I’m always interested in examples of unintended consequences. For instance, I love this story, which I suspected was apocryphal, but apparently it’s really true: pickpockets tend to hang out near “Beware of pickpockets” signs.

Because, it turns out, when people see a sign on the street or in the subway that reminds them to “Beware of pickpockets,” the first thing they do is to check their pockets, their purses, their watches, their jewelry to make sure that their most valuable possessions are still safe. And in this way, they signal to pickpockets exactly where their valuables can be found.

Along the same lines, it turns out that the classic cornfield scarecrow attracts birds, because the birds learn that a scarecrow is a sign of ample food.

Here’s an example of unintended—even ironic—consequences that my husband Jamie and I were warned about, about our puppy Taffy.

One year ago, we got our puppy Taffy—we love having two dogs!

When we brought little Taffy home, one big challenge for her was to get accustomed to New York City with its noise and the bustle. For a puppy, it can be hard to walk down a sidewalk amongst the strollers, bikes, wheelchairs, pedestrians, and other dogs, with the noise of sirens, buses, and traffic.

The trainer told us something that made a big impression on me. She said, “When you’re out for a walk and something startles Taffy, like a loud noise or a big dog, don’t comfort her. If you comfort her, you teach her that there’s something to be afraid of. So she’ll end up being fearful. Just continue with what you’re doing without responding, and she’ll learn that whatever she saw or heard is no big deal.”

I’ve been thinking about this principle in the context of parenting. In some situations—for instance, with children—perhaps we make them more fearful rather than less fearful by comforting them; maybe by giving a big reaction to a situation, we make it feel more scary, rather than less scary.

Sometimes, a casual attitude is, in the end, more calming than the most earnest reassurance.