Update
I’m excited to hit the road for the paperback release of my book Life in Five Senses.
- June 6th in Atlanta, Georgia with Charis Books & More at First Baptist Church of Decatur
- June 7th in Dallas, Texas at Interabang Books
Try This at Home
Document, then destroy, your bad feelings. It helps dissipate negative emotions.
You can read more about this research here.
Happiness Hack
Use the Weather app in your phone to keep track of the time zones of far-flung family and friends.
Know Yourself Better
Are you a “book” person or a “tree” person?
Do you see your life as a book of chapters, where you turn the pages? Or do you see yourself more like a tree that’s rooted in one place, growing rings from a center?
Listener Answers
In episode 482, we talked about why we might choose to “Train for a tough transition.”
Listeners shared times that they’d trained for a tough transition, or how they’re planning to do so.
Demerits & Gold Stars
Time for demerits and gold stars!
Elizabeth’s Demerit: She keeps procrastinating about calling the insurance company with a question.
Gretchen’s Gold Star: I give a gold star to our parents, who always learn to use public transportation whenever they travel.
Resource
To help you design your summer, I’ve created a new way to use the “Spin the Wheel” tool in the Happier app. For June, every spin will provide ideas to add to your summer bucket list, spark new traditions, or suggest distinct activities to make the season memorable. Download the app at thehappierapp.com and start designing your summer on June 1st.
Share photos and stories on social media of your summer experiences and preparations—using #DesignYourSummer—for a chance to be reposted by me.
What We’re Reading
*This transcript is unedited*
[484]
[music]
Gretchen
Hello and welcome to a happier a podcast where we talk about ideas and strategies for becoming happier, healthier, more productive and more creative. This week we’ll talk about why we might document then destroy our bad feelings. And we share many examples from listeners about how they are training for a tough transition. I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, Good habits, The Five Senses Human Nature.
Gretchen
I’m in my little home office here in New York City. And joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft.
Elizabeth
That’s me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in L.A. and Gretch. I am battling a bit of a cold, so apologies if my voice is a little froggy.
Gretchen
okay. All right. Well, before we launch in a few updates, I am very excited about hitting the road for the paperback release from my book, Life in Five Senses. I will be in Atlanta, Georgia, on June six with caris, books and more at First Baptist Church of Decatur. And on June 7th, I will be in Dallas, Texas, at interrabang books.
Gretchen
You can get all the details at happy Hour cars.com slash book events. I love doing a book event. I love connecting with readers and listeners. So come if you can.
Elizabeth
And Gretchen, we also got this update from Jennifer. She said, I wanted to let you know how much I am loving this year. Write 2 to 4 or write 24 challenge instead of using it for writing, I’m using it to tackle a different aim. Getting caught up on photo albums. I love making one for each year, but I’m way behind.
Elizabeth
Despite putting them on my annual lists this year, Write 2 to 4 was a lightning bolt moment for me. I work on the albums for 2 to 4 minutes each day. I’m spending significant time on my computer. I’m an upholder and didn’t want to feel like I had to make up rules about weekends or holidays. My progress has been huge because of the slow, steady progress.
Elizabeth
I often work past my allotted 4 minutes to finish one more page and of course, working on them regularly makes it easier to remember where I left off each time. So more of my project Time is productive and less is spent trying to remember where I was. I can’t promise I’ll finish the 2023 album before the end of the year, but I already finished 2021 and I’m confident I’ll get through 2022.
Gretchen
Well, I love this and write because for write 24, for 24, we said you can write for 24 minutes or you can write from 2 to 4 minutes and of course, if you want to use that time to do something else, that is terrific too. Yeah. Photo albums are something that we know, weigh on our consciences, weigh on a lot of people’s consciences.
Gretchen
It’s on my 24 for 24 list this year as it is every year. This is something where slow and steady wins the race. I know exactly what she’s talking about, where if you’re doing it regularly, you know where you are and you know how to do it. But if you do it very occasionally, you sort of have to reteach yourself every time.
Gretchen
So it’s more frustrating and less productive. And it’s just a fact that we often overestimate what we can do in a short amount of time, like a weekend. And we underestimate what we can get done if we just make slow, steady progress. And so I think this is terrific that she used the idea of the annual challenge and just adapted it to her own aim.
Gretchen
That’s fantastic.
Elizabeth
Yes, that’s great.
