Try This at Home
Make the most of the first three weeks of a new experience with strangers.
I refer to the article “Making Friends in New Places” by Nicholas A. Christakis.
Sidenote: If you’re also taking a child to school, episode 125 may be useful. We do a deep dive into items to bring, not to bring, hacks, and more.
Happiness Hack
To set your mind at ease, set an alarm to tell you to when it’s time to leave.
Four Tendencies Tip
An Obliger listener asks for suggestions about dealing with Questioner and Rebel family members who don’t do their share.
Take the Four Tendencies quiz here.
I mention my article “Resentful? Overworked? Face these painful facts about shared work.”
Demerits & Gold Stars
Elizabeth’s Demerit: She hasn’t been consistent with Orange Theory since we returned from our hiking trip.
Gretchen’s Gold Star: My daughter Eleanor is staying calm and cheerful in the run-up to the start of her freshman year of college.
Resource
Check out the Explore page in the Happier app for fresh tips, hacks, and suggestions to help parents and students navigate the back-to-school season. Open your Happier app, go to the Explore tab, and scroll down to the audio clips. Or download the app at thehappierapp.com.
What We’re Reading
*This transcript is unedited*
[496]
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Gretchen
Hello and welcome to happier, a podcast where we talk about ideas and strategies about how to be happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative. This week we’ll talk about why we should make the most of our first three weeks in a new situation with strangers, and we’ll tackle a question from an Obliger listener who is frustrated by the fact that her family of questioners and rebels don’t do their share.
Gretchen
I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, the five senses, human nature. I’m in my little home office, which is not air conditioned. While we’re recording here in New York City and joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft, my sister, the Proud Signer signatory. I don’t know what the word is of a will.
Gretchen
Elizabeth. Congratulations.
Elizabeth
That’s me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in L.A. and yes, Gretch after. I don’t know how many years of talking about it on the podcast. Adam and I have signed our will. We felt very good about ourselves.
Gretchen
Well, and many listeners wrote in to say how happy they were to hear that you did a will sending you all those gold stars. People also said it gave them a jolt, realizing they needed to update their own wills because their family situations had changed, etc.. And then we got this funny message from Christina.
Elizabeth
Yeah, she said, I shouted finally when I heard Elizabeth’s gold star today. Then I realized I have two small kids and no well myself. So I really need to create one too.
Gretchen
That’s right. It’s Alyssa. This is a good reminder for many people. So this is excellent. And then before we jump in, we got a great additional mnemonic from Kesha.
Elizabeth
Yeah. She said, I’m a big fan of your podcast and books and even attended an event in Chicago last year for your Life in Five Senses Tour. Your most recent episode mentioned a helpful way to convert Fahrenheit to Celsius. And I wanted to share another mnemonic device that my high school French teacher taught our class. So it’s 30s.
Elizabeth
Hot. 20s. Nice. Ten is cold Zero’s ice. I love that. Yes.
Gretchen
That’s terrific. So now our try this at home tip is to make the most of the first three weeks of an experience.
Elizabeth
Yeah. So explain that. Gretchen, what are you trying to get out of it?
Gretchen
Okay, so this is something that I read recently in connection with sort of my research into the open door phase of life, which is my rebranding of the emptiness phase of life. And it’s a really useful thing, I think, for freshmen going to school, anybody going back to college. I told both Eliza and Eleanor this, but Elizabeth, I think it was also relevant to sort of our hiking trip.
Gretchen
So this is what I came across. So this is from a piece written by Nicholas Christakis in The New York Times, ten years ago. So this is from a while back. Christakis is a doctor, sociologist and a professor who directs the Human Nature Lab at Yale. What a great place to work. Yeah, I and I’ll post a link to this article.
Gretchen
But what he says, I’ll just read it, an edited version, because I think it’s so interesting. He writes at the start of freshman year, there’s a window of opportunity when customary rules about social interactions are suspended, and when it seems perfectly normal for someone to sit down next to you at lunch or in class and strike up a conversation.
