Try This at Home
Enhance your holiday decorating.
We discuss suggestions from listeners about how to make holiday decorating easier and more festive. Read the tips here.
Happiness Hack
Following on episode 403‘s discussion, learn to perform the Heimlich maneuver.
- If someone is choking, encourage them to cough. Coughing might naturally remove the stuck object.
- If they can’t cough it up, bend them forwards and give up to 5 back blows between the shoulder blades to try to dislodge the blockage.
- If they are still choking, stand behind the person, tip them forward slightly, and give up to 5 abdominal thrusts: make a fist, put your hand over your fist, pull inwards and upwards above their belly button.
- If they’re still choking call emergency services.
If you’re choking:
- Call emergency services.
- Place a fist slightly above your navel.
- Grasp your fist with the other hand.
- Bend over a hard surface. A countertop or chair will do.
- Shove your fist inward and upward.
Here’s a link with more info.
Interview: Kevin Hart
We talk to Hollywood legend Kevin Hart. He has opened ten films at #1 at the box office, grossing more than $4.23 billion in global revenue.
He’s also an entrepreneur and a New York Times best-selling author with a new title, the Audible Original, Monsters and How to Tame Them.
In this conversation, we talk to Kevin Hart about his own insights, experiences, and stories about what these “monsters” are, and how to manage them.
Kevin Hart’s Try This at Home: Approach every day as a new day, and give yourself a reason to wake up ever day.
Demerits & Gold Stars
- Gretchen’s Demerit: Even though I know perfectly well that I’ll be uncomfortable if I don’t put on body lotion after a shower, I’ve been skipping that step.
- Elizabeth’s Gold Star: Elizabeth gives a gold star to the rain in Los Angeles.
Resource
Jump-starts are now in the Happier app.
This month, for the holidays, we brought our popular Habit Jump-Starts into the Happier app, with daily prompts to help you plan ahead, check items off your to-do list, and find ways to be present during the holidays. These Jump-Starts are free to use with or without a subscription.
- Nov 13–19: Seven Days of Planning
- Nov 20–26: Seven Days of Doing
- Nov 27–Dec 3: Seven Days of Appreciating
You can download the Happier app from the App Store or Google Play store, or visit thehappierapp.com to learn more.
What We’re Reading
Gretchen:
Hello and welcome to Happier, a podcast where we discuss cutting-edge science, the wisdom of the ages, lessons from pop culture, and our own experiences about how to be happier. This week, we’ll talk about why and how we might enhance holiday decorating. And we’ll talk to legendary comedian, actor, and writer Kevin Hart, about his new Audible original, “Monsters and How to Tame Them.”
[Music]
I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, human nature, the Four Tendencies, and the five senses. I am in my hotel room in San Francisco. Today I am on the road. And with me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft.
Elizabeth:
That’s me, Elizabeth Craft, a T.V. writer and producer living in L.A. And Gretchen, I love being in the same time zone as you. I can talk to you in the evening.
Gretchen:
I know. I know. Yes. So often, we’re doing all that math in our heads all day long. And before we jump in, we have a few questions from listeners and from ourselves. Here we go.
Elizabeth:
Okay, Gretch, this comes from Deirdre. She says, “I’m wondering if you have any tips on how to save important points that come from podcasts. I’m a health coach, so I read lots of wellness and habits materials and have great systems for keeping notes on physical books, Kindle books, and even audiobooks since there’s a clip/bookmarks feature. However, when it comes to great podcasts like yours, I haven’t figured out a way to capture useful learnings since I’m often listening while in motion, like while I’m walking the dog, doing housework, etc. Any ideas on how to save great podcast ideas while on the go would be much appreciated.”
Gretchen:
I was so glad Deirdre posed this question because this is something that I really struggle with myself. I just email myself notes, but that feels very cumbersome. I would love to know if somebody has come up with a better solution.
Elizabeth:
Yeah. One place to start, Gretchen, is show notes. Some shows have really extensive show notes, some less so. But I think a lot of times, important information does end up in the show notes or links to articles mentioned and things like that.
Gretchen:
Yeah, the transcripts.
