Try This at Home
Don’t volunteer to be the bearer of bad news (if you can).
Happiness Hack
If you’ve RSVP’d “yes,” stick to your decision.
Four Tendencies Tip
Listeners suggest many creative ways to create accountability—especially useful for Obligers.
Listener’s Answers: What habits have you paired?
We asked listeners, “How do you use the Strategy of Pairing to achieve your aims for yourself?” we heard so many great ideas.
Demerits & Gold Stars
Elizabeth’s Demerit: She bought physical books to read, and she hasn’t read any of them. She just keeps listening.
Gretchen’s Gold Star: I give a gold star to all the creative re-use centers that are springing up around the country.
Resource
I’m often asked questions about organization, such as “What’s an easy way to tackle clutter?” or “How can I handle conflict around household chores?” To help, I’ve compiled answers to my FAQs into a central resource on my website. If you’re interested, I’ve also written “7 Tips for Clearing Clutter in the Office.” Find it all at happiercast.com/organization.
What We’re Reading
*This transcript is unedited*
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Gretchen
Hello and welcome to happier, a podcast where we discuss strategies, solutions and hacks for how to lead happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative lives. This week, we’ll talk about why it’s a good idea not to volunteer to be the bearer of bad news, and we shared dozens of great suggestions from listeners about how to create accountability and how they use the strategy of pairing to improve their habits.
Gretchen
I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, secrets of adulthood, human nature. I am in Montana, just outside of Big Timber, in a little temporary studio that I have set up. And joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft.
Elizabeth
That’s me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in L.A.. And Gretchen, sounds like you’re still getting over your cold.
Gretchen
Yes, I can talk now, which for a while I couldn’t talk. But it is kind of a froggy voice, so people will hear.
Elizabeth
That doesn’t happen to you very often.
Gretchen
No. You’re the one that has trouble with your.
Elizabeth
Voice, you know?
Gretchen
Yeah. But before we jump in, first a few updates.
Elizabeth
That’s great. It’s your wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary.
Gretchen
Well, thank you. It is 30 years. That is a big milestone. And what we didn’t realize when we picked our date is that we have a mnemonic which every wedding anniversary should have a mnemonic Rs nine for an ID4. So it’s super easy to remember, but we’re all kind of staggered by the idea that we’ve been married for 30 years.
Gretchen
Jamie and I, and Eliza and Eleanor too.
Elizabeth
Yeah. Congratulations.
Gretchen
Well. Thank you. And then we got two responses to different discussions that came out of episode four and 96. Yeah.
Elizabeth
Catherine said, I really identified with the question that the Obliger asked about how to not feel like she is being taken advantage of by her family members. Her reply just, wow, so many of these things really made sense to me. An understanding that my rebel daughter and questioner husband will ask, even when it seems unreasonable, as they expect me to have set my own boundaries and to clearly state them.
Elizabeth
This has led to an interesting conversation with my daughter, who has just turned 18, and a greater understanding of each other. So big thanks. Well, it’s.
Gretchen
Great to hear that that was a useful discussion. It was so interesting.
Elizabeth
Yes. And then Caitlin said, just listen to your new podcast episode where you spoke about the social window of freshman year. So true. I recently experienced this phenomenon when I participated in a gameshow with dozens of other contestants overseas. Everyone bonded so quickly because we were in a new environment together. I had such great conversations with so many new people from around the country.
Elizabeth
I’m a pretty social person by nature, but everyone marveled at how open everyone was with one another despite hanging out for less than a week. Everyone said it felt like freshman orientation. This was so exciting to me because I haven’t experienced this kind of social interaction in a long time. Rarely are you, as an adult, thrown together in a room where everyone is new to a situation.
Elizabeth
It really reinforces me, and I recommend other people looking for a happiness boost to try to find similar situations, maybe through a retreat or if they’re competitive, like I am a game show. Of course, Gretchen, you know, I really want to know what game show that is. Yes, because I do love my game shows.
Gretchen
And what a great idea and what a great example of the fact that this three week window isn’t just something that children experience, it’s something that everybody experiences. And then on a different subject, coming out of episode 471, we got this interesting response from a listener.
