Update
If you’re looking for a Mother’s Day gift idea, consider the Know Yourself Better: Building Connections Journal. It makes a terrific gift—or request it for yourself.
Try This at Home
Read a book that sheds a light on how things works.
We mention several excellent books:
- Traffic: Why We Drive the Way We Do (and What It Says About Us) by Tom Vanderbilt (Amazon, Bookshop)
- Inside of a Dog: What Dogs See, Smell, and Know by Alexandra Horowitz (Amazon, Bookshop)
- Heads in Beds: A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality by Jacob Tomsky (Amazon, Bookshop)
- The Secret Life of Groceries: The Dark Miracle of the American Supermarket by Benjamin Lorr (Amazon, Bookshop)
- A Pattern Language: Towns, Buildings, Construction by Christopher Alexander (Amazon, Bookshop)
- Cruise Confidential: A Hit Below the Waterline: Where the Crew Lives, Eats, Wars and Parties by Brian David Bruns (Amazon, Bookshop)
- How to Win the Bachelor: The Secret to Finding Love and Fame on America’s Favorite Reality Show by Chad Kultgen and Lizzy Pace (Amazon, Bookshop)
Happiness Hack
A listener suggests using “avoid freeways” on your navigation app as a way to make driving more pleasant.
The “Write” Way
One of the best ways to make yourself want to write? Read.
I mention the book People Who Led to My Plays by Adrienne Kennedy (Amazon, Bookshop).
If you want the Life in Five Senses Discussion Guide, you can get it here. If you’re hosting a book-club discussion of the book, enter your book club for a chance to win a virtual drop-in from me. I can’t wait to do these.
Fun with the Five Senses
Does your sleep feel heavy or light?
Demerits & Gold Stars
Elizabeth’s Demerit: She’s behind on her doctor’s appointments.
Gretchen’s Gold Star: I give a gold star to my husband, Jamie, for his frequent calls just to “check in.”
Resource
Take the “What’s Your Most Neglected Sense?” quiz to identify your neglected sense, and find a new source of comfort, calm, and creativity.
What We’re Reading
**This transcript is unedited**
478
[music]
Gretchen
Hello and welcome to Happier a podcast where we talk about ways to make our lives happier, healthier, more productive and more creative. This week we’ll talk about why it’s a good idea to read a book that sheds light on how things work. And we will talk about one of the easiest and most fun ways to spark creativity. Plus, of course, a happiness hack.
Gretchen
And I’m Gretchen Rubin a writer who studies happiness, good habits, human nature, The Five Senses. I’m in my little home office in New York City, and joining me today from Los Angeles, from her much bigger office is my sister, Elizabeth Craft.
Elizabeth
That’s me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in L.A. and much. My office is messy. You haven’t been here for a while, so, you.
Gretchen
Know, I can’t wait to get my hands on it. It’s big, it’s cluttered. There’s so much fun to be had there. But before we jump in to this week’s try This at Home. First, we have a few updates.
Elizabeth
Yes, this comes from Lisa, who is a questioner. She says At the beginning of the school year, my son and I sent in a listener question. My son loves to read and had a reading goal that he wanted to meet. I was concerned that socializing during some free time in the morning would impact how much he could read.
Elizabeth
Just wanted to let you know that he agreed with Gretchen’s philosophy of, quote, Living things come first. He still manages to get plenty of reading in during other pockets of time in school, on the bus, at home, etc. And he’s made some really great friendships during this freshman year of high school. I remember this question. Gretchen Yeah.
Gretchen
Yeah. And I’m so happy to hear we were helpful. That’s really lovely. That was very nice to hear. Happy reading and happy making friends. We can make time for both. Yeah. Even as a freshman in high school. And Mother’s Day is coming up here in the United States. And we have been hearing from people who are looking for good Mother’s Day gift ideas.
Gretchen
And I have to say, if you’re looking for a good gift, my know yourself better. Building Connections Journal is a really fun way for a mother in your life to share wisdom, family stories, insights, all the things that are most meaningful. It’s a really fun exercise to do for yourself or with someone else. So check it out. That journal and then all my other journals at Happy Hour Cars.com, a lot of journals.
Elizabeth
Many great Mother’s Day gifts on your site.
Gretchen
Yes. Now, this week are try this at home suggestion is to read a book that sheds light on how things work.
Elizabeth
So, Gretch, explain what you mean by this.
