Ask Us Anything!
In our recent episode 489, we answered questions about family relationships and happiness, habits, and the Four Tendencies.
In this episode, we address questions related to
- the Happier podcast
- the Happier in Hollywood podcast
- writing
- reading
- our personal lives
Here’s the Snoopy suitcase .
We mention my book Happier at Home.
I mention my “shop.”
Resource
If you’d like to get more reading done this summer, I created a free resource with thirteen suggestions.
What We’re Reading
*This transcript is unedited*
[492]
[music]
Gretchen
Hello and welcome to happier, a podcast where we talk about strategies and ideas for making our lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative. This week is the second part of our Ask Us Anything discussion. We got so many great questions we did have about the questions in episode 489.
Gretchen
And now, as promised, we are doing the second half.
Gretchen
I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, the five senses, human nature. I’m in my little home office in New York City, which is quite hot. And joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. Elizabeth, I hope that your office is not as overheated as mine is.
Elizabeth
That’s me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in L.A.. Gretch, my office is not hot, but it is quite messy.
Gretchen
I wish I could get my hands on it. So, as mentioned in episode 49, we answered questions about family relationships and happiness habits. The four tendencies. And in this episode, we will tackle questions that are loosely related to the podcast writing and our personal lives. So let’s have should we jump in?
Elizabeth
Let’s do it. This is from Willy Katz, who says, aside from a deadline, how do you know when you’re done writing a book or episode?
Gretchen
Oh, interesting. I will edit and edit and edit until the very last minute. I tinker, tinker, tinker with everything that comes across my desk. So this is something where I will really rewrite something and tell right up against the deadline. I would say, how about yourself?
Elizabeth
Yeah, I mean, probably the same. I mean, in television, a lot of times we even do rewrites on the day we’re shooting. I mean, when something is shot, then it’s shot. But some people say the last rewrite in television is in editing, so even then, we may not be done. But. Yeah. And I mean, I guess loosely, I would say nothing bumps us until we read smoothly through it.
Elizabeth
Nothing we put KDB could do better next to things that we don’t think are as good as they could be. So until there aren’t any KBS.
Gretchen
Oh, that’s a good. I’ve never heard of that. Yeah, I like that.
Elizabeth
There’s also OTN, which is on the nose.
Gretchen
interesting. Daniel asks, how have you managed to keep the podcast running for so long? How have sponsors and ads factored in? Well, I have to say we’re so grateful for our advertisers because they are the ones who allow us to create the show and offered for free. So we are super grateful that we have had the support from advertisers, right?
Gretchen
From the beginning, that we feel so fortunate about that.
Elizabeth
Yes. And I mean, we’ve kept it running because, Gretchen, I mean, there are just new ideas all the time. Yeah, happiness and good habits. Yes. You sort of go through your life with your antenna up, searching, constantly come up with ideas. I have ideas sometimes. Not as much as you.
Gretchen
Obviously you got a whole other podcast.
Elizabeth
So the ideas just keep coming and we get so much content from listeners. Yes. Which we never anticipated.
Gretchen
No, we did not. I think that if somebody said, what is the biggest surprise that you’ve had over the years of having the podcast? I think that we did not anticipate the degree to which we would be able to draw upon the insights, questions, resources, observations of listeners and build on that as part of our flow. And we were really lucky we had Andy Bowers, Jacob Weisberg at the beginning, who helped us come up with the framework of the show, which turned out to be a really flexible and resilient framework that allowed us to keep going with it.
Gretchen
It’s just a huge engine of happiness for us.
Elizabeth
It is. Yes, we love it. Jeff. Jonathan said Elizabeth. And writing for TV, how much are you working on ideas that you’ve come up with yourself, and how often are you for using existing material, like a book or a reboot or two, working on an idea that someone else has brought to you? What kind of work do you like better and why?
Elizabeth
Also, what happens if you and Sarah disagree? You think something is a great idea and she disagrees or vice versa. Great question.
Gretchen
Two great questions.
Elizabeth
I’d say used to be more 5050 in terms of how much do we work on original ideas and how much do we work on existing material? As Hollywood has evolved right now, the companies really seem to want to do projects based on IP intellectual property. So right now we’re very focused on that because of course our goal is always to get a show on the air and we’re very practical.