Elizabeth:
Yes. Many have the transcript, so maybe start there.
Gretchen:
But sometimes you have to remind yourself that you even want to look something up. And so it’s just sort of capturing that thought. So if people have great solutions, let us know. Also, soon, we are going to unveil our yearly challenge for 2023. So we’ve had yearly challenges for “Read,” for “Walk,” for “Rest.” So we’re about to unleash the one for 2023.
And so let us know what you’ve learned from Rest 22 in ’22, whether what you learned about rest, what you learned about how to make something a daily habit, because we’re going to reflect on Rest 22 in ’22 before we unveil 23 in ’23. Very excited about that.
Elizabeth:
Yes. And Gretchen, we are also asking listeners for suggestions about how to deal with holiday blues. Some people love the holidays, but for some people, it’s definitely not a happy time. So let us know how you deal with Holiday Blues.
Gretchen:
This reminds you of the episode we did so long ago about Monday Blues or Sunday Blues, whatever people call them.
Elizabeth:
And there were so many good suggestions about how to deal with the Sunday Blues.
Gretchen:
So yeah, so let us know if you have suggestions or insights that have helped you. Now speaking of the holidays, the Try This at Home suggestion this week is to enhance your holiday decorating. Because if you’re the kind of person who does decorating, it’s nice to make it easier and more festive. So we asked listeners for suggestions about storing, organizing, displaying, curating, creating, identifying holiday decorations, when to put them up, when to take them down. And we got a lot of great ideas.
Elizabeth:
Yes, let’s go through some. So Carolyn said, “Last year I started a hobby tree. I try to display things that represent everyone in the family and what they’re interested in. It makes ornament shopping fun when searching for specific items. So far this year, already thrilled to have found a Rubik’s Cube for my son.” Such a good idea. I should mention, Gretch, in our family, mom does multiple trees with different themes of different sizes. So that reminds me of this. The hobby tree.
Gretchen:
Yeah, I think that’s great. And then it’s kind of a form of a time capsule. A memento journal.
Chris says, “I collected and saved my children’s old mittens and winter gloves and hang them on our evergreen garland each year. I attach them with the clothespin and they hang alongside our Christmas stockings. My children are now 24 and 22, and looking at their little mittens each year fills me with memories of winter’s past.” So nothing is cuter than a little tiny pair of mittens.
Elizabeth:
Nothing. Karen says, “A fun tradition our son had with his niece, our oldest granddaughter, was to decorate a scraggly bush near our mailbox for every holiday. They made trips together to Dollar General when they initially decided to do this, and chose whatever they like to go with the theme of the current holiday. We have some fun pics and memories of that crazy bush.” That’s so cool.
Gretchen:
Love that. Find, like, an unusual target.
Elizabeth:
It’s like the Charlie Brown tree.
Gretchen:
Yes, exactly. Christie says, “Once the house is decorated, my mother takes photos of each room so she knows where everything goes for next year. She’s been using the photos for years.” I absolutely do this. And of course, this works for any holiday or if you like, we do a special thing for birthdays. It’s nice to just get over the decision fatigue and then I think it’s almost fun too, like, it’s like putting together a puzzle. You’re like, “This goes here and this goes here.” To me, that really makes it a lot easier.
Elizabeth:
Rebecca says, “I follow the Holiday Grand Plan and start cleaning and preparing at the end of August. Bite-sized pieces help me save money and get it all done with so much less stress. We focus on one room of the house and clean it, clearing dust and clutter every week and add in holiday prep. And it’s so much fun.”
Gretchen:
Rachel says, “Sensory overload is a real holiday struggle. Since I can’t handle lots of bright, flashy, blinking, scented stuff everywhere, I stick to natural or natural-looking decorations. Lots of pinecones, greenery, flowers, and candles inside, along with a few simple heirloom items. We decorate the tree together and top it with a beautiful starfish.” So this is a great way of taking yourself into account and doing this in a way that works for you instead of feeling like you have to do it the way you see a lot of people doing it.
Elizabeth:
This one cracks me up. M.C. says, “I leave the decorating to my 11-year-old and appreciate his efforts.”