Gretchen
Social inhibitions tend to dissolve when a group of strangers enters a new environment. Think of adults on a cruise. Teenagers at a summer camp, or Chaucer’s garrulous pilgrims chatting and revealing volumes about themselves. The bond is all the more guaranteed when facing a shared hardship. Say the boredom of freshman orientation sessions or the stress of placement exams. But after that critical window, a curtain begins to fall on the welcoming social scene.
Gretchen
In my experience, this tends to occur about three weeks in. Attitudes begin to solidify, friendships become fixed, and behaviors that initially seemed opened and generous might come to feel forced or even a little creepy. So when I read this, I immediately went to Eleanor and said, you have this opportunity at the beginning of freshman year, but don’t assume that it’s going to stay this way.
Gretchen
It’s sort of a part of a new situation, but then it changes.
Elizabeth
Yeah, I remember stills, Gretchen, the first night I was at college, going up to the steps, Columbia, where everyone hangs out by myself, seeing a girl who I just liked her face. I went up to her introduce myself. Her name is Johan and we are still. You’re kidding. We are. She’s still one of my best friends today. So I absolutely got this.
Elizabeth
And. And I know exactly what he’s talking about.
Gretchen
Well, and it’s interesting because Eleanor did a gap year, so she did programs and she set and many of them lasted longer than three weeks. And she was saying this really struck her as accurate, that at the beginning, there’s sort of this free flowing and everybody’s kind of hanging out together. But then as time goes on, different groups begin to split off and everybody accepts that as natural.
Gretchen
It doesn’t seem unfriendly, but it’s just you don’t have the same flexibility or opportunity that happens at the beginning.
Elizabeth
Yeah. So you can’t just hang back and sort of see what happens. You have to really go for it. And then adjacent to this, Gretchen, is don’t wait for people to come to you. You need to go up to people as well. And that can be hard. Yes. But if you push through, then you get the friends. And then three weeks down the road, you will be situated and feel comfortable.
Gretchen
And I just I always think it’s good to realize that you’re in a stage, because sometimes we just automatically assume, or at least I automatically assume, this is the way things are. And it’s helpful to say, well, it’s not always going to be this way. So take advantage if you want to. If you don’t want to, that’s fine.
Gretchen
But it’s an opportunity that is fleeting. There is this burst of friend making activity at the beginning, and so it’s just helpful to recognize that this is a stage and it is a stage that won’t last.
Elizabeth
Yeah. And Gretchen, I’ll point out this isn’t just true for sort of kids starting seventh grade or ninth grade or whatever at a new school. It’s also true for the parents. Yeah. So when your kid is just starting, it’s perfectly normal again, to go up to parents to ask parents over for dinner or, you know, a family barbecue or whatever.
Elizabeth
But again, after a certain amount of time, you feel odd. Yeah. Inviting a random person over.
Gretchen
Well, I remember this with kindergarten. A friend of mine said at the beginning with kindergarten parents, they’re super interested in meeting other parents, and there’s all this flurry of activity. But they’re like, every year that your child gets older, there’s less of that. So again, I was really happy that somebody who had more time and experiences told me this is a stage, but it’s not a stage that will last.
Gretchen
Take advantage of it. But adolescent to the idea that, you know, we often say what’s true for teenagers is probably true for adults. You and I experienced this on our hiking trip in England in partnership with wilderness, England. Our trip lasted a very short time, so we didn’t hit that three week wall right? But it was very noticeable to both of us how open and fluid the group was in terms of social interactions and social energy.
Gretchen
And it’s interesting to think about. I mean, we thought, oh, it’s the hiking. It was all these aspects of being in that environment, but it’s also just part of being in this window of time.
Elizabeth
After that window closes, you have to work a lot harder. Yes. To meet people.
Gretchen
Well, and I found this like, you know, I took that watercolor class and I was talking to a ladies about a cooking class that she taught. There is sort of an openness at the beginning, and then things tend to solidify. You know, I always like it when somebody tells me something that I’m like, oh, now my own experiences are organized and make sense in a different way.
Elizabeth
Yes. So I know, Gretchen, if someone’s taking a child to school, listen to episode 125.
Gretchen
Right. So this is funny because in that episode, this is seven years ago, I just looked in my timeline book that I keep, and I realized that Eliza is drop off. Day in college is seven years to the day. Oh, August 22nd of Eleanor’s drop off day. And I thought, oh, you know, we did a whole deep dive into this.