Elizabeth
Yeah. The fix, which was a show we got on the air, was based on an original idea, American Beauties, which is a pilot and never got made, but we sold it twice. Yeah, it was based on an original idea, so we’ve had a good idea. Yeah, but definitely companies right now like IP. As for what happens when we disagree, well, we just hash it out.
Elizabeth
We will talk and talk and talk. The smaller it is, the more we go with. Whoever is more passionate wins.
Gretchen
Like, if it’s not a huge commitment, you’re sort of like, I’ll go along with you because I know you really care.
Elizabeth
Yes. Yeah. If it’s something big, like a project. I mean, we’ve never really gone to the mat on that. We usually can hash it out. We’ll just keep talking until we get to the answer.
Gretchen
Well, one good thing about being writing partners is your interests are very aligned. So if one of you thinks well this could be a success and you have the same kind of values, you’re not coming from wildly different places and you don’t want wildly different things. For the most part, you sometimes have differences. But yeah, it’s.
Elizabeth
Interesting and there are so many factors that go into making decisions that usually the answer becomes obvious over time.
Gretchen
Interesting. Donna asks. I am curious why only your name, Gretchen, appears on the podcast logo. Every podcast I listen to includes your sister. I think it’s only fair that you include your younger sister’s name on the logo. I thought the Ask Us Anything podcast would be a good time to ask this question. Well, this is I’ll let you answer that question, Donna.
Elizabeth
It’s because Gretchen does the vast majority of the work and is her work. I mean, this is the work you’ve done for 15 or more years. Yeah, I am here to help elucidate, to be a sounding board, to be a, you know, a differing point of view. But really, I mean, this is your field and you come up with the topics the vast majority of the time.
Elizabeth
So I am more than happy to have it be your name on the podcast. And I’m just here as your sidekick.
Gretchen
Yeah. And I would say also like I do all of the work. The fun part you do with me, but all of the.
Elizabeth
Yes. No, you come up with all the ideas, you do, the scripts you do, the scheduling of guests. Yeah. You talk to sponsors. I mean, you do all of that, and I it’s. Yeah. The show notes. Yes. So you’ve more than earned having just your name on the podcast.
Gretchen
But I’m glad Donna asked, because I wouldn’t want anybody to think that it was like a source of contention among us. It’s not.
Elizabeth
At.
Gretchen
All. We talked about it this weekend and you’re like, yeah, I’ll take that deal.
Elizabeth
Yes. Well, because I have, you know, a whole other job also.
Gretchen
So but then you started your own podcast too.
Elizabeth
Yes. That’s true. And on that podcast I do all those things Sarah and I both do. So now I have an even greater appreciation, of course, of all the work that you do. Very time consuming and can be a lot to juggle. So yeah, that’s why.
Gretchen
Well, maybe that leads into this next question from Blake, which is give us a behind the scenes of how an episode comes together. So I’ll just sketch that out. And Elisabeth, you join in. So I keep a huge document where any idea that we have goes into that document for segment ideas. And then if Elizabeth has an idea of an email me or often it will come up in conversation because you are my sister at this age and I’ll say, oh, I’ll put that in, you know, the documents.
Gretchen
Because one thing we’ve learned as writers.
Elizabeth
Write it down.
Gretchen
Write it down. There’s a whole episode of Mad Men where it’s about the fact that one of the writers forgot to write something down, and they’re all talking about how awful that is. And then I also have a big planning document where it’s each episode with the date that it airs and the date we’re going to record it, and any kind of notes related to it, and anything that we need to make sure to include, make sure that we know the date that we’re recording it and that’s on another calendar.
Gretchen
And then as the episode is coming up, then I start putting in different pieces. And then Elizabeth and I, we talk every weekend where we’re like, how about this? How about that? What do you think of this? Sometimes I’ll propose several ideas. And Elizabeth, you’ll pick the one. You think it’s the best. Sometimes you have an idea. We’ll do that.
Gretchen
We talk about examples, ideas, resources, insights. If there’s any research to do, I’ll make a note and then go do the research. If we have a guest, then we have to prep for the guests. We have to read the book. Or then we have to talk about what we want to ask that person. What else?