Gretchen
What was it? It’s occurred to me that you and I both love a certain kind of book. And we’ve talked about it over the years and we’ve swapped examples of books like this. And it really made me think that this is actually a really good try this at home, because these books build our happiness, boost our happiness by shedding a light on our common experiences.
Gretchen
And these are the books that really explain how something that is a very familiar part of everyday life, how it works. It’s often an insider who reveals all or it’s journalist who’s done a lot of research about how things work. And I just find that over and over, you know, the more we know, the more we notice when you realize how complicated and hard it is to do even a simple thing.
Gretchen
You appreciate it more and it just makes everyday life so much more interesting when you read one of these. And I feel like there are very specific category that you couldn’t walk into a bookstore and see them categorized together. But in my mind, they they fit very neatly together because they shed a light on how things work. And we’ve traded these titles over the years.
Gretchen
I’ve read many that you’ve suggested to me and you’ve read many that I’ve suggested to you.
Elizabeth
Yes. I love getting the inside behind the scenes. Yes. And the politics of how things work, the mechanics of how they work. Yes. Because then I enjoy my everyday life better. Yes. For example, one we both read, Gretchen is The Secret Life of Groceries, The Dark Miracle of the American Supermarket. Well, now I just enjoy going to a grocery store so much more because I feel like I understand the fish counts are better.
Elizabeth
I understand the trucks arriving. It’s just fascinating.
Gretchen
Well, a friend of mine actually got a product in a Trader Joe’s, and I said to her, like, I can’t believe that. So huge. I can’t believe you pulled it off. And she was clearly gratified that I, of all the people that she knew, realized what a triumph this was. Because having read that book, I realized, wow, there is so much competition for that shelf space.
Gretchen
The fact that she’s, like, eked her way in there is just extraordinary. And it’s funny, my daughter Eliza was the one who first told me about this book, and I read it and you read it and I posted on it somewhere on social media. And so many people said, wow, that book sounds fascinating. I want to read it much more than most books that I you know, we post about books all the time.
Gretchen
So I think there is this thing where we know that there’s so much to everything that we’re doing. It’s exciting to know more about it. I mean, another great example and kind of the book that got me thinking about this example was a book called Traffic Why We Drive the Way We Do and What It Says About It by Tom Vanderbilt.
Gretchen
Now that you and I are not fans of Driving, let alone Traffic. But he it’s just is so much more interesting just to be on the highway. I mean, he talks about road rage. He talks about why a roundabout is actually safer than a traffic light and it’s safer because it feels more dangerous and that’s what makes it safer.
Gretchen
He talks about changing lanes, he talks about rubbernecking, just all these things. And now I truly feel like even just being stuck in traffic is more interesting because I am looking around me and feel like I have a deeper insight into like why things are the way they are.
Elizabeth
Another one, Gretchen, that we both loved is heads and beds. A reckless memoir of hotels, hustles and so called hospitality by jacob tomski. Really talks about what it’s like to work in a hotel. Why things are the way they are in a hotel. Yes, and that was fascinating and i probably think about it every single time now that i stay at a hotel.
Gretchen
Absolutely. And that phrase heads in beds? Yes. I use that whenever I’m referring to, like people’s need to, like fill something up or like get people to attend. I’m always like, well, we need to get heads in beds. And people look at me like, What are you talking about? But yeah, that was super interesting. I mean, a book that’s very different.
Gretchen
I would say it’s much less every day. It’s kind of a transcendent, almost poetic way of looking at everyday life. But something that transformed the way I see my surroundings is a book that’s probably the book that I recommend the most and give away as a present the most, which is a book called A Pattern Language Towns Buildings, Construction by Christopher Alexander.
Gretchen
I like the part where he talks about homes, that he talks about things like staircase as stage half, wild garden, child cave, sleeping to the east, hidden place ceilings at different heights. And now I’m like, I walk into a place and I’m like, You know what I like about this place? And the ceilings at different heights? It just makes me see the world in a different way.
Gretchen
And that’s what I love about this category is you feel like so much is revealed to you.
Elizabeth
Sarah and I last year went on a cruise because we were doing research for a development project. We were working on. And before we went, I read Cruise Confidential, a hit below the waterline where the crew lives, eats wars and parties by Brian David Burns. And it enhanced my enjoyment of the cruise so much because as I was walking around, I just felt like I understood how things were working.
