Gifts updates:
The Happiness Project: Revisited: There’s a gift option for The Happiness Project: Revisited course. If you know someone who enjoyed the book, or may be excited to experience it in an interactive format, you might consider this course. Or ask for the course for yourself.
Head to happiercast.com/THPR2024 and check the “This is a gift” option at checkout. Prices will go up in December, so now is the time.
Bookplates: If you’d like personalized, signed bookplates from me, to make a book gift more personal, request them here. U.S. and Canada only, sorry (mailing costs). Feel free to request as many as you like, within reason.
Try This at Home
Identify one idea, summarized in one word or short phase, as your overarching theme for 2024 — and if you chose a word for 2023, review your theme.
2023 One-Word Themes
Elizabeth’s 2023 theme: Scale.
Gretchen’s 2023 theme: Wave.
I mention my book Life in Five Senses.
Happiness Hack
Identify a symbol to represent your theme.
For instance, for “Wave,” I chose Under the Wave off Kanagawa, also known as The Great Wave, by Katsushika Hokusai.
Elizabeth picked the Scales of Justice.
2024 One-Word Themes
Elizabeth’s 2024 theme: Book. She’s still figuring out what representation of a book she wants to use.
Gretchen’s 2024 theme: Revisited. If you want to do a happiness project with me, join here. I chose the symbol of a koi fish.
Here’s the passage I read:
I once saw a simple fish pond in a Japanese village which was perhaps eternal.
A farmer made it for his farm. The pond was a simple rectangle, about 6 feet wide, and 8 feet long; opening off a little irrigation stream. At one end, a bush of flowers hung over the water. At the other end, under the water, was a circle of wood, its top perhaps 12 inches below the surface of the water. In the pond there were eight great ancient carp, each maybe 18 inches long, orange, gold, purple, and black: the oldest one had been there eighty years. The eight fish swam, slowly, slowly, in circles—often within the wooden circle. The whole world was in that pond. Every day the farmer sat by it for a few minutes. I was there only one day and I sat by it all afternoon. Even now, I cannot think about it without tears. —Christopher Alexander, The Timeless Way of Building (Amazon, Bookshop)
Demerits & Gold Stars
Elizabeth’s Demerit: She let herself get too stressed around Thanksgiving hosting.
Gretchen’s Gold Star: I loved being silent during the silent meditation retreat I attended.
Resource
It’s gift-giving season! If you’re having trouble thinking of gift ideas for someone, take the Gift-Giving Quiz to get ideas. It’s so fun.
What We’re Reading
458
[music]
Gretchen
Hello and welcome to a Happier! A podcast about how to be happier. This week we will start to talk about our happier trifecta for 2024. That is the annual one word theme, the annual challenge and the 24 for 24 list. This week we will talk about the one word theme where we reflect on our previous themes for 2023 and reveal our themes for 2024.
Gretchen
I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits and human nature. I’m in New York City, and joining me today from L.A. is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. And Elizabeth, I love talking about these themes.
Elizabeth
That’s me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in L.A. and Gretch, yes, one word themes are probably my favorite thing we do. And then, Gretchen, we want to remind everyone that we are doing an upcoming very special episode in episode four sixty resolutions. Yes, we’re looking for comments, insights, hacks, questions about resolutions. What resolution changed your life?
Elizabeth
What did you decide not to pursue once you decided it was the resolution?
Gretchen
Yes, we can all learn from each other. So sending your thoughts on resolutions. A few more updates related to gifts. So I’ve talked about the Happiness Project Revisited course, which I’m so excited about. I’ve got my whole plan for my own happiness project. We’ll all do it together and there’s now a gift option. So if you know someone on your list who really enjoyed the book or might be excited to do it in the interactive format, you can consider giving it to them as a gift.
Gretchen
Or it might be something that you want to add to your own wish list and have somebody give to you. If so, you can go to happiercast.com/thpr2024 and when you’re at checkout, just check this is a gift option. And remember, prices go up in December. So now is the time if you want to get the best deal.
Gretchen
And also from time to time. Speaking of gifts, listeners and readers asked me to make a video to send to someone. Now I can’t do that, but I’m always happy to send personalized bookplates. Feel free to ask for as many as you want, but do allow plenty of time. It takes time for me to do these. This is U.S. and Canada only.
