Try This at Home
Identify your personal style. We share many recommended resources and suggestions from listeners. In particular, we mention…
- stylist Allison Bornstein
- The Curated Closet by Anuschka Rees (Amazon, Bookshop)
- A Beautiful Mess podcast
- Alyssa Beltempo, a YouTube stylist
- Articles of Interest podcast
- Imogen Lamport
- Nada Manley’s course, “Closet Confidential”
Happiness Hack
If you’ve accumulated inexpensive florist vases that you don’t use, give them back to a florist. (I wrote about this hack in my book Outer Order, Inner Calm.)
Interview: Gary Vaynerchuck
Gary Vaynerchuk is a serial entrepreneur who serves as the Chairman of VaynerX, the CEO of VaynerMedia, and the Creator & CEO of “VeeFriends.” He’s considered one of the leading global minds on trends in culture, business, and the internet. (He first burst onto the scene when he started Wine Library TV on YouTube.)
He’s written several bestselling author of books for adults, and now he’s written his first children’s picture book, Meet Me in the Middle:
Gary Vaynerchuk gives kids a jump-start on getting ahead in Meet Me in the Middle, an all-original picture book featuring his beloved VeeFriends characters!
With its unique two-in-one flip-book format, Meet Me in the Middle encourages young readers to see how different the world looks from another point of view. Start the book from the front and readers will learn about Eager Eagle’s day. Flip it over and readers will see the same story from Patient Pig’s perspective. It’s a fun story about how real success comes from seeing how the other side does it.
We talk to Gary about his reason for writing a children’s book; his ambitions for “VeeFriends”; why it was designed with its unusual and fun “flip” format; and why focusing on virtues is so important.
Gary’s Try This at Home: Take an extremely deep breath, smile sincerely, then tell yourself, “When I’m ninety years old, I won’t care about this.”
Demerits & Gold Stars
Gretchen’s Demerit: I had a scheduling conflict with Jamie, and instead of handling it well, I spoke to him in a very angry, snarky tone.
Elizabeth’s Gold Star: She gives her writing partner Sarah Fain’s step-mother a gold star for staying with Sarah’s daughter Violet when Elizabeth and Sarah needed a work weekend.
Resource
Every week, I send out a free email newsletter, “5 Things Making Me Happy.” This year, I’ve added a monthly email called “5 Things to Try This Month,” where I share practical tips, hacks, and tools to boost our happiness and well-being. People—including me—love hacks! To read today’s newsletter and subscribe, visit happiercast.com/newsletter.
What We’re Reading
*This transcript is unedited*
[491]
[music]
Gretchen
Hello and welcome to happier, a podcast where we talk about how to be spoiler alert, happier. This week we’ll talk about why and how to develop a personal style. And we’ll talk to you, entrepreneur Gary Vaynerchuk about his imaginative new picture book.
Gretchen
Meet me in the middle.
Gretchen
I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, the five senses. Human nature. I’m in my little home office in New York City and joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. My sister, the sage.
Elizabeth
That’s me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in LA. And Gretch, you know, I’m on my style journey trying to find that personal style. So this is for me.
Gretchen
So many people are joining you. Elizabeth, you hit a nerve with your style.
Elizabeth
You love.
Gretchen
It. But first, a few updates.
Elizabeth
Yes. This is from Heather, who had a response to episode 472. She said, Gretchen, I feel so lucky to have taken your advice on having a fire blanket. I just had an electrical fire, which was thankfully very minor because I was able to act quickly and use the fire blanket you shared in one of your happier episodes. I still called 911 and had the fire department come, but the fire was put out within seconds of me realizing it had started.
Elizabeth
I have a fire extinguisher, but in the moment I could not figure it out and grab the blanket instead to at least stop the fire from spreading while I messed with the fire extinguisher. I feel very blessed to be a regular listener and to have heard your advice.
Gretchen
Well, just anything. It’s like, I don’t think I gave this as advice. I was just like, I bought it because it looks so handy. But I had never used it. I was like, does this thing work? Yeah, it seems like it works. So I’m very glad to hear from Heather that it really does work. Yes, I think this was when we were doing No Spend February, and I was thinking like, this is something that I really wanted.