Elizabeth
Yeah. And then we also go through listener emails. Listener questions. Yes or sponsor’s. Yes. Yes yes. So that’s kind of the other piece of it.
Gretchen
Yeah. We’ll sort through that. And a lot of that I’ll do in advance sort of put it together. Let’s say people are sending in emails and then I have a team that helps me sort of like, let’s put it, these are travel hacks and these are exercise hacks. And these are ask us anything questions so that it can be reviewed.
Gretchen
It’s fun, but I you know, I love note taking. And so it feeds into that part of my brain where I’m like, oh, what a fun. Hacked right into the list of possible hacks.
Elizabeth
Yes. And again, I can’t stress how much of this work that you do as opposed to me.
Gretchen
Yes, I do.
Elizabeth
This comes from Sam, who says, what episode should a new listener start from? I always suggest, and then I get asked this question. Well, the nice thing about our episodes is they’re kind of interchangeable. I mean, very rarely are they attached to time unless it’s maybe, you know, a holiday episode or something. Yeah. So I would say start with the latest one.
Elizabeth
And then if they enjoy that they can start going back.
Gretchen
I agree. Lindsay said if you could write a book outside of either of your typical genres, what would you write? Oh, interesting. Well, let’s say that you are writing a book outside of your typical genre.
Elizabeth
Yeah, Sarah and I are writing a female centered thriller.
Gretchen
I’m working on a potentially doing a picture book, so we’ll see about that.
Elizabeth
That’s exciting. Jessica asked. In past books of Gretchen’s, she has mentioned a writing project with Elizabeth a Y, a novel based on a mythological story. What happened with it? Well, I actually started writing it, Gretchen. And it’s kind of fell apart. Yeah, we were working on it with our friend Dan Aaron Haft. Yeah, partly. I think I flaked, and partly we weren’t sure where the story was going.
Elizabeth
Yeah. What’s your memory of that?
Gretchen
Yeah. So I wrote about this in half year at home, and we had a super fun time with it. It’s based on the City and mysteries, which is something that has haunted me and fascinated me my whole life. And I had so much fun, like reading all these books about the little that is known about the city and mysteries.
Gretchen
Yeah, listen, maybe one day we’ll go back and pick it up. Yeah, it was a cool idea. And then it just sort of got away from us. Yes. Yeah, but.
Elizabeth
That was before the podcast.
Gretchen
That was well before the podcast. Yes. Maya says I started reading Gretchen’s blog over 15 years ago, when it seemed like the process was a relatively solo endeavor. Is this accurate? You’ve mentioned having a team now. I’d love to know how this evolved and more about the people behind the scenes. How many people are there? Do you have social media help to regular website help?
Gretchen
You’ve found so many effective and enjoyable ways of sharing great information. I imagine it takes lots of work. Well, Maya, it does take a lot of work. I work with a great team now. You’re right. For years and years and years it was just me. Then I worked with an amazing person named Crystal Ellefson who helped me sort of with digital media and things like that, and she was fantastic.
Gretchen
And then at a certain point, I realized I really just need more help. And so now I work with the team. And so, yeah, I have social media help. I have help with the newsletter, I have help with the app, I have help with the courses. I have helped with, with everything. Anything that is written that comes from me is written by me and everything passes through me.
Gretchen
There’s nothing that I don’t, you know, somebody else writes under my name, but there’s so much work to be done with. Just like maintaining a website, this link is broken. What should the look and feel of it be? Oh, I have all these journals, so somebody has to design the journal and figure, you know, there’s so much logistics around everything.
Gretchen
So it’s super exciting for me to work with the team so that I can do so much more than I could do before. That has just been thrilling. Like the shop, like all these things in the shop. There’s no way I could have done that before.
Elizabeth
Yeah.
Gretchen
The Alissa three years I talked about wanting to do this and just not knowing how to move forward. It was a really good example of how I didn’t ask for help, even in figuring out how to get help. And so finally I managed to do that. It was a huge undertaking, but one that I’m thrilled that I did because I have a fantastic team.
