Update

I mention the short, fun, free Giving-Giving Quiz. It will help you figure out some good ideas for giving—or getting—gifts.

Try This at Home

Review your “23 in ’23” list. Look back to see what you did or didn’t do in 2023.

Elizabeth’s “23 for ’23” list:

Her one-word theme was SCALE.

1. Hike Fryman Canyon 50 times—she kept track in the Happier™ app and the Don’t Break the Chain Journal and upped her aim to 100 times
2. Floss every night
3. Get back in her wedding rings
4. Hike in Ojai with Sarah
5. Take a trip with friends from high school
6. Get the perfect small cross-body bag
7. Use her packing cubes
8. Read 23 novels (this includes audiobooks)
9. During the potential writers’ strike, outline a novel
10. Try pickleball
11. Get her mah jong group going again
12. Always carry Kleenex
13. Get two body scans
14. Walk to Malibu
15. Finish her will with Adam
16. Go outside 23 minutes a day in 2023—of course! This was the annual challenge for 2023.
    
17. Host a family party
18. Build up Daisy’s and Nacho’s stamina so they can go on hikes
19. Upgrade her home office
20. Throw out gross t-shirts—both hard and easy to do
21. Get a new robe
22. Go away for a night with friends
23. Do Season Three of Fantasy Island—this was an outcome that was outside of her control, but she hoped to manifest it
    

I mention “Obligers”—if you don’t know whether you’re an Obliger, Questioner, Rebel, or Upholder, take the quiz here.

Gretchen’s “23 for ’23” list:

My one-word theme was WAVE.

1. Visit the Met every day
2. Go outside 23 in 23
3. Catch up on my photo albums
4. 30 straight days of culture
5. Tackle one difficult email per day
6. Make standing haircut appointments
7. Buy new underwear
8. Have a summer of re-reading – though I haven’t felt ready to cope with Elias Canetti’s Crowds and Power (Amazon, Bookshop) 
9. Be more systematic about connecting with friends and colleagues
10. Buy airplane jeans
11. Help Eleanor get a driver’s license and Elizabeth to make a will
12. Figure out the direction for my next writing project
13. Enjoy 23 seconds of sensory delight each day
14. Wear make-up every day
15. Work on my Muse Machine—this is done and out in the world! Thrilling!
    
16. [Create a time capsule for 2023—we talked about this idea in episode 401—I mindfully rejected this aim]
17. Ask people for the names of journalists who might be interested in my book Life in Five Senses
18. Start a new group
19. Once a month, pick a New York City place I’ve never visited, and go there
20. Embrace this year of family transition
21. Review this list on the 23rd of each month
22. Add a “My Thirty Minutes” to my calendar each workday
    
23. Watch a great TV show

Resource

Join this month’s Habit Jump-start in the Happier app to conduct a year-end review. Coming Sunday, December 10.

What We’re Reading

• Elizabeth: Live Wire: Long-Winded Short Stories by Kelly Ripa (Amazon, Bookshop) 
• Gretchen: Grass in Piccadilly by Noel Streatfield (Amazon) 
  

459 

[music] 

Gretchen

Hello and welcome to  Happier! A podcast where we talk about how to be happier. This week, as we get ready for the New Year and put together the three elements of the happier trifecta for 2024, we will review our 23 and 23 lists and report on how we did. We will report on our 24 for 24 lists in an upcoming episode.

Gretchen

I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, New Year’s resolutions and human nature. I’m in my little home office in New York City. And joining me today from L.A. is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. And Elizabeth, I think maybe you’re ahead of me on the 23 for 23 list. We’re going to have to count them up.

Elizabeth

That’s me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in L.A.. And yeah, I did better than I usually do. You know, there have been years were a scant number.

Gretchen

For both of us.

Elizabeth

Yes. Yes. Feel good about yes.

Gretchen

Here. Yes.

Elizabeth

Now, Gretch, we want to remind everyone we’re doing an upcoming very special episode 460 about resolutions. So we want your comments, your insights, your hacks, your questions. What resolutions changed your life? What resolution did you decide not to pursue upon thinking about it? Yeah, and of course, what strategies did you use to keep your resolution?

Gretchen

Yes, send it in. We’re gathering it up also because we are in gift giving and getting season. I wanted to remind everybody about my super fun gift quiz, which is that gretchenrubin.com/quiz. It will help you if you’re feeling stuck. Elizabeth, we have a few members of our family who I would say are a little bit more challenging to think of good presents.

Gretchen

And so even though I came up with a quiz, I myself found it very helpful.

