424: “Taste It by 25,” Ways to Make Networking Easier, and Why 4/10 Is a Day to Consider Your Tendency

Update

Pre-order my new book, Life in Five Senses! Pre-orders make a huge difference in the fate of a book, so if you’re inclined to buy the book, I really appreciate your pre-order.

If you’d like to ask for a free, personalized bookplate—to make a gift more special, or for yourself—you can request here. U.S. and Canada only. Feel free to ask for as many as you like (within reason).

Try This at Home

Taste it by 25. (This applies to flavor and also your musical taste.)

We mentioned my new fun, free, quiz, “What’s Your Most Neglected Sense?” You can take it here.

Happiness Hack

Use the date of April 10 (4/10) as a catalyst to reflect on how you might use the Four Tendencies personality framework to achieve your aims for yourself. It’s FOUR TENdencies Day!

If you’re Obliger, maybe you need accountability. If you’re an Upholder, maybe you need to put something on the schedule. Etc.

Don’t know if you’re an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel? Take Four Tendencies quiz here. More than 3.2 million people have taken it.

Want a copy of my “Calendar of Catalysts,” which offers suggestions of other dates to use as catalysts for change? My favorite is “Halfway Day.” Download the calendar for free here.

Interview

We interview Michael Melcher, an old friend who is an internationally known executive coach and leadership expert.  His new book just hit the shelves: Your Invisible Network: How to Create, Maintain, and Leverage the Relationships That Will Transform Your Career.

We discuss how and why we should build our networks of relationships and how we can cultivate those bonds by devoting just twenty minutes a day to the effort.

Michael’s neglected sense: Hearing

Michael Melcher’s Try This at Home: Write a note to someone from your past to thank them for something wise they told you.

Demerits & Gold Stars

  • Elizabeth’s Demerit: Girl Scout Cookies. Enough said!
  • Gretchen’s Gold Star: When a new pair of earrings hurt my ear lobes, instead of resigning myself to the fact that they hurt, I thought to look for a possible solution — which worked! I put Vaseline on the posts, and the problem is solved.

Resources

I love writing my “Five Things Making Me Happier” newsletter each week. You can sign up for free here. More than a million people subscribe to my newsletters!

What we’re reading:

Gretchen

Hello and welcome to Happier, a podcast about how to be happier, healthier, more productive and more creative. This week in our ongoing series about the five senses we’ll talk about why you should aim to taste it by 25. And we’ll talk to our old friend Michael Melcher about his new book about how to network and how to make networking feel less intimidating.

 

[Music]

 

Gretchen

I’m Gretchen Rubin, writer who studies happiness, good habits and human nature. I’m in New York City and joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. And Elizabeth, there is a lot that you and I did not taste before age 25.

 

Elizabeth

That’s me, Elizabeth Craft, the TV writer and producer living in L.A. And yeah, Gretch, I didn’t have sushi, I don’t think, till I was 28.

 

Gretchen

But now you like it and I still don’t really.

 

Elizabeth

Now I like it! I really like. Well there you go.

 

Gretchen

We will discuss. But first, a few updates before we launch into the try this at home.

 

Elizabeth

Yeah, Kelly said I’m an upholder, but I’ve done a terrible job of following through on the get outside 23 in 23 challenge, which I was planning to do with my two young kids. We live in northern Utah and it takes considerable motivation to bundle up and get out on the coldest days. We’ve also had several bouts of illness and an unexpected move.

 

Elizabeth

I was feeling defeated, but I decided to give myself a pass and reframe the past couple of months as a time of much needed hibernation. I also decided to tweak the challenge and give myself a reset date. Get outside 23 minutes a day in 2023, starting on 323. I know we’ll have to contend with the cold again at the end of the year, but I find it easier to bundle up when the cold weather still feels novel and festive.

 

Elizabeth

So I’m not too worried about November and December.

 

Gretchen

Well, I thought this was a great idea of we often talk about how people play with the number of the year or 23. Yes. And I thought this was a great idea because the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now. The best time to go outside. 23 in 23 is January 1st, 2023.

 

Gretchen

The second best time is now. And if you need kind of a new start date for that clean slate feeling, a lot of times people do find it more auspicious and energizing to start on something that feels appropriate. I think the 23rd of a month is a great idea. Very creative.

 

Elizabeth

Yes. So, Kelly, let us know how it goes.