Elizabeth
Yes, Karen said, I was listening to episode 471 when you were discussing having dinner every Sunday with your daughter. I mentioned having a weekly dinner to my daughter when she started living on her own, but in the same town, and she, being a rebel, didn’t want to be tied down to a calendar event. So now I text her once every week or two and offer to bring a lunch to her office.
Elizabeth
She doesn’t get much time for lunch, so she appreciates my going to get something for her. And when I drop it by, we get a few minutes to catch up and I get a hug.
Gretchen
Well, I thought this was a really good example of something that often puzzles people around rebels, because people often get their feelings hurt because they’re like, you don’t want to see me or you don’t want to make plans. And they don’t understand that rebels just really dislike feeling trapped by their calendar. And so something where it feels much more spontaneous and much more like take it or leave it is going to be a much more appealing proposition to a rebel, not because of the the nature of your relationship.
Gretchen
It’s nothing to take personally. This is just something that rebels tend to not enjoy. I would never say never for a rebel, but rebels pretty much don’t like scheduling things, and so this is a way to avoid scheduling because they still both want to have the pleasure of connection. So this is a very creative solution. Yes. And now this week’s try this at home.
Gretchen
Try this at home suggestion is don’t volunteer to be the bearer of bad news. Everyone wants to shoot the messenger. This is human nature. Do not volunteer to be that person who is the messenger.
Elizabeth
Yes. Now, even as we talk about this, we know. Of course, sometimes you have to be the bearer of bad news and there’s no way around it. But not.
Gretchen
Always. And I thought of this because a conversation that Jamie and I had with some friends of ours, right, kind of in the middle of Covid, has stuck with me. And so my friend was saying that her daughter was getting ready to go back to school, and she and her husband really wanted to say, look, school is going to be different.
Gretchen
It’s not going to be the same. And they knew that their kids didn’t want to hear it. And then they thought, why should we be the bearer of bad news? This is going to unfold as it’s going to unfold. Why should we carry that burden where it doesn’t matter? They’re not going to be any more or less prepared by knowing it in advance.
Gretchen
Their kids were under no illusion that things would be the same. So why take on that negativity? Why volunteer to take it on?
Elizabeth
Yes, and I know I am guilty of this a lot. Gretchen and Sarah and I realized we were doing this at work, and we decided, hey, instead of us saying no, let’s let events reveal that something is impossible. And then we’re the yes people. We’re not the know people. Because then again, we don’t get the blowback from being quote unquote negative, right?
Gretchen
Because people are like, oh, they always say no. They think that things can’t be done. And you’re like, yeah, because we know from experience that that can’t be done. Yeah. But you’re like, you’ll see for yourself. Yeah. That can’t be done.
Elizabeth
Exactly. Now, I am one of those people where I feel like it’s my responsibility to point out every possible negative consequence to help people prepare. Yeah. In my own home, I am definitely that person. And I have been told it is not helpful. I have been told this many times, so it is something that I am really trying to work on myself.
Elizabeth
Because why do I want to be that person, right?
Gretchen
Well, and the fact is, sometimes we don’t know. We think we know. We think that something is going to go wrong, but we don’t know. Yes. If it’s not something within our control, we don’t actually know. I thought about this just recently because, you know, Eleanor, open door for phase. She’s going up to college and she was applying for seminars and she was talking about them.
Gretchen
And I almost started to say like, well, remember, you may not get your first choice, but then I thought, it’s going to say that right in the materials. I don’t need to repeat that bad news because A she already knows. B it’s not within my control. C she can’t do it, so it’s not even like preparation. Like Elizabeth, I do the same thing.
Gretchen
Sometimes I’m like, well, if I tell you all the things that can go wrong, that can help you prepare.
Elizabeth
Yeah.
Gretchen
Here it was just underscoring a negative message without any benefit to her or to me. There was all downside. No upside.
Elizabeth
Really. Yes. And it comes across as nagging a lot of the time, or just being negative or pessimistic, right?
Gretchen
Well, here’s a related idea, and this is something we’ve talked about before is like, try not to be the person who’s making annoying reminders. So that’s analogous to or maybe just a different version of being the bearer of bad news. So, for instance, many parenting experts will say, like, if you have a teenager who has trouble getting up in the morning, don’t be the one to go in and wake them up.