Elizabeth

Yes.

Gretchen

Yes. And this week our Try This at Home suggestion is to review your 23 and 23 list. So let’s just for people who don’t know. Explain what are 23 and 23 list is.

Elizabeth

Yes. So this is a list of things we make every year. 22 in 22. 23 in 23. This year is 24 in 24. A list of things that we want to do that year. These are not resolutions. These are things, they can be small and whimsical, like, you know, by myself with a bouquet of tulips. Yeah. To big.

Elizabeth

Like, go outside every day for 23 minutes in 2023, which.

Gretchen

You could cast that as a resolution. So sometimes I think could be considered resolutions, but we’re putting them in a different framework.

Elizabeth

Yes. And I like this framework because it feels more fun. Yeah. A suggestion. These things are not written in stone. You can change your items if you so choose. Yeah, it’s just it’s a guide for the year and we love doing it. And we also love reading other people’s lists because people put the most amazing things on their lists.

Gretchen

Yeah. I mean, research shows that this is no surprise to anyone that when we set specific aims for ourselves, when we really write something, articulate it for ourselves, something that we want and we write it down, we are more likely to achieve them. You’re more likely to hit a target if you aim at it. And so taking the time to make this list can make a big difference to our happiness.

Gretchen

You can make sure that fun things that you want to do don’t get forgotten if there are things that you need to plan what’s written down somewhere. So now people make lists that are only fun things. Sometimes people make them into categories of like work, family, fun. And this is part of the happier trifecta, which is the annual challenge which we will reveal in an upcoming episode, which is like go outside 23 and 23.

Gretchen

That’s coming up in episode 461. There’s the one word scene that we talked about in episode 458. My theme is revisited and your theme is book. Yeah. And then there’s this list. So then making the list because it yeah, it was, as you say, some people just don’t like resolutions. They don’t like the idea of them or they failed in the past.

Gretchen

They don’t like that approach.

Elizabeth

Yes, a resolution can have a negative connotation for some people, whereas I think a list is more fun. Yeah.

Gretchen

Well, and also, you know, what we found was that you and I go back and forth on these and sometimes we’ll coordinate like we’re going to try that this year more than some years. But then I’ve heard of like coworkers doing it or like everybody will sit around the table and make their own lists. So there are ways that a married couple does it together or, you know, you can use it as a way to connect with other people, whether in making the list or doing some of the things on the list.

Gretchen

So it can be really, really fun. There’s no wrong way to do it.

Elizabeth

Yeah, and it’s great because it’s clarifying and creative. It makes you think about what do you want to do this year? Yes. And any time you reflect on something, it brings it to the forefront. So it’s just helpful in that way.

Gretchen

In a listen. Isn’t it funny that people will send us their lists and you get such a picture of someone from their list? It feels like you get this insight into their person out, like with your characters in the novel that you’re writing. I bet you if you’ve thought about it, you could come up with any 24 for 24 because it’s.

Gretchen

It just shows your work, your desires, your challenges, your temptations, your values. Anyway, it’s super fun. Okay, so let us jump in. And sometimes people tie this into their one word theme in creative ways. Sometimes it just sort of colors the list. So give us your one word theme for 2023, and then let’s start going through your list.

Gretchen

So your one work for 2023 was scale.

Elizabeth

Yes. So that’s and that was getting on the scale every day that was scaling mountains or hills. In my case, that was scaling my career. So all sorts of things.

Gretchen

Okay, So here, let’s go through it. Number one, hike, Fryman Canyon, 50 times.

Elizabeth

So, Gretch, I did this and I upped it and I did it. Well, I’m on track to do it 100 times. I’m on number 97, and I still have plenty of time. Yeah, So very proud about that.

Gretchen

That’s huge. You doubled it. So you got into it and then you realize you upped it, I think, twice, right?

Elizabeth

Yes, I sure did. Twice, because I just got so into it.

Gretchen

You tracked it in the happier app, right? Which made me very happy.

Elizabeth

Yes, I tracked it both in the happier app and also in my habit tracker journal. Gretchen, I wrote down.

Gretchen

Don’t break the chain.

Elizabeth

Don’t break the chain journal. Yes, because I love looking at it on paper.

Gretchen

Yeah, yeah. So I’ll link to both of those in the show notes. If you’re interested in the either the paper version or the app version. Number two floss every night.

Elizabeth

This one was a bit spotty. Gretchen I have to say, I have not gotten to where I need to get on flossing, but it did help keep it in my mind that i should be doing it.