Elizabeth
Yes. Well, I mean, now I’m thinking I should get one. I mean, wow.
Gretchen
Yeah, I’m one of these people who panics, like, yes, if something goes wrong, I really panic and my wits fly out of my head. So that is something that I know that I am prone to. This response came to episode 487 from Carly, who said, I wanted to share that. I really enjoyed your recent episode on Summer. I recently put together a workshop for fellow therapists and social workers, merging life in five senses, and some are planning for a training on summer self-care for therapists.
Gretchen
In my group today, we did Summer five Senses Portraits and everyone brought something to share, and right about that was a memento or memory of summer for them. The responses were so visceral and evoked many emotions such as grief and loss, passage of time, fond memories and love. Sharing these portraits in this context was deeply powerful and helped us to connect not just as colleagues, but as tender helpers who often don’t slow down enough to care for themselves.
Gretchen
Because we are holding space for the heaviness of spirit of our clients. As trauma therapists, we often talk with clients about how the body keeps the score, and the traumatic experiences live as both explicit and implicit memories. In today’s Five Senses portrait exercise, it reminded us that so too does the good stuff. It is alive in the implicit memory, and when paid attention to and reflected upon our memory, networks light up and we can re-experience the bliss of being a ten year old girl on our grandparents farm, chasing after lightning bugs on a hot southern summer evening.
Gretchen
isn’t that beautiful?
Elizabeth
It is such a beautiful thought.
Gretchen
Yeah, well, if our grandparents didn’t have a farm and they weren’t in the South, but we chase lightning bugs on hot Midwestern prairie afternoons at our grandparents backyard. That’s a beautiful memory. I’m so happy to hear that. That struck a chord with them.
Elizabeth
Absolutely.
Gretchen
Okay, this week, our try this at home suggestion is to identify your personal style. Elizabeth, you talked about wanting a personal style, and we got so many suggestions and lots of recommended resources from listeners. So for anybody out there who is joining you on your style journey, we’ve got lots of recommendations.
Elizabeth
Yeah. And one thing I did, Gretchen, is a few listeners suggested I follow a stylist named Alison Bornstein. Yeah. So I’ve started following her. And one of her suggestions, in a nutshell, is that you pick three words for outlining your personal style. So one practical, one emotional and one, aspirational. Okay. So after much discussion with my friends and you and I think, mom, I picked three words which are I think I’ve shared them before current clean and confident.
Elizabeth
Love it all CS you know I love the alliteration. Yes.
Gretchen
And have you acted on this yet? Or you’re pondering it like, have you used it to go through your closet or identify things that you want?
Elizabeth
I haven’t gone through my closet, although I should, but I have. Like for instance, I ordered a jean jacket which hasn’t come yet, but I said, is this jean jacket current, clean and confident? Yeah. And I decided that it was good. So yeah, I am thinking about it actively. And when I put together an outfit, I do look at it and say, does it meet the criteria from my closet?
Gretchen
Oh that’s great.
Elizabeth
And I feel it is upping my game a bit.
Gretchen
Excellent. Well, it’s good to just have a framework to think about then decision fatigue of what to buy and what to wear and how to put outfits together.
Elizabeth
Yes. Now, what about you? Remind us of your three words.
Gretchen
Well, before I say, I want to say, I want to come help you clear your closet with this. Because, you know, I love to clutter clean. And you are. You are my favorite participant in that, shall we say. So mine. I inspired by your alliteration. I picked simple, sophisticated, and saturated meaning that I wanted to really aim for a lot of colors in New York City.
Gretchen
A lot of people wear black and it’s very easy, but I really am increasingly drawn to beautiful colors. So simple, sophisticated, and saturated is what I’m going for.
Elizabeth
Nice.
Gretchen
Now, many people have suggested this. It seems like this is an idea that really resonates with people. I’m thinking that this could almost be like an addition to happier trifecta. Like if you wanted to update your style or review your style every year, you could say like, oh, do I still have the same three words? And online I found a list of sample adjectives and I thought this was good.
Gretchen
So maybe you want to just run through these for people who are mulling it, because sometimes when somebody else proposes that we’re, you’re like, ooh, that’s my word. But it’s hard to come up with it yourself.