Elizabeth
Yes, and it’s interesting now with working from home and zoom, your team lives all over the country, which is just an interesting thing that never would have happened before, and I think that made it easier.
Gretchen
1,000% I thought it all had to be sort of in New York City. I kind of had this office, and I couldn’t imagine I was like, what is this going to be? And somehow for us, yeah, it were. For a while, I was the only person in the eastern time zone. We’re completely dispersed and that works great. That’s the way we were created.
Gretchen
But, you know, I hadn’t thought about that, Elizabeth. But I think that did make it seem much more possible because it was a reimagining of what it would be to, like, work with a team. Yeah, probably. I could have done it ten years ago, and I just didn’t know enough to realize that. So. Yeah. Yeah.
Elizabeth
All right. Coming up we are going to have more questions. These will be about our personal life. But first this break.
[music]
Elizabeth
All right grads, we are back with more listener questions. Natalie says Gretchen, how did you know that you wanted to switch careers and move away from law? Was it a slow realization or did you have an epiphany one day? I’m guessing both.
Gretchen
Yes, I think it’s one of the things where it happened gradually and then all at once, as they say. The big epiphany was I was clerking for Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. I was walking around the Capitol grounds. I looked up at the Capitol Dome, and I asked myself the rhetorical question, what am I interested in that everybody else in the world is interested in?
Gretchen
And I thought, well, power, money, fame and sex. And it was like power and fame, sex. And it was like, felt like one big topic. And I became so interested in how they were related to each other. And I ran out and started doing all this research of note taking, which is something that I’ve done my whole life.
Gretchen
So that was a very familiar thing to happen to me. But my interest just got bigger and bigger and bigger, and I was taking so many notes and I was working in it all my free time. And then finally it occurred to me, this is the kind of thing a person would do if they were going to write a book.
Gretchen
And then I thought, well, maybe I could be the person to write that book. So part of what made the switch easier for me was it was less about wanting to leave and more about knowing where to go. It wasn’t even that I wanted to write a book. It was like, I want to write this specific book. And that wasn’t that did become my first book.
Gretchen
And so but I think gradually looking back, like I majored in English, I would always write papers instead of taking exams if I could. I went to law school, but I was really interested in more for the writing. I had written a couple of really bad novels, which I have locked in a desk drawer, so I did a lot of the things that a person would do to prepare themselves to be a writer.
Gretchen
I just didn’t understand well, what kind of writing would I do? And then when I had an idea, then that’s what allowed me to make the shift, I think.
Elizabeth
Yeah. And you never look back.
Gretchen
No, no, no, I mean, I remember the day when I was like, well, I’d rather fail as a writer than succeed as a lawyer at this point. So I need to just try. Yeah. And either succeed or fail and then figure out what to do next, and then I never look back. That’s right. Michelle asks. I want to know how you two managed to read that many books every month.
Gretchen
How will we get to this question often? Elizabeth?
Elizabeth
Yes. I mean, for me, my reading skyrocketed when I added in listening. I listened to the majority of my books and I’ll just listen, you know, in the car I listened, walking the dogs, doing Fryman Canyon, getting ready in the morning. So I just I’ll sit on the couch for three hours and listen to a book. So that’s how I do it.
Gretchen
And I don’t know when I read, I feel like I’m almost never reading. And yet I do read books. I know that I read a lot when I’m traveling, whether for work or for pleasure. I only read, when I’m traveling. I never work in transit, so that’s a lot of time. I will read for hours and hours and hours on the weekend if I can, but other than that, I feel like I’m hardly ever reading here and there.
Gretchen
I recently vowed to start reading on the subway. That’s made a big difference lately, yes, but I don’t know. This has always puzzled me how I get reading done.
Elizabeth
And again, I don’t finish every single book we’re trying to make ourselves not finish is that we’re not interested. So it does happen sometimes where I’ll say, I’m reading such and such book and then I don’t end up finishing it.
Gretchen
Exactly. That’s true.
Elizabeth
And Gretchen, I have to take this opportunity to, tell everyone if they don’t know about it, about Libby, which is, oh, the library app. And there are other library apps where you can check out audiobooks. It is amazing. It is a great thing that we have access to. And check out Libby. If you have not.
