Update
I’ve started posting on TikTok! Check it out, follow me @gretchenrubin.
Try This at Home
Think about your past-self.
We’ve talked about thinking of your “future-self” as a way to create accountability (especially for Obligers) and as a way to think about what you want from life.
We can also do the opposite: Think about your past-self, whether that’s your child self, teenage self, or other earlier self. Think back on what your earlier “self” would think about your life, your work, your habits, etc.
I mention my interview with Mindy Kaling.
Thinking of a past-self is a good reminder to be grateful and to consider how far we’ve come — and it can also serve as a wake-up call for change.
Happiness Hack
For a family tradition, in the two weeks before Valentine’s Day, a listener posts loving notes on her children’s bedroom doors each night: “We love the fun outfits you pick!” “We love how you share with others!” We love your imagination!”
These kinds of notes are exactly the kind of thing that’s fun to add to a Memento Journal.
Know Yourself Better Question
A listener asks: “Are you an under-estimator or an over-estimator?”
Listener Question
A listener asks, “In the Four Tendencies personality framework, how can an OBLIGER/Rebel use accountability to meet inner expectations without feeling frustrated and resentful?”
Send in your suggestions! I’d love to hear from Obligers who have figured out ways to meet this challenge.
If you don’t know what an “OBLIGER/Rebel” is or why it matters, you can take the quick, free quiz here to learn if you’re an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel. You can learn more about the personality framework in the book, The Four Tendencies.
Demerits & Gold Stars
Elizabeth’s Demerit: She wants to stop wasting any food.
Gretchen’s Gold Star: I realized that for no good reason, I wasn’t wearing sweaters and sweatshirts that I had to pull over my head. Also, when I considered the items of clothing that didn’t really work, I realized it was because I’d bought them for their color.
Resource
Check me out and follow me on TikTok!
What we’re reading
Elizabeth:
Hello and welcome to Happier, a podcast where we discuss strategies, hacks, and tips for how we can build happier lives. This week we’ll talk about why we might think about our past selves, and we’ll discuss the Know Yourself Better question of “Are you an overestimator or an underestimator?”
[music]
I’m Elizabeth Craft, a T.V. writer and producer living in L.A. and joining me from New York City is my sister, Gretchen Rubin. And Gretch, you know a lot about my past life.
Gretchen:
I sure do. That’s me, Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, the five senses, AND human nature. I am in my little office in New York City. And yes, Elizabeth, you know my past self very well, too.
Elizabeth:
Now, maybe you can guess from the intro. Today is Opposite Day.
Gretchen:
Yes. We’re a big fan of whimsical little celebrations. And so today is Opposite Day. We’re shaking it up a bit.
Elizabeth:
Yeah. So maybe we’ll have breakfast for dinner.
Gretchen:
Yeah. And I was thinking that when I walk through Central Park, I almost always take exactly the same route. And I was thinking maybe I would just go the reverse way, which literally has never occurred to me before. And I feel like, is this even scientifically possible? But I suspect that it is.
Elizabeth:
It’s like Superman reversing time by flying backward around the planet.
Gretchen:
Yes, exactly.
Elizabeth:
Okay. Cause we have lots of updates this week.
Gretchen:
Yes. First TikTok! I am on TikTok. It has been a long road to get up to speed on TikTok, but I am there. Please come. If you’re a TikTok viewer, come check it out. Follow me on TikTok. I’m very excited about this whole new platform. It’s really super fun to think about how to engage with people about ideas on TikTok.
Elizabeth:
Yes, I followed you, Gretch.
Gretchen:
You’re such a good sister. Always. I can count on you.
Elizabeth:
And this week, for #Outside23in23, tag us on social media in a picture of your pets outside for a chance to be reposted. Well, you know, there’s going to be a lot of those photos.