Elizabeth
Yes. So here are some words you can apply and any other words you choose. Yeah, yeah. Casual. Cool elevated trend driven. Classic. Preppy. Oversize. Feminine. Glamorous. Edgy. Playful. Colorful. Yeah. Neutral. Comfortable. Muted. Effortless. Sexy. Sporty. Minimal. Unexpected. Whimsical. Tailored.. Elegant. Bold. What? Good words.
Gretchen
Yeah, but you can see how somebody could come up with something so different.
Elizabeth
Oh, yes.
Gretchen
Interesting. So this is fun I love this approach.
Elizabeth
Yes. All right. Great. Yeah we’re sharing style tips. This first one Sarah and I talked about on Happier in Hollywood. It comes from our friend Jen who her style thing is that everything she wears is related to Stranger Things or Harry Potter. Wow.
Gretchen
Yeah, that’s that’s Elaine.
Elizabeth
It is. And so she, for instance, will get a very plain blazer and then so a Stranger Things patch on to it. Okay. Or she’ll have like a Gryffindor patch on a jean jacket or something like that. Right. And there are a lot of like really good looking sweatsuits that are branded with these things. And you’d think, how can she do this?
Elizabeth
But every time I’ve seen her, she has in fact followed through with this and it just gives her a very specific look. Yeah, and it’s cool. It comes off as very cool. She pulls it off.
Gretchen
That’s interesting. Well, and then she also has a conversation piece. So yes, it’s a good way to connect with other people because people will say, I can’t help but notice that you have a Gryffindor patch on your jean jacket, you know? Yes.
Elizabeth
And what she does is she’ll buy very inexpensive things according to her. And then change them with this so that it’s also a money saver. Right?
Gretchen
Because she transforms them into her own style. Yes. Right.
Elizabeth
Elevates.
Gretchen
That is very cool. I want to challenge myself to see, like, could I commit to the bit with two things that I love? I got, I could interesting, interesting. Tuesday says I recommend reading the curated closet by Anisha Reese. It’s specifically about this topic and I loved reading it. That’s a good resource.
Elizabeth
Got to put that on my summer reading list for sure. Michelle said another sister hosted podcast that I listened to, A Beautiful Mess had a deep dive episode about finding one’s personal style. Two things I suggested that I did were getting a color analysis and the Curated Closet workbook. I used an app for a color analysis. I don’t have the budget to get a professional analysis, so I ran multiple photos of myself and different types of natural lighting to determine which colors look best on me.
Elizabeth
The result was not a huge shock, but still good to have some helpful guidelines. I spent about two months slowly going through most of the exercises in the workbook. The overall style that I formed for myself has been really good for me. I also love Alyssa Bell Tempo, a YouTube stylist for very practical yet somewhat daring slash interesting styling techniques.
Gretchen
There’s so many resources. I know you hit a nerve, Meg says. I got exactly what Liz was saying about Jenna Lyons versus the Housewives. It’s the old where the clothes don’t let the clothes wear you cannot. That points to the difference between someone with style and someone who buys fashion. Well put. First, I want to recommend an episode from the podcast Articles of Interest about the meaning of clothing and fashion, and I’ll put a link in the show notes.
Gretchen
It’s a short interview with Amy Schmidt about how to find your own fashion rules and make a wardrobe from them. It’s delightful. Style gets overwhelming when we discuss it like it’s a fact, something that can be done right or wrong, but it’s really just a bunch of little choices piled on top of one another, choices that can be driven by trends or personal taste.
Gretchen
I think the first step to style it is just having baseline clothes that you feel comfortable in, both physically and self. Esteem wise. They don’t need to vary. You can choose a baseline and be done forever. Lyons has jeans buttoned down a jacket. Anna Wintour has dresses. My baseline is skirts and sweaters. Never a blazer. I hear you, Gretchen.
Gretchen
Yeah, because I do not look good in a blazer. The style comes in when you add one very new thing to that baseline and stick with it, and it really only needs to be one thing. Jean Alliance’s glasses, Anna Wintour, her 60s, cuts, silhouettes, Gretchen’s friends orange sweater, or the woman in the all green outfits. Instead of looking at stylish people for a model to follow, think about what exists in your closet and life that you respond to that makes you happy, brings you joy, or feels fun to put on.