Gretchen
You know, I can’t listen to a book the first time. I can only listen to a book if I’ve already read it, but I love to reread, so I’ll often check out books and relisten to them to reread them. And right now is that I thought of you because I’m listening to And Then There Were Five by Elizabeth Enright, which is a children’s book that I have probably read about 15 times.
Gretchen
And now I am loving listening to the library audiobook of it. It’s so delightful.
Elizabeth
Nice.
Gretchen
This is a nice segue into the next question from Erica, which is what item purchased for $50 or less has been most life changing for you and why? Well, Lizbeth sounds like one of your most life changing purchases was zero. Yes, Lizzie. Yeah.
Elizabeth
That is true. That is 100% true. It cost me nothing and it radically changed my life and added so much enjoyment to my life. I also want to shout out something you put in my stocking for Christmas this year, which was the foot pedal and tie blister stick. I think it’s about $16. It’s a stick that you put on your foot and it helps prevent blisters and oh my gosh, it works.
Elizabeth
Doesn’t seem like it should, but it does.
Gretchen
I’m so glad it was a good gift because I sort of lives, like, drive. This thing sounds great. The thing I would say this is a very, very silly thing, and it’s an incredibly frumpy thing, and it seems like it’s such a over the top specialized thing.
Elizabeth
Oh, I know what you’re going to say.
Gretchen
Okay. Yes. I give you three guesses.
Elizabeth
You’re electric, foot.
Gretchen
Warmer 1,000%. You’re 100% correct. This thing also a fairly recent purchase. I use this thing every single night, and I am convinced that I know that I’m falling asleep faster and sleeping more deeply because my feet are warm, because my feet were just agonizingly cold. No matter what I would do. And it was very uncomfortable. And research shows that if your feet are warm, you fall asleep faster.
Gretchen
It’s certainly much more comfortable falling asleep, and this foot warmer automatically turns off after two hours, so you don’t have to worry about remembering to turn it off before you go to sleep, because obviously that might be tricky. I looked online and the one that I bought is out of stock, so I don’t have a link to it, but if you just poke around, I’m sure there’s other foot warmers out there.
Elizabeth
Maybe there have been a run on them since.
Gretchen
Maybe I have been telling a lot of people about them. I have to say it’s a great question.
Elizabeth
Kathy says. Have you ever had color analysis and if yes, what did you think? And if no, why not? Absolutely. I think I had mine done in seventh or eighth grade. shout out to Sharon Frazier, who did my color analysis. I am a summer. and I think it’s true. I think summer colors look best on me.
Elizabeth
you know, there’s summer, winter, fall, spring. Yeah. Gretch, I’m guessing you’re in autumn.
Gretchen
I am good, yes, Mrs. Frazier did mine, too. And then I had them done again when I was in England. Remember when I was in that whole color kick and I was like, all I could think about was color. So while I was in London, some journalist was like, oh, here’s this great person who should do your colors.
Gretchen
So she did. So that was fun.
Elizabeth
And did you kind of get the same result?
Gretchen
I did, I did, I.
Elizabeth
Did that’s a fun thing to do, a.
Gretchen
Fun thing to do. Elizabeth, with your clean, confident and current, you can be summer.
Elizabeth
Yes, I know I need to look up again what those colors are and put them in the rotation if I have not. Yeah. All right, Gretch, coming up, more questions. But first, this break.
Elizabeth
Okay Gretch we are back and Linda asks what does Gretchen do on the day of the Met Gala? Can she still go on her daily visit to the met? Does she go along and stargaze? Oh, what a fun question.
Gretchen
The met is closed that day so I could not go. I mean, it was interesting though. I went the next day and there had been this giant potted plants where the information desk is, and I was wishing that they would leave it installed permanently because it looks fabulous. It was just a giant plant sculpture and I have never gone to look.
Gretchen
I should try to do that that night. I’ll see how they’ve set up the big tents and they have barriers and everything. It’s a whole big production, as you can imagine, to set up for it. So I see it before and I see it as they’re taking it down. But I should go in that night and just see if I can crane my neck and see what’s going on, or see people getting out of their limousines or whatever.
