Try This at Home
Escape your own taste.
We’re often attracted to the same thing, over and over. By stepping outside our usual preferences, we can find new things to enjoy and experience.
I mention how my mother-in-law has a taste for striped shirts. Here she is, delighted by an array of shirts exactly like the one she’s wearing.
Happiness Hack
For a name that people might not know how to pronounce, explain it in terms of a word or phrase with which it rhymes.
Deep Dive
On the July 8, 2023 episode of More Happier, we talked about coming up with alternative metaphors for the “empty nest.”
Listeners sent in many excellent, imaginative suggestions.
Demerits & Gold Stars
Gretchen’s Demerit: My tote-bag collection is spiraling out of control.
Elizabeth’s Gold Star: I took over Elizabeth’s gold star to give her a gold star for making such a productive use of this stressful period of being on strike.
Resource
If you enjoy the tips, hacks, and “Try This at Home” ideas we talk about on Happier, you might also enjoy the “Tips for Happiness and Good Habits newsletter” — twice a month, you’ll get practical tips for making your life happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative delivered to your inbox. Sign up here.
What We’re Reading
441
[Music]
Gretchen
Hello and welcome to Happier, a podcast where we discuss strategies and tips for leading a happier, healthier, more productive and more creative lives. This week, we’ll talk about why we might try to escape our own taste, and we’ll do a deep dive into listener suggestions for metaphors for the empty nest. I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, the five senses and human Nature.
Gretchen
I am in a little cobbled together temporary makeshift studio outside New York City. And joining me today from L.A. is my sister, Elizabeth Craft, who is in her home office.
Elizabeth
That’s me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in L.A.. And yes, scratch. I’m here in the very hot Los Angeles.
Gretchen
Oh, yeah. A lot of heat. Heat wave before we launch. And we have a couple of interesting updates from listeners.
Elizabeth
This comes from Christine. She said, Just listen to episode 437 On my way home from work and was totally struck by your segment on not putting things in writing because it’s a classic case of when the opposite of a profound truth is also true. There are some things you may want to specifically get in writing. Be that in a text, email, slack, messenger app, or something else.
Elizabeth
This can be true in so many situations and it can be recording both good or bad things you may want to keep track of. Two concrete work examples. Maybe you start an email folder called Gold Stars where you say very emails with particularly positive feedback from coworkers, management, customers, etc.. You can reference it during your annual review if you are up for a promotion or when you are just feeling really down about yourself.
Elizabeth
On the flip side, if a coworker is always seeming to try to get the upper hand on you start getting things in writing after verbal chats or informal meetings. Blame it on yourself and say, Hey, this is really important stuff. Great info and I want to make sure that I don’t mess anything up later if I forget them in a jot this down in an email.
Elizabeth
And connect us all. Please respond and let me know if it looks okay. Now you have a dated record and proof of the conversation. Employ the same tactics for any important verbal conversation with a landlord, your forgetful mother in law, your homeowners association, and more.
Gretchen
Well, this is an excellent point, and it’s exactly right. Some things you don’t want to put in writing and some things you absolutely do want to get in writing.
Elizabeth
Absolutely.
Gretchen
Great reminder. And then this came from Caroline about the try this at home to act like a teenager. She writes one aspect of being a teenager that wasn’t mentioned on the podcast is idealism or activism. Some teenagers use their time to fight for a cause they believe in, such as reversing climate change, helping to advocate for LGBTQ+ rights, homelessness, voting, etc. I think it’s not uncommon to move away from these activities as we get older and get caught up in earning a living, raising children, etc..
Gretchen
In my own life I recently became a literacy volunteer and I’m also knitting for homeless, LGBTQ+ teens. These activities have boosted my happiness significantly by allowing me to make small but meaningful contributions to the world. So that’s a really, really great example of acting like a teenager. But Elizabeth, as you pointed out, the positive aspects of being a teenager, and that’s very often a good aspect of teenagers.
Elizabeth
Yes, definitely something for all of us to consider.