Gretchen:
I love seeing pets and I love hearing about all the happy pets who are so happy to go outside. That just warms my heart thinking about all these happy dogs. Now, on the theme of Opposite, we got an interesting email from our listener Carol, who says, “I’m a Rebel who tips toward Obliger. I’m currently listening to Episode 410: Top Tools for Habit Change. You were discussing how the don’t break the chain strategy can backfire on people because, if they’re like me, as soon as they break the chain, even once, they give up on the whole idea. So in my 23 for ’23 List, I created a few Opposite Goals. Instead of trying to do something 23 times, like trying 23 new restaurants or recipes, I am giving myself permission not to do something 23 times. For example, I have a goal to play the cello every day, but I’m giving myself 23 days off. That way I can miss once or twice a month without feeling like I’ve missed the target and giving up. Also, I think I’ll be motivated not to miss a day so I have more days off in the bank for future use.”
What a great idea.
Elizabeth:
This is such a clever idea. I think not even just for rebels, for Obligers. This is a really good idea.
Gretchen:
Well, and Elizabeth, we keep saying like we think that there is no further twist on like how to use the number and people… it’s just endless imagination.
Elizabeth:
I know.
Gretchen:
Oh, speaking of the 23 for 23 list, on my list was the thing about get new underwear, many, many people emailed which suggestions about what to do with the old underwear, t-shirts, old textiles. People mentioned Four Days, Marine Layer, Nicky Bra recycling. So if you are looking for something to do with your old textiles, it turns out there are many places that will help you make good use of them. So thank you, listeners.
Elizabeth:
Yes, I think “Get rid of gross t-shirts” is on my list as well.
Gretchen:
That’s right. That’s right. We both have it. Yes. This is good for both of us. So the Try This at Home Tip this week is very appropriate for Opposite Day because we talk a lot about thinking about your future self. It’s a kind of accountability, especially for Obligers. It’s a way to think about what you want from life, what your aims are.
But this is the opposite. This is instead of thinking about your future self, you think about your past self, your child’s self, your teenage self, or any earlier self.
Elizabeth:
Yes. Think back on what an earlier version of yourself would think about your life, your work, your habits. It’s kind of mind-blowing.
Gretchen:
Well, it’s another way of thinking about yourself sort of in the third person. And all the research shows that that kind of distancing, giving yourself that perspective is very, very valuable. It can be tricky to, like, get outside yourself. So one way to do this is to say, well, what would my earlier self think about my today self?
Elizabeth:
Yeah. And Gretch, sometimes, you know, I can be feeling down about something going on. But if I think back to what my past self, Elizabeth, would have thought about me doing like Season Two of Fantasy Island, it would have just been more wonderful than I could imagine. I mean, I can think of myself watching Fantasy Island. And then I can… and loving it as a kid.
Then I can think of my twenty-something self out in L.A. trying to make it, not being able to get a job, pounding the pavement. And if I could have thought like that, I was going to have a Season Two, I wouldn’t have believed it. I mean, my goal, Gretch, for a long time was just to meet one showrunner. It was like my only goal.
Gretchen:
Oh, I remember when you were like, “This is the impossible dream, but I am determined to make this happen.” It’s just… the city seems so vast, it’s like, how in the world are you going to meet anybody? Well and Elizabeth, I remember watching Fantasy Island as kids, you didn’t even know how T.V. was even made. This is just so far beyond your capacity to even… it was beyond dreams.
Elizabeth:
Yeah. And if you had told me, okay, you’re going to be in Puerto Rico at a gorgeous resort shooting this new reboot of this show, I would have been out of my mind.
Gretchen:
With the chair, the actual chair. The plane landing, the whole thing, the smiles. I get a chill every time Elena Roarke says, “Smile.”
Elizabeth:
So when I look at my life through the lens of my past self, and not even to mention having a family I love and two adorable dogs, I’m like, my life is pretty darn good.
Gretchen:
Well, I think it really is a good reminder for you to be grateful and to give yourself that “tada.” To be like, now I’m very focused on “What do I want to do, what’s ahead of me,” but to think about what your past self, it reminds you to be grateful. And this reminds me of something. So way back in 2011 on my website, gretchenrubin.com, I interviewed Mindy Kaling.
