Update
You can take the “What’s Your Neglected Sense?” quiz here.
You can request free, personalized bookplates here (U.S. and Canada only). For Mother’s Day, graduation, or just for fun. Ask for as many as you like — within reason.
Try This at Home
Tackle a project by considering the five senses.
Happiness Hack
Eat with your non-dominant hand—the extra effort helps you focus better on the five-senses experience.
Know Yourself Better
What is your idea of luxury? We can use our five senses to add a bit of luxury to our lives.
“If someone asked me what my idea of luxury is, I think my answer would be: flowers in the house all year round.” May Sarton, Plant Dreaming Deep
When we give more to ourselves, we can ask more from ourselves.
Listener Question
An Obliger and a Questioner ask about how to persuade a Rebel to follow practices that will make meetings more efficient.
To find out whether you’re an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel, take the free quiz here. Learn more about the “Four Tendencies” personality framework here.
Demerits & Gold Stars
- Elizabeth’s Demerit: She has acquired too many products.
- Gretchen’s Gold Star: I give a gold star to my daughter Eleanor, for staying calm and resourceful during challenging times.
Resource
Take the “What’s Your Neglected Sense?” quiz.
What we’re reading
426
Gretchen
Hello and welcome to Happier. A podcast where we discuss cutting-edge science, the wisdom of the ages, lessons from pop culture, and our own experiences about how to be happier. This week, because my new book, Life in Five Senses, just hit the shelves yesterday. Today we will talk about, you guessed it, how we can tap into our five senses to become happier.
[Music]
Gretchen
We’ll talk about how you can tackle a project by considering the five senses and how we can use the five senses to add a bit of luxury to our lives. I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, and the five senses. I’m here in my little office in New York City, and joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen
And Elizabeth, I will be seeing you soon. I will be in L.A. next week as part of my book tour.
Elizabeth
Yes, that’s me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in Encino. And Gretch, congratulations on the book.
Gretchen
Yes. Yes. Yeah. Before we jump in, we have some reports, some updates from people who took my new quiz, which is what’s your neglected sense, which you can take at gretchenrubin.com/quiz. We’re starting to hear about people reporting back on their neglected senses.
Elizabeth
Yes, this comes from Rachel. She says, thank you so much for making the Five Sense quiz. I got hearing. And one of the suggestions was to take a sound bath. Well, I went to one last night and had a fantastic time. I would have never done it without your quiz. I was so happy. I think I’ll go take the test a few more times to see what other scent suggestions you have already preordered your new book.
Elizabeth
Looking forward to it.
Gretchen
Well, Elizabeth, you are a big sound bath promoter loves sound. So that’s a great example of how you can look for that low hanging fruit of your neglected scents by finding new adventures for your neglected scents.
Elizabeth
Yes. Now, this comes from Lindsay. She says, I saw your Five Senses quiz and found it so interesting to discover my neglected sence was seeing. Of course, then I convinced my somewhat skeptical husband to take the quiz and his neglected sence was smelling. We are a week away from embarking on moving to Las Vegas and have been dreading the boring, stressful 20 hour drive.
Elizabeth
But when we talked about the ideas for how to tap into our neglected senses, we were able to identify very specific things to do, try or explore in the drive. For instance, one of the recommendations for seeing was exploring a visually immersive space like Las Vegas, how timely. We made a list of things both of us would try.
Elizabeth
And as a former middle school teacher who taught a mindfulness elective, I’m also gathering ideas for ways to share these unique strategies with others. How fun!
Gretchen
How fun. And I think I’ve seen this over and over where people need a little bit of direction, like, Oh, think about this particular sense. It kind of unlocks your imagination. So that’s great that when they started thinking about what to do, they had all these ideas.
Elizabeth
Yes. And I, I love that all these listeners are have different neglected senses because you and I are both tasting, which none of these people were. So it’s interesting.
Gretchen
It is interesting. And the last thing I would say is, if you want a bookplate for Mother’s Day, of course you can ask for a bookplate at any time for yourself or for someone else for a gift. These are free, they’re personalized. I will mail them to you. But if you wanted for a mother’s Day gift, May 1st is realistically the last date.