Gretchen
Which brings us to the very next segment where Liz says, I do love anything customized. It’s ridiculous how much pleasure I get from monograms. The style answer may be right in front of you a nameplate necklace, a ring with a stylized L, a blazer with an embroidered image that means something to you like, say a one word theme, a bag with a stylized Happier in Hollywood font.
Gretchen
There are a lot of ways you could go if you take monogram literally, but you could also take a more general route and think of customizing every outfit with one thing that’s meaningful to you jewelry, socks, glasses, hair band, belt, watch, color. And there’s your style sorted. I love that.
Elizabeth
Yes, I that’s got my mind going.
Gretchen
You love customizing. Elizabeth. When you give gifts, you give such good customized gifts. I think this is a great idea for you.
Elizabeth
I’m seeing Corgi socks and my future.
Gretchen
Clean current confident a corgi.
Elizabeth
Yeah.
Gretchen
That is a bit to commit to, but.
Elizabeth
Yeah, maybe this monogram thing is very interesting.
Gretchen
And I can see what’s an Elizabeth Neck or Liz necklace. Yeah, that’s very interesting.
Elizabeth
Okay, Gretch, this comes from anonymous who said I highly recommend checking out Imogene Lampard’s website and programs. She has a comprehensive approach to style and helping people find their own style. Her blog is chock full of free resources on color, body shape, body variations, style guidelines, style personalities. She does videos too. I found her website almost ten years ago when I suddenly found myself having to dress in formal business clothes for a new job.
Elizabeth
After years working in super casual jeans and polo shirts, Silicon Valley. After getting good value from her blog, I did her Evolve Your Style 30 Day challenge, which expanded my comfort zone and clothes, accessories, etc. and her seven Steps to Style to get my personal color analysis.
Gretchen
This comes from Vera, she said. Find 1 or 2 celebrities that have a style you admire. Mine are Victoria Beckham and Gwyneth Paltrow. Go on Pinterest and study their style. What is it they always seem to wear or don’t wear? I realized what I love about their style is the idea of casual elegance. When I need to shop for clothes, I make sure whatever I buy fits in with this is that regardless of what’s in fashion, this has really helped me to create a wardrobe that feels cohesive and it’s true to my personality.
Gretchen
This is probably why I never feel like I’ve got nothing to wear, despite not owning a ton of clothes. Oh great point. Yes, and I was just reading the book Practicalities by Marguerite Drawer, and I came across this passage that made me think about this conversation. She’s writing about this topic of personal style, and she writes, I said I didn’t care about clothes, but that’s wrong.
Gretchen
A uniform is an attempt to reconcile form and content, to match what you think you look like, with what you’d like to look like, what you think you are with, what you want to suggest. Thought that was very thought provoking.
Elizabeth
Yes, Gretchen, I think style is something we are going to be discussing for sure on an ongoing basis.
Gretchen
Yeah, the three C’s and the three S’s. Yes. Let us know if you did try this at home and how identifying your personal style works for you. What resources struck a chord with you or the resources that we emitted? Let us know on Instagram threads. TikTok. Facebook. Drop us an email at. Podcaster Gretchen rubin.com. As always, you can go to the show notes.
Gretchen
There’ll be a lot of links in this episode. This is happier. Cars.com slash 491.
Elizabeth
Coming up, we have a clutter clearing happiness hack. But first, this break.
Elizabeth
Okay, Gretch, we are back with this week’s happiness hack.
Gretchen
Okay, now I think I wrote about this in my book, Outer Order Inner Calm, this little hack. But it just came to play in real life, so I wanted to share it for anybody who’s missed it. So I went over to the house of some friends of Jamie and mine, and they have open shelves in their kitchen, very attractive.
Gretchen
And I noticed that they had a lot of florist vases. Right. Kind of had that distinctive look. And, you know, I can sometimes be a little bit of a happiness bully. And sometimes I do kind of overstep my limits. But these are old friends. And I said, hey, do you have a lot of old force vases that you just as soon get rid of, which maybe was not that tactful, but she said, yes, I do.