Gretchen
We had all these suggestions from listeners, hacks what to bring, what not to bring all this. I went back and looked it up myself. Super helpful. Of course I remembered none of it, so I was like taking notes on oh yeah, do this, do that. Yeah. So anybody who’s taking a child to school episode 125 is very helpful, as I reminded myself.
Elizabeth
Excellent.
Gretchen
So let us know if you do try this at home and how making the most of the first three weeks works for you, or how you’ve noticed it working in the past? Let us know on Instagram threads. TikTok, Facebook drop us an email. Podcaster Gretchen rubin.com. Or as always, you can go to the show notes. This is happier Cars.com slash 496 for everything related to this episode.
Elizabeth
Coming up, we’ve got a happiness hack that will help you leave on time. But first, this break.
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Elizabeth
Okay, Gretch, we’re back with a happiness hack. This is a phone alarm hack. Yes. Explain.
Gretchen
I hit on this one myself, so it’s about being on time, but it’s also about reducing anxiety and restlessness and sort of being in two places in your head at one time. Because what I realized is, and I don’t know about you, Elizabeth, but when I’m in a conversation with someone or like I’m at a party or something, I very quickly forget that I’m supposed to be tracking time, and then all of a sudden I’ll, like.
Elizabeth
Jump in and be like, oh my gosh, is it 12.
Gretchen
30? I need to go. But then I check my phone. Oh no, it’s only 1215. I’m fine. And anyway, it’s just very disruptive. And I get these like jolts of anxiety or like I’ll be talking to someone. They’ll think, oh my gosh, I need to leave at 1230. If I look at my phone or my watch, it’s going to be very disrespectful for the person that I’m talking to because it will seem like I’m bored or I’m just checking my watch, but in fact, I just need to keep track of the time and I don’t know what time it is.
Gretchen
And so anyway, I find that very distressing. So what I realized is now I just set an alarm on my phone like ten minutes before the time where I would need to leave, or the time that I really need to track. And what I found and you might say, well, but Gretchen, isn’t it really distracting when you’re in conversation with somebody and your alarm starts going?
Gretchen
What I found is it’s not that because I’m just like, oh, sorry, my phone’s going off. Let me turn it off. People are more used to that. It’s like then you’re responding to something that’s distracting you. You’re not visibly looking away and showing that you’re not paying attention. Or like, if I’m at a party, I’ve done this and nobody can even hear that.
Gretchen
The alarms going off, like I can hear it and I’m aware of it, but nobody else knows. But it gives me this confidence because I know that I’m going to get this signal that I need to start thinking about transitioning to do something else, like I need to start winding up a conversation, or I need to start just moving towards whatever it is and what I found is that it makes me so much more relaxed, because I didn’t realize how much this little voice in my head was being like, what’s the time?
Gretchen
How’s the time? Keep checking it. And I would surreptitiously try to look, which is hard to do. And and I would just worry that I would forget. And it’s like, okay, just set an alarm. It’s just like, then then I don’t have to worry about it at all. I have an alarm.
Elizabeth
Well, also, if you are worried about it being rude, if you’re meeting with someone, you could just say at the beginning, oh, I’m going to set an alarm on my phone because I have to leave and then I won’t have to worry about it. And people will absolutely understand that. Yes. And then, Gretchen, you pointed out you could also do this, like if you have a certain amount of time to take a walk, right?
Gretchen
So if you want to make sure that you remember to turn around so that, you know, you have to leave as much time to get home as you did to leave. And I’ve sometimes kept walking too long and then realize, oh my gosh, I have to practically jog back. So then you’re free to just enjoy your walk and not have to keep checking the time.
Gretchen
But Elizabeth, back to your point about how you can say something when you sit down. I often try to do this when somebody else I know has to worry about their time. I’ll say something like, oh, I know that you have a time constraint. So, you know, keep checking the time if you need to or set an alarm if you need to, so that they feel like they are socially excused from checking their time because sometimes people will be like, okay, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to take off at 1230 and I’ll say like, okay, yeah, you can keep checking your phone if you need to.