Gretchen

Do you think you did a better job?

Elizabeth

I think i did a better job, yes.

Gretchen

But so this is I’ve mentioned this before because this was on your list. I realized I wasn’t flossing at all. Yeah, you just forgot about the fact that a person should floss. So you got me back into morning flossing so.

Elizabeth

Well that even.

Gretchen

Yes, you get like a vicarious credit for that because you gave me that habit. Number three, get back in your wedding rings.

Elizabeth

I did. I got back on my wedding ring. So, Gretch, I have really not been able to wear my wedding ring since I gave birth to Jack, and I have refused to get them resized, so now I can wear them. So that is a good feeling.

Gretchen

Oh, that’s great. Yes. Do you wear them every day now?

Elizabeth

I don’t, because I’m so out of the habit, but I wear them whenever I sort of go out and do something. But I am thinking maybe I’ll start wearing them every day again and just get used to the feel.

Gretchen

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I wear mine every day and I never think about it. Yeah. Contacts. Do you notice that when they’re coming on and off, but not once they’re on?

Elizabeth

Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking. So I’ll do that.

Gretchen

Number four, hike in Ojai. With Sarah.

Elizabeth

Got that crossed off the list. One of my favorite things.

Gretchen

Yeah, and I think you’re planning another one I heard on Happier in Hollywood.

Elizabeth

Yes, we are. So I’ll get at least two hikes for Sarah and Ojai in this year. Hopefully a lot more next year.

Gretchen

One that’s more scaling. Please feel free.

Elizabeth

To.

Gretchen

You scaled in Ojai. Number five, take a trip with friends from high school.

Elizabeth

Okay. I haven’t done that, but we’ve discussed it. I know when we go where we’re going to go. So that is progress. Hoping to do that in the spring.

Gretchen

Oh, okay. So it’s underway, but it’s not complete. It’s not achieved. Okay. Get the perfect small crossbody bag.

Elizabeth

Yes, I think I accomplished that, Gretch. And I think I’m getting a couple. I’ve got one that’s a nice black leather, and I’m going to get another one, I think for myself for Christmas. That’s a more casual one. Okay.

Gretchen

Put it on your list. I’ll get it for you for Christmas. I think it’s always nice. I like the things where it’s a purchase because you and I is under buyers will often not make purchases that we need, so it’s helpful for us to put them on the list. But then on the other hand, it is actually something that you can just do and that day when you make up your mind.

Gretchen

So it feels like it’s 30 seconds. Yeah, but, but for us it actually is hard. So I think for some people it’s like, why would you even put that on the list? It’s so easy. But for us, we actually need we need a little bit of a nudge. Yes, for some things. Okay. Use your packing cubes. You gave me packing cubes?

Gretchen

I used the packing cubes you gave me. Do you use your packing cubes?

Elizabeth

I absolutely do. I use them several times already. I love my packing cubes. They make me feel very adult.

Gretchen

Who knew that people were so passionate about packing. This was a big revelation.

Elizabeth

For the whole world. And can I give a little packing cube hack, which is I love putting my dirty clothes once I’ve worn them, when I’m traveling into the biggest pouch, and that way they’re separated. Yeah, Easy to keep track. Oh, that’s great. Packing cube hack for you.

Gretchen

Oh, that’s great. Number eight, read 23 novels. This also includes listening to audiobooks. That counts as reading did. Yes, you did. Way more than 23.

Elizabeth

Definitely did that. Yes.

Gretchen

You might have tripled that. I don’t know.

Elizabeth

No, but I was a lot more than 23. Okay.

Gretchen

All right. Good. During the potential writers strike. Okay. Spoiler alert. It was not a potential writers strike. It was an actual writer’s strike. The writers strike in history, right?

Elizabeth

Yes.

Gretchen

Yeah. Outline a novel.

Elizabeth

Did that well underway with the novel and that part of why my word for 24 is going to be book. So yes, cross that one off.

Gretchen

That’s a huge one. Number ten try pickleball.

Elizabeth

Yeah. Sarah and I went on a cruise together in the Caribbean for research for a project we’re doing, and we played pickleball on the cruise ship.

Gretchen

So Elizabeth, you were not you were not bit by the pickleball bug.

Elizabeth

I wasn’t I haven’t been bit yet, but I’m glad I tried it. I enjoyed it. I’ll tell you, that is great exercise.

Gretchen

Oh, that’s good. Number 11, get her mah jong group going again.

Elizabeth

That been playing mah jong makes me so happy.

Gretchen

Gretchen always carry kleenex number 12.