Gretchen
What do you do with them? She said, because they’re too nice to just toss, but they’re not really nice enough that you want to keep them. And I said, and here’s the hack. Take them back to a florist. I happen to have a florist like right at the end of my street, but wherever you live you can take them back to a florist.
Gretchen
And as far as I can tell, they’ll take any vase. Like it doesn’t have to be a vase from that shop. They will take it, which is great because they can repurpose it. But the fun thing was we were spending the night with these friends. And so I got she’s a very early riser, and I got up in the morning and I saw that there was like a bag by the back door with all of the florist vases in it.
Elizabeth
So she was like.
Gretchen
Ready to act on this the minute we left for the weekend. And that’s how, you know, somebody really took it to heart. She’s like, oh, I’m getting those things off the shelves, into the bag and into the car to drop off today.
Elizabeth
It’s a great tip.
Gretchen
Yeah, well it’s good because then it’s perfect repurposing. Yeah exactly is good. They are 100%. Yes. Just as good. But you can’t use all those vases. But a florist can.
Elizabeth
Yes. I need to do this myself.
Gretchen
It’s very satisfying. And now for an interview with Gary Vaynerchuk. Gary Vaynerchuk, also known as Gary V is a serial entrepreneur who serves as the chairman of Vayner X, the CEO of VaynerMedia and the creator and CEO of friends. He is considered one of the leading global minds on what’s next in culture, business, and the internet. You may remember him from years ago, when he first burst onto the scene when he started Wine Library TV on YouTube covering wine.
Elizabeth
He does a million things, and among them he’s a five times bestselling author of books for adults. And now he’s written his first children’s picture book, Meet Me in the middle. Here’s a description Gary Vee gives kids a jumpstart on getting ahead and meet me in the middle and all. Original picture book featuring his beloved V friends characters.
Elizabeth
With its unique two and one flip book format. Meet me in the middle encourages young readers to see how different the world looks from another point of view. Meet me in the middle gives parents and educators a way to talk to kids about empathy, problem solving, and compromise the essential keys to success at any age.
Gretchen
Welcome, Gary.
Elizabeth
Welcome.
Gary Vaynerchuk
Thank you ladies.
Gretchen
It’s so fun to talk to you. Can’t wait to dive in.
Gary Vaynerchuk
Looking forward to it. Thank you.
Elizabeth
Yeah. So Gary, you have done so many things. What made you decide to write a children’s book?
Gary Vaynerchuk
Well, probably the fact that I loved doing so many things. it’s a good observation was, you know, I think over the last 10 to 12 years, I’ve been very affected by the fact that I’ve been on a journey of creating content on the internet at the earliest stages of social. Right. there’s very few people on Earth that have pieces of content almost every single day since 2006 on the internet, and I’m one of those people.
Gary Vaynerchuk
that’s been obviously a great blessing. And, and also comes along with its challenges. But what is really caught my attention is probably 7 to 9 years ago, I started to get emails and direct messages that were less about business advice and more about life, and less because my content was evolving, because now I realize what happened. At the time, I didn’t realize it, but all I was ever trying to do was make content that was valuable to people.
Gary Vaynerchuk
It started with wine recommendations, because I feel like people buy better. And then that led to business advice. And then what happened was I was being so specific and tactical with my business advice. Do this on email. Do this with your website. Do this on Twitter, do this on YouTube, do this on Facebook. And I just kept watching people not do it.
Gary Vaynerchuk
And probably around 3940, some 48 now like probably yeah, probably 7 or 8 years ago I was like, wait a minute. This isn’t because people aren’t smart or they don’t know this goes deeper. This is, you know, around real life emotional frameworks. It’s around 16. The surrounding security. This is around seeking validation. This is with, you know, discipline and and patience.
Gary Vaynerchuk
And my content started to evolve and it was really impactful. You know it really I started getting very emotional stuff to the extremes of, I mean, not to overshare, but people would send me things that they were on the verge of taking their life. That’s hard. And one more swiping through their newsfeed and a video of mine stopped.
Gary Vaynerchuk
Like things that like things that you almost struggle with, like, to be very frank, the first 5 or 10 times I got them, I’m like, is this real? Or someone trying to be, you know, nice or dramatic really intense stuff. Okay, great. That kind of creates the modern place where my brand sits, right? Cool. Amazing. Enjoyable. And then it got into the third level, which is, oh.