I love Mindy Kaling. I have loved her ever since The Office, where she plays Kelly Kapoor. I love both of her books. She’s got all these great series, Mindy Project. Anyway, I just I’m a huge fan of Mindy Kaling. I think she’s brilliant. So the question that I asked was, “What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were eight-teen years old?”
Gretchen:
This is what she answered. She said, “When I was 18 years old, I took a semester off from college and was an intern at Late Night with Conan O’Brien. It was the most glamorous job I ever had, and I idolized the writers there. I remember lying in bed every night telling myself that if I ever got a job as a comedy writer, I would be so happy. And all my dreams would have come true.
“Six years later, I got that job working on The Office. I felt incredibly happy and grateful for about a week and then a whole new set of complaints set in. This would have shocked and disgusted my 18 year old self. It’s helpful to remember the younger version of me because it reminds me to feel grateful when I want to be snotty.”
Elizabeth:
Oh, we can all relate to that.
Gretchen:
We can all relate to that. For me, same as you, like it never even occurred to me growing up that I could be a writer. I loved reading. I like spent all my time reading, but I didn’t even foresee a life for myself where I could be the writer. So it was sort of even beyond the reach of my younger self.
And so that’s interesting to think of, like how grateful I am now that I have this life where I just read and write all day long. It’s such a dream come true. I don’t want to lose touch with that, but I do think there’s also a way where there’s a twist on this, which is it can be a wake-up call.
It can remind you of something that you once wanted or once desired or once aimed for, and maybe you’ve drifted away from that. But remembering what your past self would have wanted might remind you of something that you want in the present. And I remember this with Jamie, because I remember Jamie just one time just offhandedly said to me, “Man, if my 12-year-old self knew that I can go to a Knicks game pretty much whenever I wanted and I, like almost never went, he would just be horrified because 12-year-old Jamie, all he wanted to do is go to the Knicks.”
And so it’s a good reminder because like asking yourself, what did you do for fun when you were ten years old? It’s a way to reconnect. Maybe you don’t want that. Jamie doesn’t really want to go to the Knicks as much as he would have liked to when he was younger. But it’s a reminder that it can be a wake-up call.
Elizabeth:
Well, you could say, like, why am I not playing the guitar? My 12-year-old self just, you know, wanted to play the guitar. Now I don’t do it anymore. There’s lots of things you can bring back into your life if you like, think about your past self.
Gretchen:
Yeah, my earlier self would have been shocked to realize that I wasn’t playing music every day or my younger self, might have been like, “Oh, I can go to a movie any time I want. I can just go. I can go on a weeknight, like I can’t go three times in one week, but I don’t do that.” Maybe I’d like to do that. Maybe I’d like to bring that up into my life because it’s something that my earlier self valued and I still value it.
Elizabeth:
So it’s a way to both bring gratitude in your life and kind of make you maybe push for more, do something different. And you can choose any earlier stage tgat It feels relevant. So it could be when you were 10, 20, when you were 30 anytime.
Gretchen:
Right. So let us know if you do Try This at Home and how thinking about your past self works for you. Let us know on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, TikTok. Drop us an email at podcast@gretchenrubin.com. Or as always you can go to the show notes. This is happiercast.com/414.
Elizabeth:
Coming up we’ve got a Valentine’s Day Happiness Hack, but first this break.
[Music]
Gretchen:
Elizabeth, this week, the Happiness hack is in honor of Valentine’s Day, which is coming up. And we talk a lot about easy family traditions, like things you can do that build memories and help us stay close to each other, but maybe don’t take a lot of time, energy or money, because sometimes things can get overly complicated and then you don’t want to do them. And we got a great suggestion from our listener, Jenny.
Elizabeth:
Yeah, she says, “In a previous episode, a new mom asked for ideas for traditions to start with her family. With Valentine’s Day coming up, I am currently preparing for a tradition I started with mine. Starting the evening of January 31st, my husband and I tape a cut paper heart on our kids bedroom doors that have written statements listing something we love about them.
“‘We love the fun outfits you pick’ and ‘We love how you share with others’ and ‘We love your imagination.’ We do this every night until Valentine’s Day. The kids started checking their doors first thing every morning and really enjoyed it. For the last few months, they’ve been asking if we’ll be doing it again this year. I dated and saved the hearts for their memory boxes so they will have them to flip through in the future or on a day when they may need a pick-me-up.