Gretchen
And that seems to make people feel more relaxed as well.
Elizabeth
Yeah. So it’s funny, I am one of those people. If I know someone has to leave. Yes, I am watching the time. I get very anxious, like I don’t want them to be late. Yeah, and it distracts me as much as if I’m the one that has to leave, right?
Gretchen
You’re like, why can we both set an alarm so we can just chill out? Yes, I know, Allison, you and I both put a very high value on being on time, and that can create its own anxieties.
Elizabeth
Absolutely.
Gretchen
And now for a for tendencies tip. We got a very interesting question from a listener, Jen. And before we launch into Jen’s question again, if you do not know what we are talking about, you can learn about the Four Tendencies Personality framework. You can take a quiz to find out if you’re an upholder, a questioner, an obliger like our listener here, Jen is an obliger or a rebel.
Gretchen
If you go to Gretchen rubin.com/quiz, if you go there and you or you go to my website and look up the four tendencies, all will be revealed. But for the purposes of this discussion, we will assume that you are up to speed on the four tendencies.
Elizabeth
Yeah, so Jen said, I attended Gretchen’s book tour stop in DC. During the Q&A session, Gretchen commented, Obligers may feel as if other tendencies are taking advantage of them because they are nervous. Laughs spread through the crowd. Clearly, lots of upholders, questioners, and rebels realized the jig was up. This comment hit close to home, and I’ve been thinking about it for the past year.
Elizabeth
I’m an obliger, married to a questioner and have three teen tween children, two questioners and one rebel. As a typical obliger, I am quick to drop whatever I am doing to attend to their requests, even though it has a significant impact on my schedule and ability to complete my professional projects. I work from home. If my actions were reciprocated by my family, I wouldn’t be writing this.
Elizabeth
I find it a daily battle to keep my cool when questioned or ignored by family members. Every time I ask for help with household routines and chores, the household expectations have been clearly spelled out to everyone. But often these tasks are left for me all the time spent helping my family and picking up the slack around the house eats into the time I have set aside for work.
Elizabeth
I feel overwhelmed, underappreciated, and frustrated by the inability to complete my work. Many days I lose my cool and experience full on Obliger rebellion. I have retaken the Four Tendencies quiz multiple times because it seems abnormal for an obliger to experience rebellion so frequently. However, it always affirms I am an obliger. What advice do you have for an obliger mom who wants to continue to nurture her non obliger family, while avoiding the pitfalls of being taken advantage of by non obliger family members?
Elizabeth
Oh Gretch, I bet many many, many people could have written this exact letter.
Gretchen
Yes, absolutely. And I have so many thoughts. The first thing I would say is other tendencies questioners, upholders and rebels. They expect you to draw the lines yourself. They will not hold back from asking because they expect that you will say no. The way that they would say no. They would all say it from their own perspective. They each have a slightly different perspective, but they would say no.
Gretchen
And so remember, from their perspective, they are not being exploitative or inconsiderate. They’re asking they’re taking their shot. Or maybe they’re just not doing something and seeing how that plays out, and then it gets done right. So that is working for them. So this is the coldness that often surprises obligers because the obliger says, if you ask me to do it, I’ll do it.
Gretchen
If I see that you need this done, I will do it for you. But you’re not reciprocating for me. And this seems very cold. And they don’t understand that from other people’s perspective. They’re just like, well, why would I do it? Or if I don’t do it, you do it. That seems fine to me. Or you know, I just want to ask you a lot of questions about it, because I just need to know I’ll have a lot of reasons and understand exactly if we’re doing the most efficient thing so they don’t perceive it the way you perceive it.
Gretchen
And so in a way, it might be just as annoying, but maybe it feels less personal. If you understand that this is really something that is coming from the nature of those tendencies, it’s not because I think a lot of times with these kinds of situations, it feels very personal, like someone is very personally doing something inconsiderate to you instead of like, oh, this is how they do.
Gretchen
Yeah. So that’s the first thing I would say.
Elizabeth
And then what can she do to make it better?