Gretchen
And then Monica wrote in because we had the exchange about feeling so bad about the fact that you lost a ring, but then comforted by the idea that perhaps the ring sacrificed itself for you. Monica just had a hack about losing rings. She said, I once lost a ring for years, only to find it later, as our washing machine was getting fixed, the repairman thought it might have been in a pocket and then somehow made its way to the inner workings of the machine.
Gretchen
So if you are frantically searching for a ring, this is probably a good place to look because it could slide off your hand right off your finger when you’re pulling your hand out of your pocket. I can imagine how that would happen. So it’s just if you’re looking everywhere, maybe you want to look inside the washing machine, too.
Elizabeth
And you may find some of those mysterious socks. Well.
Gretchen
Yes, who knows what’s in there. So this week I tried this at home. Suggestion is to document, then destroy your bad feelings.
Elizabeth
So why is this a good idea?
Gretchen
Okay, so what? Research shows is that this kind of action will actually help alleviate your bad feelings. So what you would do is, like, let’s say you’re feeling angry or irritated. Frustrated, annoyed on a piece of paper. Write down your complaints, your arguments, your criticisms, whatever it is that’s weighing you down, and then destroy the piece of paper you could shred it.
Gretchen
You could like crumple it up into a ball and then toss it. You know, you just want to physically destroy and rid yourself of it.
Elizabeth
Gretchen I think burning it sounds even better because then it’s really gone.
Gretchen
And there’s something so symbolically satisfying about like.
Elizabeth
Burning something. Yes, Love a burn ritual.
Gretchen
Yeah. And I’m particularly interested in any way that we can use our actions to influence our thoughts and our moods. Because, you know, in my study of happiness, what I realized is that a lot of times we want to do something or like we want to change our state of mind. But it’s very hard to go directly into like your inner workings.
Gretchen
But we have a lot more control of our conscious thoughts and actions. And so doing something like this where you’re taking like an internal thing, like I’m so irritated and frustrated with this person, but you’re externalize doing it in that way, affecting it. I just think it’s a lot easier to go from the outside in than from the inside out.
Gretchen
So I think this is really fascinating.
Elizabeth
Yeah, Well, I also think I mean, there’s something about being annoyed by someone else, but then also you can be annoyed with yourself.
Gretchen
a thousand regretting.
Elizabeth
Something you said to someone at a party. yeah, You’re upset. Gosh, you know, with a big faux pas you made. Yes. Angry that you didn’t get something done on time. There’s lots of reasons why we beat ourselves up.
Gretchen
Well, this is just happened to me. I was at a party. Do you ever have this thing where you need to make polite conversation? And so you’re sort of grasping at straws. Maybe you’re talking to people who are a little introverted. So, like, I know that it’s kind of on me to keep carrying the ball like, everybody’s very well intentioned, but you’re so often in those moments I say something inopportune, like, I’m not rude, but I just say it and I don’t want to get into what I said, but I walked away from it being like, my gosh, I just can’t believe that I said that.
Gretchen
And it’s just a bad feeling because what are you going to do? So yeah.
Elizabeth
EK So, Gretchen, you and I actually did this. We each just take something that we wanted to rid ourselves of. I wanted to rid myself of a work thing that was bothering me. It wasn’t even a huge deal, but it’s been nagging at me. It’s been kind of weighing me down. So I wrote it down on a piece of paper with a Sharpie, and then I burned it in our firepit last.
Gretchen
okay. And do you feel better?
Elizabeth
I do. I think just the act of doing it and then watching it burn and then saying, okay, that’s done. I’m going to leave myself. Yes. I sat on the paper, Let go of this thing. interesting. Let go on the paper.
Gretchen
that’s interesting. What I did for mine is, Jamie as a questioner and part of being a questioner, not all questioners do this, but some questioners do this a lot, which is that he doesn’t answer questions, in a way that this evinces itself in. Jamie. And again, maybe this is just Jamie, maybe this is a questioner thing is like he will not loop me in if he’s texting someone or seeing someone on something where, like, I obviously want that information.
Gretchen
And then he’s like, I already took care of that. Or like, X, Y, Z. And I’m like, Why did you not just let me in? Why did you not just CC me? Because I want access to that information as well. Yeah, and you can probably tell it just from the way I’m describing it. It’s very annoying.