“I do recommend keeping a list to reference so you don’t make duplicates (our daughter moved her hearts into her room each day so we couldn’t reference them on her bedroom door at night) and write things down when you think of them. Because as much as we love our kids, it can be hard coming up with just that thing in the evening before bed.”
Gretchen:
Well, I love this idea.
Elizabeth:
So nice.
Gretchen:
And I think you could do a lot with it. Like if doing it for two weeks felt like too much, you could just do it the day of Valentine’s Day or like a week before Valentine’s Day. This would probably be a great thing to do with a sweetheart because we don’t always lavish praise and love and appreciation on our sweethearts.
And also, I think, you know, we talk a lot about the Memento Journal, where it has those pockets. This is exactly the kind of thing you can put in your Memento Journal. And then over the years, it would be so fun to see how “We love the fun outfits you pick,” that’s very different with you’re like five years old and when you’re 17 or whatever.
And it would be really fun to see how those things evolve. So this is… it’s so thoughtful, but it’s it would be pretty simple to execute.
Elizabeth:
Yes, I love that idea. Jenny, thank you.
Gretchen:
And also from a listener, we have a Know Yourself Better question. This is very thought-provoking.
Elizabeth:
Yeah. Jackie says, “I’d like to share a Know Yourself Better that has recently come out between my husband and me. Once we recognized this difference, it has helped us to not have the same disagreements over and over. A marriage triumph. Are you an Underestimator or an Overestimator? For example, we might have a list of chores/tasks to complete one Saturday, and I’ll think we need to set aside several hours to get them completed while my husband will say, ‘Oh, this will only take 15 minutes.’
“Of course, the actual time spent is usually somewhere in between. Other examples would be the time allotted for running an errand, cooking a meal, etc. When situations like this come up, we often stop and remember past times we have disagreed on the amount of time we need to allot to something and decide to compromise on something in between.
“This helps me with the panic of, ‘There will never be enough time to get this done, we better hurry,’ and my husband rushing to get something completed because he didn’t set aside enough time. One of the interesting parts about this, at least in our experience, is that my husband and I are both quite punctual people. So does not necessarily just a measure of the ability to be on time for something, but rather the inclination to plan and set aside time a certain way. An interesting distinction.”
Gretchen:
Well, I think this is really great because I know that I’m an Overestimator. Like Thoreau said, “I love a broad margin to my life,” and I like a margin. I don’t like feeling pressed for time. So I will often… something that’s going to take 45 minutes, I might put it on my calendar for like an hour and a half because I just… How about you?
Elizabeth:
Yes, I think I’m definitely an Overestimator too, because I don’t like the panicky feeling of like, running out of time. So I’d rather give myself way more time than I need to avoid that feeling.
Gretchen:
But I think it’s also the pessimistic/optimistic viewpoint because sometimes it’s like some person’s like, “Well, we just have to do this, this, this, and this.” And you’re like, “Yeah, but with this, that can happen. And then with that, that could happen. And then, oh, maybe they’ll be out. And then we have to go to three places.” And how likely do you think it is that things will break your way?
Gretchen:
I tend to think everything will go wrong.
Elizabeth:
Me too. Adam, for instance, does plan based on everything going right. And I’m like, “But that never happens.” There’s never not traffic in Los Angeles. But that’s just how he plans.
Gretchen:
Well, and I think that this is a great thing because what she’s she’s not saying one is right and one is wrong. She’s saying this is like a different way. And once you realize that one person is overestimating and one person is underestimating, you can say like, okay, why don’t we meet somewhere in the middle and like, let’s use past experience to be more efficient in our planning, because the fact is overestimating is often very inefficient. It’s like… I feel like it’s less stressful than underestimating, but it’s still often not efficient.
Elizabeth:
This takes the emotion out of it. You know, it takes this sort of feeling of like, “Oh my God, this person, this is doing me wrong.” It’s just like, oh, we see this differently.