Gretchen
I can get a request and get it to you. So going to happiercast.com/bookplate if you want to request that. And unfortunately this is for U.S. and Canada only because of mailing, but I am filling those out as fast as I can. So thank you for that.
Elizabeth
Yes, Life in Five Senses makes a great Mother’s Day gift.
Gretchen
What a good sister. The try this at home suggestion this week is to tackle a project by considering the five senses.
Elizabeth
So explain what you mean by this, Gretchen.
Gretchen
Okay, so again, just as we were saying a minute ago, sometimes you want to do something like think outside the box or people tell you just get creative or have fun with it. When you have some kind of project or challenge that you need to think of, I at least find that very hard to do. I find those are kind of very vague suggestions and it never really suggests any way forward for me.
Gretchen
But I find that when I do have a project or a challenge that I need to think through, if I have something concrete to anchor on, then my creativity comes and I think that with the five senses, if you say, okay, given that I have this challenge, given that I have this project, how might I use the five senses to make it bigger, more interesting?
Gretchen
Richer, for example, Elizabeth, a very obvious place where we do this is with entertaining. I think people very naturally start thinking about, Well, what would the music be and am I going to have fresh flowers that are going to have a beautiful smell or the smell of the food or.
Elizabeth
And the look of everything, the look of the table, all of that.
Gretchen
Yeah. Like what is the what are the napkins feel like? I mean, we talked about the crackers. You had the Halloween crackers. Crackers are super fun because they look great. These are the the things you pull apart. They look great. They add a lot of sparkle and interest to the table. You touch them, you pull them apart. So that’s something fun to do with your hands.
Gretchen
They make a smell because the pop has the sort of gunpowder smell. You put a crown on your head. Yeah. You don’t taste anything but you. I have seen ones that have candy in them, so you could have ones that taste. Again, part of why they seem like such an enriching element is they combine some of these senses together.
Elizabeth
Absolutely. And then Gretchen, I mean, we do this in TV show development. Of course, you’re always pointing out that Fantasy Island really seems to evoke the five senses. Yes. Because you have the warm sun, you have the soft sand, you have you can watch the show and imagine that you’re smelling coconut oil or pina colada drink. Yeah. You know, it’s very five sense oriented.
Gretchen
Well, and I know the breeze can be a little bit of a challenge for you guys to manage when you’re creating the show. But it does make the show feel just so full of life that the end of their hair is moving. And I find it to be like a really five senses show. Recently I went to the Little Island.
Gretchen
It’s this little artificial island park that just recently opened in New York City. Interesting. Mom and dad, have our parents happen to be visiting New York City right when it opened. They were like among the first people to go to the little island, which is sort of fun. But what was interesting to me going there was clearly the designers must have very specifically thought about the five senses, because, of course, you see everything.
Gretchen
I mean, there’s all these things that are interesting to touch, like these polished wood railings that just cry out and benches that you just really want to rub your hands against. Their flowers, the daffodils – love the smell of daffodils. There are these musical things, you know, when you can like jump up and down on panels and bells ring, or these things that you strike that make chiming noises, there was a water fountain, so there was even something to taste.
Gretchen
Often taste is one that gets left out. And it really it was this very, very small little park, but it felt like such a rich experience because it hit all of the five senses. And so if somebody was like, How do we include these in our design? And they found ways.
Elizabeth
And then Gretchen, you know, we were talking about how if you think about gift giving and you think about the senses, it might inspire you to give a better gift.
Gretchen
Yeah, sometimes you just can’t come up with anything. And then this is a prompt that at least for me, often I’m like, oh, all of a sudden I have all sorts of ideas. And I think this is for anything where you’re feeling creatively stumped. One thing I think a creative expression in everyday life that many people find challenging is the holiday newsletter.
Gretchen
I love a holiday newsletter, so I would buy a book that’s just a bunch of holiday newsletters from people, and I’m absolutely not kidding about that. If such a book exists, please tell me, because I desperately want to read it. But people are sort of like, What do you say? You know, we’re just kind of doing our thing. But you could include this.
Gretchen
What songs are you listening to? What are some new favorite foods? What are your kids eating at lunch every day? Because people are just very interested in this concrete five senses material. And then once you start doing that, it unlocks your creativity.