Gretchen
I’m sorry, because of mailing costs. And if you want to request a personalized bookplate, just go to happiercast.com/bookplate to make a book more personalized.
Elizabeth
That is great, Gretch. Love those book plates.
Gretchen
And for our try this at home suggestion again, this is one of our favorites. It’s to identify one idea which you summarize in one word or one phrase as your overarching theme for 2024. And one of the reasons that we came to this suggestion is many people make New Year’s resolutions. Many people love them, but many people do not love them.
Gretchen
And often it’s because they feel discouraged. They feel like they’ve made and broken too many resolutions in the past, or they feel like January 1st is an arbitrary date. So why do it? Or they don’t like binding themselves to the idea of a resolution at all. If you know the four tendencies, you probably are able to track the four tendencies in the descriptions.
Gretchen
If you want to know about the four tendencies, you can go to gretchenrubin.com/quiz to take the Four Tendencies quiz. But anyway, the upshot is resolutions don’t work for everyone. We all talk about them, but for many people they do not work. And for many people, a different approach that is maybe more fun, more whimsical, more engaging is the one word theme.
Elizabeth
So, Gretchen, we have been doing this for years now. Yes. Let’s just mention some of our former words, our choices, and then we’ll talk about our 2023 words and how we did. Yeah, so some of mine have been free time. Mm. Style. Yeah. Hot Wheels. That was the year I needed to get a car.
Gretchen
Not a long time ago now. Yeah. Novel.
Elizabeth
Yeah. Home. Control, number 6, lighter, butterfly, and step.
Gretchen
And some of my previous choices have been upgrade, bigger, lighten up, repurpose, delegate infrastructure, growth, open. And because I felt illnesses like yours were much more interesting than mine, I picked salt, which I thought had a lot more liveliness to it. So, Elizabeth, let’s get into our choices for 2023. How did they work out? What was your 2023 choice?
Elizabeth
So my 2023 was the word scale. And I love this word because it had many meetings. And we found over the years that words that have multiple meanings, the best we prefer. Yeah. So scale was one on a very practical level, I wanted to weigh myself every day, which I did every day that I had a scale, not when I was out of town.
Elizabeth
I wanted to scale Fryman Canyon, you know, do Yes, a lot. Yes, I did that I’m almost at 100 happy to report. Started at 50 up to 100. And then I wanted to scale my career. Then I got a little sidetracked. I must say with the strike, it’s hard to scale here or here when you’re on strike for five months of the year.
Elizabeth
But Sarah and I are working on our book, which is definitely kind of a scaling thing. And we did another Happier Hollywood retreat. Yes. We hadn’t done since before the pandemic, which is broadening our world. So I’d say to some degree, scale worked, not as much as I would have liked, but in general, I’m very happy with my word.
Elizabeth
And I definitely think having it in mind kept me moving and going and strategizing.
Gretchen
Yeah, and it’s interesting that it did have very literal meanings and then these figurative meanings and then these kind of turns of phrases like scaling your career. Now, one of the things I remember when you chose it was that another meaning of scale is like the way scales will protect. Yeah. Or like they will almost create ease like you think of the scales of a fish gliding through the water, the scales of a do lizards have scales.
Elizabeth
They look, armadillos, I think. I guess they have a shell Anyway.
Gretchen
Some creatures have. I think scales are one of those things where some creatures have them when you wouldn’t think that they did and then some you think they have scales that they don’t. It’s like tricky, but whatever there is, the idea that scales protect and help things glide along. But I don’t remember that you had a meaning for that in your life.
Elizabeth
I did think about it, but I don’t know that again, because, you know, the strike was such a big deal. I don’t know that my word really worked for that because I don’t think I necessarily handled that sort of protection and ease part it so great. I think I was pretty stressed. It might have helped me a little bit right?
Gretchen
Well, it’s a very cool word. It’s got a lot I mean.
Elizabeth
I love the thing is from now on, and I will always love the word scale. Yeah, I’ll always have a little place in my heart, Gretch.
Gretchen
No, it’s funny. That’s how I feel about salt. I feel the special kinship. Yeah, the idea of Salt. I read a short story that was called Salt. I’m like, Oh, I must read that short story.
Elizabeth
Yeah, It’s like, becomes your word.
Gretchen
It becomes your word. Yes. Yeah. And even the number six, when I see like, number six, I think of you because you were number six. So yeah, it was fun.