Gary Vaynerchuk
Getting to somebody at 18, 19, 23, 41 is not as impactful as getting to someone at three, four, five, six, seven. and so when I started this collectible education emotional, I called the friends as an NFT, as collectible trading cards. If you go to eBay right now, anyone listening and type in be friends, be friends, you’ll be surprised.
Gary Vaynerchuk
Very Pokemon like. But what started to emerge from day one was there was also a huge Sesame Street element. I and and I, I also am the byproduct of. Very good parenting. And so I’m incredibly affected by the vulnerabilities of modern parenting and the cliche things I saw over and over, which is eighth place. Trophies created the counter to people.
Gary Vaynerchuk
You know we had well intentions with eighth place trophies. We wanted kids to feel good or not bad. Instead we started teaching kids very early on to fear losing. and so I started getting deeper into emotional intelligence. And also this was happening in parallel with me taking VaynerMedia, my marketing company, from 1 to 2000 employees globally. And I’m a very HR driven CEO.
Gary Vaynerchuk
And so I started to see the tea leaves changing on, young adults.
Gretchen
Interesting.
Gary Vaynerchuk
and so culminated with, what am I doing here? And I think what I’m doing here as a human being is I’m a pure bred entrepreneur. Right. And so I have a lot of need to build and create. And, a lot of that is grounded in selfish behaviors. I want to build something for me and my family, but I also have from day one, even as a classmate and to who I am today, have always had passed on by my mother and nurtured by my mother a really selfless framework.
Gary Vaynerchuk
And I have a big platform, and Gary Vee works for a lot of people, but I’m sure this will be a surprise to you. Gary Vee doesn’t work for everybody, right? There’s plenty. As a matter of fact, my aggressiveness, my competitiveness, my new Jersey ness.
Gretchen
one of the things I always say is a strong voice repels as well as attracts.
Gary Vaynerchuk
I think it’s a beautiful way to put aggression. So I’m aware of that and I’m empathetic to that. I, I understand why I might not be the proper cup of tea for someone. but to your point, I have a specific flavor. I’m not, you know, I’m not water. I’m not water. I get a specific flavor. But just because I can’t be the vessel to deliver good virtues to the world doesn’t mean that I can’t be behind the scenes of it.
Gary Vaynerchuk
And so I created this universe accountable and, like, maybe my favorite character, because I think has become a lost art. tenacious termite. I think tenacity is also misunderstood and demonized in a competitive clown patient panda and patient pig who stars in this kid’s book. And so I’ve created this incredible universe that I’m very proud of. We’re very early.
Gary Vaynerchuk
You know, I truly am on a Sesame Street Pokemon. Marvel Star Wars Disney journey. And I’m in year three four of hopefully the rest of my life. And hopefully that’s 50 healthy years. And so, you know, kids book was a natural part of it. Just like we have cartoons coming out on YouTube kids, this fall, I will do everything amusement parks, pajamas, films.
Gary Vaynerchuk
You know, if I continue to operate properly. For many people listening right now, it’s the first time they’ve ever heard of anything called reference. And I’m hoping one day all their grandchildren are interacting with the intellectual property. And I originally I thought I was doing Disney meets Pokemon. And as I’ve been on this journey, I realized I’m doing Sesame Street meets Pokemon.
Gary Vaynerchuk
Elizabeth
Well, in the book you flip it over and you can tell the story twice. You know, it has two covers and that literally meets in the middle the two different stories. Was that hard to physically produce? Was the publisher into the idea?
Gary Vaynerchuk
A former creative lead of mine on befriends Manny, his wife, if I remember right. Or someone in his world had done a meet me in the middle book, there’s probably an official term to it. I always wanted the book called Meet Me in the middle. The story was so befriends. I don’t want to eat up all the time and be friends is a pretty cool IP like I’ve.
Gary Vaynerchuk
You good virtues as very important. I view bad virtues as something you really should for your own self, let alone the people around you work on. Whether through exercise, meditation, therapy, reading, surrounding yourselves with different people. I think living a content life is worth fighting for. And so the middle concept was always there. And when I created V friends, I always thought that like just tenacity isn’t enough.