Elizabeth
Yes. And of course, I didn’t understand everything, but it gave me an insight that just enhanced my pleasure.
Gretchen
Yeah. It’s one of my secrets of adulthood. The more we know, the more we notice. And so when you know everything that’s going into it, you sort of notice all the little patterns and the shortcuts and what they’re doing. Kind of another way to understand how things work is a fascinating book that I read called Inside of a Dog What Dogs See, Smell and Know by Alexander Horowitz.
Gretchen
I read this book because I thought about it in terms of the five senses when I was doing my book, Life in Five Senses. But what it really showed me is what it’s like to be a dog. And I wish that I had got it when we first had Barnaby because I think I would have understood his doggy experience much better.
Gretchen
And it’s just absolutely fascinating, their experience of smell, just why they behave the way they do, you know, how to keep them entertained. What what bothers them is this. It’s just absolutely fascinating.
Elizabeth
Side note on a dog. Gretchen I read recently that four dogs sniffing during a walk is like checking their emails. You have to allow them to have time to check their emails on the walk. And I just thought that was such a funny description.
Gretchen
Right? It’s so memorable. Now I’m right now reading a book which is doing this some context here it was If you love reality TV, you like The Bachelor. You don’t love The Bachelor, right?
Elizabeth
No, I am a member of Bachelor Nation first. okay.
Gretchen
I hear about the Housewives. Okay. But you’re a member of Bachelor Nation. that’s right. Because you’ve read this book. That’s right. Well, my daughter Eliza said to me, even though I am not a fan of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, she said, You really need to read this book. And she’s been sort of telling me to read it.
Gretchen
And, you know, one of my things is a good way to show affection and respect is if somebody recommends something to you follow up. So I was like, okay, I’m gonna read it. It’s called How to Win The Bachelor The Secret to Finding Love and Fame on America’s Favorite reality show by Chad Culkin and Lizzie Pace. And I have to say, this book is absolutely fascinating, even though I have literally never watched an episode of The Bachelor or Bachelorette, I did watch one episode of The Golden Bachelor because everybody was talking about it so much that I felt I had.
Gretchen
But but that’s that seemed very exceptional. Anyway, this book is so fascinating. Now I want to watch it, but it just shows you that when you understand the mechanics and the reasons and the logic and the patterns, anything can become interesting. Like they have this vocabulary and this analysis and this timeline of the ages of The Bachelor. And I’m just like, This is so interesting, even though I don’t even know what they’re talking about.
Gretchen
I still find it interesting.
Elizabeth
When you and I love jargon and books like this. Yes. Always have vocabulary and jargon and so love knowing all of that. Yes. But what I think is so interesting about this is that reading these kind of books just builds empathy. Yes. Right. And we’re all looking for ways to connect, looking for ways to connect with people who are not in our everyday lives, who we are different from.
Elizabeth
And I think understanding other people’s worlds is a way to kind of build these mental connections so that just a person on the street is somebody that you feel more connected to because, I understand. I see somebody pushing a dolly of something. I understand something about where it came from and what this person has been through today.
Gretchen
Absolutely.
Elizabeth
And I just love that.
Gretchen
And with that empathy, I think comes respect and gratitude, because you realize this person, you understand what they’re going through. What’s hard was challenging. A friend of mine’s father said that everybody in their lifetime should work as a short order cook, as a clerk in a retail store and as a babysitter, because he said, if you understand that, you’ll have so much more appreciation for all the work that people do around you.
Gretchen
I think you’re absolutely right. It builds empathy. It builds appreciation and gratitude for everything that people do. And I also think there’s sort of a pleasure in becoming a minor expert. We’ve talked about this many times, and maybe you’re a minor expert in like the chocolate shops of Paris or something or Napoleon. But one of the things you can be a minor expert is sort of like you could do it like grocery stores.
Gretchen
It’s a fascinating world and you could watch some documentaries, read a few books and feel like you kind of are a minor expert in something. And there’s something very satisfying about that and just an appreciation. Thinking about all these books, it just seems like everything is much harder than you think. Yeah, the TV show like I know now what goes into a TV show and I just want to fall down in the faint of exhaustion every time I hear about a new TV show because I’m like, my gosh, I know how hard it was to get that on the air.
Elizabeth
No, it’s true. There’s nothing is easy there. Nothing is easy.