Elizabeth
Okay, Gretch, what was your word?
Gretchen
So my word was wave. And again, I had it had multiple meanings. So in 2023, my book, Life in Five Senses came out, and it’s always very overwhelming to have a book go out into the world. It’s exciting, but there’s a lot. So I was like, I wanted to ride the wave, just let it happen and stay on top of it and enjoy moving through it.
Gretchen
And I also wanted to wave to people on my book tour because still coming out of COVID, it still felt particularly exciting to be like in a room with hundreds of people and just to get back out there again, it still felt special. And so I really wanted to enjoy that and just think of like, okay, I’m getting a chance to wave to so many people in person.
Gretchen
And so I found that to be during a challenging time, it helped me focus on the positive aspects of it and reframing it as this is excitement and opportunity and not like, Oh my gosh, this is a lot to manage. This is a lot of travel coming ahead of me. I’m like, Oh goodness, I’m going to be waving from coast to coast.
Gretchen
And it’s a word that has a lot of power to it. It has a lot of energy. The word wave has this forward motion. Well, it was sort of like your word step where there’s this feeling of moving forward or like a lot of energy being harnessed. And so I liked that the word wave had that high energy feeling.
Elizabeth
Yes.
Gretchen
And, you know, just the thing on the one word theme and sometimes it’s a one phrase theme like.
Elizabeth
Hot Wheels was.
Gretchen
Like Hot Wheels is a phrase. It helps focus the mind just like it helped me to focus on, like the positive aspects of an experience. Or it helps you as you’re moving through your life. You see opportunities differently or it’s an ordering principle that’s whimsical and fun and yet reminds you of your values.
Elizabeth
Yes. Yeah, I love that. It’s just a fun way to think about a goal that’s like creative and playful more than resolutions, which we’re also going to talk about in an upcoming episode. Yeah, there’s a whimsical aspect to it, and of course it’s just fun to hear everybody else’s one word themes.
Gretchen
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And what the research shows is that anything that helps us keep our aims uppermost in our minds helps us. And so if picking out a theme helps you tap into that, that’s just going to help you do a better job as you move through the year.
Elizabeth
Okay Gretch, Coming up, we’ve got a one word theme related happiness hack, and then later we’ll reveal our themes for 2024. But first, this break.
[music]
All right, Gretchen, it’s time for a happiness hack. What is it?
Gretchen
Okay, so we have found over the years that if you are picking a one word theme or one phrase theme, it’s very helpful and also extremely fun to find a visual representation of that theme, even if the theme is abstract. But to somehow figure out what your symbol for your theme is. And this just makes it really fun and really playful.
Gretchen
And then you can have fun with that symbol and use that symbol as a way to remind yourself of what your overarching aim is.
Elizabeth
Yeah, I mean, Gretchen, you really had a great symbol this year.
Gretchen
Well, because of wave. Originally I was thinking of wave like waves on a shore, like calm waves. And then I was thinking of wave like with a surfer. But then I realized, no, I should pick the wave image from art in the Met gift shop. There are representations of this wave everywhere. This is Under the Wave off Kanagawa for one of the most famous artworks in the world by Hokusai, whose work I love.
Gretchen
And it was so fun. Eliza made me a Lego set of Under the Waves. I have a notebook that has I have somebody sent me a 3D postcard. What is it called? Not reticulation. There’s a word for that where it’s like if you move it slightly, like it moves where there’s grid lines. What’s that? What is that called?
Gretchen
I don’t remember what that’s called, but anyway, it’s very cool and it was just so fun to look for the wave and it would constantly remind me of my one word theme because there’s representations of Under the Wave everywhere.
Elizabeth
Yes, I saw someone wearing a t shirt and I thought, Oh, I wish Gretchen were here to see this. Yes.
Gretchen
And Elizabeth your scale. That’s a great visual representation as well.
Elizabeth
Yes. So for my visual representation, I got a little pin and sort of like a tie pin, I guess, of a scale. And then I chose the scale of justice, you know, the old fashioned scale, the hanging on either side balanced. And I kept it on my desk in a little tray where I could see it all the time.
Elizabeth
And what I love is I’m just going to keep it there. Yeah, just like I have bracelets. Over the years, listeners have made me bracelets with my one word theme, which I love. And after the year is over, I keep the bracelet in my tray, and then I sort of reminded of words past. Yes, one year my word was butterfly, remember?