Elizabeth
Gretchen, we were talking about how incorporating smells can be tricky because people are very polarized when it comes to smells.
Gretchen
Yes, there’s something kind of involuntary about smell. And so I do think you have to be careful with introducing smells. I think especially today, many people don’t like that. So maybe it needs to be something where someone chooses to smell something if and when they choose, because it’s not something that everybody likes. Like I wear perfume to bed because I wouldn’t wear perfume out if I was going to go to a meeting.
Gretchen
But I wear it to bed because I love it.
Elizabeth
And Gretchen, you know, if you have a meeting coming up that, you know, might be long and arduous, I could see introducing some sort of five sense thing to it could make it a little more lively.
Gretchen
Yeah.
Elizabeth
Handing out something that’s evocative of whatever you’re talking about. Passing around something. Yeah. Playing a song. Show and tell. I mean, one thing we do when we’re doing these big pitches, not if we’re just pitching a show, but if we have a show that’s about to be shot, the pilot’s about to be shot. We have these meetings with like 20 people and we play music as people are entering the room to get everybody in a good mood, you know, so it’s using those different we hand out booklets that are filled with pictures in addition to showing the pictures so they can turn the pages.
Elizabeth
So using all of that stuff keeps people more engaged.
Gretchen
Right? It captures people’s imagination and also captures their attention. Yes. Yeah. And I think it’s a concrete tool to use when you’re feeling like you’re stuck. Yes. So let us know if you do try this at home and how tackling a project by considering the five senses has worked for you. Let us know on Instagram, Tik Tok, Twitter or Facebook.
Gretchen
Drop us an email at podcast@gretchenrubin.com or as always you can go to the show notes. This is happiercast.com/426 for everything related to this episode.
Elizabeth
Coming up we’ve got a five senses happiness hack. But first this break. Okay, Gretch, it’s time for this week’s Happiness Hack. This is fascinating.
[Music]
Gretchen
Okay, so one of the things that I find to be challenging about the five senses, and of course, I wrote a book about the five senses because this is my challenge, which is how do you pay attention to the five senses? How do you remember? You know, I just keep getting lost in my head and just preoccupied with my own thoughts.
Gretchen
So one of the things that we often do where are like, we should tune into our five senses to appreciate this moment. It’s when we eat, right? Because that’s such a five senses experience. It’s something that we do all the time, and then if we can pay attention to it, we can enjoy it much more. But it’s very easy. And Elizabeth
Gretchen
I know that you and I both have talked about just just eating and not even noticing one bite that’s in your mouth. Here is the hack. Eat with your non-dominant hand because the extra effort will remind you, you know, you’ll have a little bit of extra time. It will slow you down. It will make you very aware of what you’re doing.
Gretchen
And that will help you notice the smell of the food, the look of the food, the texture of the food in your mouth, and of course, the taste of the food.
Elizabeth
Yeah. And, Gretch, I have been trying to do this since you told me about it. It’s not easy. No, it’s hard. And we do things so automatically when we eat, it’s very hard to remember. So. Yeah, but I think it’s a fun thing to do, especially for people like us.
Gretchen
Well, it’s funny, Elizabeth, because you and I are both left handed, and I do think that I wonder if left handed people are slightly, even if they’re not naturally ambidextrous, they kind of have to learn how to use their right hand somewhat because the world is set up for right handed people. But I cannot hold a fork with my right hand like it’s a it’s a big effort.
Gretchen
And it does really remind me, of course, then you have to remember to eat with your non-dominant hand. So. Right there’s this there’s a point of moment. There’s a moment of trying to remember. But I feel like because it is an effort that’s ongoing, it helps me pay attention throughout the time that I’m eating something instead of just quickly forgetting it right away.
Elizabeth
Yeah. And slowing down when you eat is always a good idea.
Gretchen
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now for a know yourself better. This is a question that we talked about a long time ago, but it’s worth bringing up again because it’s such a fun question to think about. And it is especially interesting to think about it through the lens of the five senses. And this is a question that was inspired by this quotation that I love from the poet Mae Sartin, who wrote this in her memoir, Plant Dreaming Deep.