Gretchen
And I have to say I’m still somewhat annoyed, but for me, the process of writing it down also kind of slowed me down and reminded me there are many advantages to him being a questioner for me as an upholder. That’s really good. And this is something that is just like, This is the guy I married. He’s not doing it to annoy me.
Gretchen
It’s just like he just goes through it and he just isn’t thinking like, who should ICC? And then I shredded it. I have a shredder and so I shredded it. And I do think it did relieve my feelings in a weird way. It just helped me feel I’m still sort of exorcized about it, but not with this much bad feeling, I would say.
Gretchen
And as I was doing it, it made me realize like, how much power a ritual has.
Elizabeth
Yes, there’s.
Gretchen
Something about it. First of all, it gives us a sense of control, which is like, okay, I am doing something like I am taking an action which just makes life feel more manageable. In your case, you like literally wrote Let Go. It gives you this feeling of letting go of something that’s negative. It marks an ending. Like if I had written down like sort of about that comment that I made at the party, it would be like, and now this is at an end.
Gretchen
Like I will no longer stew about it. It’s run its course, kind of like the way you, you go to sleep and the next day you feel better. And what a lot of research shows is just by writing things down, that also gives us a sense of control and sort of seeing the meaning. And I think when I wrote it down for Jamie, it kind of reminded me of like, what is the meaning of this quirk that he has, which is that it’s tied to this whole family of things that are strengths and weaknesses, at least in my mind.
Gretchen
So again, it gave more perspective. So there’s a lot of reasons why this kind of thing can be helpful.
Elizabeth
Yeah, I think whenever you do something and you give it meaning, yes, it just makes life feel more. You have more depth.
Gretchen
More depth and more orderliness to, you know, be interesting to try it with a child. I want I’m going to try this as a parent, you could just say like, okay, let’s write that down and then we’re just going to rip it into shreds and toss it in the trash.
Elizabeth
Like a good idea.
Gretchen
Yeah, I could imagine that appealing to Eliza and Eleanor, too.
Elizabeth
Yeah.
Gretchen
So, anyway, I will post a link in the show notes to an article that describes this research and sort of goes into it. If you’d like to read a little bit more. I think it’s really interesting because again, it’s just it’s making a ritual of something. It’s externalizing something. It gives us a way to take action. So let us know if you do try this at home and how documenting then destroying a note about your negative emotions works for you.
Gretchen
Let us know on Instagram threads Tik-tok Facebook Drop us an email at podcast. Gretchen Rubicam Or as always, you can go to the show notes on my website. This is happier Cars.com slash 484 for everything related to this episode.
Elizabeth
Coming up, we’ve got a happiness hack that will help you stay in touch with loved ones. But first this break.
[music]
Okay, Gretsch We are back with this week’s Happiness Hack.
Gretchen
Yes, this came up from listener Erin. I thought this was a great hack. She said. A problem that I identified was not texting or calling family members who live in Hawaii or overseas because I can’t remember what time it will be for them. And I fear disrupting sleep or their work day, etc. The simple act of googling their time zone and mentally doing the time math was enough of a barrier that I’d say, I’ll check in with them later.
Gretchen
Which became almost never easy solution. I stored their locations as favorite places on my weather app on my phone. I happened to use apple weather and when I pull up their city it tells me the current time in their city and bonus what the weather is like. I essentially now keep tabs on the weather of all my favorite contacts.
Gretchen
This hack is particularly helpful for Hawaii family because their state does not participate in daylight savings. And I no longer I have to remember if it’s four or 5 hours behind me. I love your show. I listen to every episode. Well, Erin, thank you for listening to every episode. We appreciate that. And Elizabeth, I did this because I figured out how you can have all of your favorite places displaying on whenever you go to the weather app.
Gretchen
They’ll just list them because I was always going into sort of the deep look at it like New York City or New Haven or whatever, but you can have them listed kind of as chapters. And there it is. I had never noticed it. It does have their time list and it’s so handy.
Elizabeth
Yes, because I have used this many times. I am wondering, for instance, our parents were recently in Paris. Yeah. While they were there, I put the Paris weather on my phone. One, I did want to know the weather, but also then I could look and see if I thought they were up and if I could text them or yes, sleep.
Elizabeth
Yeah. And it is very handy. And it’s also nice to know the weather. It is. There’s something that makes you feel connected when you know what kind of weather someone is dealing with this moment.
Gretchen
This is so strange, but I 100% noticed that. And I remember like in different points where because I live in New York City, because mom watches the morning shows like, I saw that it’s snowing or something. And it always made me feel like, she knows that it’s snowing where I am. And it was just this fun point of connection.