Gretchen
Okay. Right. That’s the big question always when you’re talking to an Obliger. And of course obliger is the biggest tendency. This is the biggest tendency for both men and women. So I’m sure many listeners are obligers and I’ve experienced this, is that you need outer accountability even to meet an inner expectation. So a lot of times if you would complain about this situation to another tendency, they might say things like, well, you just need to have this firmer boundary or you just need to say no, or you just need to make yourself the priority, or you need to take time for self-care.
Gretchen
All these are all good things to do, but they are not going to move the needle for obliger. For an obliger, you need to have outer accountability, and here are some ways you could, in your own head, create outer accountability in this kind of circumstance with your family. The first one Jen has already mentioned, which is Obliger rebellion.
Gretchen
The more resentful and angry you get, the more you are going to go into Obliger rebellion. It is not uncommon for an Obliger to be in full, full on Obliger rebellion for years. This is not good for anybody. You do not want to get into that situation. So maybe you say, if I don’t draw a boundary and say no or refuse to help when you ask for my help, I’m going to go into Obliger rebellion.
Gretchen
And that could really be destructive. And so I have to protect myself now in order to help protect you later, because I might really step back from this in a way that wouldn’t be helpful for anyone. And so that’s one thing. Another one is think of your duty to be a role model. Right. So these are children. And you want to say I want to be a role model for what it looks like for someone to establish boundaries or for someone to stand up for themselves.
Gretchen
Like this is behavior that you want to show them how it looks like for an adult to do that. And so you have to do it in order to be that role model. You also don’t want to create an environment where you’re a negative role model of someone being exploited, or someone being taken advantage of by inconsiderate family members or partners.
Gretchen
You don’t want to show that to them and be like, okay, this is okay. Yeah, as a dynamic, because you’re contributing to that dynamic. You don’t want to contribute to that dynamic, but that is the dynamic that’s being created. And you’re sort of like, okay, I don’t want to be a negative role model. I want to be a positive role model, and I don’t want to be a negative role model.
Elizabeth
Yeah. And Gretchen, other thing you can do is treat yourself like a best friend. Gretchen, what would you tell your best friend in this situation? Yes. Do the same.
Gretchen
Give advice to an imaginary best friend and then take that advice. Because we say, treat yourself like a toddler. Treat yourself like a professor said this. Treat yourself like a teenager. This is treat yourself like your best friend. But here’s another thing. And maybe this is even the most practical, and this goes to the working from home is something that often will work for Obligers is to realize explicitly that they are in a situation where they have to say no to somebody because, you know, as an obliger, you want to meet outer expectations.
Gretchen
And this is one of the most valuable things about obligers. And one of the reasons that everybody loves having them around is they’re the people that go the extra mile to meet an outer expectation. But sometimes you’re going to have to say no to someone. And so you make that very explicit. So you say to yourself, look, I have my obligations to work.
Gretchen
I have my obligations to whether it’s a colleague or a client or a student or a boss or whoever it is you’re working for and saying, I told them I would get them this by six. If I say yes to you, child, I’m going to have to say no to that person. And even if it’s not a deadline like that, it’s just like, these are my commitments.
Gretchen
I have to meet these commitments, and I’m going to say no to you because I have to say yes to these commitments, because a lot of times Obligers were like, well, I’ll just crowd everything in instead of saying, I’m saying no to you so I can say yes to someone else, that can often help.
Elizabeth
And great, finally, just don’t do the work. Yes, don’t do that load of laundry for your child. Yes. Or your husband. Yeah. Don’t clean the counter. Don’t empty the dishwasher. Yes. Just let it go eventually. In theory, somebody else will do it. Or at least there will be a serious discussion about it.
Gretchen
Yes, this is the problem that arises when they’re shared work and running a household. That’s a kind of shared work. And you’re doing the work and you’re doing other people’s work and they’re not doing their share. This is extremely frustrating. I wrote a whole article about the problem of shared work and different solutions for shared work. But again, as an obliger, you have to create accountability for not doing those things.
Gretchen
So saying to yourself, I want to be a role model for expecting every member of the household to contribute. And if I’m just doing all the work, I’m not modeling that. So that’s a kind of accountability. So whatever works for the way you the way you think is obligers differ in what works for them. But just don’t go ahead and do it, because if you’re going ahead and doing the work, everybody’s like, well, whatever she’s saying, yeah, I can just ignore it because everything’s just going along fine.