Gretchen
Have an alarm clock, wake them up because it’s just not pleasant for them to hear you doing the badgering of them.
Elizabeth
Yes, and I struggle with this. Gretchen, on this topic, Paula said when you spoke about your lateness anxiety, I had to chuckle because my husband is the timely one and I’m the late one. This has always been our nature. He found a very fun strategy to gently help me stay aware of time. Five minutes before we need to leave.
Elizabeth
But I’m still puttering. He plays the song when the foreman bears his steal from the pirates of Penzance. The song has a repeated phrase we go, we go, and a very silly tone. It’s his lighthearted way of saying, let’s go.
Gretchen
Okay, so this is brilliant, right? So he’s not being the bearer of bad news. He’s not doing the pestering. It’s lighthearted. It’s funny. It’s an inside joke between them now. And so it’s a way of making a point. But without getting dragged into like, a very negative conversation.
Elizabeth
Yeah, I love this. And I’m really going to try to internalize this, Gretchen and then manifest it.
Gretchen
You are good at manifesting. Well, let us know if you do try this at home and whether you have examples from your own life about not volunteering to be the bearer of bad news. Let us know on Instagram threads. TikTok. Facebook. Drop us an email at. Podcast at. Gretchen rubin.com. Or as always, you can go to the show notes.
Gretchen
This is happier. Cars.com slash 4.98 for everything related to this episode.
Elizabeth
Coming up, we have a happiness hack related to showing up. But first, this break.
[music]
Elizabeth
Okay, Gretch, we are back with a happiness hack.
Gretchen
Okay, this is my hack, and it comes from my own life. So, Elizabeth, you and I were raised that if you RSVP yes to something, you are going. If you have to drag yourself there with broken legs, you will go.
Elizabeth
Yes, Jamie.
Gretchen
Has more of a guideline than a rule type attitude. And so sometimes a little RSVP yes to something and then they’ll be like, well, do we really want to go? No, he wouldn’t do this if it was like a dinner party at a friend’s house. But, you know, sometimes, like bigger events where it’s not so clear that someone’s personally counting on you.
Gretchen
Right? But the problem is, first of all, as an upholder, this was just, like, bonkers to me that he even considered it to be an open question. But what it creates is decision fatigue. And what research shows is that decision fatigue is very, very wearing on us. It’s much more preferable if we can do it to make a decision and stick to it, rather than opening and reopening decisions.
Gretchen
Now, I’ve talked to people about this question of how do you view an RSVP like how written in stone is that? And I kind of think there might be regional differences in this, or maybe it’s just upbringing, I don’t know, but there do seem to be wide variations in people’s inclination. But my hack is decide once, then respond yes or no and then stick to it.
Elizabeth
Yes. And we know, Gretchen, we’re happier when we show up. Yes. Right. Because of the relationship it builds. Because it could be a new experience. Yeah. So if you say yes and we’ve discussed this, just know you’ll be glad you went.
Gretchen
Yes. The research just shows over and over the connections with other people the power of loose ties, the benefits of novelty, all these things. Sometimes it feels hard to like get out the door. But for the most part, we’re really glad we did. Another thing, Melissa, that I realized being on both sides of an RSVP is sometimes you don’t RSVP because you’re thinking like, well, maybe I wish I could go or I don’t want to hurt their feelings.
Gretchen
But I actually think that if you’re going to say no, a quick no is kinder and more considerate than a protracted no or even a protracted yes, because I always feel also that people are more sincere if they say no right away. I’m like, oh, they obviously really do have a conflict because they know right away they have a conflict.
Gretchen
And so I think people feel like it’s nicer to kind of drag it out. But in fact, for the person on the other side, I think that often makes things harder to plan.
Elizabeth
Yeah, you have to be honest with yourself. You know, you are not going to this event for whatever reason. Just RSVP no.
Gretchen
But listen, I remember you talking a while back about an RSVP and how it kind of gave you the strength to follow through on something when you really didn’t want to.
Elizabeth
Yes, I think I talked about it on the show. A friend of mine organized this event that was doing a dance class. Yes, with one of Beyonce’s dancers. I RSVP yes because my fantasy self was like, of course I will go to this dance class and.
Gretchen
Dance and assume.