Gretchen
Nothing is easy. And it’s just fascinating to understand the logic. And I think also we’re better able to play our parts nicely if we understand why things are the way they are and how we are inconveniencing people. Maybe there’s a rule that doesn’t make sense to us, but if we knew why the rule was there, we would understand, okay, this rule does make sense on and on.
Gretchen
Well, let us know if you do try this at home and how reading a book that sheds a light on how things works works for you. What books have you found? We are eager for more books to read in this category. We can’t get enough. It is so fun. By the way, all of these books were really well written.
Gretchen
All the books we list are actually page turners. I would. they’d be like 100%. You know, you might think, this makes it sound dry. Like you’re watching a documentary about them stamping out screws in some kind of metal factory. But they’re all really, really good.
Elizabeth
Yes, Yes. Fascinating.
Gretchen
Let us know on Instagram threads. Tick tock, Facebook. Drop us an email it podcast at GretchenRubin.com. Or as always, you can go to the show notes. This is have your cars.com slash 478 for everything related to this episode. And of course we will have links to all the books we mentioned.
Elizabeth
Speaking of traffic Gretch, coming up, we have a driving happiness hack. But first, this break.
[music]
Gretchen
Okay Elizabeth it’s time for our happiness hack and you and I are not fans of driving so this is a good happiness hack for people like us or for just anyone.
Elizabeth
Yes, this comes from Andrea. She said When the pandemic lockdown occurred, I was driving only for essentials or to go outside for recreational activities. Since I had so much more time, I decided to take the scenic route to my destinations by choosing avoid freeways on my navigation app in addition to greatly improving the scenery, I immediately felt more calm and actually started to enjoy driving.
Elizabeth
I have kept this pandemic habit and continue to use it whenever I have plenty of time to get to where I am going. Well, gosh, I will do this. If I’m stressed about getting somewhere, I will often do this because I do not like driving on the freeway and it is sometimes just more pleasant not to be on the freeway.
Gretchen
Right. Well, and I just think that this is just a good thing to keep in mind that you can choose to do it a different way. If something is really unpleasant, it’s back to this idea of identify the problem. If one of the problems is it’s a very, very unpleasant drive, maybe there is a way to make it more pleasant.
Gretchen
That’s not always possible, but sometimes it is. So I think Andrea’s suggestion is a good reminder that that can be an option.
Elizabeth
Yes. And of course, in L.A., it can be hard because you may be traveling a very far distance. Yes. But if it works, it works. Yeah.
Gretchen
And now for the right way because of hashtag write 24 and 24. We are talking about the right way. Of course, there is no one right way to write, but it’s fun to talk about ideas, strategies, resources, ways that people are going about handling this challenge. It’s so fun to hear what people are doing. And Elizabeth, one of the questions that people often ask is how do you keep yourself creatively stimulated like, how do you get ideas?
Gretchen
How do you keep your battery charged? If you’re writing a lot like you and I are writing a lot, this is something that we have to maintain in a very consistent basis. And any of it, like if you’re doing write 24 and 24, you are also trying to write in a very consistent basis. And we have the same strategy that we use.
Elizabeth
Yes. And that is one of the best ways to make yourself want to write is to read. Speaking of reading, gradually have kind of a reading themed show today.
Gretchen
We do have a reading themed show. Yes. This is a great way to give yourself ideas. I mean, I think sometimes people have and I mean, maybe this is true for some people because I know many people, professional writers who will say this, like if I’m working on a project, I don’t read anything that’s similar to it because I don’t want it to interfere with my own thinking and everything I have to say, I’m exactly the opposite.
Gretchen
I’m like, I go deeper and deeper and deeper into anything that feels even slightly related or slightly in the spirit of because I find that that actually stimulates my creativity. So reading generally stimulates my creativity and gives me ideas, but also research, which I have a very like wide definition of what counts as research that also stimulates my creativity.
Elizabeth
Yeah, well, Gretchen, a perfect example of this is Sarah. My writing partner and co-host of Happier in Hollywood. And I, as I mentioned, are writing a female centered thriller novel and.
Gretchen
Which by the way, sounds great. I can I will say thank you. I know what it’s about.
Elizabeth
So the minute we decided we were going to do that, we both just started consuming books like this. We look for lists of them. I asked. I like what are examples of this kind of book and we have now read dozens of these kinds of books. In fact, I texted Sarah the other day because I was at Barnes and Noble looking to buy an actual physical book because so often I’m listening to books.