Gretchen:
Yeah, there you go. Delegate. Tricia says, “My best hack is to do the same thing over and over again and call it tradition.” Well, absolutely. That works great.
Elizabeth:
Kimberly says, “I pick a night when my husband is working late and decorate the tree alone with a hot, possibly spiked beverage. Most of our ornaments are from vacations and trips and those selected for each of our three kids (yes, they still want them every year and they are in their thirties), as well as our three pets. I feel very blessed as I reflect on all of them. Not a time hack, but a big Happiness Hack. Oh, and I sometimes keep our tree up until February 14th.” Why not.
Gretchen:
Love it. Robin says, “I have a large labeled plastic bin for each room. Sometimes a few things end up in the wrong box, but overall it makes it easier to unpack and repack.” So this is interesting. So instead of doing it, I kind of do it by category, but this is maybe more efficient to do it by location.
Elizabeth:
Yes. Had not thought of that. Elaina says, “When I travel, instead of buying a souvenir, I buy some ornament that represents that place or event.” I love that, Gretchen. For my birthday a couple of years ago, Sarah got me a Puerto Rico ornament when we were in Puerto Rico, and I just love it.
Gretchen:
It’s interesting. I think you see this theme of people using tree ornaments in a kind of time capsule way. You know, what are we doing? What are we thinking about? Where have we been this year? So it’s interesting. Back to the time capsule idea. Robert said, “I have found decorating over multiple weekends to make the whole process more manageable.”
So again, we sort of have this idea that you want to do it in a day, but there’s no reason you can’t take your time if that makes it easier for you.
Elizabeth:
Yes. Jennifer Ann says, “As a minimalist, I believe in quality classic decorations. I change out my kitchen platter, maybe a natural wreath on the door, small tree. Christmas was never a big holiday growing up, and frankly, I see holiday decorations as work because I’m going to have to take it all down. So why do anything that’s going to cost me work? I’ve been known to take my tree down on Christmas Day Eve just to get it over with. But I do love the build-up with Christmas movies and music and opening presents with my family.”
Gretchen:
Well, speaking of Christmas music, that’s my suggestion for enhancing holiday decorating is just to pull up the holiday playlist and just play whatever kind of music feels holiday-ish to you. I think that adds to the sense of occasion. I’m now like, when we were putting up our Halloween decorations, we had spooky music. And I think it really is fun.
Elizabeth:
Yeah, that’s great.
Gretchen:
So thank you, everyone, for sending in these great ideas. Let us know if you do Try This at Home and what you do to enhance holiday decorating. Let us know on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, drop us an email and podcast@gretchenrubin.com. As always, you can go to the show notes. This is happiercast.com/405.
Elizabeth:
Coming up, we have a Happiness Hack that could save somebody’s life. But first, this break.
[Music]
Elizabeth:
Okay, Gretch, it is time for this week’s Happiness Hack. It’s kind of a follow-up to something we were discussing.
Gretchen:
Okay. So we have gotten a huge response to our discussion in episode 403 about saving a life where we said, “Have you ever saved anyone’s life? Has anyone saved your life? If so, how?” And many, many, many people responded. And many people suggested taking a class, you know, a first aid class, a CPR class, watching a video to learn how to do common first aid like the Heimlich maneuver, and that’s best. So absolutely. Go watch a video, take a class. That’s great.
But many people also mentioned that they had learned, particularly they mentioned doing the Heimlich maneuver, from hearing a description of it that somebody told them or from watching it happen on T.V., And it turns out that, at least from what I’ve heard, it seems like a lot of people need the Heimlich maneuver. It’s more common that at least I had thought, it seems. Because a lot of people are reporting encounters with this. And just kind of like neighbors, people at a restaurant, people at work. So not saying that this is the best that you could do to learn it, but that it could be… it could potentially save someone’s life. We are just going to go through the Heimlich.
Elizabeth:
Yes. So the signs of choking, first of all, are one or both hands clutched to the throat, a look of panic, shock or confusion, inability to talk, strained or noisy, breathing, squeaky sounds when trying to breathe, cough (which may be either weak or forceful skin), lips and nails that change color turning blue or gray, and then loss of consciousness. So, okay.