Gretchen:
And it’s yeah, exactly. It makes it just like, okay, let’s take this into account and just kind of a dispassionate way instead of arguing I’m right, you’re wrong. That’s where the conflict comes in. And then people feeling like you don’t pay attention to the fact that I’m stressed out or you never listen to me when I tell you that I know it’s not going to take that long or I don’t want to cooperate because this is a big waste of my time.
It’s like, “Oh, okay, let’s just figure out what makes sense.”
Elizabeth:
Yes. So really smart.
Gretchen:
Well, listeners, this is kind of a related question. This is something we want to talk about in a future episode. Here’s the question for you: What are small nagging conflicts that you experience with a sweetheart? Because I want to sort of get a sense of like what are these conflicts?
So I would say examples of small nagging conflicts are things like: When do we leave for the airport? How much does somebody think it’s a bad idea to have dirty clothes that are on the floor and not in the hamper? My thing is bottled water. I’m adamantly opposed to bottled water and will like really, really throw it down if somebody around me wants to buy bottled water. And that can be a source of conflict, as you know, Jamie will be like, “I’m thirsty. I want to get a thing of bottled water.” I’m like, “We just came from our house where there was just infinite supplies of water. You know, let’s just deal with it.” Whatever, you know. You know what I mean? Elizabeth, can you think of examples like this?
Elizabeth:
Dishes not going in the dishwasher. Someone looking at their phone during dinner.
Gretchen:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
Elizabeth:
Working when you’re supposed to be relaxing with the family. Or there’s making the bed.
Gretchen:
And the thing is, maybe you both agree. Maybe both of you are like, “Who cares about making the bed? Let’s not do it.” Or Jamie and me, we both like having the bed made, so we’ll do it together. But you’re right. It’s often a point of conflict. And these are not big things. I just want to have a list of, like, the little things.
I’m not even exactly sure what I’m going to do with this list, but I want this list. So send me. And these are not big. These are not big philosophical problems. These are the small nagging conflicts. So send them in.
Elizabeth:
It’s the toothpaste, right? It’s the classics: the toilet seat and the toothpaste cap. I think those are the two classics.
Gretchen:
I’m adding those to my list. I hadn’t thought of those, but you’re right. Like, those are the most classic examples.
Elizabeth:
Cited examples. And socks on the floor.
Gretchen:
Yes. Send them in. And now for a listener question. We have a lot from listeners this episode, which is always great. This is a question from Michelle.
Elizabeth:
Yeah she says, “I’m a longtime listener of your podcasts, and I immediately knew the first time I heard you describe the Four Tendencies framework that I’m an Obliger. It wasn’t until I recently read Gretchen’s book, The Four Tendencies, that I came to understand that I tip to Rebel. As an Obliger, I know I need outer accountability to meet my goals.
“However, as an Obliger/Rebel, I really resent any such outer accountability, and I can’t seem to make myself seek it out. For example, I think it would be great to join a book club. However, if I join the kind of book club where nobody really cares if you read the book, I know I’d feel like I had to read it anyway and become grumpy at those who didn’t make the effort.
“However, I can’t bring myself to join a book club with a firm expectation to read the book because it feels like too much pressure and another stress I still need in my life. Do you have any tips for how in Obliger tips to Rebel can seek outer accountability without feeling like they’re trapping themselves? What an interesting question.
Gretchen:
Okay, listeners. Send in your responses, especially if you’re an Obliger who tips Rebel. This comes up all the time and I would love to have some heuristics and strategies that people in this particular combination can use. I mean, what I would say is, you want to focus on what you want. That’s kind of the Rebel. What do you want. So that the accountability feels positive.
These people are holding me accountable for something that I want. I want to read this book so these people are helping me. But that’s a pretty limited approach. I would love to know what other tools people have used because I have heard from many people where it’s like I need the accountability, but then I resent the accountability. And you don’t want Obligers to be feeling that deep resentment because then that can lead them into Obliger Rebellion, and that can be productive and beneficial, but it can also be destructive and hard to manage.