Elizabeth
Yeah, And I had read most of the thrillers that they had out. so I said, we have gone through a lot of these because there’s many of these we have already read. For us, it really stimulates our own creativity. I’m not worried that I’m going to copy somebody else’s thriller. It’s more that I’m living in that world and so it sets me in the mood to then create that kind of.
Gretchen
World when I have the thing where somebody will say something or assert something, and then I’ll start thinking, Well, do I agree with that? Or how do I see an example of that in my own life? So maybe I do disagree. And so now I have a new point that I want to make. Or maybe it jogs my memory of a story or an example that would be really useful for what I’m doing, but that I wouldn’t have necessarily been able.
Gretchen
You know, sometimes there’s something in the deep storage of your brain and you just can’t call it up, but something that somebody else says enlarges it. And so that’s what I find myself. And also one of the things that’s kind of frustrating about the sort of work that I do is I really don’t ever know what is going to give me my big ideas.
Gretchen
I mean, like one of the things that for me, like in my own life, was a huge revelation, and I wrote about it in better than before. I’ve talked about it a lot. Is the difference between abstainers and moderators that for some people with strong temptation, it’s easier to be an upstander than a moderator. And this was something that I considered to be a huge insight into myself, something very obvious about myself.
Gretchen
But I never noticed it until I was reading the appendix and like extraneous back matter in Boswell’s life of Johnson, it wasn’t even in Boswell’s life of Johnson, it was in the appendix to Boswell’s life of Johnson. And it just had this anecdote of Samuel Johnson saying when some somebody offered Dr. Johnson a little wine and he said, I can’t take a little child.
Gretchen
Abstinence is as easy to me as temperance would be difficult. And when I read that, I thought, that’s me. Abstinence is easier for me than moderation. But like, I couldn’t have look that up. I couldn’t have been like, now I need to have some interesting insights into my nature because I can’t look for that. So I’m constantly looking for odd things that just catch my fancy.
Gretchen
Like if a book is recommended in a book that I’m reading, often read that book. So I follow this chain or I read a lot of oddball things just because that’s what I feel like sparks my creativity.
Elizabeth
Yes. And it makes you then want to write. It makes you want to put your own pen to paper and write.
Gretchen
Well, this is like I read this book, which just blew my mind by Adrian Kennedy called People Who Led to My Plays. She’s a very renowned playwright. And she said, people always said to her, like, how did you get your ideas for your plays? And she’s like, okay, I’ll write a book called People Who Led to My plays.
Gretchen
It’s a very unusual format. It’s a book that I was like, I wish this book had been ten times longer. I could have just kept reading and reading and reading this book, and then it made me want to write that kind of book myself, which I have not done. But it’s the kind of thing where if I was creatively stuck, this might have been something where it’s like, there’s a real idea here.
Gretchen
Like, why is this feel so engaging? And so alive and so fresh as an approach and so reading that sparked that creativity.
Elizabeth
Yeah, more reading for everybody. Great.
Gretchen
Absolutely. here’s a hack. If you’re feeling restless and you’re finding it hard to sort of sit down and read, I have found that having a little life, a little movement, makes it easier to sit and read. I don’t know why, but if I have like there’s like a fire burning in a fireplace or there’s a candle or my dog is curled up beside me or like the TV is on, I’d choose something boring, but it’s on mute, but it’s just sort of on for summary, Maybe it’s the five senses that somehow my five senses feel engaged or something, but I find that it’s much easier to read when I incorporate that.
Gretchen
Just like that little life in the room with me. It’s odd.
Elizabeth
I totally agree, Gretch. All those things.
Gretchen
Help. Or maybe reading outside, you know, there’s something about like the wind and the trees. I don’t know. It’s interesting. and by the way, it is a modern reading theme. My book, Life in Five Senses is out. The paperback is coming out soon. There is a discussion guide. If you were talking about in a book club, a lot of book clubs like to have discussion guides.
Gretchen
So that’s a Gretchen Rubin dot com slash resources. You can get that for free. And here’s something new that I’ve never done before. If you are part of a book club that is reading Life in Five Senses, the paperback or the hardback, you can enter your book club for a chance to win a virtual drop in from me.
Gretchen
People sometimes ask me if I could just sort of stop by virtually with the book club. I’ve never really done that before, but for the paperback I thought, I’ll try something new so I can stop by your book club. If you’re interested, I will draw some names and again, if you want to join that, it’s at half your cars.com slash book club.