Elizabeth
Because after COVID, I wanted to be a yes social butterfly and I wanted to drop my cocoon. And I had two butterfly necklaces that year, and that was great. So it’s harder to find a scale necklace. That’s not necessarily a thing, but I found my scale and looking is so fun.
Gretchen
Yeah, it’s really fun to look. And then it’s fun to find more symbols out there. Another thing that can be fun, especially for 2024, I think, is it could be fun to have a rhyming theme. You could have door 2024 or like us, because we have the empty nest, which we are calling the open door stage, not the empty nest age.
Gretchen
It could be open door 2024 or you could have more 2024. So just as a visual symbol is another thing you could think about rhyming anyway. Whatever just makes it fun.
Elizabeth
And makes it easier to stay top of mind.
Gretchen
Yes, exactly. Yeah. And Elizabeth, I have to say, with visual symbols, this is foreshadowing. Later in the episode, I changed my symbol for my theme. From what I told you the other day, I told you what I thought it was going to be, but I have found a better one, so I’m very excited myself.
Elizabeth
Okay, ooh I can’t wait.
Gretchen
Well, so let’s reveal the themes. Elizabeth Lay it on us. 2024 is going to be the year of what for you?
Elizabeth
My word is book. Ooo. And book is a word that is very dear to both of us. Yes. And has.
Gretchen
Many mediations.
Elizabeth
Yes. So on the health level, I want a book more meaning. I want to move more and faster because there’s a lot out there that shows cardio is really important for your health. So booking along. So I want to increase how much I book. Yeah. And then of course, Sarah and I want to finish our book. We are well into the process of writing our book.
Elizabeth
I want to finish it, hopefully sell it, have it in the pipeline. So that is my book. And then also I want to read more books and that is on the page because, you know, I have been listening to books which I absolutely love, but I have found that I’ve done so much listening that my stamina for reading words on the page has decreased.
Elizabeth
Oh, so I want to build back up my actual reading stamina.
Gretchen
Well, and Elizabeth, because social things are so important to you, I wonder if maybe you would also want to book plans with friends.
Elizabeth
Laughs, book.
Gretchen
A vacation with friends?
Elizabeth
Yes. Book things. Yes. Look at book. So I’m very excited about this word.
Gretchen
And there’s just got so many positive associations. It’s just the word.
Elizabeth
The only thing is hopefully I won’t get booked into jail any time in 2024.
Gretchen
Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. That’s the kind of booking you do not want. Yeah.
Elizabeth
I won’t have the books thrown at me.
Gretchen
Yeah, right, exactly. Oh, so many words. So the visual Elizabeth, I’m trying to imagine in my mind is it a closed book is a book that’s sort of open on display. Is it on a bookshelf? So have you thought about what you want that representation to be?
Elizabeth
Well, I’ve thought about it, but the one I guess good news, bad news with the word book is there’s too many choices. Yeah, it’s overwhelming. Yeah. So I think I want it to just be a book, not an open book, because that’s so much goes to reading as opposed to moving. I’ve done a little Googling, but the problem is, if you try to look up book.
Elizabeth
Yes. It’s hard, there’s so much. Yeah. So I’m on the hunt everywhere I go. I’m keeping my eyes open. Yeah, I even googled like, book with legs running. So I’m looking. I’ll let you know when I find that.
Gretchen
Well, that could be part of the fun of it is the hunt.
Elizabeth
Yes. I mean.
Gretchen
I’m sure that in over the next three months, you’ll find something that is just wonderful.
Elizabeth
Yes. And I might end up with a few things. I mean, of course, I have books everywhere, so I’m always surrounded by it. But yeah, I want that one. Yeah. Perfect symbol. All right, great. So I am book 2024. What is your word for 2024? Okay, I.
Gretchen
Love this word.
Elizabeth
Revisited.
retchen
This is different from other words I’ve had in the past. Okay, so as I’ve said, I’m going to do a Happiness Project again. So I’m going to revisit this format, which it seems like all I do all the time is make resolutions and make and break habits and tinker away with all these things. But the actual structure of the Happiness Project I haven’t done since Happier at Home and I’m really excited.