Elizabeth

That’s an adult thing. I’ve got this probably 90%. I try to always have a little packet of Kleenex.

Gretchen

And is it just a matter of putting it in your bag and keep your glove compartment stuffed?

Elizabeth

So, yes. Okay. But you have to remember to replenish it. Yeah. Because I find when I have Kleenex, I use Kleenex.

Gretchen

Oh, I see. So it’s one of those things where it’s kind of maintaining its presence more than just sticking it in there. Yeah. Yeah. I think that counts as doing 90% for Kleenex is good enough. Then. Then there’ll be one day when you really need it and you don’t have it. And then you will never forget again.

Elizabeth

Inevitably.

Gretchen

Yes. I’m number 13. Get two body scans.

Elizabeth

Okay, so I got one body scan. Okay. I wanted to get two, so I had some comparison, but that’s okay. One is good because I had gotten one in the last year, so the comparisons have started and my scan was improved.

Gretchen

But you have had two body scans. I just I think you can get this across off because now you have had two.

Elizabeth

True.

Gretchen

Okay, let’s give you the win.

Elizabeth

Okay. One.

Gretchen

Okay. Number 14, walk to Malibu. I’m very excited about this one for you. I want to do this.

Elizabeth

I know, Gretch. This is a carryover and I haven’t done it yet. My friend Alison went ahead and did it with another friend because she’s sick of waiting for me, so I need to do it.

Gretchen

Okay. Number 15. This is a big one. Everybody is rooting for you. Everybody is waiting to hear, Have you finished your will with Adam?

Elizabeth

I don’t think it is finished. We’ve had some back and forth about it, but I’m not sure where it stands, though. And it’s almost like I need to just email and say, Where are we on this? But it’s I’m afraid the answer is going to be what to do this, that and the other thing. So I still have time.

Elizabeth

Gretchen I’m going to still try to get this done by the end of the year. How about that?

Gretchen

Well, sometimes people say just print out the most basic version that you can just do to have something in place.

Elizabeth

Yeah, yeah.

Gretchen

You just offer that up. Number 16, go outside 23 minutes a day in 2023.

Elizabeth

Yeah. Gretch, I guess. I don’t know that I’ve done this every single day, but I have done it. The vast majority of days are challenged to go outside. 23 and 23 has made me spend so much more time outside. Yeah, I want to just keep it going forever. Yes.

Gretchen

Part of it is just looking for this opportunity. Like the way you started going outside and being outside when the dogs were going outside in the morning and just sort of saying like, Oh, that’s such a nice way to start the day.

Elizabeth

Yes. Or working outside. I’ve been spending some time writing outside or out. Adam sitting by the fire, making a point of going with him and sitting by the fire. Yeah. So that has been great.

Gretchen

That’s excellent. Number 17, host a Family Party.

Elizabeth

Well, I would say yes and no. I hosted Thanksgiving, which Gretch, I’m counting that as a huge win. I wanted to host a party for the whole extended Fiero family, but I didn’t do that. But I’m going to count Thanksgiving. Yes. For 15 as you win.

Gretchen

Yes, I definitely think that that counts. And it was many hours. Many people four dog days. You had your tablescape. It was it was a full on family party.

Elizabeth

It was so fun.

Gretchen

Number 18, build up Daisy and Natcho’s  stamina so they can go on hikes. These are your two corgis.

Elizabeth

Yes. I think they’ve gotten in better shape, but not yet good enough shape to go on a hike, so I’m not going to give myself that one. Okay.

Gretchen

Upgrade your home office. 

Elizabeth

Big fail on that Gretch. Have not done a thing.

Gretchen

That’s a big one. That’s not buying the perfect cross-body bag. That’s a major undertaking. Okay, other end of the scale 20. Throw out your gross T-shirts.

Elizabeth

Gretch, would you believe this is one I have not done? This should be one of the easiest. But like you, I just have trouble throwing out t shirts. No matter how gross they are.

Gretchen

It’s hard to do and it’s easy to do. And like, weirdly, I almost feel like, well, I want to keep these gross ones because then I’ll wear it when I don’t want to wear a nice one. But then you just pay your gross ones all the time and you never wear the nice ones, which I don’t want to wear the nice ones because I save the nice ones.

Gretchen

You know, what I do now is that if I buy something new, I wear it right away so that I don’t start saving it, you know, but getting rid of the ones that are just sort of blown out.

Elizabeth

It’s maybe I just say like I have to go in my closet and throw out three t shirts.