Elizabeth
Excellent.
Gretchen
That’ll be really fun. And on the subject of the Five senses for fun with the five Senses, I have a fun question for you, I think. And this was inspired. You know, I went on a silent meditation retreat and they talked about the five hindrances of meditation, and the five hindrances are desire, aversion, restlessness, doubt and sleepiness. Sometimes these are translated differently.
Gretchen
And one of the leaders asked a question that I thought was very interesting seven opposed to Elizabeth, which is, does your sleep feel heavy or light? I thought this was such an interesting question.
Elizabeth
My sleep is definitely light. I’m one of those people where I can be instantly awake. A door opens, I’m instantly wide awake like Jack. Is something wrong? Yeah, I am. That way. The only time where I really have heavy sleep, Gretchen, is when I nap. And I think that’s probably part of why I love napping, especially if I’m napping on a couch.
Gretchen
Instead of in a bed.
Elizabeth
That is my absolute heaviest sleep. I’m sure there’s a reason for it. That is, I don’t fascinators, but it’s.
Gretchen
True. Do you think it’s related to motherhood that you’re like alert for Jack, or do you think you’re just generally light and sleeper?
Elizabeth
I’ve always been that way. I’ve always been a light sleeper. So I’m sure motherhood continues it, but I think I will be my whole life.
Gretchen
It’s interesting that you’re mixed. Maybe a lot of people are mixed, but you’re mostly a light sleeper. I’m a heavy sleeper. I sleep really well. I can also fall asleep pretty easily at night if Jamie is still awake and he’s got the TV on or he’s got his reading light, I can probably fall asleep even if like, the regular light is on.
Gretchen
But he does use a reading light because that’s just more pleasant. But I would describe most of my sleep as heavy. Even when I nap for just 25 minutes, it doesn’t feel that deep. But on the other hand, I’m like, I was down pretty deep.
Elizabeth
So are you groggy when you if someone comes and wakes you up in the middle of the night, are you groggy?
Gretchen
Usually not, because I think if somebody wakes you up in the middle of the night, usually there’s like adrenaline and I’m wide awake like I do wake up quickly. But if you were just shaking me and being like, Hey, you’re hogging the covers, right? I think I would be very groggy. Yeah. If it weren’t like, my gosh, jump out of bed, grab your glasses and deal with it.
Gretchen
But that’s a it’s an interesting question. You know, I think is your sleep heavy or light.
Elizabeth
Yes, I’m going to pay more even more attention. All right. Coming up, Gretch, I give myself an appointment, marriage. But first, this break.
[music]
Gretchen
Okay well is it the time for Demerits and gold stars? What is your demerit?
Elizabeth
All right, Gretch. Well, this is one of those demerits that follows a gold star. So a while ago, I gave myself a gold star for being all up to date on my doctor’s appointments.
Gretchen
I remember that.
Elizabeth
You know, I had every test. I had every appointment the eye doctor, colonoscopy, all of it. And now, gosh, I’m behind. I’m behind on my doctor’s appointments. I know we all get in this spot, but I finally called to make an appointment for an annual and I said, I think I might be late. And they looked and they said, yes, we sent you a notice in September that it was time for your appointment.
Elizabeth
So I said, Oops.
Gretchen
I’ve heard worse, I’ve heard worse.
Elizabeth
And because I’m a Type one diabetic, I have to go to the eye doctor every year. I need to go to a glaucoma specialist. I need you know, there are all these things I need to do that other people specialties may not need to do. Very important that I keep up with it and I am behind. So I am digging my way out of this doctor’s appointment hole.
Elizabeth
But it’s just, you know, it’s a drag. But I’m lucky that I have access to such great health care and I should just turn it into a positive.
Gretchen
Right. And you’ve got insurance.
Elizabeth
Yes, but it it’s a thing.
Gretchen
Well, it’s you know, we talked about a treadmill days and finish line days. I mean, this is just something like the minute that you’re done, it feels like it’s time to start it over again.
Elizabeth
Absolutely.
Gretchen
Yeah. Yeah.
Elizabeth
The cycle of appointments. Life is a series of appointments. You.
Gretchen
I feel like there’s a T-shirt there or a mug.
Elizabeth
Yeah. So there’s always.
Gretchen
By giving yourself a demerit, that’s how you stay on course. That’s why we do it. Not to be harsh on ourselves. It’s just to remind ourselves of what really does make us happier, healthier, more productive and more creative in the long run. So that’s why we do it. You hope so.