And one of the things I thought was always to be doing resolutions that are positive. So you don’t want accountability for something that feels negative, but only for something that feels positive. But reading a book is positive. And so even for a positive resolution like this, Michelle is feeling frustrated. So let’s find some more tools from the Obliger/Rebels out there.
Elizabeth:
Yes, it’s interesting because I don’t relate to that at all. I’m just pure Obliger. So it’s really interesting to me to hear this point of view.
Gretchen:
By the way, if you don’t know what we’re talking about, you can take the quiz, go to fourtendencies.com/quiz, and you can take the free quiz. And three and a half million people have taken it and it’s very quick. And as I said, it’s free. It will tell you your Tendency and give you a little report so you know what we’re talking about.
All the Tendencies have a range because you tip in one direction or another. So Obligers are like Upholders in that they both readily meet our expectations. But Obligers also tip to Rebel because they both resist inner expectations. And so Michelle is saying that she’s in an Obliger who tips to Rebel.
And so for that particular combination, the spirit of resistance is very strong. And as she’s saying, it’s kind of interfering with the effectiveness of the accountability. Whereas if you are an Obliger, who tips to Upholder. And so that’s why I think I have almost only a few times that I can think of that you’ve mentioned to me, have I seen you experience Obliger Rebellion. And accountability tends to work really well for you and not be too… doesn’t make you too resentful.
But each of the Tendencies I have this big range. Like if you’re a Questioner who tips to Upholder like Jamie, that’s very different from being a Questioner who tips to Rebel, which is like Steve Jobs. Like there’s still Questioners, but it really colors how the Tendency comes out. And it… and knowing that subtlety in your Tendency can really help you be more effective when you’re trying to figure out how to set yourself up for success.
Because it just gives you that additional nuance of like, okay, yeah, I know that as an Obliger, I need accountability, but I need to know even more than just accountability. I have to tweak it in a way that’s going to suit my like by subtype.
Elizabeth:
All right. All very interesting. Coming up, Gretchen has a clothes Gold Star. But first, this break.
[Music]
Gretchen:
Okay, Elizabeth. It’s time for Demerits and Gold Stars. It is an even-numbered episode, which means it’s your turn to talk about a Demerit.
Elizabeth:
Yes. Okay. So Gretchen, here’s my Demerit. You know, I’m trying to eat well, but I keep finding myself buying food and not eating it. Okay. Like, for instance, buying vegetables. Say, “Oh, I’m in a roast these vegetables tonight for dinner,” and then I don’t, and then I don’t the next day. And then eventually they go bad. Or I mentioned, I think on More Happier, that I’ve been eating a lot of hard-boiled eggs.
But I’ve also had times where I’ve made hard-boiled eggs or even bought hard-boiled eggs, and then I haven’t eaten them right away. And then they just sit in the fridge and then I’m going, “How long do hard-boiled eggs last in the fridge?” And like, another day goes by and I’m like, “Are they still good? Well, I don’t know. Let me leave them there for another day.” And it’s like ten days later, they’re still there. So I don’t know. I’m voicing this Demerit in hopes that it will keep me eating my food in a timely manner.
Gretchen:
Well, first of all, I think we’ve all done it. This is like, I think, a challenge for a lot of people. Certainly, it’s a challenge for me and my family. And I think this is something that a lot of people are really focusing on now more than ever, which is food waste. And to really use… if you’re bought food, eat that food.
Gretchen:
I bet people have a lot of tricks and tips about, “Use a sharpie to write the date on your hard-boiled egg so you know how long it’s been in the fridge or whatever.” I bet people have a lot of really good ideas about like, how to make sure that you actually do eat the food.
Elizabeth:
So send me those ideas.
Gretchen:
Yeah, yeah. That’s great.
Elizabeth:
All right, Gretchen, what is your Gold Star?
Gretchen:
Okay, I’m giving myself a Gold Star because I had two big insights, and I’m giving an assist Gold Star to Eleanor because she made an observation that threw a lot of light on my habits. Okay. Just like you’re trying to eat the food that you’ve bought, I want to wear the clothes that I actually have. And I also want to make better choices in the future because we all have things that for whatever reason, we just end up like just not wearing very much.
