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Podcast 313: Help People Not Disappoint You, a Hack for Reading More, a Talk with Deepa Iyer about Different Roles to Play in Social Change.


Try This at Home: Help people not disappoint you. If you think that they might disappoint you, give them some help.

Happiness Hack: Many people feel that if they start a book, they have to finish it. A listener who felt this way added a new category to her list of completed books: "Didn't finish." That way, she gets a sense of completion so she can move on to books she'll enjoy.

This is a great hack for people joining us for the #Read21in21 challenge.

She mentions being an "Upholder," one of the Tendencies in my Four Tendencies personality framework. If you want to find out if you're an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel, take the free, quick quiz here (more than 3.2 million people have taken this quiz).

Interview: Deepa Iyer.

Deepa Iyer is a South Asian-American writer, strategist, lawyer, and racial justice advocate. She's a Strategic Advisor at Building Movement Project and Director of Solidarity Is, a project that provides trainings, narratives, and resources on building deep and lasting multiracial solidarity.

Deepa’s first book was the award-winning We Too Sing America: South Asian, Arab, Muslim and Sikh Immigrants Shape Our Multiracial Future (Amazon, Bookshop). She also hosts a podcast called Solidarity Is This.

Deepa Iyer created the "Social Change Ecosystem Map" to identify the ten roles people play in helping to bring about social change.

If you want to read more from Deepa, I shared an interview with her on my website. Read it here.

Gretchen's Demerit: Don’t chivvy! (I.e., don't badger, pester, or nag.)

Elizabeth's Gold Star: Adam worked long and hard to solve their problem with their cell service.


  • If you’re looking for easy, concrete ways to improve your romantic relationship, consider joining my 30-Day Relationship Challenge. Use promo code FEB2021 to get half off this month. And, as a bonus, you’ll receive a free membership to HiHo, a  new video app where you, other listeners, and I can have conversations in a special Q+A event. This isn't a Zoom! It’s a platform where we can all gather, be seen, and be heard. Click here to join the Relationship Challenge today.
  • Are you joining the #Read21in21 challenge? It’s never too late to begin! To keep track of your progress, download a free PDF here. Check each day off as you go, and give yourself a gold star.

What we’re reading:
Elizabeth: Still reading Warlight, Michael Ondaatje (Amazon, Bookshop)
Gretchen: Hamnet, Maggie O’Farrell (Amazon, Bookshop)

Quote From the Podcast

“When we do social change work, it can feel isolating, it can feel overwhelming…[the social change map can help in] understanding that we’re part of an ecosystem, we don’t have to take on all these roles.”
Deepa Iyer