Gretchen
I’ve never done that. But that’s that would be a super fun idea.
Elizabeth
Yeah, it would be. Yeah. It’s kind of like going and looking at the floats of the Thanksgiving Day parade the night before.
Gretchen
Yeah, exactly. That’s. Yeah, yeah. Kayla said Elizabeth, how did you decide you’re a dog person? My family would love a dog, but I just see another creature to care for. I want to take the leap. But how did it work for you?
Elizabeth
Okay, here’s the thing. When we got a dog, it was really with an understanding that my husband, Adam, would do the vast majority of caretaking for the dog. So it wasn’t on me. So much so that made it easier. When you say you know another creature to care for, I felt that he would do it, and I knew he would because he really is an animal person.
Elizabeth
and I had a dog growing up and loved having a dog, so I wanted Jack to have a dog. And then once we got the dog, that’s when I became a dog person. Was it before it was Nacho? Our first dog turned me into a dog person. And then I voluntarily started taking part in, you know, all the caretaking because I wanted to do it.
Elizabeth
Although Adam still is the one to take them to the vet, and he does the majority of it, but I walk them and feed them and all of that kind of stuff. But you know what? Just having the dog and then another dog brought so much life to our house. Yes, it’s sort of like when you have a baby, you’re like, what am I going to do with this baby?
Elizabeth
And then you have a baby and you love them. It was similar with the dogs. Yeah.
Gretchen
I would say a few things if you’re debating because I went through this as well. One thing that if you’re really stuck between pros and cons, a question that can be useful is to say which answer allows me to choose the bigger life? Because I think for some people, choosing the bigger life would be no dog, because it’s like we have the money, we’d have the freedom to travel, we have too much responsibility.
Gretchen
It would really overwhelm me. But if you’re like, oh, the bigger life, and I think you were like, the bigger life for our family would be to have the dog. And that’s how I felt too, because I was very much the last one in my family to get on board. My daughters were begging for a dog, and Jamie is like, yeah, let’s get a dog.
Gretchen
And I was like, oh my gosh, it’s going to be so much work, so choose the bigger life.
Elizabeth
Well, I have said this before, but what’s nice about having a pet is everyone can agree that we all love the pet. Yes. So it’s sort of a nice thing to rally around. Yes. And I think that really makes a difference in the household.
Gretchen
Yeah. And I will say that the research is very clear here that pets in general really are a source of happiness, partly because of their unconditional love, partly because they depend on us. And that’s a big part of happiness is, you know, giving support. They give support to us and we give support to them from the outside. I was surprised you got a dog, but then when you like, how many weeks later did you get the second dog?
Elizabeth
I think it was no, no, it’s about 4 to 6 months.
Gretchen
Oh, because it felt like it.
Elizabeth
I know, I know, that was a shocker. People were really shocked when we got another. But we love having two dogs.
Gretchen
Corgi nation. Well, speaking of dogs and Elizabeth, your history with dogs and says tell us about the Snoopy suitcase. Where did we mention the Snoopy suitcase?
Elizabeth
I don’t know, obviously talking about childhood memories of some sort. And I mentioned that in Kansas City. Yeah, we still have this Snoopy suitcase, a little suitcase, and inside are a bunch of Snoopy clothes. And Bell. Bell is the female Snoopy. And we have our Snoopy and our bell there. And I love opening the suitcase and looking at the outfits.
Elizabeth
The artist smock and the fireman outfit.
Gretchen
The raincoat? Yeah. Click the like rain hat with the holes for Snoopy’s little floppy ears to stick through.
Elizabeth
Yes, and there’s a doctor’s outfit, you know, scrubs.
Gretchen
And a little pink party dress.
Elizabeth
Yes. There’s so many cute outfits. I just love it so much. Brings back, like, my entire childhood.
Gretchen
It’s funny that Mom and Dad did not keep that many. They kept like the giraffes. How would you describe the giraffe? It’s like something you sit on.
Elizabeth
And yes, a little doll riding giraffes.