Gary Vaynerchuk
I always think of virtues as ingredients. It’s like a good meal. It’s, I believe my ambition is a big part of why things have worked for me, but quietly and maybe not as obvious to the outside world, but definitely more obvious to the people that work with me. I would argue that along with my ambition, competitiveness and tenacity, that humility and patience have been equal ingredients to why I’ve gotten here.
Gary Vaynerchuk
And I think when you think about ambition and tenacity and humility, they seem to be potentially contradictions. But I think they’re meeting in the middle. Or another analogy I’ve used is they’re bridges, right? They’re pulling from opposite directions, which creates strength. So when I created the V friends, I created 280 characters because I feel like you need multiple traits to accomplish the mission.
Gary Vaynerchuk
If I’m going to help this kid be a happier human, it’s going to be accountability and kindness to themselves. And so kind, could do and accountable and need to be in that cartoon, that movie, that story. So the concept of the kid’s book was always going to be multiple v friends helping teach you that the middle is good.
Gary Vaynerchuk
Not not the edges.
Gretchen
Well, Gary, last thing before we let you go, we always ask our guests, do you have a try this at home suggestion that an ordinary listener can do on an ordinary day to make themselves happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?
Gary Vaynerchuk
So many. Let me give you a couple things. Work. Recently I’ve one. I’ll go with my one that I think is massive, and I’d like everybody who’s listening right now to do it along with you. I’m actually going to do it. I want everyone to take an extremely deep breath, actually. And please do this one. I mean, what’s it like to the point of like as far as you can go, let’s start with that high.
Gary Vaynerchuk
And now I want you to smile like actually like mean it. I don’t know what it is about that move. I mean, I know that there’s a lot of science behind breathing. but I have a text community, and I text that, like, once or twice a year, and I am blown away by the texts that I get in response.
Gary Vaynerchuk
I can tell you honestly, with no baloney that I feel a little bit better right this nanosecond.
Elizabeth
Yeah.
Gary Vaynerchuk
2.5 hours into my work day and having 3000 employees and all these different businesses, I can tell you I’ve had plenty of stress meetings. And again, there’s people that understand the science of breathing dramatically more than me. But I believe that if you take a deep breath, smile and say, the next sentence is the final part when I’m 90, I’m not going to care about this.
Gary Vaynerchuk
There’s something about the physical, the breathing and the and the mental perspective of whatever you’re stressed with becoming a little less powerful. And I’m talking real stuff going through a divorce, losing your job, having an alcoholic father. I’m talking real stuff. I’m not talking mundane stuff. Even those things can go from an 11 to a seven with that simple action for a couple of hours or a day.
Gary Vaynerchuk
And so I’ve become very happy with that action. And I really do believe that 3 or 4 people are going to seek me out and email me from this podcast. The breath, the smile. And I’m not going to care about this when I’m 90 is a very modern move that I think can help a lot of people.
Elizabeth
And I’m I start doing that every day.
Gretchen
Yeah, I like that.
Elizabeth
It’s when I need it. When I need it. Liz.
Gary Vaynerchuk
Liz. Gretchen, don’t don’t bull crap me. Did you feel anything with that deep breath? Smart. Like, did you feel anything?
Gretchen
Oh, absolutely. Yes. Yeah. For sure.
Gary Vaynerchuk
Yes, yes. Real close.
Gretchen
Real well. And it’s immediate too, which is nice because there’s so many things that we do unfold over time. And this is something you can do in the moment, in the moment. Excellent. That’s great. Well thanks so much Gary. Congratulations on the book. So exciting thing.
Elizabeth
Coming up, Gretchen gives herself a snark related demerit. At first this brain.
[music]
Elizabeth
All right, Gretchen, we are back with demerits and gold stars. What is your demerit?
Gretchen
Okay, so you know how you have to do scheduling with your sweetheart? I had a scheduling conflict issue with Jamie, and instead of doing all the things that I know I should do, have a humorous tone reached out and touch him. While we’re having a difficult conversation, take a moment to, you know, remain calm. Make the positive argument, which is like Jamie’s often very cooperative when it comes to scheduling.