Gretchen
And here’s something that I want to throw out to everyone. I’m looking for ideas, suggestions. As you may remember, as part of my trifecta, I made a 23 and 23 list of 23 things I want to do in 2023 as one does. And one of my items is to have 30 days of culture. I want to plan 30 straight days when I do something cultural.
Gretchen
So I am looking for ideas. I’ve already gotten some ideas on social media. I’ve started buying tickets and looking at calendars. That’s a lot of plans to make. So I am planning this between call it September 5th and October 12th in New York City and traveling. So I’m throwing in some extra days. But if you have any great ideas, hit me up.
Gretchen
It’s very broad. What I consider to be culture. So let me know.
Elizabeth
Okay? I can’t wait to hear about this. You’re going to have a lot of good newsletters coming out of the scratch.
Gretchen
Good. Yes. I hadn’t thought of that. So Elizabeth, this week or try this at home, suggestion is to escape your own taste.
Elizabeth
So what does that mean exactly?
Gretchen
Okay. So very often, Elizabeth, you and I both have talked about our tendency to do this. We fall into a rut of doing the same thing over and over, like there’s something that we like. And so we just keep going deeper and deeper and deeper into that. So, you know, you might eat the same food all the time or like, I just keep buying black cardigans, I see a black cardigan.
Gretchen
I’m like, That’s a good looking black cardigan. How many black cardigans does a person need? Not as many as I sometimes have owned at one time. And so part of it is to recognize your taste and then to figure out ways to escape your taste.
Elizabeth
Yeah. I have to say, I am very resistant to escaping my taste. I am someone who will do the same thing over and over. But I love this idea.
Gretchen
But here’s a way that you do not fall into. You don’t need to escape your own taste the way I do, which is that you rarely rewatch a television show or read a book, whereas that’s the way that I fall into my own taste. Not only do I reread the same kind of book, I might reread the very same book, or I might watch the same I watch Game of Thrones three times.
Gretchen
I feel that’s a lot of TV time. So there was that opportunity cost.
Elizabeth
True, but Gretch even though I may not do the same exact one, I will do like it’s hard to get me to read sci fi, for instance, because I’m not a sci fi fan. It’s hard for me to escape what I know I like. But I do think this is a really fun idea for summer, because in summers when we’re trying to do something new, maybe be a little spontaneous, freshen it up.
Elizabeth
So this is a great summer goal.
Gretchen
Well, and to your point about escaping your own taste with reading, one of the ways that I escape my own taste is I will ask people for recommendations. And if they really love a book, even if I think, Oh, that’s not really the kind of book I like, I’ll read it anyway. So like, I almost never read mysteries, but every once in a while I’ll read a mystery just because people are like, Oh, it’s really, really good.
Gretchen
Or if somebody really recommends a book, I mean, I will have books that I got from the library that I have in my to be read it and be like, Why in the world do I have this book? And then I think somebody must have told me it was really good. I got to start keeping track because it’s more fun when you know who recommended it.
Gretchen
But it’s a way to escape my taste by sort of just willy nilly following somebody else’s recommendation and not thinking about, well, does this suit my taste? Or just like if it’s good enough for them, it’s good for me.
Elizabeth
And then there are other things we can do, like go to a restaurant with a cuisine you haven’t tried before. I think that’s a really just concrete, easy way to escape your taste.
Gretchen
You could do something you might often do, but in a different way. Like I had a bunch of friends who got together to go see Barbie in the afternoon, so that would have been like going to a movie with friends and going in the afternoon, which I rarely do. I couldn’t go, but I was like, That would have been a great way to escape my own taste.
Elizabeth
Another thing I was thinking is like, if you’re someone who doesn’t go to sports events, go to a baseball game. Then again, if that’s what your family always does, try going to a play.
Gretchen
Exactly. And then maybe you look at something that’s really popular with people that you haven’t tried because maybe they’re on to something that I don’t know. And one of the things that I’ve noticed is Eliza and Eleanor, they listen to podcasts and music a lot, and they both have those bulky over the ear headphones. I realize I’ve never even listened through them.