Elizabeth
Self. Yes, that person gets me every time. Yeah. Then of course, the day of the class I was like, how am I going to do this? This is not me. I don’t want to do this. This is going to be embarrassing. This is going to be uncomfortable all but I really like the person organizing it, and I didn’t want to let her down with a last minute cancellation.
Elizabeth
So I went and of course I had a great time and felt so good about myself and got great exercise. So again, I was glad that I had RSVP. Yes, because then like you, I felt the pressure to follow through.
Gretchen
And in the end it made you happier for all the reasons.
Elizabeth
Absolute. For all the reasons. Yeah, absolutely.
Gretchen
Yeah. So the hack is just when you’re going to RSVP, decide yes or no. And then if you said yes, stick to it. Save yourself the decision fatigue and put yourself into possibly challenging circumstances, because probably you will be very glad you did.
Elizabeth
Yes.
Gretchen
And now for a for tendencies tip. This is a question that comes up all the time, which is how can Obligers create accountability for themselves? Okay, we’re going to assume that everybody knows about the four tendencies. If you don’t know, go take the Four Tendencies quiz. It’s quick and easy. More than 3 million people have taken this quiz.
Gretchen
It’s a Gretchen rubin.com/quiz, and you’ll find you’ll find out if you’re an upholder, a questioner, obliger or rebel and all will be revealed. But for the purposes of this discussion, we are going to assume that you know about the four tendencies, and you know that for Obligers, which is the biggest tendency for both men and women, it’s the tendency that the largest number of people belong to.
Gretchen
The key strategy for them is accountability. They have to have outer accountability, even to meet an inner expectation. And I have to say that one of my great pleasures in studying the four tendencies is learning about all the creative ways that obligers create outer accountability for themselves, because there’s the obvious ones like take a class, but then there’s ones that are really interesting.
Gretchen
And I have to say also that obligers are different and what will work for them. So something might work for one, obliger might not work for another Obliger like some obligers are very their future self is very compelling to them, but for other obligers that doesn’t work. So it’s really handy to have lots and lots of examples, because then you, as an individual obliger, or somebody who’s dealing with an obliger have a lot to choose from, so you can select the ones that resonate where you’re like, okay, that’s the kind of thing that’s going to hold me accountable.
Elizabeth
Yeah. One thing a lot of people have talked about is being in shape so they can help others. So, for instance, signing up to be a bone marrow donor or being a volunteer fireman, right?
Gretchen
People say I have to keep myself in good shape because if somebody needs my bone marrow or somebody needs me to like, rush to a fire, I need to be in shape so that I can really perform that role the way I want to.
Elizabeth
People also use the idea of being a grandparent. They want to be in good shape so they can be an involved grandparent, potentially help take care of their grandchildren as motivation or accountability to stay in shape or.
Gretchen
Being a parent. One of my best friends, she didn’t believe in exercise, like going to a gym. She thought you should like play tennis or swim. That was her philosophy. But she had really, really bad neck problems. And finally she said to me, I have to exercise because I can’t have three kids and have this chronic pain. And so for her, again, it was that duty to like be in shape to help others really helped.
Gretchen
Along the same line, Olivia said, I’m an obliger through and through and having kids gives me that accountability. I have to be healthy both for them and to show them it’s important to take care of oneself. So that’s a double accountability. She wants to be a role model and she wants to be in shape, Kyra said.
Elizabeth
I’ve been listening to happier for years, and I’m grateful for your commitment to help us toward happier and healthier lives. I wanted to share a resource of his radically shifted my productivity game, the website Focus Macomb. It’s a virtual co-working platform that matches you up with a buddy for 25, 50, or 75 minutes. Each person shares on video at the beginning what their goals are for the session, and review your progress at the end of the session.
Elizabeth
I’ve been known for being behind in my work, feeling heavy loads that only seem to become deeper, but I now use this system three times a week and have stayed on top of my workload for the past four months. I’m blown away. I feel lighter and more accomplished. I had no idea that this system could be a remedy to what I thought was unfixable.
Elizabeth
It’s not me that’s been the problem in productivity, but rather the tools I was using. Well, she said it perfectly.