Gretchen
But it’s funny because you don’t think of like, look up the weather to make you feel closer to someone. But it does. And also it tells you what time it is. This is like a lot of times there’s like more information on things than you realize is if you just take a moment and poke around and see what’s there.
Gretchen
So I just thought this was a very elegant solution. Wonderful. Thank you, Aaron.
Elizabeth
Thanks, Aaron.
Gretchen
And now I know your self better. Question. Okay. I am so excited about this question because you know how I love to categorize people. Some people say, define me, you can find me. But I think it’s really helpful to say, am I a marathoner or a sprinter? Am I an abstain or a moderator? Am I a polar cluster of pleasurable?
Gretchen
Am I a morning person or a nice person? Am I a finisher or an opener, or am I a simplicity lover or an abundance lover? I think these things are very easy. And Elizabeth, you know this because I am constantly trying these out on you.
Elizabeth
Yes. Well, they’re interesting.
Gretchen
They’re interesting.
Elizabeth
I love this one.
Gretchen
Okay. So this is a new one. So I will preface this by saying it uses metaphors, but the metaphors do not match. They are not in the same family. So if anybody has an idea for how to have metaphors within the same family, I would very much welcome anybody suggestions. And as I explain it, this will become obvious.
Gretchen
So the question is, are you a book person or a tree person? And this has to do with how you view your life, the ongoing flow of your life.
Elizabeth
Yes.
Gretchen
Okay. So book people are people who see their book like a book of short stories and it’s full of many chapters. And at a certain point they’re like, And now I will turn the page and I will turn a new chapter. And so maybe they’re like, I had this kind of job. Now I’m turning the page and I have that kind of job, which is completely different.
Gretchen
Or I was living in the city and then I moved and now I live in this city, or now I’m retired and I’m moving to that city and they’re turning the pages and they’ll just start anew. And they may like that. They may like the idea, it’s time for a new chapter. Okay, great. We’re moving on. Then there are tree people, and tree people are more like a tree that is growing from one place.
Gretchen
A tree is in one place and it’s growing. So at some point the ring might be wider because there’s a lot of growth. At some point, the ring might be smaller because there’s less growth. And the point of the tree is to grow toward the sky and to have many branches and many leaves. But it’s all coming from one place and growing in place.
Gretchen
And so, you know, listen, I’m very interested in this open door stage, the empty nest stage. And as I was talking to people about how they were viewing their past and their futures, I realized that people really did have these different perspectives. So it is as what are you are you book or tree?
Elizabeth
I am definitely tree. In other words, I would feel, for instance, if Adam and I retired and moved to Costa Rica, let’s say. Yeah, I would feel then like all this other stuff that I did in Los Angeles didn’t matter. Yes, you know what I mean? I would feel like I lost all of this investment. Yeah.
Elizabeth
To my life. Yes. So now when I was young, I was still sort of evolving and planting myself. Yeah. So I moved to L.A., but I can’t imagine just up and doing something totally different. And that again, and being with one person, I like the idea that Adam and I will have these memories together for decades. Yeah, Obviously sometimes you have to turn a chapter and you have no choice.
Elizabeth
Yes, but given the choice, I prefer the tree. And just like adding as opposed to doing something totally new, whereas.
Gretchen
Some people welcome that like they really take that out. So I’m a tree person to and it it’s interesting thing about you, it was really hard for you to move from New York to L.A. and I wonder if it was harder for you because you’re basically a tree person and that was a book thing to do. Yes, that I remember you saying, like I would not now move back to New York City.
Gretchen
I would stay in L.A.. Yes. For me, it was like, okay, she’s really there now.
Elizabeth
And I think it helped that I moved with Sara, who was a friend from Kansas City because she is the tree person with me. I mean, she may not be a tree person, but she’s one of my tree people. So I had that sense of some sort of continuity.
Gretchen
Well, that is fascinating. So I am definitely a tree person and like, I wouldn’t even want to leave my neighborhood in New York City because, you know, they’re so big you could move. And I know people who are moving within New York City. I’m like, no, I wouldn’t. I don’t think I would move like more than ten blocks in any direction because I am so tree.
Gretchen
And I love the feeling of like, I remember 20 years ago when this happened or, you know, I like that feeling of building and building. And in fact, you know, sometimes people will say to you, if you had to live in any other city in the United States or anywhere, and it was in the world, where would you move?