Gretchen
I like having really small compact earbuds and so I’m like, Why would I want to carry around something that’s so bulky? And yet they both do it all the time. So clearly they must have value for that.
Elizabeth
All kids do.
Gretchen
I wrote this book Life in Five Senses, and it never even occurred to me. Why don’t I try it and see how that affects my hearing experience? Because maybe it’s a much, much better experience. But I was so locked in my own tastes, my own preferences. It’s literally something that I have never done.
Elizabeth
I’m really curious about that, Gretchen, because there’s ubiquitous.
Gretchen
Maybe this is a Christmas present that you and I can give each other.
Elizabeth
Yes, Yes.
Gretchen
Well, exchange over the ear headphones. Get on trend for once.
Elizabeth
Yeah, well, and you were saying how in escaping your own tastes, that can be a way to be on trend because a lot of things that are in the zeitgeist might be things you’re not inherently you think interested in. But if you escape your tastes and try them, you might find you like them.
Gretchen
Right. Right. One way to do this is like, do something with your children or do something with someone. My daughters were both really excited about claim to fame, and it’s not usually the kind of thing that I would watch, but I thought, you know what? They’re really enthusiastic about it. One and I watch it and now I love it.
Elizabeth
Yes. Which I should mention, Claim to Fame is a reality show where contestants are trying to figure out what famous people other contestants are related to.
Gretchen
It’s very clever and looks, I have to say, it kind of reminds me of your segment on Happier in Hollywood, the Celebrity Sighting, because it’s basically all about who are the celebrities lurking in the shadows of these relatives. It’s very funny. I’m going to put this in the show notes because this is so funny. I want everybody to see.
Gretchen
So Eliza was out with my mother in law, her grandmother. Both my mother in law and my mother, Elizabeth our mother, is that they like those shirts that have stripes. They’re very popular. It’s this you might call it a gondolier shirt or whatever. It’s two colors. Very simple, very classic. And Eliza sent me this hilarious picture because she said she and Judy walked into a store together and she’s like, Oh my gosh, you know, I love this store.
Gretchen
The store has so many beautiful things. She makes a beeline into the corner. She’s wearing one of those striped shirts and she’s standing rapt with excitement in front of a large display of striped shirts of exactly the same ones hanging above her head. There’s piles of them, and she’s looking at them. And that’s exactly what she’s wearing. And it’s like, yeah, what does she want?
Gretchen
More striped shirts? Because what she loves all her striped shirts and it’s just it’s such a perfect visual encapsulation of what we’re talking about. I mean, it’s like you in a hoodie. Elizabeth. How many hoodies do you house?
Elizabeth
Many. And I and when I see them, I go straight for them. Yeah.
Gretchen
Exactly. Well, let us know if you do try this at home and how escaping your own tastes works for you. And what is the taste you’re trying to escape. It can be hard to recognize. Just knowing that there’s a taste to escape sometimes helps us get out of a rut. Let us know on Instagram, Threads, TikTok, X, Facebook.
Gretchen
Drop us an email at podcast@gretchenrubin.com or go to happiercast.com/441 for everything related to this episode, I got permission from my mother in law to include the photograph because it’s just so funny to see her. We’ve all been there. We’ve all done it. Yeah.
Elizabeth
All right, Gretch, coming up, we’ve got a happiness hack about how to pronounce somebody’s name. But first, this break.
[Music]
Okay. It’s time for this week’s Happiness Hack, which is a very practical hack.
Gretchen
Okay, this is my hack. And I experienced this a couple of times. And so I think it’s very, very effective if you have a name that people often mispronounce or don’t know how to pronounce correctly. When you’re explaining how to pronounce your name, it’s very helpful if you frame it in terms of something that rhymes with your name.
Gretchen
For whatever reason. I have found that when people describe their names that we’re all in my mind. I take a minute to process and say, okay, this name kind of rhymes with that. It’s much, much easier to remember how to do it correctly.
Elizabeth
I agree. I’ve done that too, and I think it really helps.