Gretchen
She wrote, “If someone asked me what my idea of luxury is, I think my answer would be flowers in the house all year round”. And I think this is a wonderful question. What is a luxury for you? So for Mae Sarton,it was flowers, what do you think is luxury for you, Elizabeth?
Elizabeth
Well, Gretch, I was singing about this and it’s really a made bed getting into a made bed. And as I was thinking about that, I thought, Wow, it wouldn’t be hard to accomplish getting into a made bed every single night. All I would have to do is make the bed. Adam and I are very erratic about bed making, but maybe if I have in my mind that it’s going to be so luxurious, it will get me to make the bed.
Gretchen
Well, I do think that sometimes reframing something as a luxury makes you feel more like doing it. We’ve talked about that before for us. Like for me going to bed before I’m too sleepy feels like a luxury. Whereas you find it harder to turn out the light because to you that time, at the very end of the day when you’re sort of at leisure to you feels like luxury.
Gretchen
Yes. So maybe if you think about, ooh, it’s this made bed, it’s also what you love, a hotel. That’s probably one of the reasons you love our hotel.
Elizabeth
Yes, probably why I love hotels. And then also, Gretchen, my idea of luxury is using my china mugs on the weekend. I’ve talked about that. Yeah, I save my special china mugs just for the weekend, and it makes me feel very luxurious.
Gretchen
Well and that’s such a great luxury because it’s it’s easy, it’s free once you buy the mugs it why not have it be special? That’s a great idea. So I would think about like, what is luxury for me? And sometimes it’s very hard to even realize that you have a special feeling about something, that it feels like luxury. And I realized that a luxury to me is a pop up book. That’s different.
Gretchen
I love children’s literature for kids that I love picture books, and I have a huge collection, you know, now there are all these fancy pop up books, really elaborate, gorgeous, sophisticated pop up books. I have a lot of them. And I realize it’s because, you know, when we were little, our mother was like, pop up books will just get trashed.
Gretchen
They get torn, the tabs get bent. We don’t want to buy them because they’re just they’re not going to stand up to hard ware. And so in my mind, because I think the things that seemed luxurious or desirable to us as children that we didn’t have have special power to us, even as adults. I think because I loved them and wanted them as a child, even though I understood her logic now as an adult, every time I use them, I feel like, Oh, this is this is special, this is a pop up book.
Elizabeth
So that makes sense.
Gretchen
Another luxury I have is perfume samplers. Mm hmm. Because even though I know that the chances that I will discover a perfume that I love from a perfume sampler are vanishing. I don’t know that I’ve ever discovered a perfume that I love through a sampler. I just love a sampler. And now there are a lot of samplers that you can get that are very reasonably priced.
Gretchen
And I’ve had to really swear off sampler because I have a lot of samplers. Yeah, well, they just feel like luxury to me. It’s just like, I love, like a cunning little row of bottles.
Elizabeth
I was going to say there’s nothing like a small glass bottle clinking. Yeah, you evoke a feeling of luxury. I absolutely like when I get a facial. My favorite thing about a facial is the clinking of the glass bottles.
Gretchen
Well, see, and here we are with this sense of hearing.
Elizabeth
Yes.
Gretchen
I never even thought about that as part of my in the squish of the pushing the the pumped up. How satisfying that is. Yes. Why is it so? I think of it as being luxury. But it’s the sight, it’s the clinking. It’s the way they snap into the boxes. You know, usually it’s like they have six little things and you snap them in and snap them.
Gretchen
Now there’s everything about it is a very satisfying and some are more satisfying than others. Some bottles are made to be much more satisfying than others. And you might say, Well, why? Why is this know yourself better question is interesting, but why is it something that makes us happier? I think it’s because when we can find easy inexpensive ways to give ourselves luxury, it helps us to feel energized and cared for.
Gretchen
And when we give more to ourselves, we can ask more from ourselves. And so I do think that it helps you to have that sense of energy and which in turn will help you maybe do something that you don’t want to do, even though you know, it would make you happier or not do something that you’re like in the long run, I’ll be happier if I don’t do this.
