiencing over and over. But then I don’t think about it, which is, it’s usually easier for me to do something all the time than sometimes, even though that seems very counterintuitive. So anyway, I’m doing that and it’s much easier than I expected.
Elizabeth
And I’ve noticed that wearing makeup every day is making you wear all of your prettier clothes. Yes, Yes, many days.
Gretchen
I’m upping my game.
Elizabeth
Yes. Okay, 15. Work on your muse machine.
Gretchen
Yes. I’m so excited. If you read Life in Five Senses you read about the Muse machine, it’s kind of taken a different form because it turns out Rolodexes are very strange creatures to work with, but stay tuned. If you’re intrigued by the idea of a Muse machine, there will be more on that. It is happening. Yes.
Elizabeth
Okay. Number 16 A time capsule for 2023. It’s an idea we talked about in episode four or one.
Gretchen
I don’t know. It was. I’m kind of losing interest in the time capsule. I kind of want to just cross that off the list. What do you.
Elizabeth
Think? Kind of, Yeah. For some reason, I it hasn’t captured me. I haven’t found things for the time capsule.
Gretchen
So maybe, I mean, for me, it’s kind of a big year. So you would think that it would be very time capsule. But I don’t know why.
Elizabeth
Maybe a time capsule needs to be a period of time. Like childhood.
Gretchen
Yeah, Or maybe like Elinor to do a time capsule of her grade school and high school years. Right. I want to keep thinking about whether it but right now I feel like a I haven’t done it. And b I don’t feel that excited to do it.
Elizabeth
So you’re letting that go? I think so. Okay. Ask people for names of journalists who might be interested in your book.
Gretchen
Yeah, I did that right. I did tons of outreach. Yeah, that’s done.
Elizabeth
18 start a new group.
Gretchen
I have not done that, but I’ve talked to people about it and so I’m edging up to it. But again, I feel like with the transition and wanting to be more social and waving at people, it’s all tied together. So I’m excited about that.
Elizabeth
Yes, You love a group.
Gretchen
I love a group of a group. Love a group. I love a group.
Elizabeth
19 slow times through adventure and novelty.
Gretchen
Yeah. Okay. So this is a classic bad idea for a resolution. So let me just say, because that is too vague. I know better than that. Because what does that even mean on any one day? Do you know if you’ve slowed time through adventure? Nobody but our mother had a great suggestion about how to make it specific. She was like once a month.
Gretchen
Pick a place in New York City that you’ve never been. That’s not within walking distance and go and just investigate it. Walk around. This is a great idea. I did it for several months, loved it, didn’t do it for April and May, did do it in June. So this idea of a an aim has evolved to be much more specific.
Gretchen
And I’ve done it several times, but not perfectly consistently. So I get a kind of a half check.
Elizabeth
Okay. Getting to number 20, embrace a year of transition.
Gretchen
Yeah, well, I’ve been talking about that because Eleanor’’s graduated. I want to figure out how to make the most of it. I want to think it through. I want to, like, kind of have a philosophy. So that’s in progress.
Elizabeth
21 This is very meta. Review the list on the 23rd of each month.
Gretchen
In fact, it’s so meta I forgot about it and I haven’t been doing it, but it’s a good idea, so I’m going to start.
Elizabeth
Doing it is a good idea. Yeah. Okay. 22 add a my 30 minutes to your calendar each workday, explain what that is.
Gretchen
Okay, so this is the thing that this is a repeated demerit. This is clearly something that I want to do and I keep not doing it. And this was a way to try to do it, which is there’s a certain kind of work that I need to do that I call review in my mind. And what review is I have this book that I checked out from the library because for whatever reason I thought it would be interesting, but I’m not 100% sure.
Gretchen
So I need to sit down and look at it, examine it and think it through and review it and see like, is this something that’s worth reading the whole thing, or should I just return it to the library? Or maybe I bought a book and I’m like, Is this a book that is useful for me or not? Or is there like some document that I need to think through and just be like, is this useful or not?