Gretchen
I would often say, really, I think my second choice is Kansas City. And now I understand why. That’s a very tree response, which is yes, that is the other tree. That is the deeper tree. So that kind of explained something to me about myself because I was like, that’s kind of an interesting answer. Also, I think it explains why some kinds of circumstances might be harder for some people than others because it might hit you differently depending on whether you’re a tree person or a bug person, whether you’re sort of being forced into a different model.
Gretchen
Like you can be a book person that for whatever reason, never leaves their hometown, kind of feels like they they have to stay there. And so it’s kind of against their grain. Or you’re a tree person who’s serving in the military, right? And so you’re moving a lot, but you that goes against your tree nature. Whereas to a book person, that might be fine for them.
Elizabeth
Yes. Yeah. No, it’s really interesting. And I think it can help you understand other people in your life. Yes. Because it can make decisions a lot more understandable when you think of them in this way.
Gretchen
Well, this is exactly what happened to me, because I was talking to a friend, a very close friend, who suddenly up and moved to me. I was like, whoa. Like, I wouldn’t just decide to move and move like that. And then I was thinking back on, like, her work history and her life history, and then she’s like, yeah, And maybe in the future, maybe we’ll move to Portugal.
Gretchen
And I was like, Well, you’re very different for me. And then I was like, you’re a book person and I’m a tree person. So listeners, we want to hear from you. Does this ring true? Does this resonate? This is like a new category. Do you have an idea whether there could be two metaphors within the book, a set of ideas or two within tree?
Gretchen
I think tree maybe might be easier. Or is it okay that they’re kind of from different worlds? Because in a way, part of me thinks that it would be more literary if they matched. But I think the book of short Stories and the Trees so capture sure that that I’m like maybe I just let them not match. I don’t know.
Elizabeth
Yeah, it could be a book of short stories in the novel because the novel keeps going.
Gretchen
well, that’s obvious. Why did I not think of that? Because I was like, Is it an encyclopedia? No, you’re right. Is it is it a book of short stories versus a novel?
Elizabeth
but I do like the tree grudge. The tree is a very beautiful metaphor.
Gretchen
It is. And it has the idea of, like, deepening roots and expanding.
Elizabeth
Yes. Whereas a novel is written.
Gretchen
A novel is going from beginning to end. Right. So it’s kind of technically accurate, but it doesn’t have the overlay of the tree. So anyway, okay, something to ponder now we have some listener answers because in episode 482, our tried this at home. We talked about why we might train for a tough transition. Talking about a friend of mine who was training for a travel transition when she realized that she was going to ask her husband for a divorce and she spent a year training for it because she knew it was going to be the hardest thing she ever went through.
Gretchen
And so we heard from a lot of listeners about how they had trained for a transition or how they might plan to train for a tough transition.
Elizabeth
Yes, Emily said, I’ve been training for the tough transition of pregnancy. My husband and I are planning to start trying for a baby within the year. I’m deeply anxious about the toll it will take on my body, particularly my back. But I feel a sense of control by adding weight, lifting and rocking to my workout routine. Rocking is taking walks with the weighted vest or backpack.
Elizabeth
It’s very good for you and it’s easier on your knees than running. Right idea. Perfect example, Meg said.
Gretchen
I love listening to you. Try it at home from today’s podcast about training for a tough transition. As I listened, I realized that I had done this myself over the past few years and I cannot recommend it enough. Three years ago, I received a promotion to what I thought would be my dream job. By the end of the first year, I was Lusher, and by the midpoint of the second, I was truly in a state of crisis like I nearly rage quit.
Gretchen
It was bad. After walking back from the edge of that cliff, I realized that my entire life was in disarray and that simply walking away would only add to the chaos. I stopped drinking, started more religiously enforcing boundaries, returned to church and began caring for myself more. I finished my graduate degree, began more active networking, and spent a lot of time in introspection and writing in my journal.
Gretchen
After a year of this and opened, happened in a meeting for me to gracefully step away from the current job and into one that really calls to more of my passions. Passions that I was only really aware of because of the work I’d been doing on myself. I was allowed to write my own job description, keep my hire salary for a position that was much less stressful and remain at a company I love.
Gretchen
But I couldn’t have done it if I hadn’t trained. Plus, she said she has the beanbag chairs where you put the stuffed animals so that she gets a thumbs up too. That too.