Gretchen
So I need to resist an impulse right now. So maybe my perfume samplers will help me to keep flossing. Elizabeth, you got me started on my on my my flossing journey, because I think when we give more to ourselves, we can ask for from ourselves.
Elizabeth
Well, I would love to hear from listeners what is luxurious to them, because I’m sure we’ve got lots of different things.
Gretchen
And I think when people point out that something is a luxury, it can help you realize, Ooh, that’s a luxury for me too. I bet many people, when you say a made bed, they’re like, Ooh, yes. There is something just very, very inviting and luxurious about a made bed. And now for a listener question, this is interesting. It comes from two people who want to be anonymous.
Gretchen
One is an Obliger and one is a Questioner, but they don’t want to reveal their names.
Elizabeth
Yes. They say a senior member of our team who will call X is clearly a rebel. We’ve been struggling to work with X in particular, we are trying to create a culture on our team where people follow effective meetings, best practices that include simple things like assigning roles, facilitators, note takers, etc., setting agendas, and following up on action items.
Elizabeth
X will not play ball. He will not participate in the effective meeting structure, and he regularly derails others meetings asking our manager to speak to access not worked or manager struggles to be bad cop in this case. he would like to find a final accountability reward tool to motivate the entire team, especially X. How can we convince the rebellious X to work with us and be a better team player?
Elizabeth
Accountability rewards don’t feel like a rebel solution from our perspective.
00:19:18:18 – 00:19:36:12
Gretchen
Okay, I have so many thoughts. So the first thing that I would point out is, okay, let’s think about this from the Rebel perspective because I totally understand where these people are coming from. But let’s think about how the rebel looks at this. From the rebels perspective. You are adding a lot of requirements and a lot of expectations.
Gretchen
You talk about setting agendas, structure, assigning roles. This to a rebel is feeling stuck, feeling ordered around, having a lot of expectations thrust on them without their say so. So I can understand how to a rebel. This feels like something that ignites the spirit of resistance because just the nature of the way this is being framed feels like something that a rebel would push back against. The requirement.
Gretchen
Yeah, this is just a lot of requirements. So one of the things that I would say is you could think about this reframing this as freedom and choice. So no one wants to get stuck in meetings. We all know that we’re stuck in meetings like we can’t do what we want because we’re stuck in meetings. We’re looking for ways, how do we get more freedom?
Gretchen
How do we reclaim our time? How do we minimize this intrusion so that we’re free to go about our business and do what we want and we’re not stuck in a room or behind screens when other people are setting the time. Let’s figure out how to make these meetings short and organized so we can get in and get out and go about our business.
Gretchen
Because remember, to a Rebel, it’s like, this is what you want. This is what you choose. This is what works for you. So if you can present this as this is a way for you as the rebel to claim freedom and choice and opportunity rather than now you have to do things our way because we know the best right way to do it.
Gretchen
That’s one thing.
Elizabeth
One thing I was thinking, Gretchen, is if you just don’t assign this rebel any task so you don’t give them the note taking job or the PowerPoint job or whatever it is, and then that will go to their identity because he won’t like being seen as someone who’s not able to fully be a part of these meetings and fully participate.
Elizabeth
And I think that can make them go well. I can take notes as well as anyone else right now.
Gretchen
And so that appeal to identity is really useful because it’s sort of like when you don’t participate, it makes us feel like you don’t care about the outcomes from the teams or you’re not as committed to excellence as us or whatever, and being sidelined, feeling like no one can trust me, no one relies on me. Because if you don’t have people’s trust and nobody’s asking you to do anything, pretty soon you get pushed to the side.
Elizabeth
Yes.
Gretchen
But. But it has. But also, they might have the identity of like, I want to be a well respected contributor. And if I’m seen as somebody who is losing respect or is seen as not contributing, but you have to make sure that it’s that identity that the rebel doesn’t want because of the rebel is thinking, oh, my identity is somebody who gets to just kick back and make snarky comments while everybody else does all the work.
Gretchen
Then that is not working. Yeah, you have to think about what is it identity that they want that they feel like is being undermined by the situation. Not, Oh, this works for me.