Gretchen:
Okay. So if someone is choking and coughing, encourage them to cough, that might naturally remove whatever’s stuck there and the person should cough as forcefully as possible. They’re really trying to cough it up. But then if they can’t cough it up, you want to bend them forwards and give them five back blows to try to dislodge the blockage.
Elizabeth:
So hit them firmly on their back with the heel of your hand between the shoulder blades. This creates a strong vibration and pressure in the airway, which is often enough to dislodge the blockage. Dislodging the blockage will allow them to breathe again.
Gretchen:
So, often that works. But if they are still choking, then you want to do what we think of as the Heimlich maneuver. You stand behind the person, tip them over slightly, and then give them up to five abdominal thrusts. So you make a fist, you put your hands over your fist, and you pull inwards and upwards above their belly button. And so these abdominal thrusts squeeze the air out of the lungs and may also dislodge the blockage.
Elizabeth:
And if they’re still choking, call emergency services and repeat the steps until they can breathe again or until help arrives.
Gretchen:
Okay. So this is how to do it on an adult. But it turns out that sometimes people are by themselves. And so there is a way to Heimlich maneuver yourself. So what you want to do, if you think you’re choking, you right away want to call emergency services. Bbecause in case you can’t do it, you want to go ahead and do that. And then you want to give yourself the abdomen thrusts to remove the struck object.
And the way you do that to yourself is you place a fist slightly above your belly button. You grasp your fist with the other hand. So hand over the fist. Bend over a hard surface, like a countertop or the a chair, and shove your fist inward and upward because that like leaning against something is going to help you really force it up. So that’s how you do it if there’s nobody to do it for you.
Elizabeth:
And then this is actually a really important tip, Gretch, because I did not know this. Don’t drink any water to try forcing the food down. That can actually make it worse. I would have 100% thought, “Oh, I’ll drink water.” And, of course, stay calm. It’s good to know that oxygen stored in the body can keep you alive for several minutes while the obstruction is blocked.
Gretchen:
I found this really reassuring because I thought you had a much shorter window. I think I would have been panicking much more, but it’s like, you don’t have a lot of time, but you have a little time to go through these things. And I will say this is cobbled together from the Red Cross in the U.K. and the Mayo Clinic, and in the show notes, I’ll post links if you want to follow up. And judging from all the people that we heard from, this is just a really good thing to know about.
Elizabeth:
Absolutely.
Chuck:
I remember hearing something about, “Don’t go to the bathroom if you’re in a restaurant or somewhere public.” When it often happens because people are embarrassed when they’re choking. So they get up and leave the area and go into a bathroom or some different place and they die. They can die in there. They’re embarrassed to get help or just for whatever reaction…
Elizabeth:
My gosh. Wow.
Gretchen:
Well, that’s interesting because when I was looking at the videos, another piece of advice that someone said is that if you’re by yourself, go outside where somebody can see you because, right, you don’t want to be all alone. If there’s help that can come, you want to like put yourself in help’s way. So that’s great to think about too. You want to do it, but you want to have other people aware of what’s going on.
Elizabeth:
Yeah.
Gretchen:
And now for something very different, we are so excited to be doing an interview with Kevin Hart.
Elizabeth:
Yes, I am so excited, Gretch. Emmy and Grammy-nominee Kevin Hart is a Hollywood legend. He has opened ten films at number one at the box office, grossing more than 4.23 billion in global revenue. Hart has also become a successful entrepreneur. He is chairman of Hartbeat Productions, a global multi-platform media company creating entertainment at the intersection of comedy and culture.
Gretchen:
And if all that is not enough, Kevin Hart is a New York Times bestselling author with projects like “The Decision” and “I Can’t Make This Up.” And now he has a new title, the Audible “Original Monsters and How to Tame Them: Taking Charge of the Voices in Your Head.” His own hilarious and insightful perspective on how to live a happier life.
Gretchen:
Welcome, Kevin.
Kevin:
Hello. How are you?
Gretchen:
It’s great to talk to you today.
Kevin:
Well, it’s great to be talked to.
Elizabeth:
So can you explain the concept of The Monster to us?
