Drawing on contemporary science, the wisdom of the ages, lessons from pop culture, and her own experiences, Gretchen Rubin reveals unexpected truths about how we can live happier lives—and how to transform abstract ideas into concrete action.
A chronicle of the twelve months Gretchen Rubin spent test-driving cutting-edge science, the wisdom of the ages, and lessons from popular culture for her “happiness project” about how to be happier.
A chronicle of the twelve months Gretchen Rubin spent test-driving cutting-edge science, the wisdom of the ages, and lessons from popular culture for her “happiness project” about how to be happier.
Podcast
On the top-ranking, award-winning podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin, Gretchen discusses happiness and good habits with her sister, Hollywood show-runner Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen Rubin is one of today’s most influential and thought-provoking observers of happiness and human nature. An acclaimed writer, she’s known for her ability to distill and convey complex ideas with humor and clarity.
An atmosphere of growth is a key to a happier life. Find articles about a range of topics, consider concrete tips and strategies, and download additional resources.
Drawing on contemporary science, the wisdom of the ages, lessons from pop culture, and her own experiences, Gretchen Rubin reveals unexpected truths about how we can live happier lives—and how to transform abstract ideas into concrete action.
A chronicle of the twelve months Gretchen Rubin spent test-driving cutting-edge science, the wisdom of the ages, and lessons from popular culture for her “happiness project” about how to be happier.
A chronicle of the twelve months Gretchen Rubin spent test-driving cutting-edge science, the wisdom of the ages, and lessons from popular culture for her “happiness project” about how to be happier.
Podcast
On the top-ranking, award-winning podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin, Gretchen discusses happiness and good habits with her sister, Hollywood show-runner Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen Rubin is one of today’s most influential and thought-provoking observers of happiness and human nature. An acclaimed writer, she’s known for her ability to distill and convey complex ideas with humor and clarity.
An atmosphere of growth is a key to a happier life. Find articles about a range of topics, consider concrete tips and strategies, and download additional resources.
Drawing on contemporary science, the wisdom of the ages, lessons from pop culture, and her own experiences, Gretchen Rubin reveals unexpected truths about how we can live happier lives—and how to transform abstract ideas into concrete action.
A chronicle of the twelve months Gretchen Rubin spent test-driving cutting-edge science, the wisdom of the ages, and lessons from popular culture for her “happiness project” about how to be happier.
A chronicle of the twelve months Gretchen Rubin spent test-driving cutting-edge science, the wisdom of the ages, and lessons from popular culture for her “happiness project” about how to be happier.
Podcast
On the top-ranking, award-winning podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin, Gretchen discusses happiness and good habits with her sister, Hollywood show-runner Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen Rubin is one of today’s most influential and thought-provoking observers of happiness and human nature. An acclaimed writer, she’s known for her ability to distill and convey complex ideas with humor and clarity.
An atmosphere of growth is a key to a happier life. Find articles about a range of topics, consider concrete tips and strategies, and download additional resources.
For my book about my five senses, I’ve been investigating my sense of hearing—and so I’ve thought a lot about noise, silence, and listening.
True attentive listening is powerful, and arduous. I’m not a great listener, so to help me do a better job, I wrote a Manifesto for Listening. I do love a manifesto! (For instance, you can read my Happiness Manifesto, Habits Manifesto, an Outer Order, Inner Calm Manifesto, and Podcast Manifesto.)
Of course, to listen, I have to fall quiet. Just a few days ago, I realized that word “silent” has the same letters as the word “listen,” rearranged. Did everyone else know this? Here’s my Manifesto.I laminated it and stuck it up on my bulletin board to help me remember to listen better:
Don’t worry about what to say, think about how to listen.
When someone wants to talk, immediately stop what I’m doing to give my attention.
Show that I’m giving my attention: turn my body and eyes to face the other person; put down my book or phone; nod, make eye contact; say “mmm-hmm.”
Embrace thoughtful pauses; don’t rush to fill a silence.
No leading questions.
Ask open-ended questions.
Ask clarifying questions.
Listen for facts, for emotions, and for the expression of values.
Acknowledge the reality of other people’s feelings. (This is surprisingly difficult.)
If someone’s complaining, ask, “What do you plan to do?”
Don’t multi-task.
Paraphrase or summarize to show that I understand—or not.
Respect what other people want to talk about: if they bring up a subject, discuss it; if they jump away from a subject, don’t bring it up again (we all have our pet subjects that we love to discuss but others may not!)
Don’t jump in with judgment or suggestions.
Take notes if appropriate.
Under-react in a difficult conversation.
Don’t steer away from painful subjects. (I realized that I often do this, before I’m even consciously aware of what’s happening.)
React with enthusiasm to good news. (Especially important with Jamie: research shows that partners’ response to good news is very important for the strength of a relationship)
Listen for what’s not being said.
If appropriate, hold someone’s hand or give a touch during a tough conversation.
If someone wants me to make a decision, I can ask for time to consider.
If I find someone boring, I’m not asking the right questions.
Let people talk themselves into their solution, rather than supply my solution.
Don’t interrupt to insist that people read a book. (This may be my particular problem. Whatever the challenge, I can’t resist pushing my favorite book on the subject. This is my way of showing love, but I should listen rather than interrupt to insist, “Here, write this down, you have to read this book.”)
When in doubt, stop talking.
What did I miss? Please let me know. I find that distilling my aims in this way really helps.
Interested in happiness, habits, and human nature?
From renowned happiness expert and New York Times bestselling author Gretchen Rubin, the “Five Things Making Me Happy” newsletter is one of today’s most popular newsletters. You’ll get a weekly round-up of what’s making Gretchen happy, as well as practical tips, research, and resources about how we can make our lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative.
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Every Friday, Gretchen Rubin shares 5 things that are making her happier, asks readers and listeners questions, and includes exclusive updates and behind-the-scenes material.