Elizabeth
Nice.
Gretchen
Yeah, but this is a great example of training for anticipating that you need to quit.
Elizabeth
Yes, Rochelle said, like Gretchen, I have two daughters that my youngest left for college in 2017. I knew I needed to prepare for this transition into the open door stage of life because I always spent a lot of time with my girls. I have a busy career as a literary agent, so it’s not as if my life would be empty.
Elizabeth
But I still knew I needed to prepare and train for this transition several months before the move out date, I went to Meetup.com and joined several groups in my area a monthly dinner group, a movie going group and a couple of hiking groups. This turned out to be one of the best things I’ve ever done. As I transitioned from enjoying these activities with my daughters to doing them with new friends.
Elizabeth
Eventually I even did what Gretchen recommends. I started my own hiking group as well as a movie group. These activities filled my life for a few years and I made new friends, along with developing a great hiking habit which continues to this day for anyone preparing for this new stage of life. I highly recommend this approach.
Gretchen
Excellent. Having this forethought is very helpful when you know that the transition is coming, Jules said. I wanted to comment on the subject of training for difficult life transitions as I identified wholeheartedly with this having gone through something similar, my best friend passed away aged 59 and I was left with her beloved horse to look after and rehome in his retirement.
Gretchen
Whilst this was quite stressful, I have found the whole process of rehoming and subsequently looking after him through some health problems has actually changed my life because I found that the way to deal with the stress better was to level up my game in terms of fitness, health, nutrition and self care. I was just too busy to be anything but on top of my game to do my best for him all whilst grieving for my friend, this has meant getting fit through stable work and focusing on things like journaling to help my mental stress.
Gretchen
And I have even taken courses in counseling with a view to becoming a grief counselor relative to losing a pet in the UK, I have turned a negative into a positive and potentially found a new rewarding career. We’ll look at that fascinating, Laura said.
Elizabeth
I absolutely loved your episode about training for a tough transition. My husband is in the Air Force and he is getting ready to deploy for six months. This transition will be extremely hard for my husband, my children and myself. Some of the ways we plan to train include creating a large calendar where we can count down the days and add weekly face time dates.
Elizabeth
We will also add special events and special weekly activities such as pizza nights, living room, dance parties and playdates with friends. I will also establish a self-care routine and commit to finding reliable babysitters for when I need some alone time to recharge during the deployment. Thanks again for such a wonderful idea.
Gretchen
Well, this is a great idea and she’s thinking about how this is going to influence her whole family’s life. So that’s really great. And here’s one final one from someone who is anonymous. My husband is a heart transplant recipient. And incidentally, Gretchen, thank you for shining a spotlight on organ donation so regularly. yes. Everybody is on the organ donor registry.
Gretchen
13 years ago, he spent nine months in the hospital with seven weeks of that time in an induced coma. This caused a lot of damage to his kidneys, which the immunosuppressant medicine has exacerbated it miraculously. He’s been very well all this time. Despite the progression of chronic kidney disease recently, that progression has sped up dramatically and yesterday he was told he will need a kidney transplant far sooner than we had anticipated.
Gretchen
I intend to join the kidney exchange program with him. If my kidney isn’t suitable for him, it hopefully will be suitable for someone else starting a chain which results in a compatible kidney for my husband. I don’t know yet whether that time will be six months or 2 to 3 years away, but I have some training to do.
Gretchen
I want to increase my fitness and decrease my weight as to donate a kidney. I need to be at no risk for type two diabetes. I also want to shore up my resilience and mental health and put plans in place for my son, who has additional needs. So this is a very interesting way. You see something big is coming and it’s like, okay, I’m going to train for this now.
Gretchen
I’m not sure how long I have, but I’m going to I’m going to train for it. Yes, it was so fascinating to hear how listeners have used this idea of training for a rough transition in such a wide variety of challenges. It’s really easy to see how you can do it.
Elizabeth
All right. Coming up, I give myself a demerit related to procrastination. But first, this break.
[music]
Gretchen
Okay, is it It’s time for demerits and gold stars. And this is an even numbered episode, which means it’s your turn to talk DeMerit.
Elizabeth
Yeah, Scratch. This is a demerit I’m sure many people can relate to. I’ve probably given it to myself before, but I have a question I need to ask my insurance company, my health insurance company, and I have just not made that call. And it’s one of those things that will probably take 5 minutes. Be very simple. I’ll feel so good when I’m acid and it’s resolved.