Gretchen
It’s a writing giraffe. Fisher-Price. A couple like the Fisher-Price Castle, the Fisher-Price farm. It is so fun to see those that yes, you are very into Snoopy. As a little kid I was. I remember that I’ll post pictures of it if I can, convince our parents to one of them to go take some, take a few photos and I’ll put them in this show notes.
Elizabeth
Excellent, Isabella. As I’ve never visited Los Angeles or New York City, and it’s hard for me to imagine what your neighborhoods look like. Can you describe where each of you live? I picture it being very different from Kansas City, where I know you grew up. Was it hard to adjust? Well, where we live is very different from each other.
Elizabeth
I mean, where I live is very suburban. Yeah. And actually is similar to Kansas City in the sense that everyone has a yard. it’s different in that where I live is extremely hilly. I mean, I live in the hills and most people have pools. Yeah. in L.A., that’s a real thing that everybody wants to have a pool if they can.
Elizabeth
Yeah. My neighborhood isn’t that different, though. It’s very suburban feeling. Aside from, you know, palm trees versus pine. I was just.
Gretchen
Going to say the plants are very different. Yes. The feel of it is very different. But you have sidewalks, front yards, backyards. Yeah. Mine is very, very different from where we grew up. It’s rows and rows of apartment buildings or townhouses with stores very close, like growing up. We could have walked to a store, but it would have been like a whole journey.
Gretchen
Like, I think I did that a few times as a child. It’s kind of like an adventure. Whereas here, within walking distance, a drugstore, a grocery store, a liquor store, dry cleaner, like a home store, a fancy linen shop, a bank, toy store, all that, you know, right there. And then there’s tons of public transportation.
Gretchen
So when we grew up, I mean, every once in a while we would take the bus, but again, more in the spirit of adventure than in the spirit of, like.
Elizabeth
Transportation getting.
Gretchen
Around town. Yeah. So it’s very different. And I would say, as somebody who really just likes to drive and who loves the hustle and who isn’t that into things like, I don’t know, I’m very well suited to New York City. And listen, you lived in New York City for a while and you loved it too.
Elizabeth
And you. Yes. I always wanted to live in New York. I had no trouble adjusting the moment I arrived.
Gretchen
Well, our mother has always loved New York City. I think our father is enthusiastic now because we’ve lived there. And so he’s sort of gotten to know it through us at the beginning. I think he liked it like he would like to visit. But our mother loves the big city.
Elizabeth
Yes, I will say L.A. was a hard adjustment for me because of the driving. I mean, because in Kansas City, yes, you drive, but it’s very easy and it’s short distances.
Gretchen
And the parking is easy.
Elizabeth
And parking is easy. In L.A., you can be regularly driving, you know, half an hour, 45 minutes.
Gretchen
On the.
Elizabeth
Highway, on the freeway, and parking can be a nightmare. So that is the biggest adjustment I had. And I’m still struggling with. I still wish I didn’t have to drive.
Gretchen
Yeah it’s interesting. And then the final one, and this is such a great question. Blake asks you to seem really close to your parents. My sister, brother and I are in our 40s, and we recently talked about how we want to make more of an effort to stay close to each other and our parents. Everyone loves each other.
Gretchen
We just get busy with our own families and we live in different cities. Do you have any advice? What a great question and what a great thing to talk about as a family. Like what can we do that will help us feel closer to each other? It’s really something we’re thinking about and working toward.
Elizabeth
Yeah. And Gretchen, I think it’s really the simplest way to do it to start with is texting.
Gretchen
Yeah.
Elizabeth
And text threads. We’ve talked about our update, which is great. Also we’ll.
Gretchen
Explain update.
Elizabeth
Yeah. So the update is our mom started this and it’s basically just sending the family an update where you just say here’s what I’m doing. It’s 70 degrees. You know, I’m going to the doctor for a check up. Jack had an English test. It can be just mundane.
Gretchen
The motto is it’s okay to be boring.
Elizabeth
Yes. And you don’t have to respond if you don’t want to. It’s just letting everyone know what’s up. Yeah. Now, we did that a lot more before we started texting a lot. I mean, I feel like now we text a lot, which is even feels more immediate and sort of more of a conversation. I would say just texting photos.