 

Gretchen

Yeah. And speaking of go outside 23 and 23 this week, if you are following along on the #Outside23in23, tag us in a post that includes a picture of a tree for a chance to be reposted. We’re highlighting trees. And Gretch,

 

Elizabeth

I want to remind everyone to preorder your book, Life in Five Senses. It’s coming out in April, but preordering is super important for a book and it makes a great gift, especially for Mother’s Day.

 

Gretchen

Yes, as we say, preorder early and often. It really is a great way to support a book. So if you going to just go to gretchenrubin.com and you can find out all you want to know and more about that book. But so many people have preordered already and giant Gold Star and thanks to them it really does matter so much.

 

Elizabeth

And it’s such a good book and it’s such a gorgeous cover too.

 

Gretchen

Oh, well thanks. And now for this week’s Try This at Home suggestion in is to taste it by 25 and we say taste as in tasting flavors. But it’s also true for music. Your musical taste as well.

 

Elizabeth

So explain that, Gretchen. Okay.

 

Gretchen

So what I saw that kind of surprised me as I was doing the research for my book, Life in Five Senses, is it does seem that often if people have not tried it something by the age of 25, if they haven’t eaten a food, experienced a flavor, or listen to a genre of music by the age of 25, typically they do not enjoy it as much.

 

Gretchen

They tend not to have a taste for it. So if you’re under 25, it’s a reason to like really try to broaden. Push yourself, yeah, push yourself, and if you’re over 25, it might help explain like why you’re not as enthusiastic about something as other people. And it might just make you think, okay, well, maybe I need to push myself a little bit more because this is new to me.

 

Gretchen

I need to get over that hurdle.

 

Elizabeth

Yeah, you need to put yourself in a youthful mindset. Like if you’re tasting something you’ve never had before, like a snail.

 

Gretchen

Right? I think this is also a reason to try to introduce more foods and more music to your children, because just the more they experience. I mean, listen, we were talking about sushi. I still don’t eat sushi. You like sushi even though you did try it. But then Jack is like sushi his whole life, right?

 

Elizabeth

Yes, but I will say I’m limited in what I like. In other words, if I had been eating it from a young age, I might eat 20 different kinds of things, whereas I have about five things that I eat. Jack has a much better range of what he likes than I do, because I think maybe he’s just more naturally curious.

 

Gretchen

Well, for both of us, taste is our most neglected sense. If you take the neglected sense quiz at gretchenrubin.com/quiz you can find out what your neglected sense is. So maybe for us it’s both of those things we didn’t eat sushi growing up in Kansas City and we don’t tend to push ourselves toward taste. But when we know that about ourselves, we can say like, okay, I want that atmosphere of growth.

 

Gretchen

So many people enjoyed this music, so many people enjoyed this food. Let me work a little bit to develop a taste for it.

 

Elizabeth

You know, one thing I could see would be fun to do with one of your kids is to say, okay, here’s something like let’s take oysters. Hey, I’ve never eaten oysters, or I feel like I don’t like oysters, but let’s both try them. Yes. And see you try it. I’ll try it. Let’s see if you like it. And rather than I think it’s hard with kids to be like, try this.

 

Elizabeth

Try that. We all struggle with that with our children. But maybe if you’re putting yourself in it, yes, even though you’re over 25, you might have better.

 

Gretchen

Luck. That you’re saying this is new to me or I’m not that fond of mushrooms, but I want to see if I can.

 

Elizabeth

Develop a taste for it.

 

Gretchen

For it. But I also think it’s one of these things where maybe you don’t have to be too hard on yourself too. Because if you feel bad, you’re like everybody else like this. What’s wrong with me? Now you have some insight into why you might be that is that there is just this pattern in how people will develop tastes.

 

Elizabeth

Well and Gretch, how is it also related to the reminiscence bump, which is a great phrase.

 

Gretchen

So the reminiscence bump is fascinating. Researchers have shown that when you talk to adults, they have an outsize number of memories from the ages, from about 15 to 25. Now, Elizabeth, what about you? So that’s high school and college and kind of young adulthood. Don’t you feel like.

 

Elizabeth

A hundred percent.

 

Gretchen

Right? Yes. More than being kindergarten and more than being like 40. Yeah. And so I would be fascinated to hear from listeners if they also experience this reminiscence bump. And I haven’t seen anything explicitly tying these things together, but it seems to me that like, maybe that’s part of it, that we’re really open and having a lot of new experiences and having these sort of memorable experiences and then that bump starts to close.