Gretchen
So here’s just a couple of examples. I have a friend whose name is K A M Y, and the first time I met her I said, We’re just meeting and I just want to ask you, how do you pronounce your name? And she said, Thank you for asking. My name is Kamy rhymes with Amy. Amy with a K, And then it was just very easy to remember.
Gretchen
And then I met someone named Kamura and she said, Yeah, kind of rhymes with Shakira. And this is very helpful because what happens is you meet the person, you hear their name one time, and then you see it. And the same ambiguity that you weren’t sure about the first time. Sometimes you don’t remember. You’re like, Well, I remember.
Gretchen
Was it this way or was it that way? It can just be hard for it to stick in your mind, and this makes it much easier. Yes.
Elizabeth
Good tip.
Gretchen
And also, I want to we’ve mentioned this before, but if you use LinkedIn, LinkedIn has a feature where you can record using your own name. So if you have a name where you feel like people don’t always know how to get it right, that’s the way to do it. So they can very easily make sure that they’re pronouncing your name correctly.
Elizabeth
Yes, we all want to pronounce everyone’s name correctly.
Gretchen
Yes. Yes. And it can be hard to get it right. So now we’re going to do a deep dive into alternative metaphors for the empty nest. So on the July 8th, 2023 episode of More Happier, which is our Every other Week Saturday episode, we talked about coming up with a better metaphor for the empty nest. And listen, I still think that one of my favorite metaphors was your suggestion.
Gretchen
Open waters.
Elizabeth
Yes, that has a nice sound to it. It sounds very promising. Open waters.
Gretchen
Yeah. So I’m thinking about open waters. But then I thought of a few more, and I have one that I like even better, which might be the one that I’m going to go with for my own empty nest. So one of them that I thought about was Big Roof. Meaning you think of when they’re little, you’re all under one roof.
Gretchen
And now the roof is bigger because they’re still with us. They’re still part of our family. But the roof is bigger because now it’s extending further in the world. So big roof. But then I was listening to a podcast, it was the workplace podcast, and they were talking about how they had an open door policy, meaning their door was always open if somebody wanted to come by and ask a question or make a suggestion or complain or whatever, and it’s like, Oh, my door is always open.
Gretchen
And that got me thinking that maybe the metaphor should be the open door. We’re in the open door stage of life, meaning that when your kids are little, you have to make sure that they can’t get out and run into the street or whatever. But now the door is open and they’ve stepped out, but the door is always open for them to come back.
Gretchen
And so and their door is open. So we might be going into their dorm room or their apartment, just like we go back to Kansas City. We don’t knock on the door. We just let ourselves in because now we’re in this open door. We’ve opened our doors. We’re an open door household, meaning people are dispersed, but they’re still coming and going because you made the point you want something that has freedom.
Gretchen
You don’t want something that feels like loss.
Elizabeth
Yes. And I was going to say the open door also means you’re free to leave and you do adventure. Yes. And fun thing. Yes. Without feeling like you’re missing.
Gretchen
Something, right? Yes. It’s like the doors have opened and we’re out and about. Yeah, that’s good. Yeah. So I like that. But we got so many great suggestions from listeners, too.
Elizabeth
Yes. One that really resonated with me, Gretchen. And I’m sorry, I don’t remember who sent it was the idea of free wheeling. But now you’re free wheeling. Yeah, because it’s a free wheeling time of life.
Gretchen
Yeah, You.
Elizabeth
Can do whatever you want.
Gretchen
Yeah. And that’s also active and a lot of possibility. That’s a great one. Here are some others that we got and some of these actually it it came from the happier in Hollywood Facebook group. So this is sort of like a crossover effort here. Yes. And I think it’s good to have a lot of metaphors because what I found is, like people really respond to different vocabulary and different metaphors.
Gretchen
And so it’s good to have a lot of choices so you can pick the one that really resonates. Elon said, I think of the empty nest as letting air in there is more time and space when darlings leave for college. I have three sons and it’s been fun to see them become adults and enjoy more time and adventure with my husband. Keely says,
Elizabeth
As I listen today on my walk along Lake Michigan, a metaphor for you and your empty nest phase of life washed over me. Ride the wave. Gretchen, Since wave is your word this year it seems like a natural pairing. You can think of surfing on that wave, finding new balance and strength. You can imagine sailing and navigating the waves of life.