Gretchen

Can I just say I’m just licking my chops trying to get back into your closet and your office. You know how much I get such a charge? So maybe that’s something that I can look forward to in 2024 and you can dread. Number 21, Get a new robe.

Elizabeth

Yes. Got a new robe for Christmas last year from Adam.

Gretchen

Okay, that’s a good one. Number 22. Go away for a night with friends.

Elizabeth

Yes. Did that. Lovely.

Gretchen

And then number 23, the final one. This was one that was not in your control Do Season three of Fantasy Island. That was an outcome.

Elizabeth

Yes. That I was trying to manifest on my list.

Gretchen

Yes. Because usually we say you put it in an action, not an outcome, because you can’t control outcomes, but you can control actions. You can’t learn Italian, but you can practice your Italian 20 minutes a day. But here you were like, I’m going to manifest it because listen, you do have a lot of power of manifesting. We have seen them.

Elizabeth

Think I do, but I did not manifest a scratch and we did not get to season three of Fantasy Island or I should say we did. And then they took it away. It was a very roller coaster of an experience. Love doing Fantasy Island, great experience, very sad. It’s over. But onward.

Gretchen

Okay. Well, Elizabeth, looking at this list, it reminds me of one of our hacks and we sort of talked about this before. We talked about your list, but it’s really nice to make sure that your list includes some things that you enjoy. Yeah. Even if there are things that are maybe stressful or taxing, like doing a family party, it was a lot to do.

Gretchen

But in the end, you really enjoyed it. Yes, that’s good. But then it’s fun to do some things that are purely fun, right?

Elizabeth

Like go to an escape room.

Gretchen

Yes. Where you’re like, Oh, I actually look forward to that. And that would actually be fun. I think sometimes you and I don’t include enough things that are just fun where you’re like, Ooh, I’m so glad to have an excuse to go do that thing. I think that, yeah, especially for Obligers. Obligers often need to be reminded to do things that are fun for them.

Gretchen

And so a way to get yourself to do that if you’re an obliger is your your list can be a form of accountability for you. You’re accountable to your future self. So that’s something to think about. That’s a little drive by hack.

Elizabeth

Yes. All right, Gretch, Coming up, we’re going to go through your list, but first, this break. 

[music] 

Okay, Gretch, we are back. We’re discussing our 23 and 23 lists. Let’s start with what was your word of the year?

Gretchen

My word was wave. I wanted to ride the wave of my new book coming out Life in Five Senses. I wanted to wave to people as I was doing events, and I wanted to just have the energy and forward motion of a wave.

Elizabeth

Great word. Okay, let’s start on your list. Number one, visit the Met every day.

Gretchen

Absolutely. This was something that I started for life in five senses, but now I’ve been doing it for years. I love going to the Met every day. I think I’ll go to the Met every day for the rest of my life. It’s just such a huge source of joy for me. So it’s funny that one seems like a lot, but it actually was not hard because it was already part of my day.

Elizabeth

All right. Number two, go outside. 23 in 23.

Gretchen

Just did that. I love that. Would walk in the park. I would go for longer walks as Barnaby, of course, walking to the Met. That was time outside. Yeah.

Elizabeth

You also walk and talk on the phone with friends, which I think is a great outside hack.

Gretchen

I love a walk and talk or sometimes like if I’m getting on the phone with mom and dad, I’ll be like, Hey, let me stick in my headphones and I’ll walk while we’re talking. So I do love that.

Elizabeth

Number three, catch up on your photo albums.

Gretchen

Ooh, I just did this. Yes, This is always a task and it never takes as long as I think it will. So that is a huge relief.

Elizabeth

Okay, Number four, 30 straight days of culture. You might want to explain this one.

Gretchen

Okay. This was amazing. And of course, I live in New York City, so of course, I feel so incredibly grateful that I live in New York City. But I think you could do this in a lot of places, especially if you broaden your idea of what you meant by culture or how to do it. So what I said was that for 30 straight days and I had to pick the days where I thought it would be the least interrupted by travel and holidays and things. For 30 straight days.

Gretchen

I wanted to do something cultural so I could go to a book party or a book talk or a lecture or a ballet performance or a play or a stand up comic or whatever. Now, I think some people can have your culture be like, watch a documentary, but I had things where I had to actually go out. I did count things like a book club because that’s where you’re talking about a book.

Gretchen

And I’m in a lot of book clubs, but I didn’t count something like having dinner with friends. So mere socializing did that kind of 30 days of culture. But a book club discussion did. And it did run longer than 30 days because I traveled in the middle and there were a couple of days where, like, the timing just didn’t work out for things that I wanted to do.