And so it’s like, okay, how can I wear those clothes now and then not buy those kinds of clothes in the future? Okay. So Eleanor said to me, not in criticisms of them, but it’s kind of like an observation. She’s like, “Oh, you know, you always wear things that zip or button.” And I was like, “You know, that’s true, I really do feel a strong… like just every day to day what I’m like wearing my yoga pants and running shoes, something that either zips or buttons.” And she goes, “That’s kind of funny because I always think of those things as not being as warm because they’re like, are penetrated by holes,” which I don’t even know if that’s true. But she was like, “Yeah, like what’s why don’t you like things that just pull over your head?”
And I thought, “Well, why not?” Because the funny thing is with the things that button and zip, usually I don’t even unzip them or unbutton them. I just pull them over my head. I cannot be bothered even to do that much work. So I just pulled them over my head anyway. And once she said that, it like, unlocked something for me and I’m like, now I have things that I haven’t been where I had never been wearing very much without being conscious of this pattern.
And now I’m like, I can pull this sweater over my head. And so I’ve been wearing all this leisurewear much more in circulation. So that’s good. The other thing is I was looking in my closet at the things—and my shelves—at the things that I don’t wear, and it’s so obvious once I think about it that when I think about the clothes that I bought, that in the end I don’t wear almost always it’s because it’s a beautiful color. I love colors, so I’m like, if it’s purple, I’ll buy it. And it’s like, “That doesn’t look good,” but I buy it thinking, “Oh, I’ll do this, I’ll do that, I’ll figure out a way” and then no. Or, you know, it just doesn’t look right.
Elizabeth:
And then you can’t bring yourself to give it away because you think, “Oh, but it’s such a great color.”
Gretchen:
Yes. And so now because I recognize this pattern, I think I’m going to really be on the lookout when I’m trying something on. And I’m very pulled toward it because of the color, I have to say, like, “But does it fit and does it go with anything else? And, you know, does it work?” Because that is the trap that I fall into.
I love the color. I convince myself it’s fine. And this is what our mom is always saying. She’s like, if it doesn’t look good, in the end, you don’t wear it. Even if it’s beautiful on the hanger or on the shelf. If it doesn’t look good on you, in the end, you don’t want to wear it.
Elizabeth:
Absolutely true. Well, good for you. Clothing insights, you’re wearing your makeup every day.
Gretchen:
I’m on fire.
Elizabeth:
You’re a whole new woman.
Gretchen:
So the resources for this week. Okay, I mentioned it before, but come on, check it out on TikTok. Follow me on TikTok. It is so much fun to be there.
Elizabeth:
Oh, yes.
Gretchen:
And then what are we reading, Elizabeth, what are you reading?
Elizabeth:
I am reading Spare by Prince Harry.
Gretchen:
Oh, and I am listening… I’m re-listening to a book that I’ve read, Piranesi by Susanna Clarke.
[Music]
Elizabeth:
And that’s it for this episode of Happier. Remember, Try This at Home: Instead of your future self. Think about your past self. Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you.
Gretchen:
Thank you to our executive producer Chuck Reed and everyone at Cadence 13. Get in touch. Elizabeth is on Instagram at @lizcraft and I’m @gretchenrubin. And I’m on TikTok @gretchenrubin. Our email is podcast@gretchenrubin.com.
Elizabeth:
And if you like the show, please be sure to tell a friend and follow us in Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts or your favorite podcasting app. It really does help the show.
Gretchen:
Until next week. I’m Gretchen Rubin.
Elizabeth:
And I’m Elizabeth Craft. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.
[Music]
Elizabeth:
Gretchen, it was so thrilling, I got to say, “Onward and upward.” That was my favorite part of the whole episode.
Gretchen:
Excellent. Well you did it beautifully.
Elizabeth:
Onward and upward.
Gretchen:
You can say it in a lot of different ways.
Elizabeth:
Onward and upward.
Gretchen:
Well done.
[Music]
Gretchen:
From the Onward Project.