Elizabeth
Good luck. Thank you. How about you, Gretch? What’s your gold star today?
Gretchen
Well, when the cubicles started, my husband, Jamie, because he calls just to sort of check in throughout the day. And I have to say that it took me a long time. I mean, many, many, many, many, many, many years to get used to it, because I was always like, why are you calling for no reason? Like, it’s designed not to check in.
Gretchen
And this is something I will say that his whole family does. And I remember one time Jamie and I were living in Washington, D.C. his parents were in New York City, and we were going to take the shuttle and come see them in New York City. And I mean, there were like 14 phone calls. When are you coming?
Gretchen
Are you coming? Did you change your plans? How’s it going? Are you on your way? What flight? When are you landing? And I was just like, our plans are exactly what they were. The first time we told you we are executing on that plan. We will be there as indicated, you know. And then I just realized finally it dawned on me, this is just a way to stay connected.
Gretchen
This is just a bid for attention. This is just a little way. And I love it. And I should feel so fortunate. And instead of feeling like wisely calling, if he doesn’t have a reason to call, I should just lose this pointless emphasis on efficiency and say, you know, we talk about frequency is more important than duration with visits.
Gretchen
And it is just these little touch points, just the fact that he’s calling and just be like, okay, what’s up? What are you doing? Okay, not much. All right. I’ll I’ll talk to you later, you know, what time are you going to be home? Okay. It’s like, That’s nice.
Elizabeth
That’s so nice.
Gretchen
It’s so nice. And the fact is, the minute I stopped and thought about it, I was like, my gosh, this is so nice. And instead I’d always been sort of not, you know, not grumbling, but just being like, yeah, it’s the you know, it’s a Rubin thing. Like, they just have to call all the time and it’s Why am I rolling my eyes?
Gretchen
I’m lucky.
Elizabeth
Yeah, this is nice.
Gretchen
Yes. So now I’m much more appreciative of it. Yes. Gold Star two. Jamie and all the Rubins with all their phone calls. I appreciate it very much. The resource for this week. Remember the Five Senses quiz The What’s your most neglected sense quiz? It will help you to identify your most neglected sense. And when you do that, you can find a new source of comfort, calm and creativity.
Gretchen
It will also tell you your most appreciated sense, which you might have a better sense of what that is. But some people are surprised. You can take the quiz at a happier cars.com slash quiz. It is so fun to hear what people make of their results. Hit me up if it’s interesting to you or you’re doing something interesting with that information.
Gretchen
And I want to remind everybody that April 18th, one year anniversary of life in Five Sense is hard to believe. The paperback is coming out April 30th. And Elizabeth, you once gave me a mug that said Preorder early and often. And I am drinking from that mug to inspire everyone silently to preorder their copy of the paperback Life of Five Sides Manifest.
Gretchen
And speaking of reading, we’ve been speaking a lot of reading in this episode. Now we’re going to talk even more about reading with what are we reading? Elizabeth, What are you reading?
Elizabeth
I am reading Emma by Jane Austen.
Gretchen
And in addition to How to Win The Bachelor, I am also reading Old Gods Time by Sebastian Barry. I highly recommend the books. And that’s it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home. Read a book that sheds light on how things work. Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you.
Elizabeth
Thank you to our executive producer, Chuck Reed and everyone at Odyssey. Get in touch. Gretchen’s on Instagram threads. Facebook and Tik-tok at Gretchen Rubin and I’m on Instagram and Threads, at Liz Craft.
Gretchen
And you know what people read? They read the reviews and ratings of a show. So if you like this show, please be sure to rate and review our show. That is how people discover the podcast.
Elizabeth
Until next week, I’m Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.
Gretchen
So listen, now I really want to watch The Bachelor, but there’s so much to choose from. You and Eliza need to put your heads together and tell me, like, what is the most iconic or definitive or famous season? Or maybe I should just watch what’s the most recent or should I watch the first one? I don’t know. Where should I jump in?
Elizabeth
Yeah, definitely not the first one because it’s changed so much. But we’ll have to do is figure out who are some of our favorite bachelors or bachelorettes. You can also watch The.
Gretchen
Bachelorette and how Bachelor in Paradise fits into this. I need you to explain that to me too. It’s like I need to figure this whole thing out.
Elizabeth
It’s the world’s.
Gretchen
From the onward project.