Gretchen

But it was so fun. Often I would get like, a friend of mine knows a lot about the ballet, so I was like I said to her, like, tell me which one is the best? Which one would I like the best? And you come with me. So we had a whole wonderful evening. Eliza I went to a book, talk about a book that I knew she would like, so she came with me.

Gretchen

So Jamie went to a stand up comedian with me. But some of them I just went to see by myself. I went to see Martha Stewart speak. That was super fun. I went by myself, but it was great. And it just reminds you, like if you get out there and do things, it’s so fun and it feels like, Oh my gosh, it’s so much.

Gretchen

And it was a lot. I love doing kind of an intense thing like that, but it really got me in the habit of looking on websites or looking in, you know, magazines and newspapers and just being on the alert like, Oh, that would be a fun, you know, it’s good to do things.

Elizabeth

It really is. And you learn so much.

Gretchen

You learn so much, you get out there, you run into people, you make plans. You know, you just you feel like you’re taking advantage of the world. Yes. So anyway, that was hugely successful for me in terms of boosting my happiness and my feelings of being engaged with the world.

Elizabeth

Number five, tackle one difficult email per day.

Gretchen

No, I didn’t do that. I mean, no, I didn’t. I just I kind of forgot about it, truthfully. And then I would remember. I think I just block it. So no.

Elizabeth

Okay. Number six, Make standing haircut appointments.

Gretchen

No. But what I do now is on the same day that I have a hair cutting appointment, I make it for the future one. So it kind of, I would say.

Elizabeth

Count.

Gretchen

That. Yeah. I feel like that’s more manageable somehow. Doing it for the whole year. I feel sort of, Oh my gosh, I’m going to have to reschedule this a million times, you know? Yeah. And I can get in sometimes where like, I can’t get an appointment, but I’m like, if I do it weeks and weeks in advance, I can go.

Elizabeth

Yes, I think.

Gretchen

I have more. I have flexibility. Okay. Thank you. Counts Good.

Elizabeth

Number seven buy New underwear. This is like my throw out t shirts. One. Yes, I.

Gretchen

Have new underwear. That’s exciting. Yes.

Elizabeth

Nice. Okay, Good to know. Number eight, have a summer of rereading.

Gretchen

Okay. I’m going to count this as a yes, but with an asterisk because I reread all the books that I wanted to read, which was delightful. I love rereading. These were books that I’ve been meaning to reread forever, like Story of a Soul, which I’ve read like ten times. But I wanted to reread that St. Therese of Lisieux memoir.

Gretchen

I wanted to reread William James’s Varieties of Religious Experience because it’s so interesting. So I reread that. So re-read some stuff. I did not reread Elias Canetti’s Crowds and Power. This is a book that haunts me. I bought it and then didn’t read it for two years because it was like felt so overwhelming. And then I’m like, I’ve got to reread Crowds and Power, and then I just couldn’t get myself to do it.

Gretchen

So I have left it on the counter where I see it. And I’m like, okay, when I feel like I have the emotional wherewithal to pick it up, I will. It’s just reverberates on all these levels. I love the writing of Elias Canetti, but it takes a lot, so I’m still going to do that. Maybe I’ll do that by the end of the year, but I reread everything else I’m going to.

Gretchen

I’m going to count that. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Elizabeth

Number nine, be more systematic about connecting with friends and colleagues.

Gretchen

The problem with this is it’s too vague. Being more systematic is just too vague. I should have come up with a plan, so I just. I didn’t do that. I wouldn’t even know if I did do it, because what did I even mean by that? I have no idea. That’s that is an example of a very poorly constructed line item.

Gretchen

Just learn from my mistake. That is not the way to do it because I don’t know what I’m asking myself to do. And so it’s not a surprise that I did not do it, even though I do want to connect more systematically with friends and colleagues.

Elizabeth

Number ten buy airplane genes.

Gretchen

Okay. This was a huge this is a thing about identify the problem because, because on social media people were like, what are airplane genes? And I had to say, well, airplane genes are when it’s a pair of jeans that’s so comfortable that you would wear it on an airplane. And then I realized that I actually had airplane jeans.

Gretchen

They were just these black cargo pants that did everything I wanted from airplane jeans. And so I didn’t even need to buy them. I already owned them, but I just had not thought of them in the category of airplane jeans. Once I identified the problem, I realized I already had them.

Elizabeth

Number 11, help Eleanor get a driver’s license in Elizabeth to make a will.