Elizabeth
Well, and it’s the thing you always say information, consequences, choice. So if you say, oh, because this is how we’re doing meetings, since you don’t want to participate and you want to derail, you don’t have to come or you don’t have to take part.
Gretchen
I would think carefully about how to frame that. You’re right. You’re absolutely right. It’s information, consequences, choice. If you said something like, oh, well, you know, when we go to these meetings, we divvy up responsibilities among everybody who is at the meeting. And if you’re not at the meeting, then we’ll just assign you whatever tasks nobody else wants to do, because that’s not punishing.
Gretchen
That’s just consequences, which if you’re in the meeting, you’re going to grab something that’s interesting and somebody who’s not at the meeting is going to get left, everything left over. And then you’re like, Well, I want to be at the meeting because I want to say what I want. So you want to frame it as this is just a natural consequence.
Gretchen
And just do watch out for language of punishment and control the boss who wants fun Accountability Reward tools. Remember a reward is a mechanism of control, just like a punishment is. And so often rebels don’t like things which are reward systems. They resist them because it’s an attempt to control. I would love to hear from other listeners. What have you seen worked?
Gretchen
What do rebels think? What other people think? Because I have to say that over time I’ve become much more sympathetic to the rebel point of view. I think they’re the most misunderstood of the other tendencies because it’s the most different way of thinking. But I’m also very sympathetic to people who want to have effective meetings and are like, If we could just get this figured out, we could all benefit that everybody has to play a part.
Gretchen
But for Rebel to get on board, you have to think about it from the rebel point of view.
Elizabeth
It’s interesting. It’s definitely a challenge that many face.
Gretchen
Yes, it’s definitely a challenge that many face. I mean, the challenge of meetings is a challenge that we all face in so many different ways. So anybody who has some great solutions for better meetings lob them our way. We were very eager to hear those.
Elizabeth
Okay. Coming up, Gretchen gives a gold star to Eleanor. But first, this break.
[Music]
Gretchen
Okay, It’s time for the and gold stars and this is an even numbered episode, Elizabeth, Which means it’s your turn to talk about a demerit.
Elizabeth
Yes. So, Gretchen, this may or may not be a repeat demerit. I’m not sure, but I have reached that stage, which I’m sure many can relate to, where I have an explosion of products and what I need to do is what I call shop my drawer. So people talk about shopping their closet instead of buying new clothes. Go shopping in your closet.
Elizabeth
Well, instead of getting any product, whether that be shampoo or toothpaste or face cream or anything, I need this first shop my drawer and see what I have there because I will get things and put them in my drawer and forget they’re there and then get something else and you see what happens. It feeds on itself.
Gretchen
Okay, So here’s my question. Is this because you are like, oh, this is like a new, different kind of product. And I’m enticed by the possibility is that then it’s sort of like you use part of it and then you’re enticed by a new one or it’s more like, Oh, I’m at the drugstore and I’ll very cleverly realize that maybe we need toothpaste, so I’ll just grab toothpaste.
Gretchen
And then you forgot that you already had three toothpaste in the drawer. Is it trying to get ahead of something being used up or it’s more like being interested in trying something new even before you’ve used up what you have?
Elizabeth
It’s a bit of a combo. I’d say a lot of it is the trying to get ahead of it. Not wanting to run out of floss, for instance, but also there’s the Oh, let me try this. Someone said this was great. Yeah. And then it’s not even trying it and then forgetting about it. It’s never trying it. It’s putting it in the drawer and saying, Oh, I’m going to try that.
Elizabeth
And then not trying it. And then there it is. So it’s kind of a combination.
Gretchen
Well, I remember a listener suggested something where like you organize things, so they were one in front of the other. So there’d be the three toothpastes on the shelf or the three sunscreens on the shelf, and that she would mark the last one with a black Sharpie and she wouldn’t let herself buy a new thing until she had pulled out the one that had the black Sharpie on it, because then she knew she was truly like, If you always want to have backups, yes, you need to want to run out of toothpaste or floss or whatever.
Gretchen
Then you knew. Then you were like, okay, now I know I’m at the end because this is the one that I’ve marked as the end. Yeah. So maybe part of it is organizing it so that you can see that you have multiples of the same product.