Gretchen
She said it perfectly. It’s not that a certain tool isn’t good, it just might not be the right tool for you. And if you are an obliger, you need a tool that’s related to other accountability. So absolutely, Sonja says, I’m an obliger and have worked on a number of accountability strategies. Having a personal trainer every week at me, doing my workouts on the other two days a week, sharing goals with others, and having a weekly check in has also worked.
Gretchen
I’ve even started involving my kids. I’ve signed my 30 year old son and me up for a five kilometer mud run. We have been going out running together and I am committed to keep going so I don’t let him down. He is much fitter than I am but we have to run as a team. Brilliant accountability.
Elizabeth
Yes, Jennifer said. I run a weekly zoom session through my business where people can come and plan out their week. I often tell them that I appreciate them coming because it makes me accountable to show up and do my planning as well.
Gretchen
Many people talk about using clients or customers or students as accountability. They’re coming to you, but you’re working for them to win with. Kirsty says. If I invite someone for coffee, then the housework definitely gets done. That’s the classic, Karen said.
Elizabeth
I set up weekly meetings with my key managers at work. Knowing I have a weekly touch base keeps me on track, Sarah said.
Gretchen
I met someone through a local Facebook group who was looking for people to train with her for a 20 mile hike. I responded, then tried to quit a few times, but we ended up completing the hike in enough time to get a medal. Our next endeavor is a ten K in September. We both need tangible goals to exercise consistently great self-knowledge, Natalie said.
Elizabeth
After listening to you and reading your book, I realized I’ve been giving myself external accountability for many years. One example is I publicly tell my peers and one of my volunteer groups my aims and goals for that year, and ask them for their aims and goals. Then I immediately schedule my ideas in to my calendar, September said.
Gretchen
I’m having a hell of a time finishing my thesis. I’m setting arbitrary deadlines with someone I don’t want to disappoint to force myself to finish each section. It’s working.
Elizabeth
I need deadlines. Deadlines are essential.
Gretchen
Yeah.
Elizabeth
Jennifer said obliger here. Fitness is the one area that I need a lot of accountability. I signed up for the 62 Mile Walk fundraiser for Saint Jude’s for the month of July. I had friends sponsor me and there is a Facebook page to update your results and support other walkers. I might choose a group every month to fundraise for to keep up my daily walking.
Elizabeth
I go on a 2 to 3 mile walk every morning. Now. I also have a friend that I meet three times a week two. In addition, I have the pacer fitness app on my phone. I have joined walking groups and challenges to earn virtual points and medals if I meet my daily and long term goals. This also helps greatly to brilliant.
Gretchen
And here’s yet another one for exercise. And again, it’s great to think of all of these accountability strategies because different ones will work for different people. Finally, Becky says, my sister talked me into joining a team where we virtually run or walk across Canada. We see the whole group’s progress as it uploads automatically through Strava. I don’t want to be the one who slows down.
00:23:26:20 – 00:23:37:11
Gretchen
The team keeps me moving. So many people share the same of exercising. They’re all obligers and yet they found different ways to do it that work for them. It’s great to see all the ingenuity people shop.
00:23:37:16 – 00:23:43:01
Elizabeth
Yes, I love it as an Obliger Gretchen, I love reading these suggestions. Yes.
00:23:43:03 – 00:24:04:12
Gretchen
Well, and let’s have more yes, insights and brilliance from our listeners. And this is the question of what habits have you paired? So in Better Than Before? I talk about the 21 strategies of Habit change. And one of the strategies is the strategy of pairing. And pairing is when you pair two activities together. It’s not that one is the reward for the other, it’s just that they only go together.
00:24:04:12 – 00:24:26:20
Gretchen
So like when I was in college, I could only shower on a day where I had exercised, so those things had to go together. Or maybe you can’t have a cup of coffee in the morning until you’ve taken your medication. So that is what pairing is. And people have a lot of brilliant ways to use pairing, because I have to say, pairing is one of the most universal strategies.
00:24:26:25 – 00:24:34:22
Gretchen
Some strategies work really well for some people and on others some strategies are available to us at some times and not others. Pairing is one of the big ones.
