By this time next week, my husband Jamie and I will have dropped off our younger daughter Eleanor at college. The only way I know what I think about an experience or idea is to write about it, which is why I decided my next project will focus on this stage of life—which I’m calling the “open door” stage. I’m trying to notice the particular atmosphere of these last days—hard to notice until it’s gone.
Onward,
5 Things Making Me Happy
My husband Jamie has a super-power of being able to remember names and faces, but I often struggle to remember someone’s name—so I was heartened to read about research showing that names are particularly difficult for the brain to learn and remember. In fact, research revealed the “Baker/baker paradox”; when shown a photograph, people remember that the pictured person has the job of “baker” better than they remember that the person’s name is “Baker.”
I’m always on the hunt for funny books. If you’re looking for a laugh-out-loud read, these are three of my favorites:
- Heartburn by Nora Ephron—An excellent novel, it’s hilarious even though it’s about a divorce, and it’s based on the author’s own experience. It was also made into an excellent movie.
- Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons—Maybe not for everyone but I laughed out loud many times.
- Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott—A beautiful meditation on being a parent for the first time.
Learn more about these books on my Instagram post (and read the comments for more recommendations from the community).
A break from routine—such as going on vacation—can sometimes make it harder to stick to a good habit. This New York Times article, “5 Ways to Improve Your Fitness on Vacation,” offers some good suggestions about how to keep up with exercise. For instance, I never thought of packing resistance bands—they weigh nothing and take up no space.
This beautiful observation from Virginia Woolf’s Diary, in which she reflects on life with her husband Leonard Woolf, struck me: “The immense success of our life, is I think, that our treasure is hid away; or rather in such common things that nothing can touch it.” That is an immense success! In my book Happier at Home I use the symbol and theme of treasure, and in fact “treasure” is the last word of the book. Woolf also often invokes “treasure,” and I loved discovering this new reference.
Research on Olympic athletes highlights an interesting phenomenon: Bronze medalists often report being happier than silver medalists. While silver medalists tend to dwell on narrowly missing gold, bronze medalists are more often thrilled to have earned a place on the podium. What a great example of re-framing!
SPOTLIGHT
Capture summer memories with the Memento Keepsake Journal.
Recalling happy times can boost happiness in the present, and mementos are a powerful way to keep those memories vivid. The Memento Keepsake Journal makes it easy to organize souvenirs from your summer adventures, and is a great gift for students and teachers at the start of the school year.
This week on Happier with Gretchen Rubin
PODCAST EPISODE: 495
We talk about why and how it’s useful to use the annual Labor Day Holiday as a catalyst to reflect on our work—both paid and unpaid. We also share a fun know-yourself-better tool, and make a suggestion about finding the right gym. Plus we reveal a fact that will make listeners very happy (and relieved).
INTERVIEW
A.J. Jacobs
A.J. Jacobs is a New York Times bestselling author, journalist, lecturer, and self-described human guinea pig (an identity I can relate to). He writes about his lifestyle experiments like reading the entire Encyclopedia Britannica in a quest to learn everything in the world. His new book, The Year of Living Constitutionally: One Man’s Humble Quest to Follow the Constitution’s Original Meaning, hit shelves earlier this year.
Q: Can you suggest something we might try to help ourselves to become happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?
I recommend something I call the “Gratitude Chain.” A few years ago, I wrote a book called Thanks a Thousand. For the book, I spent several months thanking everyone who had even the smallest role in my morning cup of coffee. I thanked the barista at my New York coffee shop, but I also went to South America and thanked the coffee farmer. I thanked the truck driver who drove the coffee beans, the coffee shop’s logo designer, the folks who made the brewing equipment, and on and on.
It was a weird experience—but also amazing, because it made me realize the hundreds of people I take for granted. It made me aware of the thousands of things that go right every day instead of the few that go wrong (which was my default focus).
I’m still a huge fan of this strategy. You don’t need to take off several months and travel the world, as I did. You can just take a few moments a week. You can take a minute to think about all the people required for your favorite book or pair of socks or orange marmalade. And you can even try to thank one of those people. Most companies have a Facebook page, so you can just leave a note saying “I love the logo, and wanted to thank the artist for designing it.” It will make their day—and make you feel good too.
Q: In your own life, have you found ways to tap into the power of your five senses? (For instance, I often take a sniff of a spice jar as I pass through my kitchen to help ground me in the present moment.)
One thing I do is try to force myself to notice what I’m seeing. To really embrace the richness of it. I wrote a book about my love of puzzles, and I had a chapter on visual puzzles, such as Where’s Waldo. The great thing about those puzzles is that they encourage pay attention to the details of what you are looking at
Sometimes I like to treat the real world like a page from a Where’s Waldo book. When I’m walking down the street, I try to notice all the amazing details. Right now, I’m at my desk, and looking around my office and noticing that my wastebasket has a surprisingly elegant sloped design. A little unexpected treat for the eyes.
Q: Is there a particular motto that you’ve found very helpful? (I remind myself to “Be Gretchen.”) Or a quotation that has struck you as particularly insightful?
It’s easier to act your way into a new way.
One motto I love is:
“Get curious, not furious.”
I heard it from a psychologist when I attended a seminar on raising kids. He was talking about parenting techniques. But I think it’s useful in almost all situations. For instance, in today’s divided society. If you’re talking to someone who fundamentally disagrees with you, don’t get furious. Instead, get curious. Why do they believe what they believe? Why do you believe what you believe? What evidence could change their mind? And your mind? And if you still disagree on certain things, what do you agree on? What specific actions could you take that would work for both of you. With this mindset, you are much more likely to find a productive solution. I talk about this in my book The Puzzler. I call it “The Puzzler mindset.” Try to reframe your problems as puzzles.
Q: What simple habit boosts your happiness or energy?
As I mentioned, I’m a fan of gratitude (it’s my favorite emotion, tied with curiosity).
One ritual I enjoy is going to sleep with gratitude. Instead of counting sheep I count things I’m grateful for. I go through the alphabet, and try to think of one thing I’m grateful for per letter. I might start with A, and be grateful for the apple pancakes my kids made me over the weekend. Then I’ll move onto B and be thankful for the book I’m reading (today’s is Great Expectations).
Q: Has a book ever changed your life—if so, which one and why?
The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin.
For my new book, The Year of Living Constitutionally, I read Ben Franklin’s autobiography. I cannot recommend it enough. It’s a memoir, but it’s also probably the first American self-help book. In one section, he reveals his daily schedule. When he wakes up, he asked himself “What good can I do today?” I love that idea. It really provides a moral compass.
I wrote the phrase on a piece of paper and hung it over my desk. And it really helps me. When I start to get angry about something silly, such as my Instagram post didn’t get enough likes, I can look at the phrase and get a reality check. It will remind me of the big picture. And it’s not about me being saintly. It’s a lot about happiness. One of the best ways to work toward happiness is to have a goal about making the world better and helping others. That way you get outside of your own head.
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