 

Gretchen

And so then things maybe get more set and then maybe that’s why new things, you know, like think of the music from high school and college. Typically people have extremely vivid memories of that music. So that’s what they love. That’s what they listen to, that’s what they’re drawn to. And then the reminiscence bump is over. You’re maybe not exploring, exposing yourself in the same way, and so you don’t develop that taste for the music that comes on the scene after that period.

 

Elizabeth

That’s really interesting. It’s definitely going to motivate me, especially with Jack, to try to get him to try a bunch of different stuff.

 

Gretchen

Yeah.

 

Elizabeth

Because it would be fun for him to like all those things as he gets older.

 

Gretchen

Absolutely just makes your life richer. So let us know if you do try this at home and what you think of the idea of tasting by 25 for music or flavors. Let us know on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, or Facebook. Drop us an email at podcast@gretchenrubin.com. Or as always, you can go to the show notes happiercast.com/424 for everything related to this episode.

 

Elizabeth

Coming up we have a four tendencies hack but first this break. Okay. It’s time for this week’s Happiness Hack. Okay.

 

[Music]

 

Gretchen

Well, you know, I love the word tendencies and, you know, I love Catalyst for reflection and like an entry on the calendar of Catalyst. So our listeners, Sarah, suggested April 10th, which is coming up as you’re listening to this episode when it goes live, because it’s four, ten, four TENdencies, so the Four TENdencies day, it’s a great day to step back and think, okay, maybe I made a New Year’s resolution, maybe there’s something I’m working on, maybe I’m struggling with go outside 23 in 23 or whatever it might be.

 

Gretchen

So let me think about my Tendency and am I taking advantage of my Tendency and thinking about how to dial into the power and strength of my Tendencies to achieve my aim? Because sometimes even when people know their Tendency, they still aren’t deploying that knowledge as they’re going about an aim. And this is a reminder to do that.

 

Elizabeth

Yeah, I love that. Okay. For TENdency Day. Yes, a national holiday.

 

Gretchen

Exactly. For example, if you’re an Obliger and you’re trying to do something and there’s no outer accountability, this is the day where you might be like, Oh, what I really need to do is find some form of or accountability here, because considering my for my my Tendency, that’s probably what is the missing element. So that’s really fun.

 

Gretchen

And now for an interview with Michael Melcher. I’ve known Michael for many years, along with one other person. We’ve been meeting for a very long time to talk about issues that have come up in our careers. And each year Michael leads a very fascinating, useful look back, look forward exercise that I always get so much out of. And it makes sense that he would be good at that kind of thing because he is an internationally known executive coach and leadership expert.

 

Gretchen

He has a JD-MBA from Stanford and he wrote a book called The Creative Lawyer that I recommend often to people of all professions, not just lawyers, because it’s about how to find satisfaction in whatever you’re doing.

 

Elizabeth

And now Michael has a new book, Your Invisible Network: How to Create, Maintain and Leverage the relationships that will Transform Your Career. And I’m going to read the description. “Create, maintain and leverage professional relationships in only 20 minutes a day. Meaningful relationships are a must have to sustain and further your career. A network built on reciprocity, depth and trust isn’t merely helpful to your career growth,

 

Elizabeth

it is absolutely necessary. Your skills, work ethic, education, lived, experience, passions, all of these will only achieve their full potential when paired with meaningful relationships. Your invisible network provides a practical, nuanced plan for building and sustaining a network.”

 

Gretchen

Hello, Michael.

 

Elizabeth

Hi, Michael.

 

Michael Melcher

Hey, Liz and Gretchen.

 

Gretchen

Yeah, We’re so happy to be getting the chance to talk to you about your terrific new book.

 

Michael Melcher

Well, I’m thrilled to be here, of course.

 

Gretchen

So the first question I have to ask is you’re talking about networking and everybody knows it’s so important, but it is something where a lot of people just shudder at the thought of networking. They just resist the idea of networking. And the whole book is about how to make it less intimidating and make the case for it. But how do we make it more appealing and less intimidating to do the things that we need to do to network?

 

Michael Melcher

Well, first of all, 20 minutes a day or less. Yeah. So break it all down into small chunks, small, discrete actions taken over time make much more of a difference in big, dramatic gestures.