Gretchen
It just fills me with energy and hope and a sense of possibility. Maybe it’s because I’m an upholder. This kind of thing really appeals to me. Like, I love the happier trifecta. I’m like, I love this way. And then I’m like, Yeah, well, the Happiness Project. I love the idea of figuring out what the things are to do.
Gretchen
Like I found all these fun ones and I’ve figured out what goes in the Happiness Project and what’s in my 24 for 24 list. I just get the biggest kick out of thinking about things like that. So it’s fun to think about it. But what I found is that so often I have to learn over and over again the lessons that I’ve learned before.
Gretchen
And now I realize there are many lessons that I will just learn over and over. And that’s okay. I was reminding a friend of mine in college was saying how she kept journals her whole life. And then one summer she went and she reread all her journals and she realized that she kept having the same epiphanies over and over again and that she would forget that she’d had it.
Gretchen
And it’d be like, Oh, my gosh, I just I had this huge breakthrough. It was like you had the breakthrough 18 months ago. I think that’s kind of true. It’s like with Life in Five Senses, I’m like, I’ve got to get out of my head and into the world. And it’s like, I guarantee you, in two years I’ll be like, Oh my gosh, I just had this huge realization.
Elizabeth
Oh, that’s true of writing. You know, Sarah and I are always relearning the same lesson in television writing. We’re always like, Oh, why we move this up, have this happen soon? And we’re like, Didn’t we learn this 15 years ago and yesterday? And now we’re learning it again today.
Gretchen
Yes. And I guess that’s the thing is I want to just embrace that is like I’m going to revisit. And so there is no there’s no judgment in that. It’s not like, oh, I forgot. It’s just like I’m revisiting and all these things are coming up again and I will learn them again and I’ll learn them in a deeper way and in a new context.
Gretchen
But I can revisit all the things, go deeper and gain more. And also, you know, I think it’s because I had My Summer of Proust, Revisited is a very Proust idea where it’s all remembrance and things past and revisiting and evoking the past. So I feel like Revisited gets me back into that Proust atmosphere that I found so powerful.
Gretchen
And so I love the word revisited and I love the opportunity to have a year of revisiting. Yeah.
Elizabeth
And by the way, Gretch, if anybody else wants to do the Happiness Project Revisited with you, they can sign up on your website, I believe.
Gretchen
Yes. Join me in revisiting. It’s going to be so much fun.
Elizabeth
So have you picked your symbol yet?
Gretchen
Yes. Okay. So I had been thinking, as you know, I was considering the hourglass, which is a very powerful symbol, which I love because it’s the idea. Things start over then I was also thinking about Ma’at. So Ma’at is and I know this from all my time in the Met, I love the Egyptian art, I love hieroglyphics and one of my favorite hieroglyphics is the Ma’at symbol, which is a feather.
Gretchen
It’s called the feather of Ma’at. And Ma’at is a very upholder God. Ma’at is the Egyptian concept of truth, balance, harmony, order, law, morality, justice, the world operating as it should. That is the idea of Ma’at. And so I thought, well, maybe I have the Ma’at feather, and that would be so fun because I’d have this hieroglyphic to work on.
Gretchen
But I found something better.
Elizabeth
Oh, what is it?
Gretchen
Okay. Also based on the Met. So my favorite room, one of my favorite rooms in the Met is the Aster Chinese Garden Court, which is, you know, where it’s bonkers. There’s actual plants growing. It has a pond with a little waterfall and has koi fish that swim around. And I love seeing this koi fish. And so koi fish are, if you don’t know, kind of an ornamental version of carp.
Gretchen
They’re very colorful. They’re in beautiful colors like white, black, red, orange, yellow, brown cream. They’re beautiful, metallic, almost looking, sort of silvery and gold. And they are the symbol of long life, luck, good fortune, courage, perseverance, family harmony, abundance, strength and intellect. And they’re all over the net. There’s many, many representations of the koi fish. And so I thought, I’ll pick a koi fish.
Gretchen
They’re beautiful. For that, my Happiness Project Revisited the playbook that people are getting along with that there’s a koi fish on the cover, which I.
Elizabeth
Realized.
Gretchen
Later I was like, Oh my gosh, the koi is it was already there and I didn’t realize it anyway. It’s just one of those things where it just all of a sudden I was like, everything clicked and I’m like, This is perfect. And here I cannot resist. I have to read this passage. You know, I love the writer Christopher Alexander, and I love this passage from his book, The Timeless Way of Building, and it’s very revisited.