Gretchen
So it’s related to note taking, it’s related to research. It has to do with like sorting materials and for whatever reason, I don’t do that as consistently as I should. If I did review consistently, it would really be very helpful in other areas of my work. It’s kind of a version of Power Hour and I don’t know why, but I enjoy doing reviews, so I don’t know why I do not do it.
Gretchen
So I was trying to reframe it. Elizabeth Because like classic reframing it by doing it 30 minutes a day that So maybe I’ll redouble my efforts and really try to say I to actually put the 30 minutes on the calendar, which as an upholder that really works for me and I have not done that. I will do it every day.
Gretchen
But I didn’t actually put it on the calendar. So maybe I’ll try that because I really do think it would make my work easier.
Elizabeth
Yes, maybe we need to make that a try this at home?
Gretchen
Yeah. Do other people have this need, do you think?
Elizabeth
Well, they probably have their own kind of need that’s similar. Yeah. Review your day review tomorrow. Review?
Gretchen
Yeah. Or maybe just like, take 30 minutes to do whatever it is.
Elizabeth
That’s stragglers. The days. Stragglers? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Finally, Gretch, 23, watch a TV show you missed. Yes. Okay.
Gretchen
So I got so much pleasure from watching Mad Men because I finally did what you suggested. We watch Breaking Bad. Then I immediately started Better Call Saul. So these were shows that I missed. I love them. But here’s the thing that I’ve learned. It’s much better to watch a TV show when everybody else is watching it. We couldn’t watch Succession when everybody was watching the final season because we were still catching up with Better Call Saul.
Gretchen
And we’re like, We can’t watch two intense charged TV shows at once. We don’t have the time and we don’t have the emotional bandwidth like you would do a finale. The list is like, I couldn’t do that because I wasn’t watching it. And so now I want to make up the TV shows that I missed, like Friday Night Lights or Ted Lasso or the second season of White Lotus or whatever.
Gretchen
But I do want to pay attention to what is timely because it is fun to be part of the cultural conversation. If it’s a show that I think, Oh, I will want to watch this, try to watch it when everybody else is watching it, because that just is more fun. But for the ones that we missed, there’s ones that that I want to go back.
Gretchen
I usually watch TV with Jamie, so that’s what I’m talking about we. I don’t do like excellent TV by myself. I watch the office by myself, but I don’t watch Mad Men. Jamie couldn’t take it. It was too intense. But better call Saul were watching, too.
Elizabeth
Yeah, well, so you are almost done with Better Call Saul. So that is a win for 23. You watch better?
Gretchen
Yes. We will definitely be through both Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul.
Elizabeth
Nice work, Gretch.
Gretchen
Yes. Let us know if you do try this at home and how you’re doing with all your aims with your happier trifecta, whether you’re doing the one word theme, the 23 and 23, the challenge of outside 23 in 23, maybe you’re doing one of those, Maybe you’re doing two of those, maybe you’re doing all three of those. Whatever you’re doing Now that we’re at halfway day, it’s a good time to reflect.
Gretchen
Remind yourself of what you want to do. There’s still plenty of time before the end of 2023, so you can make it up. Let us know on Instagram, Tik-Tok, Twitter, Facebook, Drop us an email at podcast@gretchenrubin.com. Or as always, you can go to the shownotes. This is happiercast.com/436.
Elizabeth
Coming up I have a dinner demerit but first this break.
[Music]
Gretchen
Okay Elizabeth demerits and gold stars? This episode is your turn to talk about a demerit.
Elizabeth
Okay. So Gretchen, I had been really great about not ordering dinner or by which I mean not post-meeting and dinner to my house because, you know, I’m trying to eat better and also save money and it’s expensive to get delivery from restaurants, but there have been several times lately where I have done it. So for several weeks slash months, I’ve been great about eating at home and I’ve just fallen off and ordered several times.