Kevin:
Absolutely. You know, and developing this world of audio—or Audible original—it was coming up with a concept that I felt people would be able to relate to. And honestly, one that I have a significant amount of knowledge in is the world of within. It was about battling with yourself, which is something that we’re all familiar with.
I think we all are very conscious of the world of, you know, having thoughts in our head and the world of decisions, of what’s good versus what’s bad. And what you sometimes don’t realize is that these thoughts of different personalities or different themes are different characteristic traits that live inside you and some of the things that you’re okay with or some of the things that you allow to happen within the way you carry yourself and within the way you approach a day—whether it’s not being persistent, being inconsistent, you know, not waking up on time, laziness, whatever, these are different versions of you that can get stronger unless you present a roadblock to stop these things. So I call those things The Monsters, right? The Inconsistent Monster, the Lay-in-Bed-All-Day Monster, the Self-Validation Monster.
These are things that I’ve battled with, right? And it wasn’t until I was aware of how to navigate or how to best navigate around these different versions of myself that I think I became a much better adult for me. Right? And I think there are different versions of these monsters per person per individual. And it’s all about the way that you identify them, respond to them, and ultimately adjust.
Mine was the Do-It-All. I was the guy that wanted to do everything. I didn’t have to do anything because I felt I could get it all done. And I had to realize that help is okay. Allowing them to come in and show what makes them valuable and why things can be better, I guess you could say there’s a better road to progression with the help of others. And that’s something that I battle with because I thought that it could only happen with me, through me, and if it didn’t, it couldn’t be done.
Once I started to allow others to come in and help, I saw a significant change. That’s the Do-It-All Monster, right? I mean, you go down the list of all of these different versions, but it came from me battling with myself and identifying what these different versions of me were.
Gretchen:
Well, and you know, I thought one of the most interesting points you made was that if we’re in control of them, these monsters can help us. They may be part of our great strengths. Like one of your monsters is the Can’t-Go-Backwards Monster, which is the, like, I always have to be topping myself. I’m riding the Peloton, I’m releasing a movie, I have to always do better than I did before.
And, of course, you can see how this can be incredibly helpful, but also then, it can become punishing. So it’s interesting. Like, did you see that as you were thinking about these monsters, they all sort of work for you, but like as long as you didn’t let them get the better of you?
Kevin:
Well, I mean, it’s like anything else, right? If you continue to feed something, it’s going to grow, right? And it’ll continue to grow, get strong, get bigger. And that’s a good thing, right? But there’s always a gift and a curse to anything.
Elizabeth:
Yeah, right.
Kevin:
So when you talk about the Can’t-Go-Backward Monster, I was addicted to the thought and idea that if I’m not topping myself right out doing what I did last time, then I’m failing. And that’s not necessarily true. Right? Some things are lightning in a bottle. Some things can only be done once and will never be duplicated. It’s just the nature of the world we live in, right?
So things are going to just have an astronomical amount of success. And if you chase that astronomical number and you never get to it, the thought or idea that you’re constantly failing is one that you shouldn’t have. The win is within the attempt, the win is in the effort and giving yourself 1,000%.
And the way that I had to put that monster at ease while still allowing that monster to motivate me was also making that particular monster within me understand, like, now, you know, look, this doesn’t mean that I’m not doing well, right? It doesn’t mean that I’m not having success. It means that I’m not having that top-tier level of success, but the work that I’m doing and the level of achievement that’s coming from the thing that I’m starting or the thing that I’m completing, it’s still something to talk about for me. It’s not about the idea or reception from others. It has to be about the fulfillment for you.
And this goes into another monster, which is the Validation Monster, right? With these levels of success, you’re looking for someone on the outside to go, “Yay, good.”
Gretchen:
Approval.
Elizabeth:
Yes. Getting a Gold Star.
Kevin:
And if you don’t get that Gold Star, you don’t get that applause, you don’t get that celebration, then you start to look around like, “Wait, did anybody see?” And you know, once again, it’s good to receive it. It’s good to enjoy it. But it’s not good to need it. You shouldn’t feel like you need it.