Elizabeth
Yeah, but I just have not been able to make myself get out my card, look up the number and make that call.
Gretchen
Okay, well, let’s help that by giving yourself the demerit. The demerit process works its magic, and you’re like, I can just put the card out on my desk today. Yes. And then tomorrow I can just, you know, whatever.
Elizabeth
Right. Baby steps.
Gretchen
There is something about insurance, though, right?
Elizabeth
I know it’s usually easier than I anticipate, but I anticipate it being horrendous.
Gretchen
So be grateful for insurance. That’s one thing. It’s like turning into a gratitude.
Elizabeth
That’s true. I should get a gratitude. Meditation insurance. Yes, yes, yes. All right, Gretch, what is your gold star this week?
Gretchen
Okay. I want to give a gold star to our parents because our parents, they love to travel. They’re very intrepid. And one of the things that they do is they always learn how to use public transportation when they go to a city. Yes. Most recently they were just in Paris. They use the Paris metro. They were in London a couple of years ago.
Gretchen
They used the not the donut, the to the not the down under the tube. They use the tube. The thing about public transportation is once you get the knack of it, it’s easy and freeing. But there is always that I don’t like. How do you pay? And like, do you put this card in at the beginning and at the end, or do you just do it at the beginning and everybody else is just zipping through so you feel very self-conscious.
Gretchen
If like you’re standing there looking around and is there somebody there to help you? Sometimes there’s not.
Elizabeth
Definitely a learning curve.
Gretchen
There’s definitely a learning curve. But then when you when you do, it’s so amazing because you’re like, I can just go all over the place. You have such a feeling of mastery and such a sense of just being part of the culture of a city. Because if you’re in a city that has a subway, it’s a thing. It’s like walking into a grocery store to like people say, If you want to understand a place, go to a grocery store, which I love.
Gretchen
I only recently started doing that and I think it’s a great advice. Also, a drugstore. It’s just fascinating to see what’s in it. But I think using that. But there is a learning curve. And so I say Goldstar to our parents for always, just like the first day saying, okay, we’re just going to figure this out so that we can use public transportation for our whole visit.
Gretchen
And that’s fantastic.
Elizabeth
Yes, good inspiration for.
Gretchen
Us and the resource for this week. Okay. To help you design your summer, because we love designing the summer, I have created a new way to use the spin the wheel tool and have Europe side note people love spin the wheel. This is one of the most popular aspects of the happy hour up for the month of June.
Gretchen
Every spin will provide ideas to add to your summer bucket list or spark a new tradition suggest distinct activities that will really make the summer feel memorable and rich and really summery. You can get up to three ideas a day by spinning the wheel. You can download the app at the happy or ABC.com and you can start designing your summer on June 1st and you can share photos and stories on social media of what you’re doing at hashtag Design your summer for a chance to be reposted by me.
Gretchen
I love seeing what people are doing. I love chances to repost, so check it out in the half year app. It’s going to be really fun starting June 1st.
Elizabeth
Yeah.
Gretchen
So Elizabeth, what are we reading? That’s something fun to do with your summers, to do some summer reading. What are you reading now?
Elizabeth
I am reading The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes.
Gretchen
And I am reading Notes of a native Son by James Baldwin. And that’s it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home document then destroy your bad feelings. Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you.
Elizabeth
Thanks to our executive producer Chuck Reed and everyone at Odyssey, get in touch. Gretchen’s on Instagram threads, Facebook and Tik Tok, Gretchen Rubin, and I’m on Instagram and threads at Liz Craft.
Gretchen
And if you like the show, you know what I’m going to say? Be sure to tell a friend and rate review and follow us. And because I like to say it in a rhyme, here is your new rhyme. If you liked what you heard, spread the word.
Elizabeth
Indie until next week. I’m Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward, Elizabeth. I have a shredder and somehow that seems like the underwire in me is like, why do I need a shredder? But it’s actually really handy to have a shredder. But I’ve never done anything sort of like fun with a shredder, so.
Elizabeth
Yeah.
Gretchen
at last, I’m doing something that’s creative and almost whimsical with my shredder. SO it felt good to use it in that way instead of just bank statements.
Elizabeth
Yes, that is very satisfying. The little work of the machine. Yes. Shreds your bad feelings.
Gretchen
Yes. It really worked. from the onward project