Gretchen

I did not do either of those things. This is A happier.

Elizabeth

We were being stubborn.

Gretchen

Yes, no.

Elizabeth

Number one, to figure out the direction for your next writing project. That’s a big one.

Gretchen

Yes. It is Secrets of adulthood. So exciting. Stay tuned for more. Yes, I’m very excited.

Elizabeth

Number 13, enjoy. 23 seconds of a sense. Three delight each day.

Gretchen

Oh, I love this. Yes, this is very, very easy. Okay. But it was fun to have fun with the number 23. Yes. Yes. And to just keep my mind on my five senses. But that was that was very, very delightful.

Elizabeth

Number 14, wear makeup every day.

Gretchen

I do that. Yes, I do that.

Elizabeth

And we’ve talked about how wearing makeup seems to also make you dress more nicely everyday.

Gretchen

Yeah, it just makes me feel more ready for the day somehow. And it just does not take that long. The way I do it. So I built it up into this whole thing, which it’s not number 15.

Elizabeth

No, I know you did this one work on my muse machine.

Gretchen

This is done. I worked on it. I created it. You can buy this thing. It’s so cool. I’m so excited about this. This is this deck of creative prompts. I was just gloating over it yesterday. Like a dragon with a hoard. I love this thing. So that was a big one.

Elizabeth

Yes. And it’s been very popular. Did you sell out, like, right away?

Gretchen

Yeah. I worked with a brilliant team to put it together. It’s gorgeous. It’s great. It’s great creativity. If you get stuck, you need a muse machine. And this is your muse machine.

Elizabeth

Love it. Number 16 Create a time capsule for 2023. Now, this is an idea we talked about in episode 401.

Gretchen

So as I crossed this off the list, I just decided I didn’t want to create a time capsule, so I mindfully rejected this. I think it’s a cool idea you’re allowed. I like the idea of doing it, but I was like, I’m not feeling it for 2023, so maybe another year. But I, I did not do it.

Elizabeth

Number 17 Ask people for the names of journalists who might be interested in your book, Life in Five Senses.

Gretchen

I did that. I got that. The people were very helpful. That was great of what I was doing, but I was in my big push. Thank you everyone who helped.

Elizabeth

Get good. Number 18 Start a new group. You love groups? As do I.

Gretchen

I love a group. I did not start a new group.

Elizabeth

So you have a lot of groups.

Gretchen

That I like, but there’s a huge engine of happiness for me. That’s why another one I want more.

Elizabeth

I know. I just ask someone to put me in their new book group the other day.

Gretchen

There you go.

Elizabeth

They’re great. Number 19 once a month, pick a New York City place you’ve never visited and go there.

Gretchen

Okay. This is our mother’s idea. This was okay. So I did not do this once a month. I did it, I think five times. I don’t know why it was so hard to do. I think it’s because it takes, you know, a couple of hours. And I was always like, No, I should be working or I’ll do it another day.

Elizabeth

Now it can be intimidating to go to someplace you’ve never been.

Gretchen

But it’s really fun because I would hear about places and I would be like, Oh, that sounds so fun. Like I should go there. Like I kept this running list. I haven’t been on the Staten Island Ferry in forever. So I’m like, Oh, I should go on the Staten Island Ferry, took a ferry to Red Hook. That was great.

Gretchen

I always wanted to go to Sunnyside, went to Sunnyside. And so now I have a visual of these places. It’s adventure. I like just remembering like you could just get on the subway and go so many places in New York City. It’s amazing. So I really love this. But I did not do it. I don’t think I even did it half the months.

Gretchen

But it’s really a cool thing to do. So I want to think about why I didn’t do it more consistently and maybe I can figure that out.

Elizabeth

Time Number 20 Embrace this Year of Family Transition.

Gretchen

Yes, we are empty nesters, Elizabeth, as you and I have changed the language. It is an open door. We are in the open door period. And I really have. I think I’ve been thinking about it. Jamie and I have been talking about what we want to do. We are embracing this and I feel like we’re still in it.

Gretchen

We’re still figuring it out. We’re still in the transition, but I would give myself credit for that.

Elizabeth

Yes. By the way, Gretchen, my sister in law, Michelle is calling this re-nesting because she’s sort of re-figuring out her home and what they’re going to be doing. So I love that.

Gretchen

That’s great.

Elizabeth

Too. Okay, number 21, review this list on the 23rd of each month.

Gretchen

No I didn’t do that. No, I didn’t do that. That’s a good idea. I didn’t do.