Gretchen
I just talked to him in a very angry, snarky tone. I just burst out with just classic. She’s doing everything wrong. And the minute I did it, I was like, oh, that was not my best moment.
Elizabeth
Well, as Jamie himself is prone to say, Gretch, we all do it. Yes, we’ve all done it.
Gretchen
We’ve all done it. He’s the one who taught me that response. Yes. And I hope by giving myself this demerit, I will recommend myself to the best practices. When it comes to fighting right and handling conflict in a calm, lighthearted, tender way. Which is exactly the opposite of what I did in that particular circumstance. But Elizabeth, what is your gold star?
Elizabeth
Okay, I am giving a gold star to my writing partner, Sarah. Stepmother Anna. She’s coming out to stay with Sarah and Violet and Anna. Whenever she comes out, she’s happy to give Sarah a night off of, you know, parenting. Yeah. So Sarah and I are able to go to our favorite place, the Emerald Iguana Inn, and have one of our raw 24 hours.
Elizabeth
You spent 24 hours working on our career and enjoying ourselves as well. So thank you to Anna Gold Star to Anna for being just generous with that because she’s always like, take your time, leave early, come back late, have fun. So Sarah doesn’t feel any worry or guilt and it’s just a really nice thing that she does.
Gretchen
It’s funny I feel like Anna is because ever since Covid she’s sort of this character who appears and reappears and happens Hollywood and like very interesting like, oh, and is coming to town. That’s interesting. So gold star yes. Wonderful stepmother. Yes. This week the resource is I’ve mentioned before that every week I send out an email newsletter that’s free called Five Things Making Me Happy.
Gretchen
And this year, with my big convergence, I have added a new monthly email called Five Things to Try this Month where I share. You know these are practical tips, hacks, tools, anything like that to boost happiness and well-being. You know I love a hack. I love an actionable idea. So I love having this new outlet and people seem to really get a kick out of it.
Gretchen
So if that is intriguing to you or you want just want the five things making me happy. Newsletter in general, you can go to happier Cars.com slash newsletter and sign up there. It’s all very sleek now. It’s all been converged. Analysis. What are we reading? What are you reading?
Elizabeth
I am reading into True Face A Woman’s Life in the CIA Unmasked by Gina mendez.
Gretchen
And I’m reading on Marsh Island by Sarah Vaughan Jewett. And that’s it for this episode of happier. Remember to try this at home. Identify your personal style. Let us know if you tried it. What’s your personal style and how it worked for you?
Elizabeth
Thanks to our guest, Gary Vee. Check out his picture book, Meet Me in the middle. Thank you to our executive producer, Chuck Reed and everyone at Audacy. Get in touch. Gretchen’s on Instagram threads, Facebook and TikTok at Gretchen Rubin. And I’m on Instagram and threads at Liz Craft. Our email address is podcast a Gretchen rubin.com.
Gretchen
And if you like this show, here’s something that would really be helpful to us. If you follow or subscribe to happier, that is great because then you never miss an episode and it helps us because you never miss an episode. And to do that, it’s very easy. Just go to the Happier With Gretchen Rubin Show page wherever you listen to your podcast, and in the top right hand corner, you will see a plus sign or follow.
Gretchen
Just hit that. That is super helpful to us. And while you’re there, if you give us a five star rating, you know we love a gold star or review. And here’s your rhyming motto fan of the podcast. Review it fast. It’s not the best rhyme, but it rhymes.
Elizabeth
Until next week, I’m Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.
Gretchen
Elizabeth, you know I love to clear clutter when I come to your house. And it’s been a while since we did your closet. Yes, last time we did your office, but we didn’t even touch your closet.
Elizabeth
I know, and with all of these new thoughts in my head, it might be time for some, pruning of the closet, but.
Gretchen
Okay, here’s my burning question. How many hampers do you have these days?
Elizabeth
I have one hamper and also like two laundry baskets.
Gretchen
Okay. All right.
Elizabeth
So all. And then of course, I leave stuff in the laundry basket like forever and then put my clothes on the floor.
Gretchen
Okay.
Elizabeth
So for Adam, he, he doesn’t have.
Gretchen
From the onward project.