 

Gretchen

Mm hmm.

 

Michael Melcher

Two. Don’t fight the discomfort. Discomfort is natural because you’re trying to interrupt homeostasis. You’re trying to get something different from what might just come to you and a lot of building out your relationships is connecting with what we can call your weak ties. People you’re not in day to day exchange with. So there’s going to be discomfort. Instead of examining your discomfort all the time, give yourself a gold star.

 

Michael Melcher

Which, I know you love, for doing something that was hard. It might have worked out. It might not have worked out in that particular moment, but honor the growth attempt. Those are a couple of things.

 

Gretchen

I think that’s really good, is instead of saying like, get over it and embrace it, it’s like, yeah, it can feel uncomfortable to reach out to people you don’t know well, and that’s just part of the process. And sometimes it’ll be great and sometimes not. And that’s just natural.

 

Michael Melcher

Well, it’s consistent with what you’ve said in your books, which is how to be, how to change your life without changing your life. So how to have really robust, rich, effective relationships and networks without trying to be a different person. You can stretch a book, but you’re going to. You’re going to be you.

 

Gretchen

Yes. Yes.

 

Elizabeth

Well, and if we’re looking at our invisible network, what do you think are the most important kinds of relationships to foster, like having a mentor or, you know, those weak ties you mentioned old schoolmates, like, where should we be looking?

 

Michael Melcher

Mm hmm. Well, all of those are important. And it’s more a question of what I call your relationship portfolio. So just as you’re not supposed to invest in one stock, you want to have a balanced set of relationships, right?

 

Gretchen

You said, there’s seven kinds, right?

 

Michael Melcher

Seven categories, seven categories. So those are weak ties, bosses and senior stakeholders, colleagues, clients, friends, mentor/sponsors and beneficiaries. And anybody can look at this list and they’ll immediately see, oh, I’m pretty good at categories, you know, A and B, but maybe not in terms of E and F. So you can do a little gap analysis for yourself, figure out where do I want to emphasize a bit more?

 

Michael Melcher

There’s usually some overlooked category or two. And then the idea of the relationship portfolio is you pick a goal. I have a little bingo card that you can actually download if you want, with 16 squares and in a month you allocate those 16 squares, say, to these different categories. It could be one per each. The only one I think you really need to push is the weak ties and have at least four or five of those each month.

 

Michael Melcher

But that’s really how you go about. Yeah.

 

Gretchen

So for people who don’t know about the research related to weak ties, explain what a weak tie is and why it is important not to overlook the power of weak ties.

 

Michael Melcher

This is probably the single most insightful thing from the research. So a weak tie is somebody that you either don’t know that well or you once knew, but they’ve fallen out of contact, as have you. So former bosses, colleagues, roommates, friends of your parents, someone you met on the plane, that kind of stuff.

 

Gretchen

For a neighbor.

 

Michael Melcher

And what, The research neighbors? Yeah. Neighbors are always giving you that good career advice. The research shows that in many aspects of career, whether it’s looking for a job or new business development or even advancing your weak ties can be more important than your strong ties. And that is because there are more of them. They have different information from you.

 

Michael Melcher

Yet we’re still able to have a conversation and they tend not to be as vested in a certain view of you. So you have a bit more freedom to explore. And the other thing is that you cannot predict who is going to be most valuable to you. People you think should have amazing value either because of their prominence or they really care about you may be kind of duds and people you never think anything will come from can be really useful.

 

Michael Melcher

And then twinned with that is the idea that in any conversation you can’t really predict what’s going to happen. So you, you want to have both intention and also be open to serendipity and not try to qualify everything ahead of time, not pre decide who is going to be valuable and which conversation is going to be worth it.

 

Elizabeth

Mm hmm. And you can just do that by sending an email and saying hi and sort of like, what? What would you suggest doing?

 

Michael Melcher

Yeah, well, there are two types of, of outreaches and email tends to be most common. But you can text, you can call, you can see people in person, but let’s say email. One is where Hey Liz, how are you doing? I was reading what you said about being a show runner, and I’d love to have a chance to talk to you more about that.

 

Michael Melcher

So that’s sort of reaching out with a request to connect. But there’s another category called the ping, which is when you reach out, but there’s no need for them to respond. You’re kind of signaling this like, Hey, Gretchen, I saw your post about Children’s Literature Club, and I just started reading The Hobbit with my kids and it’s just great.