Elizabeth

It. Number 20 to add a my 30 minutes to your calendar each workday and figure out a catchy name for that time.

Gretchen

Yeah, I’ve been calling this review. This is repeat for me. I don’t know why I’m not able to do this. I’m going to try to reconfigure it for 2024 and maybe try to do it for an hour each weekend. This is a kind of work that would really help me if I did it. And I it’s a way of reviewing reading materials, and I’m not sure why I’m finding it challenging to do, but maybe.

Elizabeth

It should be 15 minutes.

Gretchen

No, because I think the problem is it’s getting into it. That’s hard. And so maybe I think if it’s longer, maybe it would feel easier weirdly than making it shorter. But I could be wrong. So anyway, if something keeps not working, it’s like, well, try something different. Because if it’s not working a certain point, you’re like, I’m not going to change myself, so why don’t I try it a different way?

Gretchen

So I’m an experiment because I did not do that.

Elizabeth

Okay. And finally, number 23, watch a great TV show.

Gretchen

Oh, yes. We watch Better Call Saul, which I love.

Elizabeth

Yes. Adam and Jack are going through that right now. They like it more than Breaking Bad.

Gretchen

I do, too. But I love Breaking Bad. But I like Better Call Saul as well. Yeah, it’s fun to have a great TV show.

Elizabeth

It really is. Yeah. All right, Gretch, well, I think you did great on your list. You definitely did better than I did.

Gretchen

So, Elizabeth, I just counted it up. And we are.

Elizabeth

Yes, we.

Gretchen

Are the same.

Elizabeth

No way.

Gretchen

We’re both 15. You’re thinking about season three of Fantasy Island. Yeah. You would have done it if you could have done it. So that’s kind of a ghostly 16. But I think that’s so funny that we both thought the other was doing much better. Yeah. Did the same.

Elizabeth

That’s right. Oh, nice.

Gretchen

Yeah, that’s good. We’re more than halfway. We did more than half.

Elizabeth

Good for us. Coming up, a few final thoughts on the 23 for 23 lists. But first this break.

[music] 

Gretchen

Okay, so we are dying to hear from you. What did you try? What did you learn? What did you get done on your 23, four, 23 list? What did you learn about yourself from reviewing it? Let us know on Instagram, Threads, Tik Tok, Facebook. Drop us an email podcast@gretchenrubin.com. Or as always, you can go to the show notes this is happiercast.com/459 for everything related to this episode and for the resource this week it is easy to rush through the holiday season into the New Year without reflecting on the past.

Gretchen

There is going to be a habit jumpstart in the Happier app to help you celebrate your progress over the last 12 months and to conduct a year end review. I love doing your and reviews. I think it’s really, really helpful to see what you’ve accomplished and to make sure that you don’t forget about things that were maybe less tangible.

Gretchen

A year in review can also help you get ready for the upcoming year. And for those who would like to reflect with others, this month’s Jumpstart offers activities for families or groups of friends.

Elizabeth

That’s fun.

Gretchen

That’s coming Sunday, December 10th. Head to happierapp.com to learn more. And what are we reading? Elizabeth, What are you reading?

Elizabeth

I am reading Live Wire: Long-Winded Short Stories by Kelly Ripa.

Gretchen

And I am reading Grass in Piccadilly by Noel Streatfield. And that’s it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home review your 23 and 23 list. Let us know what insights you gain.

Elizabeth

Thank you to our executive producer Chuck Reed and everyone at Cadence 13. Get in touch. Gretchen is on Instagram and TikTok and Threads at Gretchen Rubin and I’m on Threads and Instagram at Liz Craft. Our email address is podcast@gretchenrubin.com.

Gretchen

And if you like this show, please be sure to tell a friend, forward them an email of the episode. This is how most people discover our show. We truly, truly appreciate it. If you recommend the podcast to the people in your life.

Elizabeth

Something to put on your 24 in 24 list.

Gretchen

Oh yes. Yeah.

Elizabeth

Until next week, I’m Elizabeth Craft.

Gretchen

And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward. So, Elizabeth, what do you think the significance is of the fact that we both had the same number done? Do you think that means anything?

Elizabeth

I don’t know. I mean, it’s an interesting thing. Maybe we’re inclined to have the same number of sort of things we can accomplish and things we aspire to.

Gretchen

That’s what I was thinking, is maybe we’ve sort of settled into kind of the right level of stretch.

Elizabeth

Yes, that’s what I’m wondering.

Gretchen

Interesting. Well, we’ll have to see what happens in 24. Yup. 

[music] 

From the Onward Project.