Five Things to Try This Month (Forecast your foibles / Avoid feelings of resentment)

For me, and for many people, September feels like the other January— a second start to the year. As I think about all the things that I thought I would’ve started (or indeed, finished) by now, I remind myself, “The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second-best time is now.”

5 Things to Try This Month

Forecast your own foibles.

When we acknowledge something that’s true about ourselves—a foible we often display or a loophole we invoke—we can imagine how we might behave in the future and set ourselves up to behave better. For instance, for my daughter Eleanor’s college move-in process, I accurately forecasted my foible of being snappish when under stress. The forecasting helped me to manage my temper better, if not perfectly.

Make the most of the first three weeks.

In his article in the New York Times, “Making Friends in New Places,” Nicholas Christakis says, “Social inhibitions tend to dissolve when a group of strangers enters a new environment…But after that critical window, a curtain begins to fall on the welcoming social scene.” If we find ourselves in a new environment or sharing an experience with a group of strangers (such as the first three weeks of freshman year of college), we can remember that we have a rare—and fleeting—opportunity to connect with others and forge new friendships.

Set an alarm to leave on time.

Do you worry about leaving at a certain time? Try setting an alarm on your phone to tell you to when it’s time to leave. This habit helps me to leave on time—and it also means I don’t feel rushed or distracted by keeping an eye on my watch.

Avoid feeling resentful as an Obliger.

Because they’re likely to say “yes,” Obligers sometimes feel exploited. Doing things for other people without reciprocation can lead to feelings of resentment, burnout, and even Obliger-Rebellion. To avoid this, an Obliger might:

Recognize that the other Tendencies may expect you to say “no” or draw a boundary in the same way that they would.
Invoke a form of outer accountability by saying something like, “If I don’t draw a boundary and say ‘no,’ I’m going to go into Obliger-Rebellion which could be destructive. I have to protect myself now to protect you later.”
Think of your duty to be a role model for others. Consider how you want to set an example to your children of establishing boundaries and standing up for yourself, or avoid being a negative role-model by allowing others to take advantage of you.
Imagine what you would tell your own best friend in the same situation—and take that advice.
Say “no” to one person so you can say “yes” to someone else. Recognize that you can’t meet every expectation, and that you have to say “no” to one request so you can say “yes” to what matters most to you.

Back-to-School Hacks

Back-to-school season is here, and we shared some of our favorite hacks from listeners in this recent More Happier episode:

Stock up on supplies that spark your creativity
Use the clean slate to experiment with new routines or schedules to find what works and what doesn’t
Observe a ritual to mark the transition—detail your car, get a hair cut, buy a new outfit

Listen to the episode for more back-to-school tips, hacks, and inspiration.

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