Elizabeth
And of course, it’s the kind of thing where if you order once, you’re more likely to order twice. So I need to just stop, do the abstainor thing. Right. So by saying it, I’m hoping I do it. Good. So that’s a.
Gretchen
That’s a good.
Elizabeth
One. All regrets. What’s your gold star?
Gretchen
I want to give a gold star to someone from my college class. I was at my college reunion. I was with two of my roommates, and we had gone to a panel discussion together. And for once it was a gorgeous day. New Haven’s kind of famous for its bad weather, but it was this absolutely spectacular day, spring day.
Gretchen
So we come out of the panel and we sit down on the grass in front of the SSS building and all these people are milling around because the panels over and we’re sitting there talking and people watching and somebody who we’d gone to college with came up to us and said, Oh, look there, the three of you are sitting on the grass.
Gretchen
It’s exactly the same as it was these three beautiful women. And we were like, Oh, that is so nice that he saw us sitting there. We’re like, This is exactly what we would do. We would just go plop down on the grass in the middle of a big bunch of people, sit there, talk, people watch as everybody went by, and that somebody from the past and not like a close friend of ours, a guy we knew was like, there you are sitting just the same as ever.
Gretchen
And it was just it was such a sweet moment.
Elizabeth
A snapshot of the past collapsing into the present.
Gretchen
But also, you know how my whole thing is. I want to feel coherent connection with the past, that I want to feel myself persisting through time. I don’t know why that’s really important to me, but this is something that I really value. And so the idea that he called my attention to the fact that without even thinking about it or talking about it, we just instinctively dropped back into this old behavior, in this old posture.
Gretchen
It just made me feel like so much has changed. But this is the same from then until now, and I love it just as much as I loved it then. I love it now. And that to me is a very pleasing feeling and a very pleasing recognition. And I think my two roommates commented on it too, like we all really were struck by it.
Gretchen
So I love Gold Star. It was a small but very meaningful moment. I’ve been the resources for this week. Okay, We’ve talked about the trifecta, and if you want resources related to your trifecta, you’re have your trifecta. You can go to happiercast.com/trifecta. Again, you don’t have to do all three. You can do the theme, you can do the list, you can do the challenge.
Gretchen
And you know, the best time to start a trifecta for 2023 is January 1st, 2023. The second best time is now. You could use halfway day as a catalyst, or you can just pick any day that you want. The questioners would say, Why pick any date? Any date is arbitrary. Start your trifecta whenever you feel like it. Because why not?
Gretchen
Absolutely. But anything related to that, resources, all sorts of stuff is go to happiercast.com/trifecta. And what are we reading. Elizabeth what are you reading?
Elizabeth
I am just starting Solito by Javier Zamora.
Gretchen
And I am reading Foster by Claire Keegan. And that’s it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home. Observe halfway day in whatever way you want. Let us know if you tried it and if it works for you. How are you doing on all the elements of your happier trifecta or any other aim that you are pursuing?
Elizabeth
Thank you to our executive producer Chuck Reed and everyone at Cadence 13. Get in touch. Gretchen’s on Instagram and Tik Tok at Gretchen Rubin and I’m on Instagram at Liz Craft. Our email address is podcast@gretchenrubin.com.
Gretchen
And if you like this show, please add to your 23 in 23 list, recommend our show to a friend. We really appreciate it.
Elizabeth
Until next week, I’m Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.
Gretchen
Elizabeth, I cannot believe that you, without any fanfare at all, have dealt with the will, at least more or less. That’s fantastic.
Elizabeth
Yes, I think Adam has been very helpful in that. So that’s why I’m not quite clear where we are, because I think he’s taken charge of that. But yes, I think we’re set. Should the worst happen, we’ve got something in place.
Gretchen
But you have to tell me when it’s officially crossed off. Of course, because listeners will want to know because everybody is doing.
Elizabeth
Something about the fact have been so nice and offering their help.
Gretchen
They have. It will be a load off everyone’s mind. Well done.
[Music]
From the onward project.