We talk about why we should stay aware of STUFF, and also how to nudge ourselves to rest even when it’s hard to stop away from the to-do list. We also discuss a terrific conversational hack discussed on a comedy show, about the four words that often work when we don’t know what to say.
Get in touch: @gretchenrubin; @elizabethcraft; podcast@gretchenrubin.com
Get in touch on Instagram: @GretchenRubin & @LizCraft
Get the podcast show notes by email every week here: http://gretchenrubin.com/#newsletter
Get the resources and all links related to this episode here: http://happiercast.com/395
Leave a voicemail message on: 774-277-9336
For information about advertisers and promo codes, go to happiercast.com/sponsors
Want to be happier in 2022? Order Gretchen Rubin’s book The Happiness Project to see how she approached the question, “How can I be happier?” and start a Happiness Project of your own.
Happier with Gretchen Rubin is part of ‘The Onward Project,’ a family of podcasts brought together by Gretchen Rubin—all about how to make your life better. Check out the other Onward Project podcasts—Do The Thing, Side Hustle School, Happier in Hollywood and Everything Happens with Kate Bowler. If you liked this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and tell your friends!
To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Update
Thanks to everyone who has written to tell us how much they like finding the Happier podcast on YouTube. You can find it here.
Try This at Home
Stay aware of STUFF.
In episode 392, we talked about the Try-This-at-Home suggestion to ask people, “How do you know when I’ve stopped listening?” This idea was inspired by the diversity and inclusivity training session for showrunners, led by Dr. Steven Jones, that Elizabeth attended.
Another useful idea she learned at that training is to stay aware of STUFF, which can make it hard to stay open to other voices, new ideas, and criticism. STUFF is…
- Stress
- Time constraint
- Uncertainty
- Fear
- Fatigue
When we’re in that state, the brain tells us to seek the familiar.
Happiness Hack
I went to comedian Alex Edelman‘s show, “Just for Us.” He observed that if you’re not sure how to respond to someone’s comment, it almost always works to say: “Can you believe it?”
The Knicks! House of the Dragon! The headlines!
He points out that this comment works because…
- you suggest that you know what a person is talking about
- you imply that you agree with that person
- you indicate, you keep talking
Know Yourself Better
I’m working on a set of distinctions related to the five senses, but it’s still very unformed. I’m trying to figure out the relationships among people who enjoy more experiences and enjoy fewer experiences, and who have rigorous standards, and who have relaxed standards.
I’m also trying to think of snappy terms for these categories. Some friends suggested putting a funny, snarky angle on it: Snob, Toddler, Teen, Hedonist, Glutton, etc. Other terms might be: Critic, Connoisseur, Enthusiast, etc.
All thoughts, suggestions, and observations welcome.
Listener Question
How can an Upholder (or anyone) nudge themselves to rest?
We talk about #Rest22in22.
Some ideas:
- Put it on the calendar
- Treat it like an activity, not a luxury.
- Remember, we will never cross off everything from the to-do list.
- Think about your future self.
- If you like the convenience of using your phone, try the tools on the Happier app.
- If you like writing in a physical journal, try the Don’t Break the Chain Journal or the One-Sentence Journal (both tools are also in the Happier app)
We mention the Four Tendencies framework. Want to find out if you’re an Obliger, Upholder, Questioner, or Rebel? Take the free quiz here.
Demerits & Gold Stars
- Gretchen’s Demerit: I wish I’d been able to have my Summer of Re-reading.
- Elizabeth’s Gold Star: Elizabeth gives Adam a gold star for agreeing to go to yoga with her every week.
Resources
- Cultivate your rest routine with the Happier™ app:
- Use the Photo Log to take a photo of your book or your pet when you take a break
- Check off every day you spend an hour screen-free with Don’t Break the Chain
- Record the number of hours you slept with Numbers Tracker
- Spend time in nature once a week and share with Accountability Partners
- Take a daily moment for reflection with the One-Sentence Journal
- If you subscribe to one of my emails, consider sharing with a family member, friend, or colleague and earn fun rewards through our new referrals program. I so appreciate word-of-mouth! If you want to subscribe, click here to sign up for the
- “5 Things Making Me Happy” weekly newsletter
- “Moment of Happiness” daily newsletter of a quotation
- “Happiness Hacks” bi-weekly newsletter