Elizabeth
Yeah. And just thoughts articles. Yeah. Just saying hi, asking hey, I see it’s raining there or the streets flooded, you know, just right. The little things. Right. And then Gretchen, another thing is the motto we decided of frequency, not length or what was our motto.
Gretchen
Frequency is more important than duration of visits.
Elizabeth
Yeah. So we try to pop in to Kansas City. Yeah. We don’t feel that we have to stay for a week. We’ll just go for two nights. Yes, even or three nights, and then we can just touch base. And you and I often try to go together, which also is really nice.
Gretchen
One of the thing that we realized recently is that we love going with our whole families or with the grandkids or whatever, but it’s also there’s a different and really lovely atmosphere when it’s just the four of us, when it’s just like when we were growing up. And that’s kind of fun in its own way. And so I think we’re going to try to incorporate more of that into.
Gretchen
So yeah, but frequency more important than duration because you can feel like you’ve really connected with somebody even in a very short time. Whereas I think sometimes when you’re going somewhere you’re like, well, we can’t stay X amount of time. Is it worth the trip? Should we wait and go when we can go longer? It’s like, well, if you can, it’s good to go.
Gretchen
Even if it’s just a short trip.
Elizabeth
Yes, but I think keeping each other up on your day to day lives really creates closeness.
Gretchen
It’s surprising what a difference it makes. And then every time you touch base, you’re like, oh, how did that go? When what happened with that and how was that dinner? And it’s it makes everybody feel like they’re part of each other’s lives.
Elizabeth
Let me say this. I’m never not happy to get a photo from someone. I don’t care what it is. I’m always happy to see it.
Gretchen
That’s an a reason why it’s nice to have a dog, too. Because dogs are always doing funny things. Or here’s Barnaby sitting on top of the air conditioner. Yes, well, these were such great questions. We had so much fun thinking about them and answering them for links to anything we mentioned, the photos of the Snoopy suitcase, and more.
Gretchen
You can check out the show notes to this episode of top of your Cars.com slash four nine, two. And of course, hit us up on Instagram threads, TikTok, Facebook, or drop us an email and podcast at Gretchen rubin.com. If you have anything you want to say related to this episode and.
Elizabeth
What is the resource this week?
Gretchen
Well, along with many people, Elizabeth, for you and me, one of our favorite things to do in the summer is to spend time reading. And so if you want to get more reading done in the summer and you’re just not sure how to get it done, I created a free resource with 13 suggestions and one of my favorites is one that you mentioned.
Gretchen
Elizabeth would just quit reading a book you don’t enjoy. Why is this so hard? This is one of the great mysteries of life. It is hard, but it’s worth it because then we have more time to read the books we want to read. You can find the full list of suggestions at happier, Cars.com, slash. Read More. And speaking of reading, Elizabeth, what are you reading?
Gretchen
Whether you are reading pages or listening to it in your ears.
Elizabeth
I, I’m reading The Wives, a memoir by Simon Galindo.
Gretchen
And I am reading Playing Dead A Journey Through the World of Death Fraud by Elizabeth Greenwood. And that’s it for this Ask Us Anything episode. We hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as we did.
Elizabeth
Thank you to our executive producer, Chuck Reid and everyone at Audacy. Get in touch. Gretchen’s on Instagram threads, Facebook and TikTok at Gretchen Rubin, and I’m on Instagram and threads at Liz Craft.
Gretchen
And you know what I’m going to say? But you don’t know the rhyme that I’m going to spring on you today. To encourage you to rate, review, follow the show, or tell people that you listen like what you heard. Spread the word.
Elizabeth
Until next week. I’m Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.
Gretchen
Elizabeth, you know, I have a special box where I keep all my most special treasures from my whole life. And and it is a little tiny notebook with Snoopy on it, with a little tiny, tiny, tiny pencil and a little tiny, tiny pad of paper. And it’s in that box because it reminds me of you. Because I associate Elizabeth with it, as it as childhood.
Gretchen
Elizabeth.
Elizabeth
Yes.
Gretchen
Little Elizabeth.
Elizabeth
Well that’s sweet.
Gretchen
I’ll show it to you the next time you come.
Elizabeth
Yes, I want to see it.
Gretchen
From the onward project.