 

Michael Melcher

Hope you’re doing well. So you could respond, but you kind of know you don’t have to. And these are so valuable because everybody has an inbox filled with flagged emails that they’ve never gotten back to and they don’t want to.

 

Gretchen

We’ve all done it.

 

Michael Melcher

Yeah. And nobody wants another chore that they’re failing at. So the idea that, oh, somebody thought of me and I don’t have to respond, that’s really valuable. And the other thing is when you’re trying to get to know more people and bring more people into your circle, do you really want to have 35 coffee sessions on your calendar?

 

Michael Melcher

No, no, no.

 

Gretchen

No, no.

 

Elizabeth

Yeah.

 

Gretchen

You know what I do as a ping, and I’m kind of surprised people don’t do it more because it is so easy and sort of since this category is like if somebody loves like, oh, I know you’re a huge fan of Succession and now it’s back on or I saw your byline or I saw your hometown or anything like that.

 

Gretchen

That’s sort of like in the news or like I saw your book come out or, you know, I’m sure different people’s social networks have different opportunities for this. But responding to, Oh, I saw this and thought of you.

 

Michael Melcher

It’s very powerful.

 

Gretchen

I try to do that whenever I can possibly notice that because I feel like it fills a natural and warm. And like you said, there’s not like now we have to follow up.

 

Michael Melcher

Mm hmm. The interesting thing so some people do that very naturally and you can actually get in a habit of it. You can give yourself permission to just comment on things to people and share memories. And that’s part of being human, right? Is reminding them of things that you share or things they’ve told you. Some people find it a little hard because they think, well, they’re going to think I have an ulterior motive.

 

Michael Melcher

Mm hmm. I’m like, Well, you might in the sense that in the long run, you want to maintain this relationship, but you’re not actually having an ulterior motive that minute. And if you’re in a situation where you’re trying to, you really want to ask them for something, but you feel like you can’t yet, So you’re going to try to create this little breadcrumb trail.

 

Michael Melcher

I would say just ask them directly. Let’s, you know, cut out the discomfort. Just be honest about what you want and then they can honestly respond. But there is always a zone for just being more human and connecting and showing an interest in sharing stuff that you care about, too.

 

Gretchen

Well, one of the things that I love about your book is that it’s so practical. It feels so attainable. You talk about this 20 minutes and you have lots of ideas for how people could just go about broadening and deepening their relationships. So just for people who want to have like I love the idea about make a list of 12 people you want to get to know better over the course of the year and set up one lunch per month.

 

Gretchen

That sounds like fun and something that even a very busy person could do. What are some other ideas that you find people really follow through with?

 

Michael Melcher

Mm hmm. Well, you could spend 20 minutes and just come up with a good standard ping that you could then later send out to other people. Mm hmm. You could go on LinkedIn and just spend 20 minutes cruising around simply finding out what people are up to. Because people change jobs all the time. And as you learn about that, it might give you material to reach out to them. Yes

 

Gretchen

So that counts.

 

Michael Melcher

Totally counts. You kno what counts even more? If you comment on people’s posts, like write a couple of words, something more than awesome or beautiful, like, wow, this really made me think I’m going to share with people or repost that that also counts. You can take a walk with somebody and just chat. One of my. At the end of the book I have like 100 additional 20 minute activities and I think my favorite is the next time you go to a party, pretend that you’re a secret agent, and your only mission is to help the hostess make the party successful.

 

Elizabeth

So you love the. Oh, Gretchen, we’re going to have to add that we’re we’re we’re working on a entertaining hacks episode hacks for entertaining. And we’ve got to add that.

 

Michael Melcher

Yeah, Yeah. Because it changes the whole outlook. Like, because instead of thinking, well, do I really want to come to this party and do I know people? It’s like, Hey, you look like you’d like another Diet Coke. Have you seen the shrimp tray over here?

 

Gretchen

But, you know, there’s a lot of research and I’m sure this is what you’re tapping into. There’s a lot of research showing that like by adopting another an alternative identity, it actually unlocks people’s ability to act kind of outside themselves. So like assuming an identity can, like what would be like if I’m Barbara Walters, what would Barbara Walters do?

 

Gretchen

I’m just going to act that way. It can. So we always say, be yourself, but sometimes it’s useful not to be yourself. So adopting this, this, this super agent for hospitality is a great, a great identity.