Gretchen
So he writes, I once saw a simple fish pond in a Japanese village, which was perhaps eternal. A farmer made it for his farm. The pond was a simple rectangle about six feet wide and eight feet long, opening off a little irrigation stream. At one end, a bunch of flowers hung over the water. At the other end, under the water was a circle of wood, its top perhaps 12 inches below the surface of the water.
Gretchen
In the pond. There were eight great ancient carp each, maybe 18 inches long, orange, gold, purple and black. The oldest one had been there 80 years. The eight fish swam slowly, slowly in circles, often within the wooden circle. The whole world was in that pond. Every day the farmers sat by it for a few minutes. I was there only one day and I sat by it all afternoon.
Gretchen
Even now, I cannot think about it without tears.
Elizabeth
It gives me chills.
Gretchen
I know. It’s like you’re swimming in the same pond around and around, but it’s never the same pond twice. It’s always changing. So anyway, I’m super excited. I’ve been thinking about it in terms of the Met, but I’m going to have so much fun looking for these representations out in the world, so I’m really excited about it.
Elizabeth
Of course. Gretch when you initially told me your word was revisited, my first thought was Winstead’s, I said, should be your sure thing because we are always revisiting Winstead’s.
Gretchen
And that’s true. That’s true. Maybe that’ll be. That’ll be my secondary theme. I love that. That’s very different, going in a completely different direction there, but I love it. That will be my secondary theme. Wintead’s love it.
Elizabeth
Okay. Coming up, we are going to share some of our listener’s one word themes and we will have Demerits and Gold Star. But first, this break.
[music]
Okay, great. We’re back. We asked listeners to share some of their one word themes for 2024. And as always, it makes me go, I want that word. I want that I know so many good words in the world.
Elizabeth
Yes. So we’ll just read them.
Gretchen
Yes.
Elizabeth
Fresh, identity, allow, pace, decide, savor.
Gretchen
Share, water, simplify, flexible.
Elizabeth
Magic, gentle, enough, forward, transition, harvest.
Gretchen
Flowering, healthy, upgrade, margin, flex, whole, reflect.
Elizabeth
And then finally fun, Draw, dig, Peacock. That’s a great word. Audible.
Gretchen
Interesting. Well, so let us know if you do try this at home and how choosing a one word theme has worked for you in the past. What theme you’re choosing for the future. We can not get enough. I love all of these Elizabeth, we have in the past sometimes used other themes that we’ve heard from other people. It is endlessly fascinating to hear what people do with their themes.
Gretchen
Let us know on Instagram, Threads, Tik Tok, Facebook. Drop us an email at podcast@gretchenrubin.com. Or as always, you can go to the show notes. If you want to see a picture of a scale pin, it will be in the show notes at happiercast.com/458. And now it’s time for Demerits and Gold Stars.
Gretchen
Elizabeth, this is your week for a demerit.
Elizabeth
Yes. Gretchen, I probably gave myself the same demerit a few years ago when I hosted Thanksgiving for the first time. You know, I hosted Thanksgiving this year, which was wonderful. But my demerit is, not surprisingly, that I let myself get too stressed out leading up to Thanksgiving, I was vibrating with stress and anxiety, even though I knew all of my guests were very easy.
Elizabeth
People who wouldn’t be judging me, who would be happy with whatever. Nonetheless, I was marching around with hostess neurosis . Yes. Couldn’t concentrate. They’d had trouble. The family.
Gretchen
Conditions.
Elizabeth
Yes. It was so funny. Thanksgiving morning. I actually. That was, of course, the height. Yes. And my sister in law was staying with us and she walked out. She said, Do you want me to run to the store and, you know, get ice or something? And I was like, I’ve already been to the store twice today at 9:00am.
Elizabeth
So she’s like, okay, she did end up going to the store for something, however. So we at least took three trips to the store before 1 p.m. when everybody arrived. You know, Gretch, I’m keeping notes about my Thanksgiving to remember for next time, so I’m just thinking I need to add to the list. Like, Yeah, don’t get so stressed out.
Elizabeth
It’s all going to be fine. I don’t know how, but Mom keeps saying the more I do it, the less stressed I’ll get. So yeah, well, see if I host again, which I’d like to. Maybe it’ll be a little less. I’ll be vibrating on a lower frequency.