Gretchen
There has to become a point where work doesn’t get done and that’s painful. And if there’s certain things that are really important to you, maybe you want to take on those tasks because other people aren’t doing them. Pick things that you don’t care about and assign those to people because then if they’re not getting done, you can stand.
Gretchen
Yes, or maybe you do your own laundry and let other people do their own laundry. So you’ve got your clean socks, but let them worry about their own clean socks.
Elizabeth
It’s funny, Gretchen, because I am an obliger, as you know, but this is not something I struggle with, although I know many do.
Gretchen
Well, you know you’re an obliger who tips to upholder. And I would say from this question that Jen almost certainly is an obliger who tips to rebel. Yeah. It’s just again, it’s just this idea that just because two people are obligers, there’s still going to be tremendous variety in how that expresses itself, how you address it. But it just it gives you big, big clues on where to start.
Gretchen
This is going to be fascinating to hear from listeners because as you said at the beginning, I bet many, many people have faced this. So what are your solutions? What have people come up with if you’re the questioner or the rebel or the upholder in this kind of situation, how do you think about it? I do think, Elizabeth, you’re right.
Gretchen
This is very common scenario. Let’s hear from all sides.
Elizabeth
Look forward to that. Okay. Coming up, Gretchen has a gold star for one of her daughters. But first, this break.
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Gretchen
Okay, it’s time for the and Gold Stars. And Elizabeth, this week it’s your turn to talk about a demerit.
Elizabeth
All right Gretchen, I have an orange theory demerit. Everybody knows I have set the goal for myself to go to Orange Theory Fitness 50 times in 2024, and I am over halfway there. But since we’ve gotten back from our hiking trip in England, I have not gotten back into my consistent groove with it. so I’ve gone a few times.
Elizabeth
But before we went, I was really religiously going twice a week, and now I just haven’t gotten back into it quite the same, which means I haven’t gone twice a week, every week.
Gretchen
So I think that this is a good example of something that I write about and better than before, which is that starting is often easier than starting over, that there’s kind of a special energy at the beginning that you can carry through. But I think that hiking trips somehow to you disrupted that, that flow, and you’re having trouble getting back into that flow.
Gretchen
Right?
Elizabeth
Exactly. I also think I thought of it as prep for the trip, too, because I learned to get in better shape, and now I still want to get in better shape. I don’t have that sort of beacon in the distance.
Gretchen
So what are you going to do to try to get back into it?
Elizabeth
Well, I’m really trying to just rely on that number 50 and I’m constantly doing calculations for okay, I’m good. You know, let me do this so that I can get to that number 50. I need something like that or else I absolutely won’t do it. So this week, partly knowing that I was giving myself this demerit and wanting to report back, yeah, I did go twice.
Elizabeth
There you go. So I’m hoping that that continues on. And and what I’m trying to do is just know that I very well may not feel like going. And that’s okay, I should I got to go anyway, right. Don’t wait till I want to go. Right.
Gretchen
Well, this is a demerit working exactly as it should, which is by giving yourself the demerit. It sort of shocks you into better behavior. But I think that that’s great, because I think one of the things you’ve said about Orange Theory is, like, everybody sort of sets their own level. It’s so nice with something. You’re just like, I’m going to do it at the easiest level.
Gretchen
I’m just going to show up. And then when you get there, often you find that you want to do more. Like if you’re going to go for a walk, you’re like, I’m just going to go for a ten minute walk instead of a 40 minute walk. But then you get out there and it’s easier. So I think giving yourself the permission to dial it up or down might make it easier to do it.
Gretchen
If you’re not feeling like.
Elizabeth
Going, that’s a great idea. So I will report back, hopefully going back into my groove. I do really enjoy it, especially when it’s done. Yeah. So I’m going to improve. All right. Gretchen, what is your gold star? Okay.
Gretchen
Well listen, as I’ve said, many times, we are fast approaching moving day for a freshman year. Yes. And I have to say, I think I’m a little bit short tempered now. And I think things are bothering me more. Little things that go wrong or annoyances to sort of feel like they’re grading on me more. And I, I’m just cutting myself slack and saying, you know, it’s just this time, this big transition is coming.