Elizabeth
Probably that would help a lot That and just taking a beat.
Gretchen
Yeah. Yeah. Right. Not reaching out for something. It’s funny how you can get. I remember this growing up. Our mom went through a thing with brown sugar. I don’t know why I remember this. I was in high school and for some reason she got in her head, Oh, we need brown sugar. And her, like, five times go to the grocery store.
Gretchen
She forgot she bought it, and she’s like, Oh, I’m so proud of myself. Remember, we need brown sugar. And I’m like, Why is this brown sugar explosion happening? It’s like, I don’t know. I just I keep remembering that we need it and forgetting that I bought it.
Elizabeth
That’s funny.
Gretchen
We’ve all done it, so. Okay, well, this is when I come to your house. I want to I’m going to open that drawer.
Elizabeth
See all my products.
Gretchen
See all your products. Yeah. I’m such an underbuyer. I’ll probably like you.
Elizabeth
Probably go, Oh, I need.
Gretchen
This.
Elizabeth
Eye.
Gretchen
Cream. I need some. Yeah, I’ll take it.
Elizabeth
All Regrets? What is your gold star? Well, I.
Gretchen
Want to give a gold star to my high school senior Eleanor for staying calm. And she traveled with a friend for the first time, and that was, you know, a big milestone. She’s in her senior year. There’s a lot going on because of that. She just stayed very calm. She’s just very reliable. And, you know, she was having a lot of trouble in physics and she just dealt with it in this this very calm, constructive way.
Gretchen
And I just think she deserves a gold star. And here is what I would say, Eleanor, when she was little, had tantrums. And I mean, these are the kind of tantrums you read about. I mean, full on leg kicking earth shattering tantrums. And I remember when she was about two and a half or something, somebody said to me, don’t worry, she’ll grow up when she’s five.
Gretchen
And I was like, I don’t know that I can hang on that for that long. But frankly, like, that felt very far away. But then on her fifth birthday, it was practically like she got a memo in the mail that was like, okay, done. And she quit. So I do I truly do believe that, at least in her case, it was some sort of developmental thing where, you know, she just couldn’t manage her emotions or something.
Gretchen
I then, she actually agreed. But if I had known at that time that she as a senior would be a child who has a lot of self command and can manage very stressful situations calmly, I would have been very relieved.
Elizabeth
Yeah. Yeah.
Gretchen
So, so just for some reason I was thinking back to those days, I think Eliza and I were reminiscing and I was like, you know, Eleanor gets a gold star because this is something where, you know, I didn’t necessarily see it coming. And so I shouldn’t, I should really be grateful for it.
Elizabeth
She has come a long.
Gretchen
Way to Eleanor.
Elizabeth
Yes, she has.
Gretchen
She has Gold Star to Eleanor.
Elizabeth
Gold Star.
Gretchen
So the resources for this week take the neglected sense quiz. We’ve been talking about the five senses and if you go to gretchenrubin.com/quiz, you can find out your most neglected sense and that’s where you have low hanging fruit for a sense that you can turn to for adventure or comfort or pleasure or engagement.
Gretchen
And it’s a really fun thing to learn about yourself. And Elizabeth. What are we reading? What are you reading?
Elizabeth
I am reading Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfeld.
Gretchen
And I’m reading It Had To Be You by David Nob. And that’s it for this episode of Happier. Remember, Try This at Home. Tackle a project or challenge by considering the five senses. Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you.
Elizabeth
Thank you to our executive producer Chuck Reed and everyone at Cadence13. Get in touch. Gretchen’s on Instagram and Tik Tok @gretchenrubin and I’m on Instagram @lizcraft. Our email address is podcast@gretchenrubin.com.
Gretchen
And if you like this show, you know what to do. Please be sure to tell a friend.
Elizabeth
Until next week. I’m Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.
[Music]
Gretchen
Elizabeth, I know you’ve been saying that you don’t know that if we have enough time during my whirlwind visit to Las Angeles to clear some clutter. But I think that we I think we can squeeze it in.
Elizabeth
Oh, my God. I’ve Maybe we’ll see. We’ll see. We’ll see.
Gretchen
We’ll see.
[Music]
From the Onward Project.