Gretchen
Well, you did say you were less stressed this time than you were last time. The first time you did it.
Elizabeth
I think I was. Yes. I think I handled it slightly better.
Gretchen
So we only have to do it the first time. One time. Then you’ve done it before?
Elizabeth
Yes. So that’s. Yes. And now I’m adding the keeping notes, which I think is and we love the place we ordered from because, you know, I don’t cook so and I don’t do this alone. I have my family, my in-laws help a lot. Even though I’m not cooking. They bring a lot of dishes. They help take charge of reheating.
Elizabeth
They’re very instrumental. But nonetheless, you know, when it’s your house, you think about it for weeks ahead. Yeah.
Gretchen
Well, obviously, I want to give you a million gold stars because it’s a big undertaking. It was a lot of people. And well done. Thank you. You’re living in an atmosphere of growth.
Elizabeth
That’s right. Okay, great. What is your gold star this week?
Gretchen
Well, I was thinking of an atmosphere of growth. I went on a silent meditation retreat, and I want to give a gold star to this retreat and just the idea of a silent meditation retreat. And I’m still processing how I think about it and what I learned. But one thing I learned is that the silent part of it, I love it.
Gretchen
So I guess I’m giving a gold star to the idea of like being with people but in silence. So we didn’t talk to each other. And you didn’t make eye contact with anybody. And what was surprising is how by the time we could talk at the very end, I felt so much warmth and companionableness with people whose names I didn’t even know just from the mere fact that I had been in their presence silently for all that time.
Gretchen
And so I feel like there were so many interesting aspects of this experience. Like there was not having technology. There was the silence. There was, of course, the meditation, which was, you know, the the huge part of it was so interesting. But anyway, I want to give a gold star to silence being with people in silence.
Elizabeth
Well, that is just so interesting, Gretchen, because you talk a lot. That’s a lot of what you do. You write and you’re silent when you write, but you also do a lot of talking. Yeah. And you love talking to people and just grilling them about their habits. I hear their desires and all of that. So it’s interesting that you found it so nice to be in silence.
Elizabeth
Yeah, I think that’s fascinating.
Gretchen
I’m interested in your response? Is that because you’re even more social, I’m kind of the happiness bully griller, but you’re more social. I would be so fascinated by how you would find.
Elizabeth
Yeah, I did a one day silent retreat, but it was from about 10 to 4. I found it very difficult.
Gretchen
Interesting.
Elizabeth
Maybe if it were days it would almost be easier if I got into the mode. I don’t know.
Gretchen
Interesting. Well, the resource for this week, if you are still looking for those perfect gifts and you’re finding it hard to think of things for people, remember to take the gift giving quiz, which will help you think of ideas for the people that you’re giving gifts to, or maybe ideas for gifts you would like to ask for yourself.
Gretchen
If you don’t have a good sense of your own gift receiving style, just go to gretchenrubin.com/quiz and you can take the free fun quiz there. Elizabeth, what are we reading? What are you reading?
Elizabeth
I am reading Lady Tan’s Circle of Women by Lisa See.
Gretchen
And I am about to Start Beyond the Deepwoods by Paul Stewart and Chris Riddell, a writing team.
Elizabeth
Elizabeth. Ooh, I love a writing team.
Gretchen
And that’s it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home. Reflect on your one word theme for 2023 and come up with your one word theme for 2024. Let us know if you tried it and if it works for you.
Elizabeth
Thank you to our executive producer Chuck Reed, and everyone at Cadence 13. Get in touch. Gretchen’s on Instagram and Threads and Tik Tok add Gretchen Rubin and I’m on Instagram and Threads at Liz Craft. Our email address is podcast@gretchenrubin.com.
Gretchen
And if you like the show, please be sure to tell a friend. Let them figure out what their one word theme for the year is and follow us wherever you listen to your podcasts.
Elizabeth
Until next week. I’m Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.
Elizabeth
Gretch, Speaking of themes, just by chance today, I’m wearing a butterfly sweatshirt that I got when my symbol was butterfly. And then, you know, my evergreen symbol is a lightning bolt and I have on lightning bolt sweatpants. So.
Gretchen
Excellent.
Elizabeth
I’m covered on my symbols today.
Gretchen
That’s great. You’re manifesting them in your outfit. I love it. I love it.
[music]
From the onward Project.