Gretchen
It’s emotional. And so I’m just sensitive. But Eleanor is very calm, very cheerful. She’s like doing her errands. She’s just participating in our family. She talks about being nervous. She says, oh, I’m starting to feel a little nervous or everybody’s got to be nice to me because I’m starting to feel nervous. But she’ll she’ll say that. But really, I think that she is being remarkably calm.
Gretchen
And so I’m impressed. So I’m giving her a gold star.
Elizabeth
And, Gretchen, I’ll point out the fact that she has done these various things this year. Yeah, taking a gap year. She has entered a brand new situations where she didn’t know anyone, had to settle in, get in a groove and make friends. So she’s practiced at this now.
Gretchen
I absolutely agree. I think that’s great. And she’s just sort of has more independence and maturity generally. But one of the things she did is she went on this trip to Thailand and did a bunch of stuff there, and one of the things that they did is they went bike riding and Eleanor learned to ride a bike years and years ago, but then she hadn’t written a bike for such a long time, and so she had to, like in it, kind of crash relearn how to ride a bike.
Gretchen
They say you never forget, but you Eleanor’s like you do. Kind of forget. So she quickly got up to speed on the bike. So then she’s in Thailand and they’re in this bananas traffic, and there’s bicycles and there’s dogs and there’s cars and it’s going up and down, and she doesn’t know where she is. And she said by the end she kept up on this bike trip and she was biking.
Gretchen
And then she got to the end and she just burst into tears because it was so overwhelming. But she did it. And so now I’m always like, if you can ride a bike in traffic uphill in Thailand, you can do this.
Elizabeth
Yeah.
Gretchen
To me that sounds like the hardest thing to do, especially if you’re not used to just even bike riding in the suburbs. And so I always joke with her because she’ll mention something and I’m like, well, look, if you can go bike riding in Thailand, I think you can handle that. So that’s just become our inside joke. I think she feels excited and ready and nervous, but she is staying calm.
Gretchen
So gold.
Elizabeth
Star, gold star Eleanor can’t wait to hear about college.
Gretchen
And the resource for this week. Okay, speaking of parents and students and the school year, we have updated the explore page in the happier app with fresh tips, hacks, suggestions to help everybody navigate the back to school season. This time of year can be challenging in many different ways, many different levels. So if you are looking for ideas for making the most of this time, creating memorable experiences, getting everything done as calmly as possible, open up the happier app, go to the explore tab and scroll down to the audio clips.
Gretchen
You can listen now whenever you’re on the go. And if you don’t have the app yet, just download it at the happier App.com.
Elizabeth
Back to school is here.
Gretchen
Yeah. It’s happening. And what are we reading? Elizabeth, what are you reading?
Elizabeth
I am reading we’re Experiencing a Slight Delay by Gary Janetti.
Gretchen
And I am reading Grown and Flown by Lisa Heffernan and Mary Dell Harrington. And that’s it for this episode of happier. Remember to try this at home. Make the most of the first three weeks of a new experience with strangers. Let us know if you’ve ever tried it and if it works for you.
Elizabeth
Thank you to our Executive producer, Chuck Reed and everyone at Audacy. Get in touch Gretchen’s on Instagram threads, Facebook and TikTok. Agora and Rubin and I’m on Instagram and threads at Liz Craft.
Gretchen
Follow us, read us, give us those five star ratings if you please. Reviews. It really helps other people discover the show. And also if the show brightens your day, send others this way. It is how most people discover our show.
Elizabeth
Until next week, I’m Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.
Gretchen
Elizabeth, The thing that baffles me about packing for college is command hooks. Command hooks feel like magic. They stick on the wall, they hold things up, and then you take them off. I don’t understand, like, what is the physics behind this? I keep meaning to, like, look on line and try to understand it because they feel like a magic thing.
Elizabeth
I know we didn’t have those in college and oh, how I wish we did.
Gretchen
I can’t even tell you how many command hooks Eleanor has is packing a lot.
Gretchen
From the onward project.