And there was a moment where I was getting so much of it that it became addictive, and I felt like I needed it. And that’s when I identified what that particular monster was really good. What that monster had amped me up to want and basically drive for.
And once again, it’s about controlling the monsters. It’s not about killing them. It’s not about putting them in the box and going, “You never rear your head again.” It’s about understanding the good and the bad that’s attached to them. And through the years of getting to the age of 43, that’s what I’ve been able to do. And now, you know, I’m just in a place where I have a much better idea of how to best use these particular monsters or personality traits to my advantage.
Elizabeth:
Well, and you say in the book you talk about how your mother’s death, as well as being severely injured in a car accident in 2019, sort of served as a wake-up call and helped you start identifying these things.
Kevin:
Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, look, there’s a light bulb that shines a little brighter than anything to us all at different times in our lives. Right. And it’s up to you to really realize why this light is so bright, why you were able to receive it with so much clarity from my accident. I mean, from my accident, I think the biggest piece of understanding that came out of that was, you know, what’s really important, what you really need versus the things you want.
That’s a big thing, right? The need versus the want. And, you know, you want a lot of material items. You want financial success and you want fame in lights, camera, action, or you may want corporate success or whatever. These are wants. But the thing you really need is a foundation. And that foundation is one that stands on love. Love and support.
Kevin:
And, you know, where does your happy really, really perform? Where’s your happy? Where do you best see and realize where your best person? And that was with the ones that I love the most, right? That was when I got to see within these four walls around me if that room were to close in or if it wasn’t a room and it became a space, who’s going to be there?
And I got to see the people that were there on a day-to-day basis and the people that really help fuel and energize my motivation to get out of this particular energy, get back to myself. But more importantly, when I get back to life, it was about taking that same energy that I had then and applying it to my now.
So, you know, the fire is attention that goes into family time, quality time, making sure that I step away from the fast life that I live to give that thing the fuel that it needs to continue to grow and go at the level that it has for years. That’s what my light bulb that went off was all about.
And, you know, my mother passing, right? It’s like, you know, you take for granted the time that you have on this earth with the people that you love, you know, with sure that you express how you feel and make sure that you show that you value those relationships and value that time. Because once it’s gone, it’s gone. And, you know, you definitely don’t want to live a life where you’re questioning if you did enough or if a person felt or knew how you felt like you never want to be in that position.
Kevin:
So, I was very close to my mother and losing my mother, it just made me stronger and it helped me just gain a different perspective on life, once again, in how to approach the relationships that I have around me that I value the most.
Gretchen:
Well, and one of the things that I think makes “Monsters and How to Tame Them” so powerful and certainly interesting and relatable is that you reveal so many things from your own past, your own experience, your mistakes. You know, you confess a lot of things. You’re very candid. Now, does that come naturally to you or did you have to really make a decision that you wanted to be so upfront about that?
Kevin:
Now, it’s not a decision that was made at all. You know, I’m transparent, I’m authentic. And, you know, me and my high-level of authenticity is what got me to where I am. Yeah. You know, the nation, was king, and sometimes just sharing your trials, tribulations, you know, it may act as a major bonus for someone that didn’t know it’s okay to do so.
Right? I mean, nobody’s perfect in this world that we live in, although the world will want to portray, I guess you say to a certain lens, a high level of perfection, but it doesn’t exist, right? We all are flawed in some way, some shape, or form. And we’re all working on a day-to-day basis to become the best version of what we feel we are.
And at the end of the day, when you’re at the end of your road, at the end of your life, when you look back, it’s about you being happy with the life that you lived, right? And you’re learning from mistakes, you’re growing, you’re standing in the sh*t that you step in, whatever it is. I think it’s about it’s about just being truthful to you.
If I can be real with myself, then the opinions and thoughts of others don’t have as much of an effect. Or they don’t weigh on me, or they don’t present the idea of a burden. Right? I have a clear head and it’s because I have no problem sharing my story. I have no problem informing. I have no problem just speaking and it’s a shame that people are so secretive with information that can add value to so many.
Right? Like, yes, good stories can fuel so much good or prevent so much bad. And I think if we as people understood that more, the idea of a secret would kind of start to lessen. It wouldn’t be held on as much as it is in today’s times.