00:24:34:26 – 00:24:58:21
Elizabeth
Natalie said. When I travel, I bring my journal to the breakfast table and write in it yesterday’s adventures immediately after breakfast. Then she also pairs when she decorates. When I decorate for Halloween, I start making my handmade Christmas cards also, and I think a lot of people do this one. I watch TV when I fold clothing and makes a boring job go by faster.
00:24:58:21 – 00:24:59:17
Elizabeth
Yes.
00:24:59:20 – 00:25:10:27
Gretchen
Amanda said, I love the idea of pairing. The main thing I’ve used it for is to make me do my physio. I need to lie on the bed to do it, so I allow myself a morning phone scroll. It’s such a win win, Patti said.
00:25:10:27 – 00:25:35:19
Elizabeth
Since my 56th birthday in February, I’ve been balancing on one foot for a minute each while I brush my teeth in the morning. I read in the book out live. The balance is important for a long, high quality life, and that being able to balance on one foot for a minute is a good measure. Then I thought about two minutes of teeth brushing being optimum, and since I have two feet made sense.
00:25:35:20 – 00:25:36:07
Elizabeth
Yeah.
00:25:36:09 – 00:25:54:01
Gretchen
Right. Well, and also the thing is you might want to skip your balance exercise, but you probably do not want to skip brushing your teeth. That’s something people really like to do before they start their day. So that’s a great pairing. And it’s funny that the timing works out perfectly. And Marie has a couple of suggestions. She writes in an old apartment of mine.
00:25:54:01 – 00:26:13:08
Gretchen
I didn’t have cell phone service, so I had to take all my phone calls outside, which led me to going for walks anytime I was on the phone. Though I live somewhere else, I still do this. When I brush my teeth. I do squats and lunges. When I fold clothes or do dishes, I listen to an audiobook makes the chores a little more bearable because it’s the only time I get to listen.
00:26:13:10 – 00:26:32:11
Gretchen
I’ve been involved with the book club for more than two years, but recently moved an hour away when I had a baby. Instead of missing out on my book club and much needed socialization, I used this time to go see my sister as well, and she babysits while I go to book club. It’s guaranteed time she gets to spend with her nephew and also makes the hour drive feel more worth the effort.
00:26:32:11 – 00:26:54:24
Elizabeth
Yes, okay, Veronique had some good ones. She said no coffee until I’ve read at least three pages of the Bible. No phone use until I’ve read a chapter of a book. No shower until I’ve done 15 minutes of exercise. No piano until I finish the ironing, no sparkling water until all the dinner dishes are done. How good. Once she loves parents.
00:26:54:24 – 00:26:55:04
Elizabeth
Yeah.
00:26:55:04 – 00:27:16:02
Gretchen
And then finally, Sherry says this. I paired the dreaded medical exams. Mole check mammogram physical with my birthday. It is a reframe to a gift I give to myself. I celebrate that I get to do these things, I have insurance, I am well, I am thankful I’m a cancer survivor, and it is also a reminder not to take my wealth for granted.
Gretchen
So that’s a beautiful way to like, prepare something so that you remember to do it, but then also frame it as something that you get to do, not something that you have to do. Brilliant.
Elizabeth
Yes. Thank you for all of these suggestions. I love pairing, Rach. I’m a big pairing person.
Gretchen
It really works. It’s very powerful.
Elizabeth
All right, coming up, I give myself a reading demerit. But first, this break.
[music]
Gretchen
Okay, Elizabeth, it’s time for the Madison Gold Stars. And this is your week to talk about a demerit.
Elizabeth
All right, Gretchen, my demerit is reading related. So, you know, I’ve been listening to a lot of audiobooks, which is great, but I don’t want to stop reading actual physical books. So I went to the bookstore. I bought a stack of physical books to read, books I really want to read. So I knew I would follow through. Well guess what?
Elizabeth
I have not read one of them. I have just been listening to other books. So that is my demerits.
Gretchen
And why do you think it is?
Elizabeth
Good question. I mean, I think I get in the habit. I can sort of, while listening also do other things. I can walk, I don’t know, I’ve just lost a lot of my stamina now. When I read like a page, I’m like, oh wow, it’s so nice to sit and read, but I feel like my stamina has gone down.
Elizabeth
I mean, I used to be able to sit with a book easily for four hours on the couch, and now if I try to read, I’ll read five pages and then say, oh, I need to look at Instagram. So I don’t know. My attention span for physical books has just gone down.