Elizabeth
Sometimes there will be whitecaps on the waves. Other times no wave at all. Dive into this season of life, you can’t actually embrace a wave, but that’s the beauty of it.
Gretchen
I love that. And that’s such a great tie in to my theme. I love that. And Elizabeth just like this one. And you’re open water. Here’s another water related metaphor. Sandra’s says My suggestion instead of empty nest is to enjoy the leeward side. This is a nautical term my fisherman husband taught me meaning facing away from the winds in a sheltered area with calmer waters than a storm, kind of a go with the easier flow of water or life.
Gretchen
The opposite is wayward, which doesn’t have negative connotations, but means you are fighting upstream against the tide or storm. So that’s sort of more effortful. So that’s interesting metaphor.
Elizabeth
Yes, I love wayword is a way to describe a.
Gretchen
Time that is a great word.
Elizabeth
Nova says, thinking about your emptiness metaphor. Could you be branching out then? This is just your house on the branch. But there’s lots of new growth offshoots, new branches, etc. Also not sure what this is called, but you know, when a sycamore tree shoots out helicopters is new seeds, right? Right. Well, that’s a fun idea.
Gretchen
Right? And that that has that same idea of extending out. And then related to this idea of of the branch, Christina says open a branch such as we’ve opened a branch in a college town. I love that. That’s that’s quite funny. It’s like the family is franchise. We’re opening branches across the country.
Elizabeth
Lori’s suggestion was parental recess.
Gretchen
Oh, that’s good.
Elizabeth
That’s funny, Courtney says.
Gretchen
Personal renaissance. Very nice.
Elizabeth
Shauna says. Re feathering.
Gretchen
Interesting. People are really having fun with thinking about other ways of doing the empty nest. That’s when Lori Marissa’s going to level up like video game progression. We have unlocked the next world.
Elizabeth
Oh, that would be good in my house because Jack loves video games.
Gretchen
There you go. Well, see, that’s where you can pick the metaphor that works with your family.
Elizabeth
That’s fun. Gretchen, This was a fun idea from Tracy. She said for couples, you could call it the season of two. If you’re a single person this season of you.
Gretchen
Oh, fun. So it’s season of two. Season of you, goes either way. That’s great.
Elizabeth
I love.
Gretchen
This list. Really interesting. We can’t even include all the imaginative, creative ideas that people came up with. And it’s just a great example of like, if there’s a metaphor that doesn’t sit right for you, it can be really engaging and interesting to think, Well, what metaphor would resonate with you? It’s just like, for me, the Happiness Project was a metaphor that really resonated.
Gretchen
And then other people are like, I don’t want to do a project that sounds like homework. It’s like, okay, well, you can design your life or you can go on a journey. Finding the right metaphor can often really help us to achieve the lives we want.
Elizabeth
So fun.
Gretchen
So.
Elizabeth
All right, Gretch, coming up, you have, I believe, a repeat demerit. But first, this break.
[Music]
All right, Gretchen, it is time for demerits and gold stars. And this week, I think this is a demerit you’ve given yourself before, so.
Gretchen
I mean, I’ve given myself this severity many times. Is like my fate. My tote bags, my tote bags are spiraling out of control. I try not to take them. I try to give them away and donate them. And I turn around and there’s this area in my closet where I keep them. And I’m like, Where did all these tote bags come from?
Gretchen
And yet each one seems unique. And presently this one has a zipper and this one’s really heavy, but this one’s really light and this one has long handles, but this one is small. I mean, it’s like, what? What is happening? How is this happening again?
Elizabeth
Yeah. Gretchen It was funny because when I was at your apartment, I was taking something somewhere and you were like, Here, use this tote bag. And if you leave it there, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it if you forget to bring it home. Yeah, but then, of course, I had to bring it back because I’m like, I can’t leave this precious tote bag.
Elizabeth
I have to bring it back to Gretchen.