Gretchen:
Well, Kevin, the last question that we want to ask you before we let you go is: Do you have an idea, like a suggestion that you would give to listeners for how to be happier, healthier, more productive, more creative, just as part of their ordinary day?
Kevin:
Absolutely. You know, approach every day as if it’s a new day. Oh, there should be a reason to wake up every day. Every day should feel the same. And, you know, you got to look at it as your worst day could be someone’s best day. So, you know, the idea of being down, the idea of just staying in a place of dark, it’s one that we have to buy into.
And, you know, I know that it’s tough for some. And it’s not as easy for others to grasp the concept of, you know, let me create a positive thinking space. Let me create a positive world of what, a positive world of destiny. Right? Let me create something that I’m working towards. And the road to that doesn’t have to be fast. Things don’t have to happen overnight. Things don’t have to happen in warp speed. Right? There’s a there can be a timeline and some length in it to achieve any goal. But if you’re working towards it and your mindset is positive in your approach to do so, I think the day-to-day process is something that you will be able to embed and embrace at a higher level.
So for me, I love the idea of waking up and finding a purpose for that day. I love the idea of working on myself, whether that’s in health and wellness, whether that’s in knowledge, whether that’s in just learning new ways to be more vulnerable or be more open. We age year after year because you’re improving, you’re growing, you’re getting stronger, your mental is changing your level of knowledge, etc..
So ultimately, when we’re 50, 60, 70, how much did we obtain? What did we do with these years of knowledge, in these years of life? And the answer should be: Improve. Right? Your day-to-day work should just be on the side of improving and you’ll find happiness in any level of improvement. Getting better is a happy feeling.
If you get better, if you do something better, it’s a happy feeling. So my piece of information that I’m giving, not advice, is give yourself a reason to wake up every day. And when you do go to sleep knowing that you did something better than you did the day before.
Gretchen:
Yeah, we talk about that as living in an atmosphere of growth.
Kevin:
There you go.
Gretchen:
And it sounds like that’s exactly what you’re talking about. Well, thank you, Kevin.
Elizabeth:
Thank you, Kevin.
Gretchen:
It was terrific to get to talk to you. Thanks so much.
Kevin:
Long overdue. I’m glad we finally got it to happen and I’m looking forward to talking more. This definitely will not be my last Audible Original. There will be more, but right now I’m focused on this one, “Monsters and How to Tame Them.” Guys, give it a listen. Then after that, figure out how to tame yours.
Elizabeth:
That’s right. Thanks, Kevin. All right. Coming up, Gretchen has a self-care Demerit. But first, this break.
[Music]
Elizabeth:
Okay, Gretch, it is time for this week’s Demerit and Gold Star, and you’re up this week with a Happiness Demerit.
Gretchen:
Okay, this is a small thing, but it is one of those things where like, I just did it knowing that I would regret it. You know, it’s one of those things where you’re just like, okay, I’m going to wish that I had made a different choice. So I have very, very dry skin. And so every time I take a shower, I put on body lotion because otherwise I get like very, very itchy and uncomfortable and my skin just feels weird and just bothers me.
And lately, I’ve been going in the shower and getting out and just being like, you know what? I don’t feel like I need body lotion. And it’s not like there’s anything different. And then a couple of times I’ve had to, like, take off all my clothes and put on body lotion like 2 hours later because I was so uncomfortable.
And this is something where I know perfectly well. It’s kind of a stage that I don’t enjoy, but I need to do it because later on I will wish that I had done it. And I don’t know what has happened in my brain where I feel like somehow I’m off the hook, where I am absolutely not off the hook. There’s no reason to be doing this. So I’m hoping that by saying this Demerit, I will, like, get a grip on it.
Elizabeth:
Well, Gretch, I’m wondering if now that it’s getting into winter, if it feels cold to you to put the lotion on and you suffer from cold, so you want to get dressed quick.
Gretchen:
That is 1,000% it. Now that you say that, yes, that is exactly the issue because it feels cold putting it on and then putting my clothes on, it changes the texture of it, which bothers me much less when it’s warm. That is exactly right. And you would say, hey, inside your apartment, isn’t it always room temperature?