Gretchen
So can I go into my happiness belly mode and make a few suggestions please? One is scheduling. I would look at your calendar and think when would you schedule it? I would keep it modest, like 20 or 30 minutes. Maybe you do need to build up your stamina and I would leave your phone in another room.
Elizabeth
That’s probably key.
Gretchen
We just are sort of in this rhythm. Now look at your phone, check your phone. But if you have the phone in the other room and you’re only reading for 20 or 30 minutes so you’re not naturally up, maybe you’ll get into it. Because the thing is, once you’re into a book that’s really good, there is nothing that is more pleasurable.
Gretchen
But you kind of have to get into that place so that that the pleasure takes over. So try that and see if it helps, because you really are a natural reader. Some people just yeah, they’ve never really taken to it, but you really do.
Elizabeth
All right. So Gretchen, what I’m going to do is after I’ve read three physical books, let’s say I will give myself a gold star, okay?
Gretchen
Will go.
Elizabeth
Accountability. There.
Gretchen
There you go. I’m going to be listening for that.
Elizabeth
Okay. What is your gold star?
Gretchen
Okay. Well, this is a new trend that listeners have told me about. So a while back I talked about the conundrum that we sometimes face where you have something that’s sort of too good to toss, but you really don’t know why or how to keep it. And I use the example of really nice tote bags or tin boxes that maybe shortbread cookies came in or Altoids tins, right?
Gretchen
Yeah, they’re so enchanting. But what do you do with them? Well, everybody has been telling me about these creative reuse centers in New York City. The place is called materials for the Arts. There’s scrap lanta, a name I love. There’s one called Mecca, which is Materials Exchange Center for Community Arts. And Katie described this phenomenon very well. She writes nonprofit Creative reuse stores are popping up all over the country and principally focus on salvaging materials that would otherwise go to waste and transforming them into art.
Gretchen
You can donate or shop at these stores, and they’re popular among creators and teachers as they’re very affordable. And I love this because, you know, someone’s got really fun things to do with those altoid tins. But how do you get them into the right hands? Yeah, and I think for creative people, I said, this is a creative person who knows a lot of creative people.
Gretchen
Beautiful materials are very themselves creatively inspiring, and I can imagine that many creators go in there and they’re like, wow, now that I see this roll of cool wallpaper, I can imagine that I’ll do this project out of it. And so I’ve so admired the people who have gotten these started, because I think it is a tremendously exciting way to salvage material so that it can be used.
Gretchen
Well.
Elizabeth
Yes. Amazing idea.
Gretchen
And the resource for this week, I am often asked a question about organization, which is what’s an easy way to tackle clutter? Or how can I handle conflict around household chores? Household chores are very common sorts of conflict, if you haven’t noticed. To help, I’ve compiled answers to my most frequently asked questions into a central resource on my website.
Gretchen
This is intriguing to you. I’ve also written seven tips for Clearing Clutter in the office, which is perfect for the back to school and back to work season. All this you can find at happier cast.com/organization that is a hub, meaning that that’s where I’ve gathered all my best material on a subject that I’m most often asked for. So check it out.
Gretchen
And what are we reading of? What are you reading or listening to? They both count for reading. What are you reading?
Elizabeth
I am listening to All Fours by Miranda July.
Gretchen
And I am reading rereading A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. And that’s it for this episode of happier. Remember to try this at home or don’t try this at home. Actually, don’t volunteer to be the bearer of bad news. Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you.
Elizabeth
Thank you to our executive producer, Chuck Reed and everyone at Audacy. Get in touch Gretchen’s on Instagram threads, Facebook and TikTok at Gretchen Rubin, and I’m on Instagram and threads at Liz Craft.
Gretchen
And here’s your rhyming reminder. Enjoy the podcast. Tell your friends.
Elizabeth
Fast. Until next week. I’m Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.
Elizabeth
So, Gretchen, was it hard to set up your temporary studio in Montana?
Gretchen
It took some time to, like, cobble together all the right elements, but, I think I managed pretty well.
Elizabeth
Yeah, and your Wi-Fi held up beautifully. Yes.
Gretchen
That is the key thing.
Gretchen
From the onward, project.