 

Michael Melcher

You know, I didn’t realize there was research behind that, but I used to often tell people it is easier to pretend to be another person than to change your own personality by 15%.

 

Gretchen

Yes, that is exactly.

 

Elizabeth

So, Michael, what do people do wrong that you see that we can look out for in ourselves?

 

Michael Melcher

Hmm. You know, an interesting thing that people do wrong is that they are not specific enough about what they want from somebody. So let’s say that you are doing some informational interviewing as part of career development and you manage to get a meeting with someone who is significant and then you start off by saying, because you don’t want to be offensive, you say, I just love to learn more about your path and the choices you’ve made and anything you can share.

 

Michael Melcher

And it seems like you’re being nice, but you’re kind of wasting their time because everybody, including like captains of industry, they want to be successful in the conversation. And so if somebody asks you that, you’re like, Well, what I really talk about? But if they were to say, Hey, Liz, I want to know, like, what are two or three really, really hard parts about being a television writer just to know ahead of time what might come at me right?

 

Michael Melcher

Or Gretchen, how do you keep writing when you’re just exhausted and tired? Or what’s, what’s the the single biggest new discovery you had? While, while, being a writer. Things like that, something very specific. Like, for example, in the coaching world, people will sometimes come to me and ask career related questions. I’m reasonably known. And if they say I’m just interested in what you think of the different coaching programs, I think, well, you can Google that or you can talk to other people, but if they say, I’m really trying to figure out how to monetize this and could you share me what you’ve learned about revenue models?

 

Michael Melcher

I mean, in a way that that’s higher end information and I may or may not want to share it, but I kind of enjoy that question because I know that other people can’t really answer it, and I can provide a good answer pretty compactly. So it’s take a risk of being much more specific about what you want to talk about as opposed to thinking you should be very general.

 

Gretchen

Interesting.

 

Elizabeth

Okay, that’s great advice.

 

Gretchen

So switching gears a little bit, So I have my new neglected sense quiz. And Michael, you’re one of the first people that I have that we’ve talked to. Of course.

 

Michael Melcher

I was pushing the white people in that line.

 

Gretchen

Yeah. Yeah. So you took the quiz and I’m so curious, what is your neglected sense?

 

Michael Melcher

My neglected sense is hearing.

 

Gretchen

Interesting.

 

Michael Melcher

Which surprised me.

 

Elizabeth

Oh, because that make you want. Yeah, let’s hear why.

 

Michael Melcher

Well, I mean, I like The Voice. I think a lot about it. I sort of like singing that kind of stuff. I don’t like loud noises, but yeah, all this stuff, like, I don’t like live music. I never know what to listen to on Spotify. So I listen to the same five things, right? It is really underdeveloped. Like I, you know, I, I suppose I would enjoy listening to birds chirping, but I don’t go out seeking it.

 

Michael Melcher

So it really gave me something to think about. I love the quiz. I love the quiz.

 

Gretchen

That’s so great. And if you’re if you want to take the quiz go to gretchenrubin.com/quiz. Yeah I think hearing is my second to bottom neglected taste is for Elizabeth and me and me both is our most neglected but I think for me hearing was my second second most. And then Michael finally we ask everybody what is your Try This at Home suggestion for listeners?

 

Michael Melcher

My  try this at home is to write a note or an email to somebody from your past who you haven’t been in contact with and to thank them for something wise that they told you. Oh. Tt might be a boss, it might be a coach, it might be Mom. Just say, I may not have said this at the time, but you said X to me and now I really see the value of it.

 

Gretchen

Oh, that’s so great. Because it’s like gratitude reaching out. It’s a way to reflect on your past. That’s such a great idea. Lovely. Michael, thank you so much. We both love your invisible network and it’s always so fun to talk to you. Thanks for coming on.

 

Michael Melcher

I mean, when I’m with you, I feel like I’m talking to the Bronte sisters, so.

 

Elizabeth

Ha ha ha ha.

 

Michael Melcher

Thank you both.

 

Elizabeth

Thanks, Michael.

 

Michael Melcher

Bye.

 

Elizabeth

Coming up, I have a demerit that needs only three words. But first, this break.

 

[Music]

 

Gretchen

Okay. It is time for demerits and gold stars. And this is an even numbered episode. Which means that, Elizabeth, it is your turn to talk about a demerit.