Gretchen
I know, I know, I know. So you foiled my plan to leave it with somebody else? Well, I need to go through and do another cut.
Elizabeth
Well, Gretch, I’m proud to say I was somewhere this weekend with all my in-laws, and there was a tote bag, a gift of a tote bag from the place we were staying. Right. And I just I looked at it and I thought, that’s a cute tote bag. And I just left it up to whoever wants this tote bag.
Elizabeth
Take it. I don’t need it.
Gretchen
The secret is not to take it.
Elizabeth
Not today. Tote bag.
Gretchen
Yes, Yes. Do you not take the tote bag? Yes. And now it’s illicit. It’s your gold star. But I want to bust in and give you a gold star.
Elizabeth
Oh, yeah.
Gretchen
Okay. This is why you deserve a million gold stars. Because this strike is so stressful for you. This Hollywood strike. I mean, it’s so stressful for so many people. It’s so stressful for Hollywood in general. It’s so stressful for Los Angeles, for California, for all the people who are involved directly, indirectly. Because, of course, you’ve been picketing. But in addition to picketing, you’ve also been traveling.
Gretchen
Sometimes you came to New York, you’ve been hiking. Where are you in your Fryman 50?
Elizabeth
I think I’m close to 60.
Gretchen
There you go. You’ve been seeing old friends, which is something that’s been on your 23 in 23 list for years. You and Sarah have been making substantial regular progress on your novel. And this is hard to do because when things are really stressful, when it’s not clear how long this situation is going to last, it’s very easy to do very little, maybe just a bare minimum picketing, but you’re doing so much and I just think you deserve so many gold stars for all the time and the energy and the effort that it takes to do this when things are really stressful.
Elizabeth
Well, thank you, Gretchen. I’ll accept that Gold Star. It is a very stressful time in Los Angeles. Yeah, but I do want to feel like I use the time Gold star to everyone who’s dealing with this. However, they’re dealing with it because it is not a happy time in L.A. It is a very tense time. Yeah, I hope it’s over soon, but thank you.
Gretchen
Okay. Now the resource for this week, if you enjoy tips and hacks and try this at home, ideas that we talk about in happier, you might also enjoy a newsletter that I do called Tips for Happiness and Good Habits where twice a month you get practical tips for ways to make your life happier, healthier, more productive, more creative.
Gretchen
You get it right into your inbox. It’s free. If you’re somebody who just loves a tip, loves a hack, you might want to check it out. And if you go to happiercast.com/tipsnewsletter, that’s all one word tips newsletter, no spaces you will get that. Now Elizabeth, what are we reading?
Elizabeth
I am listening to The Signature of All Things by Elizabeth Gilbert.
Gretchen
And I am rereading a book that I love called Black and Blue Magic by Zilpha Keatley Snyder. And that’s it for this episode of Happier. Remember, Try This at Home. Escape your taste. Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you. And what was the taste that you were escaping. We’re curious.
Elizabeth
Thank you to our executive producer, Chuck Reed, and everyone at Cadence 13. Get in touch. Gretchen’s on Instagram and Tik Tok and Threads at Gretchen Rubin and I’m on Instagram and Threads at Liz Craft. Our email address is podcast@gretchenrubin.com.
Gretchen
And if you like the show, I want to shake it up a bit this week and say, Hey, way to review us. That really helps people who are checking out the show. Give us a try. So do that right and review. We really appreciate it. It’s a gold star for you.
Elizabeth
Until next week. I’m Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.
Gretchen
So, Elizabeth, speaking of taste, what do you think is the item of clothing that you buy over and over and over again? For me, it’s definitely the black cardigan.
Elizabeth
Yeah, I was going to say, for me, a black hoodie. Oh, yeah. Yes, a black hoodie.
Gretchen
How many do you think you have?
Elizabeth
Well, I don’t know. Probably at least five. But the thing is, I feel like I never find the perfect one. Yeah, I’m always searching.
Gretchen
That’s part of it.
Elizabeth
Perfection.
Gretchen
Yeah. No, the platonic ideal. You know, it’s out there. Yes.
[Music]
Gretchen
From the onward project.