Gretchen:
And yet I don’t understand why it is room temperature and yet I do feel a lot colder in the winter. Yeah. I mean, I just. I wish there was like, I could get like heated hand lotion.
Elizabeth:
Well, they may have that. You know, they have four babies. They have like baby wipe warmers.
Gretchen:
Yeah.
Elizabeth:
A heated lotion warmer might absolutely be something you could own.
Gretchen:
I am going to do some research and look into that. I mean, on the one hand, is this a device that nobody needs? Yes. Is this something that I might actually use and enjoy? Yeah. I mean, I use my egg cooker, so maybe. Yeah, I mean, I’ll do a little bit of research. Could be a holiday gift coming up for me. I will find out.
Elizabeth, what is your goal? You get a Gold Star for thinking about that. What’s your other Gold Star?
Elizabeth:
So I am giving a Gold Star, Gretchen, to the rain in L.A. Recently we had like two solid days of rain, which we never have. And it was just so cozy and fun to be in the rain. And I felt like it was a reset for everybody, for me, for just everyone in L.A. I felt like when the rain cleared, it was like, I don’t know, a new day, a new breath, a new something. It just felt like the city was starting anew. So it just had a great feeling. And, you know, we just get so little rain. It was just very significant.
Gretchen:
That’s interesting because, you know, clerking for Justice O’Connor, she often mentioned, because she grew up on kind of a remote Arizona cattle ranch, and she just said, like, every drop was precious. Like, they thought about rain all the time and how important it was. So, yeah, it’s one of these things where if it rains frequently, like, it rains in New York very frequently, you don’t think much of it. But then, it’s really something to be very grateful for every time it happens, especially now.
Elizabeth:
Yeah. So I love that L.A. rain.
Gretchen:
Clean the slate. Wipe it clean.
Elizabeth:
Yes.
Gretchen:
Okay. The resource for this week. Okay. We now have Jump-Starts in the Happier app. Okay. People have really loved all the different Jump-Starts, which is super fun. And as we’ve been talking about in this episode and for a while, holidays are really fun, but they can also be a time of stress and hassle. And so the Jump-Start, the newest Jump-Start is the Holiday Jump-Start, and it is in the Happier app.
So if you go to the Happier app, you see daily prompts to help you plan ahead, check items off your to-do list, find ways to enjoy and appreciate, be present. It’s free—you can use it with or without a subscription to the Happier app. And so the first seven days is seven days of planning. The next seven days is seven days of doing, and then the next seven days is seven days of appreciating.
So they kind of change as time goes by. And you can get the Happier app from the App Store or Google Play. And if you want to learn more, go to thehappierapp.com and get lots of information there.
Elizabeth:
Great.
Gretchen:
So what are we reading? Elizabeth, what are you reading?
Elizabeth:
I am reading. “I’m Glad My Mom Died” by Jeanette McCurdy.
Gretchen:
And I am reading. “Consider This: Moments in My Writing Life after Which Everything Was Different” by Chuck Palahniuk. And that’s it for this episode of Happier. Remember, Try This at Home: Enhance your holiday decorating. Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you.
Elizabeth:
Thank you to our guest, Kevin Hart. Listen to his new Audible Original, “Monsters and How to Tame Them.” Thanks to our executive producer, Chuck Reed, and everyone at Cadence 13. Get in touch, Gretchen’s on Twitter @gretchenrubin and I’m on Instagram at @lizcraft. Our email address is podcast@gretchenrubin.com.
Gretchen:
And if you like this show, please rate, review, follow, recommend. That is how other people discover our show.
Elizabeth:
Yes. Until next week. I’m Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen:
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.
[Music]
Elizabeth:
“Clearing dust and clutter every week, and add in holiday prep and it’s so much fun.” Wait, can you hear the dogs, Chuck? Do I need to do something? Let me go give them something. Sorry.
Gretchen:
I feel like we’re starting to hear that from Elizabeth every recording session. What do you think?
Chuck:
Mm hmm. More and more. She’ll get a third one and it’ll be a cacophony.
Gretchen:
From the Onward Project.