 

Elizabeth

Well, Gretch. I promised my demerit was going to be three words. So here they are. Girl Scout Cookies. Do I need to say anything more than that?

 

Gretchen

We’ve all done it.

 

Elizabeth

It sent me down a path, Gretch. A path that I hopefully now off of.

 

Gretchen

There you go.

 

Elizabeth

Okay, We’ll leave mine there. What is your gold star?

 

Gretchen

Okay, well, I’m giving myself a gold star. Okay. Set the scene. I splurged on a pair of nice earrings. I was very excited about these earrings, but then I got them home and put them in, and I realized that they made my earlobes hurt. And I was kicking myself because I was like, Why didn’t I notice this in the store?

 

Gretchen

I was just resigning myself to the fact that there was these were going to hurt. And I would always be putting them in on the last possible minute, taking them out the last as soon as I possibly could. Then, okay, this is Gold Star number one. I realized. Hey, I can look online and see if there’s a solution to this problem, which I often forget to do.

 

Gretchen

I often forget, like, maybe there’s a fix to this. So I was like, okay, I’m going to go online and see. What do you do? Because as I was doing it, I was coming up with all of these hypotheses, like maybe my the holes in my ears are small and these are too thick because the posts were kind of unusually thick on this.

 

Gretchen

And so it’s stretching and that’s why it hurts. So maybe I should like, take this to a jeweler and they’ll, like, file the post down and make them narrower and everything. But I found out, well, put a little Vaseline on the post, because probably what it is is that it’s kind of irritating your ear lobes as you’re putting them in.

 

Gretchen

If you put the Vaseline on, they will slide in more easily and then your problem is solved. And in fact, that is all it took. I had all these things. They’re too heavy. They’re too thick, They’re too this. No, it was just it was easily fixed by the Vaseline. So now I can I was just dancing around because I’m like, I thought I had, like, splurged on these earrings that I would end up never wearing.

 

Gretchen

If you come to a book event, you will probably see me wearing these earrings.

 

Elizabeth

Well, that’s a great hack. The Vaseline on the post I had never heard that before.

 

Gretchen

Absolutely. It was just remarkable. So one is a hack and two is just a reminder. Look online because often there is a solution. If you if you remember to look for it, why, it’s hard to do that. I don’t know. But I was so excited.

 

Elizabeth

Gretch, Gold Star I love that you did that.

 

Gretchen

The resource for this week. I want to remind everybody about my Five Things newsletter. I send out a free weekly newsletter where I talk about five things making me happy. It is so much fun to write this newsletter. I love doing it. And you can sign up at gretchenrubin.com/newsletter. Also, if you are a fan of Lori Gottlieb, I’m going to be doing an Instagram live with Lori Gottlieb on April six to talk about the connection between our senses and our romantic relationships.

 

Gretchen

Plus, we’re going to be giving away copies of our books. You can join the conversation on April 6th, at 7 p.m. Eastern by searching Gretchen Rubin on Instagram. And now, Elizabeth, what are we reading?

 

Elizabeth

I am reading Finding the Words by Colin.

 

Gretchen

Campbell. And I’m reading The Maids by Junichiro Tanizaki. And that’s it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home. Taste it by 25. Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you.

 

Elizabeth

Thank you to Michael Melcher. You can read his book Your and Visible Network. Thanks to our executive producer, Chuck Reid and everyone at Cadence 13 Get in touch. Gretchen’s on Instagram and TikTok @gretchenrubin and I’m on Instagram @lizcraft. Our email address is podcast@gretchenrubin.com.

 

Gretchen

And if you like the show, please be sure to tell a friend. That’s how we get most of our new listeners.

 

Elizabeth

Until next week I’m Elizabeth Craft.

 

Gretchen

And I am Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward. 

 

[Music] 

 

Gretchen,

Elizabeth, I’m so excited to see you wearing your onward and upward sweatshirt.

 

Elizabeth

How fun. Yes, One of my favorite hoodies, Gretch.

 

Gretchen

And you do love a hoodie.

 

Elizabeth

I do.

 

[Music] 

 

Gretchen

From the onward project.




LATEST episodes

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE

DISCOVER MORE

Like what you see? Explore more about this topic.

Subscribe to Gretchen’s newsletter.

Every Friday, Gretchen Rubin shares 5 things that are making her happier, asks readers and listeners questions, and includes exclusive updates and behind-the-scenes material.